SB Nation User Blog: pasaluki

Jets-Bills: Comedy Horror Edition

pasaluki — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 20:55:50 -0000

A forum I'm quite fond of has some posters who are adept at converting video into little bite sized movies in .gif files. Most of the highlights (and all of the lowlights) are captured.

If you can't laugh at how pathetic our team is you'll cry and get angry and bitter and blame everybody. For most of the year I was just as outraged as some of you are, but I've recently just realized the team is injured to the point that they aren't competitive. Ask yourself how a team can be competitive when Kirk Chambers leaving the game was considered a big blow to the offensive line? This is the worst Offensive Line in the NFL Fitzpatrick dreams of having Green Bay's line every night when he is writhing like a snake in his bed from the hits he took. Our Linebacker core is probably the worst in the league, how they are unable to stop the run (especially runs to the outside) is beyond pathetic. A group of crabs has better lateral motion. They refuse to fill gaps are out of position constantly and take terrible angles and can't tackle. The Offense and Defense was terrible, Special Teams was pretty good. New York played terrible too just not on the scale of the Bills. They play a game half as bad against another team their playoff hopes are all over. It was actually an extremely boring game to watch.

So for those 99.999% of the human population who missed the game due to not getting the NFL Network and want to see the "real" highlights of the game, You'll have your chance after the jump:

Braylon Edwards "Dropping" by to wish Buffalo an early "Merry Chrismas!"

This is sort of a recurring theme as you can see (dolphins game during warmups)

If any .gif could sum up the Bills season, this snap from Geoff Hangartner would be it.

Aaron Schobel displays his athletic "motor" in sacking Kellen Clemens who decided to convulse on the ground.

I'm beginning to see why Bobby April wasn't chosen as our interim coach.

Notice that I called this a Comedy Horror well here is the "Horror" part. The NFL Network, not wanting to spend money on an actual expensive presentation decided to terrify us with evil shadow puppets. They have actually been doing this since last year. This "art" form is called "Pilobolus" is truly disturbing to me. Probably the worst ones have been the "cannon" and the eerie silhouettes of browns fans slowly rising up and beating a player to death (not kidding) But the "popcorn" machine from yesterdays games surely takes 3rd place. This images are safe for work but not safe for your mind, and I have no responsibility to any reactions you may have from viewing them.

Maple Leaf

The Guy at the top of this "jet" loves when New York plays on Thursday nights!

This is what is meant by the phrase "Suicide in Buffalo is Redundant"

And this is the popcorn maker. Good luck sleeping tonight.

More thoughts on Dolphins vs. Bills

pasaluki — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 22:56:16 -0000

The truth is this was just a Bills win that should make you happy and giddy if there even if you are cynical as a rule of thumb. It was just a wonderful win.

All of the players played very hard and were very jubilant and emotional, and so was the coach. The fans were into it, and it was great weather. The Bills struck a mortal blow to their hated rival's playoff hopes. It was a beautiful game that had alot in it. And alot of stuff underneath the surface too. Also the Bills broke a franchise record in longest run for a TD by a QB.

But there were several storylines that left you with an optimistic feeling if you thought about them.

Moorman started off shanking a punt...badly it was by some strange fortune it took a very Buffalo bounce but it was terrible and Moorman ripped off his chinstrap in anger. Now rather it was Moorman's competitive nature or rather it was Fewell saying something to him, his final punt that went out of bounds at the 2 would later set up what I called the game winning play which was Lindell's field goal. Seeing how excited he was at seeing his friend make that FG was very memorable to me too.

T.O. I remember being at the Titans game and towards the end I have to say that it really looked like T.O. had stopped trying. He pretty much stopped his route and was mocked by the Titans crowd, and generally was miserable all day. That has changed dramatically these last two weeks, the man is blocking running, crisps routes, making good catches, doing everything he is asked offensively, scoring and most importantly he is smiling again. T.O. is happy for whatever reason, and he is engaging the fans and firing up the team in a good way. And keep in mind T.O. is not beholden to anyone, he isn't playing for his job, he has no reason to favor one coach over the other if he doesn't want to. T.O. knows he can phone it in if he wants to and the Bills can't really do alot about it.
Whatever T.O. is doing he is CHOOSING to do for whatever reason, and so these past two weeks have been very encouraging.

