• joined Aug 04, 2009
  • last login Jan 29, 2013
  • posts 776
  • comments 202

In the year 3625, mankind was in trouble. The planet was little more than a dusty coffin for the unlucky denizens who managed to survive 17 apocalypses and 7 World Wars. In their desperation, the few remaining survivors constructed an android and sent him back in time, hoping that the cybernetic-being's presence in the 21st century would somehow be able to prevent the hellscape they had been burdened with. The android does not know he's an android; he has no memory of being constructed, and his cybernetic implants are so refined that it passes for human anatomy. But in his journey, he has already come upon one resource that could potentially save mankind -- assuming enough people follow him. And that resource is...

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  • NFL Philadelphia Eagles
  • General Orlando Magic
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User Blog

FTHT Draft Results: ZombieMonta


Well, it's my turn in the box. I was gifted with the fifth position in the FakeTeams Hoops Tournament -- the official fantasy basketball experts league of FakeTeams -- which allowed me to construct...

Stilt No More: Dwight Breaks a Wilt Free-Throw Record

Dwight Howard shot 39 free-throws on Thursday, breaking a single-game record that had been held by Wilt Chamberlain for nearly 50 years. Chamberlain once attempted 34 foul shots in a game on...

Tim Tebow and other stuff

So earlier today, I posted something on what I thought was the senseless backlash on the hiring of Penn State coach Bill O'Brien, where people are losing their minds over what a horrible hire it...

FTHT Draft Results: Neil Tardy


Neil Tardy writes for ESPN, and he's in the FakeTeams Hoops Tournament. That's pretty damn cool. I mean let's face it: there are a lot of great writing outlets out there, SB Nation included, but...

O'Brien Bitching: Where PSU Fans Senselessly Gripe About Their New Coach

The author of Inhistoric goes on a rampage over the outrage expressed at the hiring of Bill O'Brien. It has very little to do with sports history, but who cares?

FTHT Draft Results: Ken Gayton/Dennis Velasco


Fourth verse, same as the first. In today's edition, Ken Gayton of BlogDudes.com tells us what he thought about his drafted team in the FakeTeams Hoops Tournament of Supreme Importance ZOMG! Gayton...

FTHT Draft Results: Adam Madison


Hello, friends. How long has it been? 5 days you say, 5 days since the latest draft update from FakeTeams Hoops Tournament? Well that just won't do. Not at all. I know how much you've all been...

FTHT Draft Results: Jason Hahn


Do you get drowsy looking at your fantasy basketball team? Are you depressed after losing too many matchups? Don't be ashamed. There are millions of Americans, just like you, who no longer have the...

Kellen Winslow's Miraculous Weight Loss Turns 30 Years Old

Monday was the 30th anniversary of The Epic in Miami, a playoff showdown between the Chargers and the Dolphins that is widely considered the best NFL game of all time. The game had it all: an epic...

FTHT Draft Results: Mike Gallagher


Hey, remember a few weeks ago when I announced who was in the newly-minted FakeTeams Hoops Tournament, and when I also announced that there was gonna be a round-by-round recap of everyone selected,...

Who says you can't win without defense?

One of the longest standing maxims in not only football but in all of sports has a tremendous chance of being proven wrong this year. Those who believe defense is more important than offense will...

Things That Suck: The Kindle and Hedo Turkoglu


Why does a FakeTeams author spend half an article bashing the Kindle, and how does he manage to draw a connection to it and Hedo Turkoglu? Read and find out...

NFL: History? There ain't no stinkin' history

The best thing I can say about the NFL is that it's totally unpredictable on a week-to-week basis. Coming into Week 15, there were three constants of the NFL season: that the Packers were...

FakeTeams Hoops Tournament: Immediate Draft Results


Who did what in the FakeTeams Hoops Tournament draft? Well, I guess you'll just have to click on the link to find out, won't you? Come on, just click on the link. Do it.

Introducing The FakeTeams Hoops Tournament


FakeTeams is holding its first official fantasy basketball league of writers and industry experts. It's going to blow you into the next century.

Fantasy Basketball Top 100 Rankings: 51-100


And now, the thrilling conclusion of Thursday morning's pre-free agency rankings. (In hindsight, I probably should have written the part about the higher ranked players first, rather than starting...

Fantasy Basketball Top 100 Rankings: 1-50


A FakeTeams writer looks at the top 50 options in fantasy basketball this season.

Douchebaggery 101: The Sabotage Waive


So today, I logged in to my fantasy football team, just to see if anyone interesting had been signed/waived, and this is what I saw: Your eyes do not deceive you. Dream Team, after failing to...

NFL Record Watch: The Packers and Colts Trudge Towards History

The Green Bay Packers may not be perfect. Their defense is lousy, they don't have a running back, and they just lost Greg Jennings for the final three games of the season. The good news is that...

Fantasy Basketball 2012: Stray Observations of the Fantasy Basketball Landscape


In both Yahoo! and ESPN, the worst fantasy player in the NBA is a member of the Portland Trail Blazers. If that doesn't epitomize how bad it is in Portland right now, I don't know what does.

CP3 veto a blow to the NBA's integrity

What happened on Thursday night was nothing short of astounding. It was honestly the most unprecedented thing David Stern had ever done, not to mention the most ill-timed, not to mention the most...

6 Tips for Fantasy Basketball Neophytes


The NBA season is only a month away, and you might be interested in joining a fantasy basketball league for the first time. The only problem is that you've never done it before, and you're...

Painter and Orlovsky, two of the worst ever

The quarterback position is being played as well as it ever has before, but that doesn't mean there aren't still some awful QB's bringing the league's stats down. The Colts, amazingly, have two of...

When it comes to comeback rumors, Favre's got nothing on Wilt

via a.espncdn.com Brett Favre has become the boogeyman. He's resurfaced so many times, like a monster out of a horror film, that no one really believes he's gone even when he says he is. He'll...

Hazzah! Your Second or Third Favorite Sport Has Returned!


Love it or hate it, the NBA is back. The players and the owners have agreed to a 66-game schedule beginning in December, meaning that the sport you either actively love to complain about, or -- if...

Should a pitcher have won the MVP?

Let's say you work at a programming company. You work hard, everyday, seven days a week. You do coding, and you do it as good as any regular programmer out there. But then there's this other guy --...

So, why are the MLB awards given in November anyway?

It's been a hectic couple of weeks, whether you follow sports or not. We've seen the Joe Paterno and Herman Cain scandals, the NBA lockout, the deaths of Andy Rooney and Joe Frazier, simultaneous...

Are records starting to not matter?

Mike Krzyzewski, who might have the most phonetically-inaccurate name ever, needs one more victory to surpass Bob Knight for the most career wins in Division-I college basketball history. K...

Penn State fans need to stop trying to change the subject by blaming the media

I go to Penn State, and I've heard many idiotic defenses of Joe Paterno over the last few days. My Penn State brethren are grasping at straws. They don't want to discuss the actual culpability that...

Fantasy Basketball: A Denver Nuggets Fantasy Update Before the Impending Lockout Doom


Fantasy Basketball: A Denver Nuggets Fantasy Update Before the Impending Lockout Doom

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