So, like, when I got here to Sactown Royalty, I got a less than welcome reception.  My first entry was a diary (back when these were called that) of the loosest sort; a stream of consciousness from the arena after a harrowing night when we hosted the Golden State Warriors and approximately half an Arco's worth of obnoxious, running-heavy GSW worth of fans.

Somone soon made the linkage to my persona here to that over at Wikipedia.  I had, in fact, discovered StR trying to track down whoever was douching up Grant's wiki page with annoying tenacity.  Any joke is funny once and while some jokes do indeed get funnier the more you hear them, I wasn't really seeing the point of the ongoing joke.

 

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We received the following form letter from Geoff Petrie yesterday giving his measure of the season  -- couched, of course, in "please continue to support us" language (apologies for any typos):

Dear {name redacted}:

Our 2007-08 season has now concluded with a final record of 38 wins and 44 losses, resulting in a five-game improvement over the 2006-07 campaign.  I hope you share with us, at least in part, the sense that our rebuiling efforts have forged some very positive potential going forward.  There were 10 victories against first place clubs, with nine of those coming at ARCO.  We were a much improved home team from a season ago, which is one of the important first steps in generating a winning record in the future.

A younger nucleus continues to devlop as Kevin Martin, Francisco Garcia, Beno Udrih, and Spencer Hawes all are 26 years of age or younger.  We also saw the ongoing improvement of a dynamic new coach in Reggie Theus.  Looking ahead, we feel the attrition we experienced last year was curtailed and we can add to that young nucleus through the ownership of all our draft picks in the coming years and future salary cap flexibility. I can assure you we will contiue to work as creatively as possible to support your enjoyment as a Season Ticket Holder.

In closing, I want to thank you for your past support and enthusiasm.  There are obviously many alternatives out there for your entertainment resources.  I believe the Kings, along with the rest of the NBA's teams, remain a vibrant choice for all of us who enjoy basketball played consistently at the highest levels the game can demand.  I look forward to reuniting with you at ARCO Arena later this year.

Sincerely,

s/Geoff Petrie

Trying to find a published citation criticizing Grant, I came across this interesting article from the News and Review from back in '03.  I'm sure everybody is aware that anyone announcing a Kings' game is on the franchise salary and a lot of this will be old news, but it had some interesting aspects that I was not aware of, such as:

The televised games are actually paid programming, like an infomercial. Under the deal, the Kings buy a block of airtime and shoot their own broadcasts.

Lots of "ZOMG, THEY AREN'T ACTUALLY JOURNALISTS COVERING THE GAME" that we've gone over before, but some interesting looks at the heavy-handed ramifications of not toeing the party line...

I can't say that I was overly impressed with the young Spencer.  There is only one player for whom bitching to the officials can save them, and he's number 24 for your Los Angeles Lakers.  I think Spence's super powers come from being a nice guy.  He needs to get his head right again in the off season, play the paint and with coaches who won't let him get that way.

Also, shit, Spence -- learn how to take a hit once and a while.*

The game got bad enough in the first half for my friend and I never to return from our trip to "check the hockey scores" at our friend's house around the corner.  The Stanley Cup is big-time exciting and you might want to check it out in the next couple of days between now and when the NBA playoffs start.

The King's passing game sucked unless you were the Lakers.  I saw more straight-ahead ditches to opposing players than I am accustomed to, and it wasn't because the Lakers were running any hotter than just average.  Who was guilty?  Williams a time or two, once for an assist?  Am I remembering that correctly? Garcia as well, maybe Salmons.  Salmons notches another few in his quest to lead the modern era in dribble and paint violations.

A glorious night it was, Kings fans.  That is the Kings team everyone was scrambling to see since it was apparent that we would not be going to the playoffs.  The young players and the underplayed.

Speaking of whom -- did you guys see Kenny Thomas get more screentime than he had all season during that pregame poker bit?

We switched from hockey to watch the meltdown in the final two and a quarter (that's :15 for those who can't do the conversion) minutes and I said it looked like an ABA game.  I mean, look -- there was <A href="http://www.google.com/search?q=jabbar">Jabbar</A> courtside!  Surewest cable's display covers the bottom third so it allowed us bet on the score before the truth was revealed.  I guessed thirty points from how drag-ass everybody looked.