Not every player is blessed with alot of talent. But the ones who make the absolute most out of the talent they are blessed with, I can't help but respect much in the same way I look down on those who have amazing talent and who squander it. Ryan Fitzpatrick or should I say Ryan "Vick"spatrick in part willed that team to victory and especially with his legs.

And nobody saw it coming, me least of all.
When he ran for that Touchdown, even T.O. couldn't believe it!
This guy is something else because at least to me he is like a mockery of the standard QB who makes all the throws but has limited to no decision making skills. This guy can barely make any of the throws outside of what I like to call "lofts" deep, but the vast majority of the time knows exactly where to go with the ball. You see stuff like the WR being open but the ball flopping around up in the air barely anywhere near the guy.

With other quarterbacks you sometimes say "Where was he going with that?" but with Fitzy you often and find yourself saying, "Oh I see what he was trying to do there, he was just so embarassingly bad at it that my neighbor with a broken arm could throw a better pass etc etc."
I came up with a name/reference for these kinds of passes, "did you see how that pass Fitzzled out. A real Fizzler that one!" (No? Oh well, worth a try anyway. :) )
But you can't have everything after all and Fitz was downright inspiring in this game.

But the most important thing was what happened with Lindell. I remember reading an article about Kickers that said that many of them are very superstitious, and self conscious no matter how hard they try not to be. Missing kicks does effect them and they want nothing more than to be in that exact same kicking situation the very next play to prove to their team that they can do it, and most importantly prove that to themselves. Perry instead of yelling at the kicker or giving him the silent treatment went right up to him and told them that the "team needed him" and he didn't just say that to cheer him up. He took a significant risk as a coach who hasn't developed alot of reputation and would have been criticized very harshly by the media if Lindell misses, which considering he had never hit from 56 yards was a risk. I think Lindell's kick was in some ways a game winning kick almost in the same way that Lindell's overtime kick against the Jets was. Because the team's morale skyrocketed after that kick. Lindell then understood that when Fewell said "they needed him" he wasn't saying that to cheer him up. Fewell needed him to win the game in a way he had never done before. Lindell also saw the dichotomy between what Jauron did and what Fewell does. Now the reason I say that Jauron wouldn't have done that is was because he objectively DID NOT do that in the past. That is why this was Lindell's longest field goal.

Now both men saw the same kicker. Both saw the same kicker kick in practice but one saw something the other didn't and I still believe that made all of the difference in this game. Feel free to disagree, but had Lindell missed that kick the Bills would have likely lost, but had Lindell never taken that kick the Bills would have likely lost. And while I'm sure that had he missed it, he wouldn't have been mentally ruined, I think this did marvelous things for his confidence and more importantly when we NEED him to make a kick at the most crucial time I think he will come through. I think that kick yesterday was worth several additional points down the road, I really do.

This game was a perfect example of the duality of the game as a mostly logical, methodical, and stoic sport that CANNOT thrive without occasional risk, aggression and pride.

When I hear about "running up the score" or "going for the throat", I DO feel that there is a time and a place for it and for a struggling team that has been beaten down, abused, marginalized, injured, who has seen close games slip away time and time again, who has continued to lose in front of their home crowd, and have seen the frustration level building into a boil, they needed this more than anything. They needed to go out there especially against a team like the dolphins where there is already bad blood and hit them in the mouth and gain confidence. Now they also exploded against the Chiefs last year in this kind of way so it will be interesting to see what the team does next.
One thing is for sure though:
That was just a great day for Bills football even if it was just a day. There wasn't anything else you could have asked of them. And they made us all proud.

