
papigrande
Jun 14, 2008 Dec 21, 2009 51 5833
My name is Joe, I'm 17, and I live in Missouri. I have been clean since... oh, wait, wrong... yeah, nevermind.
It would be appropriate after reading that horrible Alcoholics Anonymous-parodying opening sentence and my Spinal Tap-referencing signature to assume that I am somewhat of a class clown on MHR. I have a tendency to hijack posts with van-related hijinks, and I like to make references to absurd early-nineties Saturday Night Live sketches (If Ed Hochuli were a hot dog, would you eat him?) and forgotten 1980's hair metal power ballads (my upcoming pieces: "Livin' on a Prayer: The Kyle Orton Saga," "I've got More Than a Feeling About Knowshon Moreno," "Good Times Really Bad Times: An Investigation of Mike Shanahan's Draft Strategery," and "Jay Cutler, Just Go Home Sweet Home.").
I also used to play football for my high school, but it took too much time away from my ninja training and my heavy metal band Poetic Injustice, in which I play the drums. Currently my skill level is like if John Bonham and Neil Peart had a son somehow, but he was retarded from having two dads and no mom so he couldn't play the drums. The band? Like if you crossed Boston with Anthrax.
In my free time I enjoy replaying my way through The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. My favorite temple fluctuates between the Forest and Spirit Temples. My least favorite is the Water, which once took me seven hours (straight, with three bathroom breaks) to beat. My favorite boss is either Twinrova or Volvagia, and I always hated Bongo Bongo. He's scary.
Also, I win at fantasy football and I am the bane of Zappa's existence. And finally....
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| I'MMA FIRIN' MAH LAZOR BLAAAAAGH!!
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Taylor Layne W (pleasedon'tkillme)
RSSUser Blog
Open Season on Trolls!!
This is going to be one of those "how to make MHR better" posts, and it deals with trolls and how to fight them. I'll try to keep it short and sweet. We've been experiencing a substantial amount of trollage in the last couple of days thanks to the Brandon Marshall situation. I know how bad it got during the Jay Cutler saga (bad enough to make me leave for almost a month) and I really don't want to see it get that bad this time. We've got a lot of exciting things coming up like training camp and the preseason, and like Coach McDaniels says, those things will still happen even if Brandon Marshall is not there. So I'd rather talk about those things in the Fanposts, and not have to sift through the clutter of a hundred troll posts.
So how do we get rid of the trolls?
The flag feature is a very important tool in the War on Trolls, and it seems like we always forget about it. HT has written several posts on it like I'm doing here, but I want to make sure that the newer users, and even the older ones who forget about it, are familiar with it and can use it against the Troll Army. I say that the flag feature is probably our most valuable asset in the War on Trolls, so I'll try to put it in perspective. At the bottom of a Fanpost (and front page posts, if you want to flag Guru or something) next to the green rec button, is the yellow flag button. Press this, write a little blurb about why you think this person is being a troll, and it will be sent to the moderators, who will deal with it as they see fit. It's as easy as that, and it seems like we all always forget about it or take it for granted.

^^MHR's Moderators^^
22 comments | 21 recs
The enigma of our defensive line; a look at what we already have
Josh McDaniels and company caused a lot of controversy this weekend by not adressing what many of us armchair experts proclaimed was our biggest need: defensive line. Instead, we loaded up on secondary guys and some offensive players. To me, this signifies that either McD was very low on this year's D-line class, or that he felt that we already have the pieces in place there to be effective on D this year.
At first, I discounted the second notion as ridiculous, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don't really know much about a lot of the guys we have in the trenches. And when I did a little research, I realized that we actually do have a lot of guys there who are big, strong, and talented.
I by no means consider myself a defensive expert, so don't take my littl
Here's a quick rundown of our guys:
28 comments | 15 recs
In the Spirit of Draftivus- Because What We Need Right Now Is More Mock Drafts!
I made my original mock draft a few weeks ago, and for obvious reasons it has become obsolete. (Damn you Jay Cutler! Damn you!!) Like everyone else, I decided to revamp my mock to include our new picks and needs. I am completely excited for the opportunities that we now have with nine, count 'em, NINE picks in the first three rounds of the next two drafts. I think that we have a golden opportunity to ensure a very bright future for this football team, and I think that if we nail these two drafts we will become a perennial powerhouse for years to come. I'm talking multiple Super Bowls, all of that.
