SB Nation User Blog: mf37

Jeremy Williams Signs with Detroit

mf37 — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 04:58:43 -0000

Jeremy Wiliams, the man with the million dollar shot and five cent legs, has signed on with the Detroit Red Wings. Term and contract status (one or two-way) were not annouced but Faceoff.com lists his salary as league minimum. FWIW, Michigan Live has this categorized as a Grand Rapids transacation.

Given all of the layoffs and cost cutting at CBC, the HNIC guys and Don Cherry can simply re-run all of the early season talking-head footage from last year and dub ~~Mr. Black~~ "Williams" over "Wellwood" and "Red Wings" over any mention of the Canucks. That extra effort will save us all a bunch of time and hassle.

NHL UFA Season: Five Questions to Cover You Like Sherwin Williams

mf37 — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 14:20:10 -0000

More photos » by Graham Hughes - AP

Brian Burke, general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, doesn't give a rats-ass about your five questions.

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Ah, the first day of UFA season.

If the NHL trade deadline is the equivalent of Christmas and the draft is a significant birthday, then July 1 is like finding a long forgotten wad of $20 bills in an old pair of jeans just as you're heading out on the town with your best mates.

Some will see this windfall as a bonus to be metered out responsibly. Others will throw their money around but watch the talent go home with somebody else. And a few others will awake to find their pockets empty, their memories hazy and their stomach twisting as they realize that there’s a sleepy Jason Blake is in their kitchen wearing nothing but a Leaf jersey while making some eggs and announcing that the moving truck has arrived with all his stuff. Let’s hope Burke acts responsibly these next few days…

After the jump, this week's five questions:

There was some discussion this week as to the top five worst post-lockout trades (I can only conclude Gainey was so inspired by that fanpost that he made his pitch to Sather accordingly).

Given that this is the start of the silly season, I thought it was only fitting that we turn our attention to bad UFAs contracts. For full effect, I think we need to consider term, cap hit, performance (past and potential), cost of buy-out and how much you hated the player to begin with.

1. What’s the worst post-lockout UFA signing?

# # #

Speaking of bad UFA signings, I have the feeling that one or two of Burke’s potential free agent signings might cause a stir amongst Leaf fans, a group who can’t seem to agree on much these days. Consider, Todd Bertuzzi is in Toronto as we speak...

2. Looking at the list of potential UFAs, what is the one deal you don’t want Burke to make this free agency season? Is there a signing that’s so malodorous that you’d question your support of the Leafs?

# # #

There are certain words that seem to only exist in type. Words that you rarely, if ever, hear spoken in the course of normal conversation yet encounter on the printed page or computer monitor. I’m thinking of words like "thus" "hence" or "ergo." For what it’s worth "tumescent" is another word that I’ve never heard a person say, a happenstance I’m hoping to keep alive for a good long time.

One word that pops up in the sports pages, which I don’t think I’ve ever heard a hockey fan say aloud, is "élan." It’s a great word and it’s often used to describe the type of player that brings Montreal Canadiens fans out of their seats. Think Kovalev when he’s really on his game, former great Jean Beliveau or Guy Lafleur. I think it’s safe to say that fans of the blue, blanc, et rouge love them a talented guy who brings a little extra elegance on the ice.

Conversely it seems Leaf fans love their "pick and shovel" men, as Burke so recently put it.

In the horrific 1980s, Wendel Clark personified the Leafs and remains an all-time Leaf fan favourite. Other blue collar guys like Lou Francescetti and Brad Smith drew fan support that was inversely proportionate to their skill level. It seems odd to me that Leaf fans can love and support Tie Domi while never seeming to warm to Mats Sundin or Alex Mogilny.

Darcy Tucker is still loved even though his declining skills and subsequent buy-out will be carried by this team for years to come.

Gilmour was the quintessential Leaf as he’s one of the few that combined these intangibles with unquestionable talent.

I think this bias for lunch bucket guys shows in the adulation for Luke Schenn and in the polarized reaction to the drafting of Nazem Kardi ahead of Jared Cowen.

I don’t think it’s a nationalism thing so much as it’s cultural or team by team phenomenon. Flyers fans love their bullies, the Oilers like skating and speed.