Dolphins vs. Bills Heartwarming Edition

pasaluki — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 20:56:25 -0000

Dolphins vs. Bills Heartwarming Edition

Rian Lindell misses a big field goal. Rian is sad :(

Coach Fewell says "Now kick a 56 yard field goal."

Rian does...and...did he make it????

It's good! A career long.

Rian and Brian are happy. :)

Coach Fewell says "Told ya so!"

Ryan Fitzpatrick Oh no don't run!

Wait a minute....where are you going???!

TD TD TD!!! Everybody starts dancing!

Even T.O. is happy!

Everyone celebrates!

Except her.

THE END.

St. Jude: Patron of Lost Causes

pasaluki — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 06:47:23 -0000

St. Jude: Patron of Lost Causes

Panthers latest victims of Bovine Flu

pasaluki — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 03:42:14 -0000

The insidious bovine flu W7L9 (detailed here) has struck the Carolina Panthers after they ignored Buffalo Rumbling's warning to wear surgical masks to the game.

Last week's bout received the "Game of the Weak" moniker from NFL LIVE crew on ESPN (as did Jets-Bills and most likely Browns-Bills)
ESPN AFC east blogger Tim Graham speculated that the Buffalo Bills may have been involved in the 3 worst games in the NFL this year.

The Bovine Flu has primarily attacked Quarterbacks in these last 3 weeks.
Jake Delhomme, who had already suffered various symptoms of the flu, immediately felt the effects.

More disturbing however is the fact that the Bovine Flu simply cannot explain all of the abnormalities that have occurred since that devastating loss against Miami. After that game according to a few rumors Ralph Wilson immediately got on a golf cart and sped off to the Bills locker room. What happened in that locker room was never reported but I believe through Mr.Wilson's actions, somehow a portal to the Bizarro Bills Realm was opened. In this distorted and twisted land, the team that in general plays better, and who out gains their opponent by a large number of yards, IS THE LOSER!

Teams who try to break the rules of this realm are met with misfortune coming in the form of muffed punts(Buffalo and Carolina) or interceptions(New York and Carolina.)

As for the Bills, they are playing insane. And I don't mean insane as in insanely good or insanely bad I mean it in terms of being mouth foaming insane.

They are 13th in points given up which is pretty good, 24th in yards given up which is terrible, 10th in pass yards given up, and the worst team in the NFL against the run. They constantly give up huge chunks of yards, they gave up something like 400 yards (produced less than 200) but only gave up 9 points. Against the Jets they had over 300 yards rushing against them and barely any offensive production and they won. How often is that done?

And then you see the interceptions and see that the next best team is 5 behind them in the AFC. Delhomme certainly throws alot, but they have picked a whole range of QBs this year. Legendary QBs, Terrible QBs, Rookie QBs, Veteran QBs. In a 7 game span they have gone after everybody.

This team is in defiance of all statistics. They are 15th in the league in rushing which which is average but yet they just got their 1st rushing touchdown.

They have been inconsistent many years but this year they are outright just broken and disturbed in so many ways. I tell you people that the Jets and Panthers game the Bills have no business winning. The odds of the other team losing with as many yards as they piled up compared to the chicken scraps the bills are throwing together make are miraculous. To pick off another QB no matter how bad they are that many times, is something that happens once in a very long time, or never for a few teams. What has happened the last 3 weeks to the Bills is something that science and reason can never explain. There are games that have been an aberration. The Broncos-Bengals miracle play this year, the Dallas game a few year ago against the Cowboys, both of them were bizarre and unlikely but these 3 weeks have been quite the trip. So keep watching, and keep praying that the bizzare keeps happening, as the Bills have finally learned how to win in strange circumstances, and even if they lose, they are sure to entertain. The Texans may have immunity to the virus anyway seeing as next weeks match up will be the battle of the cows and bison.

