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papigrande

Jun 14, 2008 Nov 10, 2009 51 5764

My name is Joe, I'm 17, and I live in Missouri. I have been clean since... oh, wait, wrong... yeah, nevermind.

It would be appropriate after reading that horrible Alcoholics Anonymous-parodying opening sentence and my Spinal Tap-referencing signature to assume that I am somewhat of a class clown on MHR. I have a tendency to hijack posts with van-related hijinks, and I like to make references to absurd early-nineties Saturday Night Live sketches (If Ed Hochuli were a hot dog, would you eat him?) and forgotten 1980's hair metal power ballads (my upcoming pieces: "Livin' on a Prayer: The Kyle Orton Saga," "I've got More Than a Feeling About Knowshon Moreno," "Good Times Really Bad Times: An Investigation of Mike Shanahan's Draft Strategery," and "Jay Cutler, Just Go Home Sweet Home.").

I also used to play football for my high school, but it took too much time away from my ninja training and my heavy metal band Poetic Injustice, in which I play the drums. Currently my skill level is like if John Bonham and Neil Peart had a son somehow, but he was retarded from having two dads and no mom so he couldn't play the drums. The band? Like if you crossed Boston with Anthrax.

In my free time I enjoy replaying my way through The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. My favorite temple fluctuates between the Forest and Spirit Temples. My least favorite is the Water, which once took me seven hours (straight, with three bathroom breaks) to beat. My favorite boss is either Twinrova or Volvagia, and I always hated Bongo Bongo. He's scary.

Also, I win at fantasy football and I am the bane of Zappa's existence. And finally....

O o
/¯________________________________
| I'MMA FIRIN' MAH LAZOR BLAAAAAGH!!
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a fan of

St. Louis Cardinals Major League Baseball Team

Denver Nuggets National Basketball Association Team

Denver Broncos National Football League Team

Ricky Bobby NASCAR Driver(s)

Maria Sharapova is hot. Tennis Player(s)

Colorado Avalanche National Hockey League Team

Recent activity

Mile High Report Voted for 12 or more on Mile High Report - 11/10/09 3:48 PM EST

Mile High Report Commented Just a quick question on Horse Tracks 11/9/09 - Chargers cut Broncos' AFC West lead to 1.5 games; Denver hosts Pittsburgh... on Mile High Report - 11/09/09 11:17 AM EST (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented Depth, methinks. on Broncos add Ty Law, pending physical on Mile High Report - 11/06/09 4:06 PM EST (2 replies)

Mile High Report Voted for No! Give us our colors back on Mile High Report - 11/06/09 4:01 PM EST

Mile High Report Voted for Hey, I'm on board with whatever Josh McDaniels does! on Mile High Report - 11/06/09 4:00 PM EST

Mile High Report Voted for If half of it disappeared, I'd hardly notice on Mile High Report - 11/04/09 9:57 AM EST

Mile High Report Commented Something to consider: on The Lynch Perspective - Week 8 on Mile High Report - 11/02/09 4:44 PM EST (1 reply)

Mile High Report Voted for Slightly Concerned on Mile High Report - 11/02/09 4:43 PM EST

Mile High Report Voted for They simply lost to the better team on Mile High Report - 11/02/09 3:55 PM EST

Mile High Report Commented epic win on Denver Broncos at Baltimore Ravens Pre-Game Discussion Thread on Mile High Report - 11/01/09 12:54 PM EST

Mile High Report Commented Because everyone else is doing it.. on Denver Broncos at Baltimore Ravens Pre-Game Discussion Thread on Mile High Report - 11/01/09 12:41 PM EST (1 reply)

Mile High Report Voted for You are no more crazy than I already believed you to be. on Mile High Report - 10/31/09 1:12 AM EDT

Mile High Report Voted for Doom leads the League in sacks near season half mark. on Mile High Report - 10/30/09 3:54 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented We should resign Chad Mustard now that we have a Berger. on Horse Tracks 10/27/09 - Broncos replace Kern with former CU Buff Mitch Berger; Dawkins and LK Smith... on Mile High Report - 10/27/09 4:04 PM EDT (2 replies)

Mile High Report Recommended Interlude (Cue Girl From Ipanema Muzak) on Mile High Report - 10/27/09 3:58 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented I can see the headlines now: on Horse Tracks 10/26/09 - Broncos lead down to 3 games after Dolts pound Chefs; Jokeland smoked... on Mile High Report - 10/26/09 5:18 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented raiders fail 3 straight times from the 1 yard line and keep the shutout alive on NFL Week 7 - Late Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/25/09 6:54 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented That didn't take long. on NFL Week 7 - Late Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/25/09 6:53 PM EDT

Mile High Report Voted for Vikings @ Steelers on Mile High Report - 10/25/09 4:20 PM EDT