Before I got around to actually mocking, I thought it would be prudent to make a list of the Broncos' needs. Now, I could be lazy and just write DEFENSE under here, but I feel that some positions on D are of much more importance than others, and I think that we are actually more solid on D in some positions than we get credit for. So here's a quick rundown of my opinion of the Broncos' needs, in order:
1) DE34. Right now we have a bunch of guys at DE who have never played in a 3-4, ever. This is bad. With Marcus Thomas and Kenny Peterson slated to start, and with such guys in the wings as Carlton Powell (who I think would be a much better fit as a NT) and Nic Clemons, it is no wonder that we were a sieve when it came to run defense last year. We need guys at DE who have bulk and can stop the run. Guys who have experience in a 3-4.
11 comments | 4 recs
It's the dawn of a new era. The Fourth Age of the Denver Broncos: The Era of Neckbeard.
8 months ago
papigrande
3 comments
0 recs
Got Spleen? 2009 Broncos starting QB Chris Simms.
8 months ago
papigrande
7 comments
0 recs
Jumping on the Bandwagon: Another Mock Draft to Pass the Time
This was originally going to be a comment on HT's Depth Craft post, but after a few minutes of draft research I got a little carried away and realized that I would have made the longest comment ever. So, I decided to just put it all here, in a nice FanPost. You've gotta love Draftivus. The speculation, the joy, the arguing... It's the best part of the offseason except for training camp if you get to go to that. (Yay Bronco-Con yay!)
Also, I went in order of overall team need need versus actual draft order, so it is a little discombobulated. Hope you don't mind.
26 comments | 1 recs
This is Darren McFadden's car.
This is what he drives around in.
In public.
Actually, now that I think about it, this wouldn't seem out of place at all in Oakland.
9 months ago
papigrande
8 comments
0 recs
Mile High Report Dot Com.
I'm putting this post up for a number of reasons. One is to vent; I use this site to let off steam. Another is because I feel like I need to get something off my chest, something that I think has been lost in the frenzy that is this McCutlergate fallout. And the third is that I want to know what the F*CK is happening to milehighreport.com.
Our venerable host, John Bena, AKA TheSportsGuru, started this site in 2006 for the same reasons I am writing this post. There was something big going on then. It was a QB controversy, the biggest one in the history of the Denver Broncos, and it was DOMINATING the Denver media at the time. Of course, this was Plummanahacutlergate, the saga of Jay Cutler and when he would replace Jake Plummer as the Broncos' starting QB. Guru felt the same emotion that I did as the media storm whirled around him: exasperation.
From what I have read in the archives, back in the days of SBN 1.0, of LetPlummerPlay and ohnokoolaid, of Jake and Jay, Guru started this site because he wanted to create a place where intelligent Broncos fans could convene and talk about something other than the Shanaplumcutlergate situation. Of course, he wanted to give his opinion on it, and he did. In one post, and that was it. The beneficiaries of MHR, of which there were only about 15 at the time, also gave their opinion, and then they moved on. It was a beautiful thing.
52 comments | 19 recs
IMO, a pretty accurate description of what's going on right now. I wish this idiocy would just end, along with the media clusterf**k that came along with it.
Oh, and I think the fans are supposed to caption this, or something. So if you think you know what Jay and McD are saying to each other and it's really, really funny, go to iwantmyrocky.com and submit it.
9 months ago
papigrande
0 comments
0 recs
NFL Draft: Second Primaries
The Combine is done and the final stretch of Draftivus is about to take place. The anticipation for the Final Ceremony is palpable. Just remember not to drink the punch. :)
If you recall, a few weeks ago, I did a poll regarding who Broncos Nation wants in the first round. While the quantity of responses wasn't as high as I'd hoped it would be, 141 of you did respond, and I think we got the general feel for who Broncos Nation is pulling for. The results:
Rey Maualuga, ILB, USC was the overwhelming favorite, garnering 43% of the votes. After him, 18% of people wished to trade down, but no one specified in the comments who they wanted us to get. Knowshon Moreno and BJ Raji competed hotly for third, earning 15% and 14% of the voted, respectively. Tyson Jackson, Malcolm Jenkins, and Brian Cushing finished well off the pace. One person wished to trade up, but did not specify who he wanted to trade up for...
The top three guys in the last poll, as well as the trade options, are who I'm going to roll with in this second poll. If you want a guy I haven't put on here, post a comment stating that you want him and get it approved by one other person.
38 comments | 1 recs
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