2 Quick and Fun stats:
Only 1 WR has a Touchdown against Buffalo's Defense: a rookie with Miami named Brian Hartline
The most bizarro stat of all is that Kyle Orton still only has 1 pick, thrown to Randy Moss

Very Cool Stuff About NFL Team Logos

pasaluki — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 21:38:02 -0000

With Carolina as the Bills next opponent, I happened to look a the logo of the Panther.
For whatever reason it looked strange to me.
Just the angle of the cat's head looked funny. Doesn't it?
In fact what's up with that thing?
Why isn't it smooth and even like many other logos?
And why is one ear smaller than the other?
What is up with Mr. Panther's neck?
If you have ever wondered the same thing, read on!

Our first stop on our quest to find out the secret of the Carolina Panther takes us to:

St. Louis

The St. Louis Ram's Helmet is no doubt a very striking one.

Which just goes to show you can't beat an original.
In 1948, Rams HB Fred Gehrke, who was also an art major, painted the pedestrian leather helmet blue with yellow horns. The significance was that it was the first emblem/logo added to a helmet in the NFL.

The fact that the helmet has since changed only slightly over many many years shows that some ideas can withstand the test of time. Now I found a slight homage to this in one of the St. Louis Ram's Alternate Logos.

I'm very fond of it and wonder why they don't use it often.
It looks simple, but has quite a bit of meaning at least to me. As you can see the "R" is wearing horns on its head too. In fact you can almost make out an "eye" in the space between the horn and the straight part of the R.
But what else does it remind you of? It's not obvious, and perhaps not intentional, but the horn forms an arch shape, which show what city they belong to.

Arizona
The Cardinal name is a bit of a misnomer. The name dates all the way back to Chicago 1901, when owner Chris O' Brian called used, faded maroon jerseys he acquired from the University of Chicago "cardinal red." An interesting logo that they had from 1920-1934 was:

That's quite the logo. And it has very noticeable and familiar symbols. It reminded me of the Cincinnati Reds, Chicago Bears, and Chicago Cubs in that order.

Since then, the Cardinals have gone with a rather ill looking bird although, when the team moved to Arizona, a prototype logo was developed:

And rejected.

Baltimore

The contrast of the Edgar Allen Poe inspired Raven, who in the poem signifies death, and the horrible jumbled mess of the Maryland flag are a truly woeful combination.
Purple and Gold are fine, because they go well together as they are complimentary colors. Black works with the mix alright I suppose.
Here, though you have two shades of gold put side by side, and then bright red and white, clashed against a "feathery" black background inside of a purple one.
It's one thing to be proud of your state and city, but to proudly put your state flag in the same place as a carrion eating bird really doesn't go along way to illustrate that Baltimore is the "Charm City". (And I'm a big Orioles fan so I can call the Ravens ugly all I want!)

Jacksonville

You can thank Ford Motors for not having this cool cat to stare at on Sundays. They felt the image too closely resembled their own symbol for the Jaguar.
As a result we are stuck with:

The tongue right?!
It drives me crazy too, I actually believed that real Jaguars had teal tongues. When I told my friends they laughed at me.
As it turns out, Jaguars DO NOT have teal tongues.
Which brings up the question: Then what exactly am I looking out here?

Well the answer is that the Jaguar here just got done chowing down on some blue Panthers.

No, Seriously that's the actual reason his tongue is teal.

When Carolina and Jacksonville both came into the league together, Jags owner Wayne Weaver took a little shot at their feline expansion siblings. So indeed the Jaguar's tongue is stained with aquamarine cat guts. And to further drive home the point, teal colored tongue dyeing candies were passed out at Jags games to get the fans in on the action.

Denver and San Diego

Both horses. Both in the original AFL (SD was in LA for a year). But above all, both of these teams were destined to despise each other. All you have to do is look at their logos from the 70s:

Now this is seriously cool stuff.
Both set of eyes about level with each other.
Both have menacing expressions.
They are logos that face each other.
The Bronco is a Wild and Untamed horse, and the Charger is a Warrior's Horse.
The Orange and the flare(laser) shooting out of the bronco's nose signifies heat and fire, the Charger and yellow obviously signifies electricity.

Seattle

I've really disliked Seattle ever since they got rid of this logo:

Why? Because it was very unique for starters.