3. Do you think fanbases have a tendency to prefer a style of play or a type of player? Do you think Leaf fans have a tendency to value hustle and hard work ahead of skill?

# # #

4. When the Leafs ultimately win, do you think the victory will be all the more sweeter because of the drought and all the crap Leaf fans have been through? Or do you just want to win the cup and to hell with anything deeper?

# # #

My love of all things Leaf can be traced back to the early 1970s.

As a kid I played soccer and baseball well into high school. The sound of Mel Allen (the baseball broadcaster, not the master of cartoon voices) or the closing theme to This Week in Baseball transports me back to a time of Pittsburgh Pirate pillbox hats and a fever for all things Willie Stargell.

To spite my father and his support of Joe Theisman and the Red Skins I cheered on the New York Giants.

But basketball was completely foreign to me as a kid. Totally off the radar.

I never played an organized game of basketball until my last year of high school and I don’t know that I ever watched a match until I was in university.

The NCAA final four was likely my first exposure to the sport. I lived with a guy who loved the Duke Blue Devils and another friend was all about the Syracuse Orangemen. I watched the games, learned the players, and lost my money on several brackets, but my knowledge of the sport remained rudimentary at best.

We’d play three on three games on weekends in the lot of the local high school or go shoot hoops to help ward off a hangover (I don’t think it worked) but still I struggled with most elements of the game. Except the trash talking.

If there was one part of sport I enjoyed no matter what game we were playing, talking smack was it.

Once, during a heated game of three on three, I unwisely called one of my opponents "A Dutch boy in the paint."

The game came to a sudden stop.

Puzzled looks were exchanged.

I was asked to repeat what I’d just said.

"Dutch. Boy. In. The. Paint."

It seemed pretty simple to me. I’d heard it a million times in the background of college basketball games and had never really thought much about it other than it rolls off the tongue beautifully, especially if you say it snidely to an opponent.

Say it with me: You Dutch boy in the paint.

It’s certainly not something I’d want to be called.

What I didn’t realize was Dutch Boy is an actual brand of paint and a sponsor of the NCAA.

Dutch Boy in the paint, it turns out, was no smack talk at all it was actually part of an intermission stats segment on rebounding sponsored by Sherwin Williams Dutch Boy paints.

In was the equivalent of calling someone the Home Hardware Home Town Hero or a Got Milk Rookie.

Some 18 years later my friends still bring this up.

I have learned my lesson and simplified things greatly. When engaging in trash talk my preferred epithet is now "cock breath."

Many of my opponents, thinking themselves enlightened, will quickly ask me how I know what cock breath smells like. The easy answer is "I hang out with your mother."

5. Do you ever engage in a little on-ice/on-field/on-court smack talk, and if so, what’s your insult of choice?

I'd love to see a whole new line of these dolls: Kerry Fraser with hair care kit; Gary Bettman with...

mf37 — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 05:06:47 -0000

I'd love to see a whole new line of these dolls: Kerry Fraser with hair care kit; Gary Bettman with wobble head action; Doug Gilmour with dress-up cow tights; Chris Pronger with stomp-action skates...

The possibilities are endless.

We should have laminated this for our wallets - a comparison chart of draft rankings. BM=Bob...

mf37 — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:38:00 -0000

We should have laminated this for our wallets - a comparison chart of draft rankings.

BM=Bob MacKenzie; THN=The Hockey News; ISS=International Scouting Service; RED=Red Line Report; and MCK=McKeen's

EDIT: Bigger version of chart (that you can actually read) is here.

Five Questions: When There's No One Left to Blame

mf37 — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:16:07 -0000

More photos » by Chris Young - AP

Eric Lindros isn't the only Flyer getting his bell rung.

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The NHL draft is so close I'm sure those of you heading to Montreal are already counting it in "sleeps."

Here's a little known fact: since the lockout, the entry draft has generated as many, if not more, deals as trade deadline day. In 2008, 26 trades went down on deadline day a stunning 45 went down at the draft.

Another little known fact: Montreal's not really much of a party town. Other than the draft there really isn't all that much fun stuff to see and do (oh, who am I kidding...)

With what seems like half of the PPP members headed to Montreal for the draft festivities, the Leafs on the cusp of another top 10 draft pick and trade rumours going around like a bad cold here are this week’s five questions.

