Congratulations dear reader.. you've stepped into the third dimension of hell in about as many weeks.

But I figure... this fanpost just might give us an alternative to the ban stick (which we all know is never gonna happen anyway).  He may not do it as often as he blows chunks, but Josey does make the occasional valid point and has essentially blossomed into blog celebrity for being nothing more than everybody's favorite punching bag

My only problem is that he marches some of you dildos into never-ending subthreads of poop.  And if he's gonna do that, then we might as well know who's calling the shots

So, take a guess.  Who is.. Josey Wales?

Continue reading this post »

I just herd it on the rajio. 

UPDATE: ESPN confirms

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4397938

Quarterback Michael Vick has signed a two-year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles, his agent, Joel Segal, confirmed to ESPN.com.

.

So what are your thoughts?  He's still suspended until the sixth game of the season or somethin' right?

What can you say... guy served his time.  Has a right to a job just like anyone else.

Not sure this really does anything as far as making the Eagles a greater threat to the rest of the division

It started in 1987 when I opened my first pack of baseball cards.  In those days you could get 15 cards to a pack and, more often than not, you would find a Ranger.  My brother got a Bobby Valentine 'manager' card.  I got two Gary Gaettis.

I couldn't pronounce his name correctly.  But he had hairy arms and looked like a rat.  My dad said they called him 'The G-Man.'

When I think of the '87 Twins, I think of Kirby, Bert, Frank 'Violin', and Kent Hrbek.  I don't think of The G-Man..

We were season ticket holders back then.  Our seats were on the third-base side, four rows behind the visitor's dugout.  When the Twins came to town the next year, they were World Champions.  My father bought me a baseball at the gift shop the day they came to town and told me to wait by the dugout so that the players would sign it.  I waited patiently for Kirby to come and sign, but he never did.  I instead settled for Al Newman and Gary Gaetti. >:(

A couple of years later, my father and I were in the garage listening to a meaningless game between the Twins and Rangers on the radio.  My father had spent a great deal of time trying to convince me that even though Charlie Hough couldn't throw as fast as Nolan, he was still a good pitcher.  Ten minutes into the first inning, Gaetti hit a grand-slam off of Charlie Hough, cementing my belief that as hard as it was to grip a knuckleball, it sure as hell didn't do you any favors throwing it.

A year or so later, Gaetti played for the Angels. 

A few years after that he played for the Royals.  The Royals were the last team to play at old Arlington Stadium.  We were there for the whole weekend. 

Darren Oliver was my new favorite pitcher for the Rangers because he and I shared the same name.

Do you think Gary Gaetti gave a shit?  He just parked one halfway up the bleachers in left in a game we were already getting assraped.  As Gaetti strutted back to the dugout, I told him to go suck an egg.  My mother slapped me.

The next day was the last game of the season.  It was a farewell to the stadium and to George Brett who was calling it quits.  Manny Lee opted to salute the latter by dressing up as a matador in the ninth and letting Brett's last big-league hit graze past him.   

"Makes no sense for George to get on and not come in"... thought Tom Henke (this is probably what Tom Henke was really thinking).

'The G-Man' stepped in two batters later, and promptly made meat of a Henkeing fastball, putting the game out of reach and the Rangers' season out of its misery.

Gary Gaetti went on to further playoff folklore with the Cards and Cubs I think.  But I don't really care.  Last I heard he was in the Tampa Bay farm system posing as a coach, but he's probably there to leech off the success of their prospects.

From the Royals official website:

The Royals reached agreement Monday morning with right-handed pitcher Zack Greinke on a four-year contract that buys out his first two seasons of free-agent eligibility.

Financial terms were not immediately available.

The deal comes after Greinke, 25, produced a breakout season in 2008 by going 13-10 with a 3.47 ERA in 32 starts. He achieved career highs in numerous categories, including victories, innings and strikeouts.

Greinke had sought $4.4 million through arbitration before agreeing to the multi-year contract. The Royals had offered $3.4 million. He made $1.4 million last season.

Damn... I didn't think Greinke would have it in him to re-up with K.C. 

