SB Nation User Blog: monkeyball

2009 Poetic Interlude #4: PECOTA

monkeyball — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 18:31:29 -0000

I met him in a clubhouse down in Old Oakland
Where if the players aren't in pain they've got exotic diseases like ebola
e-b-o-l-a ebola

He walked down to first every time he had a chance
I asked him about his "projection" and then the Voice of God said PECOTA
P-E-C-O-T-A PECOTA P-E-C-O-T-A PECOTA

[Original lyrics here. OK, yeah, I've finally officially crossed over into Weird Al territory. So be it.]

[Full Poetic Interlude after the jump.]

Well I'm not the world's most numerate guy
But when he regressed my stats I felt it below my replacement line
On my rota ro-ro-ro-ro-rota

Well STRICKOUTS!ONE!ONE!ONE! I just can't understand
Why he walked like Jack Cust and talked like Farhan
Or Kubota Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Kubota Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Kubota

Well we rosterbated underneath the tarp
Until I said I had to go home on the BART
He picked players up for very nearly free
And said dear boy won't you love this guy Emil.
Well I'm not the worlds most literary guy
But I looked him in the eye and said the only Émile I cheer for is Zola
Zo-Zo-Zo-Zo Zola Zo-Zo-Zo-Zo Zola
And that is my quota quo-quo-quo-quo quota quo-quo-quo-quo quota

And Crosby swung away
Cust walked yet once more
The team failed to score
The outs totalled three
Then I Rule Five'd him and he waived me

Though he did keep the one guy I wanted to stay
That slick-fielding second sacker from South Dakota
Da-da-da-da-kota
Nerds will destroy the old-boy network
All those washed-up punch-drunk dinosaurs like Jim Bowden
Bo-bo-bo-bo-Bowden

Well I missed home too many times before
And I'd never ever been touched by Derek Jeter before
But PECOTA smiled and bade me understand
And said a short playoff series is like drawing a poker hand

Well I'm not the world's most recondite fan
But I reckon our GM must have a pretty good plan
And so does PECOTA
Pee-pee-pee-pee-PECOTA pee-pee-pee-pee-PECOTA
PECOTA pee-pee-pee-pee-PECOTA pee-pee-pee-pee-PECOTA

T-minus 59 minutes and counting: Open pitchers-and-catchers-report thread

monkeyball — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 16:44:27 -0000

It's almost here. Yes, we're on the verge of Spring Training. P's and C's report to Papago at 10 a.m. Duke, Dana, Gio, Ziggy. Mazzaro, Anderson, Cahill. Wuertz and Springer. Zooks, Bowen, Powell.

                         Of course 
                         you want something. You must have 
                         hopes, wishes, dreams.

DLD 021309: I suggest you humans should keep your egos in check

monkeyball — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:37:54 -0000

Monkeys perform mental math:

They are currently working to see if monkeys can recognize the concept of zero.

Project for the day: casting AN: The Movie as a remake of The Usual Suspects. So far, we've got Gabriel Byrne playing oaktoon/madmongoose/windyfelix, Benicio Del Toro playing FSU, and Pete Postlethwaite playing PT.

Speaking of oaktoon/madmongoose/windyfelix ... second project for the day: predicting when windyfelix gets banned, and what his next username will be (maybe a poll later).

OK, this is weird: not only is Gwen Knapp making sense, but she and Ratto seem to have some sort of Super Adventure Club-style internecine private debate going on about the psychopharmaceutical industry ...

Speaking of the SAC ... this should be ... fascinating:

David Cronenberg will direct the globetrotting potential franchise-launcher

And this looks ... ugly/fun/reprehensible.

Dump! Dump for your lives!

DLD 021009: Linka-Dinka-Doo

monkeyball — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 19:23:45 -0000

Whoa. So, I had the semi-clever notion of using the subtitle "Linka-Dinka-Doo," so I figured, well, Let's wikiup Jimmy Durante. (Yes, I'm advocating using the word "wikiup" as a quasineologistic portmanteau for "look up on wikipedia." Deal with it.)

Wouldn'chaknow -- today is in fact The Schnozzola's birthday! Since (a) I think that's a remarkable little synchronistic coinkydink, and (b) I'm lazy, them's the only links I got.

I'm also declaring this DLD a 'roid-talk-free zone. Yap about A-Rod and Tejada in yesterday's DLD. Commence dumping!