A while ago (could have been a decade ago or it could have been last March – once you have kids time becomes a rather blurry thing) there seemed to be a real run on the issue of "why write?"

Harper's Magazine dedicated an entire issue to the question. Airport bookstores were full of trade paperbacks about how to read, what to read, books of that were little more than lists of books from Bloom's Western Canon to an entire New York Times book section dedicated to an alternate one It was as though the choice of reading material suddenly became of great import and, accordingly, a sub-industry emerged to address it.

As much as I love to read and as much as I love to ask all sorts of (goofy) questions, the issue of how or what to read seems ludicrous to me. I'd like to think we're past the point where people have to (or more importantly have to pretend to) dig Bellow or Blood Meridian or any of the other so-called important books (although if you didn't like James Baldwin's The Price of the Ticket or pretty much anything by Chekhov you're just plain wrong).

One of my favourite pieces of writing that came out of this period was by Paul Auster, one of many authors who weighed in on the all important question of "Why write?"

Just as we approached the wall I caught sight of Willie Mays. There was no question about who it was. It was Willie Mays, already out of uniform and standing there in his street clothes not ten feet away from me.

I managed to keep my legs moving in his direction and then, mustering every once of my courage, I forced some words out of my mouth, "Mr. Mays," I said, "could I please have your autograph?"

He had to have been all of twenty-four years old, but I couldn't bring myself to pronounce his first name. His response to my question was brusque but amicable.

"Sure kid, sure," he said. "You got a pencil?"

He was so full of life, I remember, so full of youthful energy, that he kept bouncing up and down as he spoke.

I didn't have a pencil, so I asked my father if I could borrow his. He didn't have one, either. Nor did my mother. Nor, as it turned out did and of the other grownups.

The great Willie Mays stood there watching in silence. When it became clear that no one in the group had anything to write with, he turned to me and shrugged.

"Sorry, kid," he said. "Ain't got no pencil, can't give no autograph."

And then he walked out of the ballpark into the night. I didn't want to cry, but tears started falling down my cheeks, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Even worse, I cried all the way home in the car. Yes, I was crushed with disappointment, but I was also revolted at myself for not being able to control those tears. I wasn't a baby. I was eight years old, and big kids weren't supposed to cry over things like that. Not only did I not have Willie Mays' autograph, I didn't have anything else, either. Life had put me to the test, and in all respects I had found myself wanting.

After that night, I started carrying a pencil with me wherever I went. It became a habit of mine never to leave the house without making sure I had a pencil in my pocket. It's not that I had any particular plans for that pencil, but I didn't want to be unprepared. I had been caught empty handed once, and I wasn't about to let it happen again.

If nothing else, the years have taught me this: if there's a pencil in your pocket there's a good chance that one day you'll feel tempted to start using it. As I like to tell my children, that's how I became a writer.

Given the ubiquity of computers, PDAs, notebooks, tablets and even cell phones in our lives and the user friendly software and platforms available to all, I’m surprised the once prominent question "why write?" hasn’t been turned on its head.

You’d think some enterprising marketer would look at twitter, the twelve billion blogs out there - even the fan shots and fan posts on this site - and create a whole new marketing segment targeted at answering the question: "Why aren’t you writing?"

Blogging, may be the easiest form of writing. All you need is a parental basement and a neighbour with unprotected wi-fi so you can surf for free. You don’t need pants, access, discretion, standards and apparently there’s zero accountability.

But what happens when Bloggers get access? (Other than putting on pants, of course).

Our own overlord, PPP, has gone from a humble blogspot account to cross-posting at Battle of Ontario, to being the co-proprietor of the sprawling empire known as PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries here at SBNation. With the entry draft on Friday, PPP will take another giant step in the evolution of writing as he goes from being a typical blogger to a fully accredited member of the press at the NHL draft on Friday. Yeah, that’s right - our very own PPP now has full fledged media credentials.

Which brings me to our first question…

1. How will PPP shoulder the weight of accountability that being a member of the press brings? Will a press pass change him (less typos, more insightful reporting? More rumour mongering? Trading insults with Strachan and Milbury? Still pantless but at least wearing a neck tie?) More importantly, who do we want PPP to seek out at the draft and what do we want him to ask?