Traditionally, I applaud athletes who decide to stay with the organization that fathered them along... but for fans of teams not named the Royals, starved for a top-of-the-rotation anchor, this news buh-lows.  Although I'd like to think he's probably a more attractive trade commodity now than yesterday.

You have to tip your cap to Dayton for the signing.  The Royals are essentially all-in for '09, while they allow their plethora of lower level prospects to develop. 

They have the potential to be a pretty scary team by the time 2011 arrives... you know... if Butler and Gordon ever get it.

So, it's becoming more clear now that Nelson 'AAAA' Cruz will be our Opening Day clean-up hitter. 

While this does little for my ding-a-ling, here's a comparitive look at how he has hit in the heart of the line-up the last two years...

Let's please keep in mind he only had 115 at-bats last year...

Looking at these tables, it's pretty obvious that Cruz has had much more opportunities to be productive at the bottom of the order.   While the strikeout rates have gone down considerably in the 5 and 6 spots, Cruz only amassed a total of 26 at-bats (32 plate appearances) in that span. 

The concern, for my part, is that while Nellie has become a more selective hitter, he doesn't have much of a track-record in the heart of the line-up, and will now have to up the ante hitting behind Hamilton.  Pitching to a clean-up hitter is not the same as pitching to the No. 7 hitter in the order.  The difference might not be that great, but for an enigma like Cruz, it's enough to be concerned about.

How many plate appearances does Cruz have as a clean-up hitter, you ask?  The answer, dear reader, is zero.

What we do know however, is that Nelson will be a leading candidate for 'best beard in baseball'...

Best of luck to you, Nelson.  Best of frickin'-luck.
 

Talks between Oakland and shortstop Rafael Furcal broke down Friday after Furcal's side rejected a multiyear offer that was essentially a 'take it-or-leave-it' offer from the Athletics.

Click here to be sent to the link that will take you to the rest of the story as dictated by the 'worldwide leader'..... Awesome.

The reported offer was 4 years / $35 - $40 million...

If the A's are no longer in the running... who is?

I woke up this morning feeling better than yesterday.  I was still spitting up phlegm, but not at the same frequency of the days prior.  I took a Claritin 24-Hour Relief pill on Saturday and a Sudafed 24-Hour Relief pill on Sunday.  I don't know if one worked better than the other, but my two-day binge on orange juice probably helped.

I had to feel better today because I was picking up some very important Japanese clients in the afternoon.  We are shooting some pick-up shots in Glen Rose tomorrow for a commercial that will only air in Japan.  There's a running joke in the commercial business about working on 'mayonnaise commercials'... I'm not sure what dinosaur fossils have to do with mayonnaise... but according to the suits, this is a real-life mayonnaisse commercial.

I met the production supervisor in the lobby of the Hotel Palomar at 10am.  He gave me some spending money, told me that I had to pick up an SUV rental at the Budget at DFW Airport at 3pm, and then pick up the clients at 5pm. 

"That's it?" I asked.

"That's it."

"What do I do from now until then?" 

He shrugged. 

I decided to spend the rest of my morning chillin' by White Rock Lake.  I've only been to White Rock Lake a couple of times... I was raised on Arlington's south side, and have yet to reside in Dallas proper.  So, White Rock Lake is still somewhat of a mythical landscape I only hear about on the radio whenever there's a jog-athon.

The lake was surprisingly accessible... (the people who run Joe Pool should take a lesson from this)...

I pulled up to the waterfront, kicked off my shoes, and basked in the cool glow of early autumn sunlight.  A woman jogged past me, blessed with the roundest boobs I had seen since I saw Lucy Pinder on the cover of American Curves at the 7-Eleven checkout a month ago.  I said hello.  She smiled and nodded, panting as if her workout was becoming too painful.  Stripper.

I tired after awhile, and retreated to my car.  I rolled down the windows, flipped on The Ticket, leaned my seat back all the way, and flicked the bill of my cap to cover my eyes.  It was then that Sean Bass mentioned that Mike Maddux was going to be named the new Rangers pitching coach. 

The first thing I thought of when I heard this was Homer in the Stampy episode... when Santa's Little Helper and Snowball are trying to impress him with new tricks...

Goood Luuckk!