Long before they went sparkling neon green and monochromatic metal blue-grey, the Seahawks used to have a less extravagant but I thought a very classic and pleasant uniform. The colors were a subdued grey, a hearty green and deep blue. It actually reminded you alot of the ocean and the Pacific North West on a sunny day. Their present uniform is like being lost at sea and throwing up over the side of the boat quite frankly.

Now back to the original logo. These are some examples of Northwestern Indian art.

Look at how the eyes are drawn, and how straight everything is. Look at the mouth and curved beak. The original seahawk logo was definitely inspired by and a nod to northwest Indian art.

Now compare those images to this. Notice all of the hooks the lack of straight lines and completely different neon green eye? Yes it's still in theory the same bird (that doesn't exist), but they just taken the originality and the decent color scheme away from it. The Seahawks took something that was unique to them and pretty much threw it away because it didn't look modern enough. They wanted "darker" colors like some hardened bird that has suffered from alcoholism and addiction to putrid colored soft drinks.
Maybe Seattle fans like the more flamboyant, the more angry and edgier seahawk. The kind of seahawk who will get right in your face and throw neon green glitter at you to prove how tough he is.

Houston

That Bull could use a bit more structural integrity but you can see what they were trying to do here, and it's very clever.

New York

Have you ever noticed that in between the E and the X is an arrow? Your mind has either just been blown or your rolling your eyes because you already know. A few people actually have had wild reactions the first time they see it, because basically they couldn't believe that this image they had stared at for their whole life had a hidden image in it.

Not to be outdone by the dreaded FedEx arrow, a few NFL teams enjoy a little visual hi jinx every once in awhile too.

Take our friends from New Jersey for example:

I'm not giving it away, but there are 3(4 kinda) tucked away in here. (Give ya a hint: Rex Ryan is one of them!)

Buffalo

Here we have an image that people wish was hidden:

I still don't know/ want to know what that is. Some people say it's the tail going through his legs, others say it's like a cancerous cyst or something . It's funny that people call this the "standing Buffalo" because it clearly looks like he's(and it's a he for sure :D ) about to keel over. It's legs are all cramped up and I can't tell whether the farthest leg back is even on the ground or whether it's the right leg and the buffalo is just taking a wide stance or....anyway. I love the eye though. I still sort of like this symbol but the closer up you see it the stranger it is. I call it Buffalo's Bill.

Atlanta

This old Falcons logo is one of my favorites in the NFL. I will say though that it looks absolutely nothing like a falcon. It has a sort of eerie quality to it and is actually somewhat intimidating. The face is vaguely human. It has dead set emotionless eyes and a gaping mouth.

Again it looks more like a plague doctor

Than a Falcon

It also has a look of being much larger than life because of its enormous wings. This makes it look like a giant bomber jet. This logo is great because it really expresses the "death from above" idea really well and let's face it if the Ravens had this logo back in 2000 it would have just added to the intimidation factor. Interestingly, although very different the Falcon's newer logo ain't bad either:

I didn't like it at first but there is something very cool that is more pronounced in this logo (hint it's another hidden image!)

Carolina

The moment weve have all been waiting for:

In addition to wincing in pain from Jaguar bites, this fellow is in the shape of North and South Carolina. You'd look funny if you were in the shape of two states too, so cut this cat some slack!

Thanks for reading. This is a terribly long fanpost but mostly pictures and I hope you enjoyed it and it was as much of an enlightening experience for you as it was for me!

Poll

Do Panthers bleed Teal?

They bleed True and Carolina Blue.

4 votes

Only when bitten by Jaguars.

14 votes

They don't bleed...panthers don't exist.

8 votes

I don't know do Dolphins bleed orange?

24 votes

I've seen Jake Delhomme do everything else this year.

20 votes

No, due to fear of being fined by Goodell for not bleeding right color.

22 votes

They will be after Sunday.