# # #

Sticking with the theme of writing and writers, I just finished a great Gay Talease essay on the birth of the Paris Review.

Formed in 1952 by a group of men in their mid-20s, the Review was one of the first magazines that encouraged writers to speak with other writers about their craft. It’s an interview format the magazine still features to this day.

The initial editor of the magazine was George Plimpton. When I was a kid, Plimpton struck me as being a very old guy with a bit of a pompous accent and a tendency to wear his sweaters knotted at the neck and draped over his shoulders. He made cameos in the occasional film; got name checked in lots of places and seemed to be held with just a bit too much esteem by a wide variety of folks. It was easy enough for a snotty kid like me to turn my nose up at him.

As I get older, I realize Plimpton did a host of absolutely incredible things. He was a progenitor of participatory journalism, putting himself in harm’s way to see what it felt like to be a quarterback facing an NFL pass rush. He played net in an exhibition game for the Boston Bruins and fought three rounds against former light-heavyweight Champion of the World Archie Moore. He pitched against the National League All-Star team, got to play golf on the PGA tour in the 1960s and took a drubbing on the tennis courts from Pancho Gonazles who was the top ranked men’s tennis player in the 1950s and 60s.

If that weren’t enough, he also hung out with Hemingway, pried the gun out of the hands of Bobby Kennedy’s assassin, drove a tank in WWII and was featured in an episode of the Simpson’s.

2. If participatory blogging ever takes off, what closed profession would you immerse yourself in for a story? Skate with the Leafs? An at bat with the Jays? A lap in an F-1 car? A limo ride with Howard Berger?

# # #

The Boston Red Sox went 86 years without winning the World Series and the media only mentioned the Curse of the Bambino about 12 billion times.

No San Diego team has won a championship and San Diego is the largest metropolis in North America to be 0 for in Championships. None of the Chargers, Padres, Clippers and Rockets have won a World Series, Super Bowl or NBA Championship (although the Chargers won the AFL Championship in 1963).

What’s worse, none of these teams have managed to compile a winning record either. It seems this futility is the result of the ominously named Curse of San Diego.

The Cubs haven’t won a World Series in ~~111~~ 101 years and haven’t appeared in the World Series finals since 1954. Cubs fans have to deal with a trio of supposed curses – the curse of the black cat, the goat and Steve Bartman.

As far as I know there are no good hockey curses.

There’s the whole Bill Barilko thing, but that’s more of an interesting factoid than it is an actual curse. It’s not like the Barilko widow said the Leafs won’t win until his remains are recovered.

Given some of the Championship droughts out there (Hawks are at nearly years, Leafs are 40+, Sabres, Bruins, Kings, Blues, Hawks, Leafs, Canucks and Capitals are all at 35+ years) you’d think curses would abound.

3. If you could curse a city, franchise or a player – who would you curse and why – and what would you call your curse?

# # #

As we all know, one of the beloved blogs of the Barilkosphere shut down today. The mighty Cox Bloc is no more. They will be going on to a bigger and better blog, but that new home is so far nameless.

I was trying to think of something clever that combined a pop culture reference with hockey or maybe even an inside joke. In riffing on November (back when it mattered) I contemplated the big hit by Guns N Roses, "Cold November Rain" and even went so far as to watch the video.

That video came out almost 20 years ago, but the distance of time did not quite prepare me for the 9:20 seconds of strangeness the video contains. Axl takes a sleeping pill and dreams of various churches, live shows, hanging out with the band and marrying Stephanie Seymour (Slash smokes through the ceremony).

At the reception, people dash from the rain strom as if it were sniper fire, the bride loses her bouquet and one guest dives rhrough the cake (he can't get wet, but icing all over his suit appears to be a solid option).

Next thing you know, we're at Stephanie Seymour's funeral and she's in a casket. Axl looks like the love child of Paul Williams and Diane Keaton.

4. What the heck is up with this video? Are Stephanie Seymour and the other people in the video some form of M. Night Shyamalan character that can be killed by water? Why does Slash have a hat and shirt on in the church, but when he goes outside to do a blistering guitar solo with the helicopter shot, he's shirtless and hatless? Most importantly, what can we learn from this to name the new Cox Bloc home?