If the Slegna sign Dunn, are the A's done?

monkeyball — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 15:42:47 -0000

Ken Rosenthal is reporting that Tony Reagins is possibly interested in signing Bobby Abreu or Adam Dunn.

This concerns me greatly: for all the positive steps taken by the A's this offseason, by all reckonings (quantitative and qualitative) they have only really just drawn even with the Slegna. Beane has once again pushed the team into a position where they project to be competitive, not dominant, with several obvious and deep holes in the roster (shortstop, starting rotation, health status of Chavez and Ellis and Duchscherer).

Now, granted, this Dunn/Abreu-to-the-Slegna development could end up being merely the counter to the A's signing Garrett Anderson. In particular, the logjam of OFs (including the deadweight GMJr contract) on the Slegna roster, Kendrick at 1B, and Vlad's need (though not desire) to DH would seem to mitigate against Reagins inking Dunn.

Yet Dunn would certainly represent an upgrade over any of their OFs except Vlad (and perhaps Hunter) and a direct replacement for Teixeira in their batting lineup, and it's looking more and more likely that he'll be able to be obtained for a modest 1- or 2-year contract. It would certainly be a <i>smart</i> signing for the Slegna, to counter the A's developments while still leaving them financial flexibility to deal with their needs in '10 and beyond.

So my (rhetorical) question is this: If the Slegna were to sign Dunn (or, for that matter, Abreu, though if both are available for roughly equivalent costs I don't see any reason to choose Abreu, but whatev), what, if anything, could Beane do to make up the talent differential?

We've spent the entire winter Slap Chopping all the possible upgrades at SS and SP -- not only is there very little available, but what's available doesn't come close to Dunn's value.

I think a Dunn signing by the Slegna guarantees them the division by a healthy margin (and ensures that Holliday is gone by July 31st). If Beane's serious about contending in '09, he needs to either block Dunn from signing with the Slegna, or trade for JJ Hardy or a frontline SP. Me, I'd advocate packaging Holliday to fill either/both of those needs, and sign Dunn to replace Holliday's projected production, corner defense be damned.

2009 Poetic Interlude #3: 88 Lines About 44 Athletics

monkeyball — Thu, 29 May 2008 17:07:21 -0000

[Original lyrics here.]

88 Lines About 44 Athletics

Durazo was the Holy Grail,
he held out for a better pitch.
Emil was a different type,
he's the one who drove runs in.
Barry had a wack curve,
and umps were afraid of a curve like that.
Melhuse earned his paycheck sitting down
where the coaches sat.

[Full Poetic Interlude after the jump.]

Menechino had an armless hurl,
a peripatetic Major-Leaguer.
Sweeney was a Jesus-freak,
we liked his kind of mentoring.
Greg Smith had this special way
of turning singles into outs.
Kendall proved he couldn't hit,
kept the starts or he would pout.

Ziggy lived up to the hype,
the submarine, the best since Chad.
Cust thought hits were second best
to getting on base without swinging his bat.
Hatte cruciverbalist,
to DJ he was known as "Dad."
Kotsay's point of view was this:
take whatever you can grab.

Mulder was another hurler
the lefty Mark's fallen off the map.
Haren liked to tie batters up,
though Keith Law says he lacks that pitch.
Mecir had this clubfoot walk
yet still made grown men swing and miss.
Mark Ellis who had a son
said "I must go," but finally stayed.

Jeremy's brisé volé
was Jetered one dark '01 night.
Big G brought his tattoos back
after he apologized.
Milton B. who grew inflamed,
was never ever satisfied.
Langerhans came and went so fast,
he didn't even say good-bye.

Well Rhodes was sold as pounds for pennies,
gave up homers and blown games.
Redman too was shipped to Pittsburgh,
shot his mouth off several times.
Loaiza thought the road was empty,
filled it up with alcohol.
Huston Street was much too pretty,
he went to the ballpark via rail.

Uh-huh. BARTin' Huston Street.

Ruby thought that gloves were simple,
put it on and take it off.
Jaha, J. was oft frustrated,
by some minor pain or ache.
Harden--was he broken or lazy?
always missed like six games straight.
Jack C. was a "three true" slugger,
golden sombrero every trip to the plate.

Jerry was a slender pitcher,
lean machine Tekulvery.
Monkey wrote bad poetry
in a crazy kind of urgency.
Bobby Crosby liked to swing
at anything off the outside corner.
Billy's strange obsession
was for ballplayers with paternal baseball roots.