Mile High Report Voted for 2-1 on Mile High Report - 10/22/09 5:20 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented Most. Epic. Thing. Evar. on Image FanShot on Mile High Report - 10/20/09 5:33 PM EDT

Mile High Report Voted for 12 or more wins on Mile High Report - 10/20/09 3:54 PM EDT

Mile High Report Voted for My expectations were a little more tempered, but I'd have to say yes, based on the evidence. on Mile High Report - 10/20/09 3:54 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented JD? on Keep on Keepin' On - Denver Broncos Find A Way to 6-0 on Mile High Report - 10/20/09 12:45 AM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented Kyle locked in on Eddei there on Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers - 4th Quarter Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/19/09 11:20 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented Bear!! on "As for how Orton feels, he is in heaven. He's playing behind an offensive line that gives him... on Mile High Report - 10/19/09 5:59 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented You haven't seen Animal House, have you? on Some motivation for tonight...... GO BRONCOS! on Mile High Report - 10/19/09 5:57 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented CAUSE WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH........................... on Some motivation for tonight...... GO BRONCOS! on Mile High Report - 10/19/09 5:39 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented Kyle Orton touchdowns: 7 on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 11:46 PM EDT (4 replies)

Mile High Report Commented +1 on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 11:44 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented W.T.F. on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 11:40 PM EDT (2 replies)

Mile High Report Commented Orton's really shouldn't count as a turnover. on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:49 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented Dort #1... on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:45 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented Listen to this from ESPN: on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:30 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented 3.5 on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:27 PM EDT (2 replies)

Mile High Report Commented I feel sorry for the 80,000 people that bought tickes to that. on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:27 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented wow... on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:21 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented Especially Tennessee. on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:20 PM EDT (3 replies)

Mile High Report Commented There's a new thread on the main page on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:17 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:13 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented Is it over? on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:10 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented Me in 40 seconds: on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:06 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:04 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented Jesus... This whole game just... on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 8:01 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:59 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented OMG on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:58 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented I'm guessing you missed Kansas City-Washington. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:56 PM EDT (2 replies)

Mile High Report Commented Interception..... on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:55 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented I say it ends in a safety. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:53 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented Yeah, he could start for at least half of the teams in the league. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:52 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented Hey, but they get Rice Krispee treats. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:49 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented For the love of God. on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:48 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented How many dorts for Huckdort Cutler tonight? on Sunday Night Football Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:45 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented I thought it was a SNF game?? on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:30 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented Knowshon could steal the momentum with a huge game tomorrow. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:25 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented I think it's Vince Young's mom's turn to pass them out this week. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:20 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented This is like one of those games on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:18 PM EDT (2 replies)

Mile High Report Commented Haha epic fail. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:13 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented And pitch a shutout. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:10 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented I really want to see the Pats put up 60. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:10 PM EDT (3 replies)

Mile High Report Commented Andy Reaid is actually a genius of a clock manager. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 7:07 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented Nope, just kidding.. they were a yard short. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 6:58 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented Go for it, apparently. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 6:56 PM EDT (2 replies)

Mile High Report Commented That'll help. on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 6:52 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented The Titans just put in Vince Young on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 6:47 PM EDT (2 replies)

Mile High Report Commented TOOOUUUUUCHDOOOWWWNNN PATRIOTS on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 6:43 PM EDT

Mile High Report Commented The Pats have a first and goal at the TEN 1 on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 6:39 PM EDT (1 reply)

Mile High Report Commented But don't forget on NFL Week 6 Early Game Open Thread on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 6:35 PM EDT (2 replies)

Mile High Report Voted for Wait, there's football on when the Broncos don't play? on Mile High Report - 10/18/09 11:56 AM EDT

Mile High Report Voted for In as a wild card or division champion on Mile High Report - 10/16/09 8:58 PM EDT

SBNation.com Voted for Shannon Sharpe on SBNation.com - 10/15/09 4:18 PM EDT

Mile High Report Voted for No on Mile High Report - 10/12/09 7:55 PM EDT

Mile High Report Voted for Denver on Mile High Report - 10/10/09 9:37 AM EDT

Mile High Report Voted for No, sit a year and get some rotational experience. on Mile High Report - 10/10/09 9:33 AM EDT

Blog Memberships

Mile High Report

Denver Broncos 

Jun 17, 2008

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Jun 20, 2008

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Aug 31, 2008

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Bolts From The Blue

San Diego Chargers 

Sep 08, 2008

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Buc 'Em

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

Oct 01, 2008

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Mocking The Draft

NFL Draft 

Oct 04, 2008

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Rock M Nation

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Oct 05, 2008

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Viva El Birdos

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Pats Pulpit

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DRaysBay

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Oct 19, 2008

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Fear The Sword

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Revenge Of The Birds

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