# # #

In 1991, the Quebec Nordiques drafted Eric Lindros even though Lindros had publicly stated numerous times that he would never play for the team.

After a year long hold-out, Nordiques GM Pierre Page traded Lindros in June, 1992. There was a little problem with the trade though, it seems Page traded Lindros twice – to the Flyers and to the New York Rangers.

The NHL had to appoint an arbitrator to determine which trade was valid and which team would get Lindros (bizarre-o world side-note, the arbitrator was Larry Bertuzzi, great uncle of NHLer Todd Bertuzzi)

Philly "won" the decision and the Nordiques would go on to become one of the most dominant franchises of the mid to late 90s thanks in part to the players they received from Bobby Clarke (Peter Forsberg, Mike Ricci, Ron Hextall, Chris Simon, Kerry Huffman, Steve Duchesne, two first-round picks and $15 million). The Nords/ Avs won two cups with those pieces and the Flyers made it to a Cup Final.

5. Has there been another draft day deal that rivals the Lindros trade in terms of players, picks, cash and finals appearances? With Leaf fans everywhere hoping Burke can pull a rabbit out of the hat, we will we see another huge draft day deal on Friday or Saturday?

Islanders VP on the Cost of Moving Up at the Draft

mf37 — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:22:27 -0000

Chris Botta (Isles VP): Any way the Islanders keep the first overall pick and also acquire the second or third overall picks?

Keyser: Anything is possible, I guess. If I’m Tampa Bay, I’m setting my minimum price at Josh Bailey, the 26th pick and the Islanders’ first round pick in 2010. And I don’t think that’s even enough to get a deal done because of the uncertainty of where the 2010 first pick could be. If the Islanders have a decent season and that pick next summer is, say, 8 or higher, the other team has made a bad deal. The Islanders would get the best player in the trade, easily. Tough to see a deal like that coming together.

Quote from: Islanders Point Blank: NYI Draft 411

My Favourite Doors Cover Band: Crystal....

mf37 — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 02:23:48 -0000

In stepping up for my shot at Plan the Parade's Crystal Ball Challenge the first thing I realized is that the Leafs are thin on the right side. Stempniak and Mayers are the only natural RWs on this club. That's thinner than the "after" photo in a brochure for a fat kids camp.

Here's the first prediction that I'm going to get completely wrong: given the paucity of RWs available as UFAs, the Leafs will swing a deal this off-season that includes a RW (Dustin Penner, anyone? I hope the Leafs take a pass, but he's young, big, plays the right side and won the Cup in Anaheim with Burke. On the other hand, he was a Murray signing...)

The left side isn't deep so much as it's crowded: Blake, Hagman, Poni, Kulemin and Tlusty. Wrong prediction number two: these five will be with the Leafs on opening day.

Up the middle, the current line-up doesn't reflect Burke's philosophy of two scoring centres and two players with what Burke likes to call "sunny dispositions." Wrong prediction number three: Stajan's gone and a couple of Burke cronies are coming to town as UFAs on short-term deals. This gives the kids an extra year with the Marlies, fits in with Burke's "change the culture" mandate and also means the Leafs will spend to the cap just as Burke promised.

On D, the Leafs will likely move one of Kubina or Kaberle. I'm hoping they hold on to Kaberle (or Kubina cancels his contract for those balsa wood hockey sticks). It frees up some cap space and will enable the Leafs to get a bit tougher in their own end. Wrong prediction number four: Burke targets Beauchemin this off-season for Finger-like money.

Wrong prediction number five: Leaf fans will become very familiar with waiver exemption rules as Hanson, Stalberg, Stralman, Mitchell, Berry and others go back and forth from Leafs to Marlies throughout the season (who am I kidding? Leafs Nation will never figure out the waiver rules.) I foresee angry debates when capable youngsters get sent back to the Marlies while Frogren, Tlusty and others remain with the Leafs as they're no longer waiver exempt.