41 votes

133 votes | Poll has closed

The Bills are the Carriers of the Bovine Flu

pasaluki — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:06:12 -0000

I've finally found the cause of the Browns "swine" flu outbreak. I've heard some players have been infected with H1N1. But I fear that a strain of the "Bovine Flu" (W7L9) has infected them as well. It's been a week in a half and the Bills are the known carriers, and have infected the entire league with their terrible play. They contracted this plague soon after they were slaughtered like cows by the dolphins. The next two weeks of some of the worst games of professional football in the history of the sport were played. The following might disturb you, Viewer discretion is advised:

-Two weeks ago Derek Anderson was 2-17 for 23 yards and an interception. Edwards passes for 6x the yards. The Bills commit 13 penalties including 9 false starts. They actually commit more but the Browns decline some. Bills cough up the ball on the goal line. The Browns win is the first win by a quarterback with that statline since the merger.

-The Jets and Bills were a combined 8 of 31 on third down, 0 of 4 in the red zone, and got flagged for 22 penalties. Sanchez throws 5 interceptions and even the holder throws an interception.

-The Jets 318 rushing yards is the most rushing yards by a losing team in a game since 1944, and the second most in NFL history. And from 1932 to 2008, teams were 142-8 in games where they rushed for 300 or more yards, and they're 66-1 since 1970.

-In the last two weeks the combined QB rating of Mark Sanchez and Derek Anderson is just over 25. What's the significance? Just by putting your helmet on to start the game you BEGIN with a rating of 39.6. That might be one of the most amazing stats of the NFL season, and the even more amazing thing is that the Bills actually lost one of those games and almost lost the other one!

The Carolina Panthers should wear surgical masks when they play the Bills because their quarterback Jake Delhomme is already showing symptoms of the disease. Doctors are hard at work to find a cure for the Bovine flu.Symptoms of the flu include:

-Jitters and Involuntary twitches(False starts)
-Loss of basic motor skills(Muffed Punts)
-Masochistic and Self-Destructive behaviors (blocks in the back)
-Nausea(Bills Offense)
-Fatigue (Bills Defense)
-Blindness(Inability to see down the field)
-Loss of Memory(needing to go over gametapes instead of recalling major plays of the game)
-Impotency(inability to stop on 3rd down)
-Loss of Personality/Multiple Personalities(T.O.)

In rare cases the flu may cause:
-Skeletonization(Dick Jauron)

The most serious side effects are the mental disorders those with Bovine flu may inflict on populations close to them (fans):

These include:
-Schizophrenia
-Theft of wooden or gold objects
-Destruction of property
-Alcoholism
-Depression
-Instability
-Anger Issues
-Inconsolable Sadness
-Insomnia
-Binge Eating
-Inferiority Complex
-Mood Swings
-Bipolar Disorder
-Nostalgic or Reactionary views
-Nihilism
-Stockholm Syndrome
-Battered Woman's Syndrome
-Masking
-Paranoia
-Anxiety and Fear of the future

The only cure for Bovine flu is an antibiotic called W. If you see someone with Bovine flu symptoms please encourage them to try W before it's too late.

Thurman Thomas Statue Recovered

pasaluki — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:24:30 -0000

Thurman Thomas Statue Recovered

Wild story. Per TMZ.

THE ROCKPILE REVIEW - An Open Letter by Shaw66

pasaluki — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:56:19 -0000

THE ROCKPILE REVIEW - An Open Letter by Shaw66

STRONG DISCLAIMER: this is from the BBMB. But it's an article from one of the board's better posters, Shaw66 whose "10 things I think" and "Rockpile Review" articles are often stickied by moderators.

I felt that what he wrote was worth reading because it touched on the hopeless feeling alot of the fanbase is going through right now and felt that he had a very interesting perspective and one that while you might not agree with, is worth reading.

What if NFL teams updated their logos to mirror their peformance on the field?

pasaluki — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 02:29:18 -0000

What if NFL teams updated their logos to mirror their peformance on the field?

Heres a rarity: Something that ESPN did that is actually pretty funny.