Huddy got shipped home to 'Lanta,
that trade turned out to really suck.
Dee-Bee's noggin struck the bottom,
left a funny scar up top.
Danny J. had far worse problems,
sunscreen vertigo leprosy scurvy.
Big Hurt first time hit like crazy,
left the Blue Jays came back broken.
Bobby one time broke his hand,
but always rocks the high-up socks.
Two-Buck Chuck couldn't hit a barn,
Dan Meyer had a busted arm.
Ben Grieve didn't give a shit,
just a nihilist.
Guillen was much more my style,
but his temper it made Beane so pissed.
Jermaine's leg broke forty ways
hitting foul ball ricocheted.
Zito got his better pay
across the San Francisco Bay.
Two Jays came from Scutaro,
their comps just might be Mike Oquist.
Eric Chavez, games he's missed!
We'll see him on disabled list.

Eighty-eight lines about forty-four Athletics.

Poll

The eighties: awesome, totally awesome, or the most awesome decade evah?

You can dance if you want to

46 votes

You can leave your friends behind

7 votes

'Cause your friends don't dance

6 votes

And if they don't dance

7 votes

Then they're no friends of mine

21 votes

What? You mean EIGHTEEN-eighties, old man?

19 votes

I have no response to your poll question because I'm sorely disappointed that you didn't put Swisher in the "Judy comes from O-hi-ho" couplet

27 votes

133 votes | Poll has closed

Is Orlando Hudson a potential solution at SS?

monkeyball — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 17:09:49 -0000

Nico made an intriguing suggestion the other day at the bottom of EddieVegas_NRAF's The bottom of the shortstop barrel post: that the A's should explore signing free-agent second baseman Orlando Hudson, and convert him to shortstop. WaddellCanseco did some yeoman basic research in that exchange (which exchange, I think, may have gotten overlooked at the bottom of that post; hence, my ~~shamelessly ripping it off on a slow-news offseason Saturday~~ elevating their good work to the front page for a thorough discussion).

The upshot is this: ~~Cabrera~~ Hudson (thanks, WC) has an established track record as a genuine, non-Michael Young/Rafael Palmeiro Gold Glove defender at 2B, and is demonstrably capable of putting up a .750-.800 OPS year in and year out that's heavily dependent on a .275-.300 AVG -- in other words, about the same or better batter than Orlando Cabrera, and with better defense -- albeit, of course, at a different position which (a) requires more range and a better arm, and (b) he's never played in the majors or minors.

He's also available, and likely cheap and undervalued. (And, yes, that undervaluing is as a second baseman, not as a shortstop; the position switch, if it worked, would make him less of -- though still likely -- a bargain.)

The biggest issue, to me (and as pointed out by several commenters in the initial thread) would be his range covering ground at SS. By all indications (fan projections plus the fact that he came up in the Blue Jays system playing both 2B and 3B) he has a decent arm -- and, heck, if David Eckstein can be a starting Major League shortstop ...

Personally, I think the idea is worth a shot -- as in, Beane should explore the idea with Hudson and Hudson's agent. Obviously, if Hudson isn't even interested in the plan, then it's a nonstarter. Given the lack of interest in him, though, I would have to think that he'd at least consider it -- not only would it give him a job more quickly for '09-10 (-11?), but it would help position him down the road for more and better offers, as he'd demonstrate the flexibility (psychologically and physically) to play SS, could increase his WAR if he plays competent defense at SS, and would instantly make him one of the leading SSs in the game, given (as we've all seen from beane's fruitless search to replace Crosby) the paucity of talent at the position right now.

And here's one last argument in favor of signing Hudson: he'd provide a massive insurance policy in the event that Mark Ellis isn't able to come back successfully at full strength at 2B. I know that all publicly disseminated signs point to Ellis rehabbing successfully after his surgery, and that Beane did indeed get a good value deal when he extended/re-signed Ellis, but ... I have a bit of a Jermaine Dye vibe myself from Ellis's extension.

In any event, what's the mass opinion: explore signing Hudson, or is it folly to try converting him to SS? I would think that, at this point, a reasonable 2-3 year deal at, say, $7M-$9M per (to give him a premium to entice him to switch positions) would do it.

Poll

Should the A's explore signing Orlando Hudson to play SS?