My final erroneous prediction: the Leafs miss on Jonas Gustavsson and sign a UFA keeper

My predicted line-up:

Grabovski	C	2,500,000
Morrison	C	2,500,000
Marchant	C	2,000,000
Mitchell	C	487,000
Bozak	C	4,000,000
Blake	L	4,000,000
Hagman	L	3,000,000
Poni	L	2,105,000
Kulemin	L	1,416,000
Tlusty	L	855,000
Stempniak	R	1,882,000
Mayers	R	1,333,000
Trade	R	4,000,000

Kaberle	D	4,250,000
Finger	D	3,500,000
Beauchemin	D	3,500,000
Van Ryn	D	2,900,000
Schenn	D	1,250,000
Frogren	D	1,054,000
White	D	850,000

Toskala	G	4,000,000
Anderson	G	750,000

Raycroft		1,000,000
Tucker		533,000

TOTAL		$53,665,000.00

He'll Have That Scar on His Chin Forever

mf37 — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 19:11:40 -0000

More photos » by Paul Sancya - AP

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Tonight is game seven for the Stanley Cup.

A one-game winner take all match for the cup that many of us have imagined countless times in street hockey games, backyard rinks, table hockey and, for all I know, maybe even some ultra competitive games of air hockey. Editor's Note: Don't forget university intramurals!

In about eight hours, the Cup will be won and another season will enter the history books. In the meantime, here are five Cup-related questions for you to contemplate...

I have played on and cheered for some seriously bad teams in my day. I was once part of a baseball team that was so lacking in rudimentary skills that the catcher had to roll the ball back to the pitcher. Any throwing attempt from behind the plate was just as likely to hit the left fielder as it was to make it back to the pitcher.

Our coach, unable to get us to perform the most basic of baseball tasks ("You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball") instituted a rule that whenever the other team advanced a runner to third base our catcher was to sit on home plate with the ball in his lap until the ump forced the player back to third and the ball could be safely rolled back to the pitcher.

For good measure, and no apparent reason, this team of 10 year olds was sponsored by a discount cigar store.

A few years back I was asked to join a new hockey team in a men’s summer league. The team was composed of physicians, psychiatrists, lawyers and accountants. There were more professional degrees in the dressing room than there were water bottles and pucks. We would go on to lose every single game we played. There were nights when I think we would have been better off playing in our shoes.

In my last year of grade school, I cheered on a Leaf squad that only won 20 games. The next year the Leafs won 25, but somehow managed to sweep the Black Hawks in the first round of the playoffs.

The lesson: even bad teams have their moments of joy.

And so, the first question of the week…

1. Would you rather be a good player on a bad team or a bad player on a good team? Ilya Kovalchuk trapped in Atlanta or Aaron Downey on the Wings? Mark Streit stuck on Long Island or Jeff Taffe, hoping to play again for the Penguins?

And no weaseling out with trade demands or free agency. Consider yourself locked-up long term with a NMC. To get your name on the Cup, you also have to play one game in the Stanley Cup final. Imagine being in the press-box up until game six and wondering if you might get your shot in the ultimate single game. If not, you get to "win" the Cup in a suit and tie, some 200 feet above the ice...

# # #

There’s been a lot of chatter about the opening game montages assembled by CBC, more specifically the choice of music involved.

What hasn’t yet been discussed is the creation of a mocktage. Nothing but the choicest clips of losing teams making bad decisions with the puck, goalies being exposed, and players lying comatose on the ice after getting caught with their head-down.

Given all the creativity out there and the power of the ‘Net you’d think there’d be plenty of these mocktages to go around.

Maybe I’m just surfing in the wrong spots.

2. If you were to assemble a "tribute" video to all the losers, what choice clips would make your final cut and, most importantly, what backing track would you go with?

As a personal aside, I don’t think you can get any better than "Sunday Morning Coming Down" a song so grimy it makes me like I’ve got dirty nails, greasy hair and a second degree hangover coming on, but I’m sure I’ll be proven wrong.

# # #

One of the prevailing arguments about who gains entry to the Hockey Hall of Fame is the oft-heard rejoinder, "But he didn’t win a cup."

3. If the Red Wings win tonight, and that’s a big if, does Chris Osgood have the career to enter the HHOF?

# # #

Here’s an easy-peasy one. No back story, no anecdotes about old landlords and eating competitions, just a pure hockey question:

4. Who do you like in tonight’s game 7? Who do you like for the Conn Smythe? And who, if anyone do you think ends up wearing the goat horns?