I decided to have lunch with the dizzy Dallas public at the Café Express in Mockingbird Station.  To my dismay, the haughty-professional-type crowd outnumbered the SMU skirts.  I got my lunch and sat next to a table of young, attractive business women.  I looked up at them every now and then to see if they had noticed my handsomeness. 

Alas, I was not acknowledged. 

On my final attempt, I glared at them deathly... a piece of roasted turkey hanging from my lip. 

When that was not successful, I decided to gather my things and get to work.  The fries tasted like shit anyway.

I took a taxi to the airport.  It was $40 BUCKS.  Do taxis already add a tip to the amount?  Because I gave the sonuvabitch an extra six bucks afterwards.  All for doing nothing but keeping his mouth shut.

I picked up the Expedition, drove to Gate C4 and waited for my clients to arrive.  While passing the time at the baggage claim, I noticed a middle-aged man and a much older woman embrace for a full minute... Sixty seconds had never seemed like an eternity.  In my haste to form conclusions, I began to choke-up. 

I don't think I've ever hugged my mother that long.  Ever. 

What circumstance could cause two people to hold each other that long, I wondered.  As they let each other go, she took off her glasses and wiped away her tears.

The Japanese agency arrived moments later, accompanied with a translator.  It was only until they were five feet in front of me that I realized I had not researched Japanese etiquitte the night before like I told myself I would.  I quickly punched the cap off my head, stuck out my hand and bowed.  I offered them bottles of Aquafina that I bought with my own personal money, just as a courtesy.  They politely declined.  I had no idea what they were saying.  But, they smiled.  I smiled.  The middle-aged man and the old lady smiled.  Everyone was smiling.  I wanted to leave.

I drove them back to the Palomar in a brisk Japanese 55 MINUTES.  Seriously, why is there more traffic going towards downtown at 5pm, than going away from it?  I thought it was the other way around.

I hate fancy hotels.  HATE 'EM.  No, I don't want you to valet my car.  No, I can carry my bags myself.  Fuck you.  Thank you.

If I were one of the top closers in baseball, I would stipulate in my contract that I stay at a La Quinta on every road trip.

Word is that former Cleveland GM John Hart has phoned Seattle and informed the Mariners that he'd like to come out of retirement and run a team again. Hart currently is working as a consultant for the Rangers.

CBS Sportsline reports.

...Funny how this is worded... "former Cleveland GM"... instead of "former Texas GM"...

Quick story on Hart's last go-around with the Rangers...

When Doug Melvin was fired in 2000, Texas owner Tom Hicks had two suitors to his GM throne; Dave Dombrowski and John Hart.

It's assumed that Dombrowski's interview didn't fly over too well with the Rangers brass.  The dreaded "R" word was thrown around... a youth movement was advocated.  The Rangers were only a year removed from having won the West... and had put together a nice run during the late 90's... but, it was clear that no progress was being made, as the team succumbed to three first-round playoff exits in four years.

Hart, on the other hand, believed the Rangers were on the cusp; a mere one or two players away.  Tom Hicks, being the 'win-now' dingleberry he is, liked what he heard, and Hart was hired.

What followed was a series of disastrous free-agent signings and trades: Rafael Palmeiro, Ruben Sierra, Juan Gonzalez, Chan Ho Park, Jay Powell, Todd Van Poppel, Richard Hidalgo, Hideki Irabu, John Rocker, Ismael Valdez, Andres Galarragga, Ken Caminiti ... has-beens, have-nots...

...And even though he was worth every penny while he played here, the A-Rod contract was (sigh) a stretch.

His drafts were hit-and-miss... Colby Lewis, Mark Teixeira, Vince Sinisi, Ian Kinsler, John Mayberry, Drew Meyer (Meyer was more of a Grady Fuson pick (assistant GM); but, because of Hart's bogus spending spree the previous off-season, the Rangers 2002 draft did not net a pick in Rounds 2 - 5)...

In a nutshell, Hart set this team back years... when it all ended, many of us were left to wonder what it would have been like with Davey-D at the helm.

It baffles me that he still collects a paycheck with the Rangers, but... whatever.

The first reaction is usually the correct one. - Akeem