I wouldn't cry great huge tears if the ground opened up and swallowed Beno and Douby for the next three years, maybe turned John Salmons towards God for a month or more.  Get your game right, fellows.

Last bit:  The camera caught Mikki Moore in an unguarded moment looking like he was planning his vacation.  It wasn't until the rebroadcast that I saw the House Party fools were likewise dressed for next week:

Koz: Chicago Sky [http://www.wnba.com/sky/]

HT: Ron Artest, #93, Home Jersey

Katee: Modoc jersey [huh? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kayte_Christensen]

Lafayette Lever: Sun Devils jersey [http://thesundevils.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/asu-m-baskbl-body.html]

Blah blah, I know -- I expect a forthcoming grilling as soon as y'all can figure out the interface.  (What, no links?)

* - Hey, if StR made Ron Artest feel bad...

 

On Friday we managed to win the Golden Tickets being handed out as schwag for the last fan forum of the year and ended up sitting in KR2, about eight feet from the floor.

I was kind of surprised to the extent to which Mikki Moore was working the team on the defensive end, mostly giving head's up as the play developed.  Usually all I hear from him from my cheap seats or the TV is "oh SHIT" under the basket.  Likewise, Francisco was working guys up for rallies on the bringback when he was working PG.

Sheldon Williams was perhaps the most troubling from that distance -- dude looked confused down there.  Hawes's bitching at the refs seemed out of place as well.  The NBA needs to bring back the "no talk" rule.  I've seen far too many instances of guys running back down the court jawing over the last play with the refs instead of keeping their head in the play that's unfolding at the moment...

What's with Clarivel?

Yeah yeah, a lame start to things but its been bugging the shit out of me and Mrs. Lawless the entire season.  Mrs. Lawless goes BATSHIT when she sees the "Dance Team Member" who never is involved with the team past trotting her chickeny legs back and forth when they do that clap-over-their-head thing they do during the opening.

Even then she doesn't seem to fall into place.  You'll see her eye-check the ladies on either side of her.

She
is
lost

and yet they continue to bill her as one of the Dance Team.  Why couldn't they just have hired her as the latina Ira?

Also, holy crap -- up to the point that Warriors Fan got really drunk and rowdy in the fourth I was thinking they were nicer than Laker Fan.  WRONG.  As much as I wanted to shank the incessant Kobe starfuckers chanting around me, I was never more happy to see security show up (late) to slap a few guys around when Oakland was in town.  Up against the wall behind 220 in cuffs is a good look for Warrior Fan.  He could have used a more few friends for the van ride downtown...

[Word to the wise -- if you're heading past Mrs. Lawless and I across our row, be polite and hands off.  Some species have warning coloration, I wear the hockey standard.]

Update [2008-4-2 13:18:1 by ogre lawless]:

{Well, shit, comments are done with but this thing lingers on the front page. I figured there were at least a few hyperattentive arena attendees like myself, so let me provide a lexicon since that doesn't appear to be the case:

Ira Smith is the Kings -other- public address announcer. His job entails hyping the night's silent auction and running down the inactive roster, refs and halftime out-of-town box scores. His job is kind of redundant but he's got a great voice.

Clarivel is billed as a Kings Dance Team member though has yet to appear in a single routine. Her main selling points seem to be her ability to repeat short phrases in Spanish when on camera, grabbing camera time, and pretending to be part of a squad with which she otherwise has no involvement.

Warrior Fan/Lakers Fan are not individuals so much as interchangeable archetypes. Both are wrong-team fans who show up at our beloved arena and are typically obnoxious and abusive. Lakers Fan can be distinguished by Kobe gear, a love for Vail Colorado. }

Update [2008-4-2 13:25:24 by ogre lawless]:

aaaand, it seems that updating ate y'alls comments, so this will make even LESS sense in the future, but used'ta'be that there were a lot of folks goin' "Ira who?", etc.