# # #

Later tonight, after Bettman has been booed, the Cup has been raised, laps have been skated, photos taken, fans elated and hearts broken, the Cup will go back into its case.

Over the next few months, each player on the winning team will get the Cup for day.

5. If one of your long-lost road hockey, backyard shinny, beer league daydream moments came true and you found yourself winning the Stanley Cup, what would you do with it on your day?

Bacon Yadda: BLT Contest

mf37 — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 18:17:27 -0000

photo via habeasbrulee.com

Michael Ruhlman, author of some terrific books on food and cooking, occassional judge on Next Iron Chef and blogger extraordinaire has announced a great contest on his blog: make a BLT from scratch.

That's right, from scratch.

In order to enter you'll have to grow your own lettuce, bake your own bread, make your own condiment and finally, cure your own bacon (rudimentary instructions on making your own bacon here; how to make your own pancetta is here).

Finally a contest the bacon-lovers at PPP can get behind.

Everybody's Dressin' Funny

mf37 — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:07:37 -0000

More photos » by Carlos Osorio - AP

Was this what Paul Westerberg had in mind? The logorrheic Don Cherry is greeted by fans as he arrives for Game 2 of the Stanley Cup finals between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Detroit Red Wings.

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The draft is less than three weeks away.

In the last 10 days, three new General Managers were hired, two coaches fired, and Jacques Martin left the executive suites of Florida to stand behind the bench in Montreal.

A Stanley Cup champion will be crowned no later than next Tuesday.

Despite it being June and there being just two teams left in play, there is much for hockey fans to discuss. This is indeed a time of change, hope and expectation for hockey fans.

And so, after the jump, you'll find this week’s five questions. As it's such a heady time for hockey, we'll of course be discussing hamburgers, Sutter, redacting the Cup, sporting nicknames and George Brett.

When I was in university I rented a ramshackle five bedroom house from a little old Chinese lady who insisted we call her Yee.

I have no idea if that was her first name or her last name. We made our cheques out to "cash."

Yee always said her name so loudly and cheerfully it should have had an exclamation mark appended to it.

She was a great landlord. Each month when she came to collect the rent cheques she’d bring the five of us gifts. Sometimes a giant bag of fortune cookies, other times some apples or maybe some sticky rice. It was always food and, as impovrished students, it was always welcome.

Occasionally we would awake to find the house full of Chinese girls scrubbing the kitchen and polishing our floors. We weren’t the cleanest fellows I guess, but Yee assured us that we were "nice boys" and better tenants than the previous ones who apparently put a motorcycle through the front window.

All that for $272 a month each (in 1993 dollars).

My housemates from those days are now living in various cities across Canada. For the past 10+ years, each spring we’ve picked a city somewhere in North America and agreed to meet up.

More importantly, each and every year we claim we’re going to have a contest to see how many McDonald’s burgers we can eat in an hour. No fries, no shakes, just a giant pile of burgers and 60 minutes of gluttony.

I have no idea where the idea for this challenge came from, but like all things involving a group of men there’s a huge amount of bragging, trash talking and general idiocy involved.

Unfortunately, each year this all important contest falls apart in the rules process (what can I say - three of my former roomies are lawyers). Someone won’t eat the pickles, and of course if they’re not going to eat the pickles then we all have to get our burgers without the pickles. Oh, and maybe the onions. No onions across the board. And what about cheeseburgers instead of regular burgers?

Bah.

I know we’re never going to answer the age old question of just how many burgers each of us can each consume in 60 minutes. I just hope that on my death bed I’m not left wondering if I could have emerged victorious or if I would have puked near the Playland.

I figure I could eat 12 burgers easy. Who couldn’t eat 12 of those tiny morsels?

I think 15 would be the start of a bad stretch.

At 17 I’d know I was in trouble.

At 18, I’d have consumed twice my recommended daily caloric intake, 144 grams of fat and 378% of my daily sodium requirement.

Each and every burger past the 20 mark would carry some sort of punishing retribution, a mark of Cain (or is it McCain’s?) to be borne until the grease was purged from my system.