Yes

829 votes

No

343 votes

I don't know

100 votes

1272 votes | Poll has closed

2009 Poetic Interlude #2: Statnerds of W.A.R.P.

monkeyball — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:42:14 -0000

[Original lyrics here. Bobby Z cribbed the melody from this trad tune, which may soon become its own PI. And FWIW, do you know how hard it is to find a non-CGV youtube of this song? DFHs.]

[Full PI to be completed later this afternoon.]

Statnerds of W.A.R.P.

Come you statnerds of W.A.R.P.
You that count all the runs
You that use those big brains
You that live in the basements of your moms
You that throw chairs through walls
You that type behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your stats

You that never won nothin'
But rebuild to destroy
You're nothin' but nerds
Just a-playin' with toys
You reject running out of hand
And you scorn RBIs
And you run some regressions
When the bunt batters try

Like Boras so bold
You lie and deceive
A World Series can be won
You want me to believe
But I see three-true-outcome guys
And I see strike-swings abstained
Like I see runners not moved over
With productive outs again

[To be continued ...]

OK, Ratto is definitely trawling AN for column filler

monkeyball — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:13:00 -0000

OK, Ratto is definitely trawling AN for column filler

There's hardly anything in here that wasn't posted on AN the last 2 days.

2009 Poetic Interlude #1: Bowen on the Bench

monkeyball — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 19:38:29 -0000

Or, a series of koans illustrating the mystery of the backup backstop ...

[Original lyrics here.]

Bowen on the Bench

How many Rhodes must a GM live down
Before you call yourself a fan?
Yes, 'n' how many Grieves must in white cleats fail
Before we sign Garret And'?
Yes, 'n' how many usernames must the Internet trolls try
Before they're forever bANnEd?
The catcher, AN, is Bowen on the bench,
The catcher is Bowen on the bench.

How many trades must a fan cook up
Before a free agent we buy?
Yes, 'n' how many beers must one man have
Before he forgets Slide, Jeremy, Slide?
Yes, 'n' how many DLs will it take 'til we know
That Beane to the press has lied?
The catcher, AN, is Bowen on the bench,
The catcher is Bowen on the bench.

How many years can Mount Davis exist
Before it's brought down with TNT?
Yes, 'n' how many years can Mark Ellis compile assists
Before his Gold Glove they concede?
Yes, 'n' how many times can Jack Cust take those strikes,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The catcher, AN, is Bowen on the bench,
The catcher is Bowen on the bench.

Poll

How many Rhodes must a GM live down before you call yourself a fan?

0

10 votes

1

14 votes

1,000

12 votes

The number of Angels who can dance on a pinhead

31 votes

The number of ears it takes to hear one hand clapping

11 votes

Trick question: if one is a fan, the number of Rhodes is limitless

100 votes

178 votes | Poll has closed

SB Nation User Blog: monkeyball

2009 Poetic Interlude #4: PECOTA

T-minus 59 minutes and counting: Open pitchers-and-catchers-report thread

DLD 021309: I suggest you humans should keep your egos in check

DLD 021009: Linka-Dinka-Doo

If the Slegna sign Dunn, are the A's done?

2009 Poetic Interlude #3: 88 Lines About 44 Athletics

The eighties: awesome, totally awesome, or the most awesome decade evah?

You can dance if you want to

You can leave your friends behind

'Cause your friends don't dance

And if they don't dance

Then they're no friends of mine

What? You mean EIGHTEEN-eighties, old man?

I have no response to your poll question because I'm sorely disappointed that you didn't put Swisher in the "Judy comes from O-hi-ho" couplet

Is Orlando Hudson a potential solution at SS?

Should the A's explore signing Orlando Hudson to play SS?

Yes

No

I don't know

2009 Poetic Interlude #2: Statnerds of W.A.R.P.

Statnerds of W.A.R.P.

OK, Ratto is *definitely* trawling AN for column filler

OK, Ratto is *definitely* trawling AN for column filler

2009 Poetic Interlude #1: Bowen on the Bench

Bowen on the Bench

How many Rhodes must a GM live down before you call yourself a fan?

0

1

1,000

The number of Angels who can dance on a pinhead

The number of ears it takes to hear one hand clapping

Trick question: if one is a fan, the number of Rhodes is limitless

OK, Ratto is definitely trawling AN for column filler

OK, Ratto is definitely trawling AN for column filler