All of this burger talk leads to the first of this week’s all important questions: It’s well known that Alexi Ponikarovski is the Leafs’ resident McDonald’s man. Pending UFA Centre and former Leaf almost-great Nik Antropov is all about the Boorger King (that’s Russian for Burger King). Given their love of burgers…

Question 1: Do you think the Leafs should pursue Antropov this off-season? And as an all-important follow-up: how many McDonald’s burgers do you think you could eat in an hour (with full toppings, none of this hold the pickles crap).

* * *

The bad news: former Leaf Gary Leeman won the Stanley Cup with the Montreal Canadiens in 1993. This may not mean much to those of you who weren’t around for Leeman’s stint with the Leafs back in the 1980s, but he was not the most popular guy in town and far from the most popular guy in the room. Let’s just say bad rumours and ill will abound.

The good news: Leeman didn’t play enough regular season or playoff games with the Habs to qualify to have his name inscribed on the ultimate sports trophy.

Question 2: If you could excise one name from the Stanley Cup - one name that would be erased from the history books, internet databases, and disappear from the surface of the cup itself - which name would go? Who would you remove?

* * *

He’s on his third coach in three years. His team has gone out in the first round of the playoffs every year since the lockout. He mismanaged the cap so badly his team couldn’t even dress a full roster, icing just 10 forwards against Minnesota.

He signed the so-called franchise goalie to $6M cap hit through 2013 along with a no-movement clause, only to see said goalie continue to put up ever worsening numbers since his Vezina win in 2006.

This is a guy that dealt for Adrian Aucoin, a d-man with two destroyed groins and a $4M cap hit.

The team is carrying $48M in salaries with at least five roster positions still to be filled.

Question 3: If Darryl Sutter did this while GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs, how many 24 hour specialty channels would be launched? How many dedicated news paper sections would be printed? How many column inches spent? Is there even a unit of measure that could capture the resulting media storm? How is this man still employed?

* * *

I just found out that when Pierre McGuire called Luke Schenn "the Human Eraser" he was copping the nickname from Marvin "The Human Eraser" Webster, a former NBA centre who clocked in at 7' 1" and was known for his shot-blocking abilities.

Other recent disappointments in the nickname game include "Schenner" – the handle appointed to Braydon Schenn (as I posted in the comments at PPP, at least it’s better than "Schenny").

Whatever happened to quality handles like Killer, Charlie Hustle, the Baby Faced Assassin, the Popcorn Kid, the China Wall, or Leo "Snake Hips" Boivin?

Question 4: Which Leaf has the best nickname, which has the worst? Who needs a new nickname and will Jiri "NSFW" Tlusty ever really take off?

* * *

I’m not much of a baseball fan. Once or twice a year I’ll watch a game on TV. I don’t really follow the standings nor do I have a favourite team. I hate the ~~Sky Dome~~ Rogers Centre with its cement sterility and the huge distance between the fans and the field.

I do like the sound of a game on the radio in the evening though. Once my kids are in bed, there's something to be said for sipping a beer or a Black Bush on the rocks while I sit on the back deck - the more silence and game sounds, the better.

Baseball may also have the greatest stories. Bull Durham is one fantastic movie (we jokingly call our boy Nuke and he even has his own Durham Bulls hat), Ball Four is one of my favourite books and Money Ball really should be required reading for sports fans.

One of my favourite sports stories comes from former Kansas City Royal George Brett.

When he was asked about his ideal last at bat, the last time he'd ever step up to the plate, Brett said, "I want to hit a routine grounder to second and run all out to first base, then get thrown out by a half step. I want to leave an example to the young guys that that's how you play the game, all out."

Could you get a better answer? Seriously.

Here’s a guy that may be the greatest all-time third basemen in the history of the sport, an automatic hall of famer who put up huge numbers throughout his career and he wants to go down hustling out a routine play to first.*

Question 5: Ideally, what would your last shift as a professional athlete be?

* * *

*For the record, Brett’s final at bat came against the Texas Rangers. Brett was on a hitless streak and, in a scene right out of Bull Durham, the Rangers’ catcher Ivan Rodriguez told Brett the pitcher, former Jay Tom Henke, would be throwing nothing but fastballs. Four pitches later, Brett singled up the middle. Gary Gaetti later hit a home run and Brett's final act on a major league diamond was to touch home plate.

Color me impressed.