AUBURN VS. MISSISSIPPI STATE:

I wanted to comment on the game between Auburn and Mississippi State. In review, it must be said Auburn fans got even more excited this weekend with the results. However, I think most fans are realistic and optimistic. By no means did anyone call and reserve a room in Atlanta for the SEC Championship. But as I said last week compared to last year it was a nice reprieve. It is hard to put into words because someone is always going to say well it was Mississippi State. It is kind of like saying you have a place at the beach but in reality its a single wide trailer in Ebro, Florida or Loxley, Alabama. (No where near the beach!) A win is a win but you can’t brag about it because people will always say its not what it seems.

1. TV Fame – First off I have to bring up the fact that this week while at the game my wife and I had a brief interview with an ESPN film crew. They had a few questions about the game day and fan experience. You would think it would be fun thing to do but in actuality it was quite annoying. There were lots of rules and details, which included no sunglasses, no drinks in the shots and a lot of lets’ do another take. Also, the interviewer said that cameras in the business are called ass hole magnets. Because no matter where you are people will flock to it and make an ass of themselves even if they don’t know what the show is about. Sure enough within the few minutes of coverage we had guys stand behind us and yell various things. The female interviewer said her number one question at games was “Do you know Erin Andrews?” I thought that was funny. Its like one time I had a friend of mine from overseas ask me did I know Michael Jordan. He thought because I was American we all knew one another. But the lessons I took away from my brief brush with fame was that if there is a camera around remember no one wants to see you do the robot or rabbit ears or yell incoherently your teams name in their ear. Well my brush with fame was annoying to say the least. For days I felt like the paparazzi was following me. But after a few days I realized no one was there and that I had now fell into the heap of has-beens with Sanjaya and Jon from Jon & Kate plus eight. Well there is always hope for that Real World audition tape I never sent in.

2. Defense -   I was pleased with the defenses performance the other night. However, I do believe that is our weakest side of the ball this year. Normally that is the other way around. We did score 49 points but MSU scored 24 and that team did not have a lot of firepower. Yes, we know its Mississippi State, but there were signs of concern. We have yet to get any pressure on the quarterback. A lot of that has to do with all of the teams now using the spread offense. But Auburn has to get pressure on the quarterback to win ballgames this year. It was noted that our new star linebacker made his debut, Eltoro “The Bull” Freeman. He was energetic but he did not play well enough to live up to his moniker. I would call him Eltoro “The Chinchilla” or Eltoro “The Koala”. He was more kid friendly than anything. If he plays better he can get his nickname back. Bulls don’t get beat to the outside on every running play of the game. Antonio Coleman played great. Thank goodness he stayed and didn’t go into the NFL. He is one of the very few seniors in this class. It is one of the smallest in Auburn history. The senior class at Chernobyl High had more members than Auburns current team. Also if we get one more personal foul for grabbing the opposing teams face mask I am going to scream. Two weeks in a row we have committed the same penalty. Both times it kept the other teams drive alive and allowed them to score. Overall I felt we played well. The new offense has enough weapons to save the defense if needed. That wont help us against better teams.

3. Offense – What can you say, 49 points on any SEC team is a good thing. Then add in the second straight week of having two 100 yard rushers that is very impressive. However, I am reserving the right to hold off on naming my first born Ontarrio Tate Richards. Its still very early. I am sure teams will start to key in on the run and force Chris Todd to make plays. Speaking of Chris Todd he made some good plays last week but he had a quite game. He threw some up for grabs that should have been sure interceptions. He has to prove himself against a tougher opponent until I am completely sold. Tommy Trott got injured again but what else is new. He has to be the most well known player with the lowest statistics. The guy has less than 1,000 yards receiving all time but he is more popular than the singing bass they sell at Wal-Mart. I don’t get it, but someone must like him enough because he got invited to SEC media days.  Also no one is talking about how well wide receiver Darvin Adams is playing. He had  a 100 yard game last week and almost 100 yards the week before. He is only a sophomore and he reminds me a lot of Ben Obamanu from a few years ago. Whew, but he is a sight. His picture in the program looks like a cross between Jar Jar Binks and Prince. No man should combine dreads and a pencil thin moustache. Maybe next time he scores a touchdown he will dance to “When Doves Cry”.

4. Special Teams – Wes Byrum wasn’t called on to do much last week. He didn’t miss any extra point attempts but that’s enough for me. However, as you know we had an ugly punt blocked that was taken in for a touchdown against. The coaches are using a new spread punt formation. As you see it worked quite well. I had to take a few math classes twice in school but even I know you have to have an equal amount of men to block the ones rushing in. It was an easy seven for the other team. Also we dropped one punt that was recovered and many more that went for zero to no yards at all. You would think they work on both of these at practice. Coach Chizik was not happy with the special teams’ coach the other night he was yelling some things in his ear that were not  discussion on  favorite recipes. I say you take a hard boiled egg with all of the skill players this week and do an old fashioned egg toss. Whoever can go the longest without dropping it wins. Other than that I don’t see anyone stepping up to the plate.

Look Ahead: This week is West Virginia. Last year as you know we played them in West Virginia. We were up by 21 points in the first half and then the second half we didn’t show up and we got blitzed. This year they don’t have Pat White but they still have a lot of talent. This will not be easy as both teams have explosive offenses. Playing at home will only take you so far. Hopefully the West Virginia fans will bring their tooth, coon skin hats and their John Denver CD’s and have a good time. Who knows they may enjoy themselves enough to stay here and work the corn dog stand at the local fair or Country Crossings. I see this as an offensive showdown with both teams piling up a lot of points. In the end I see home field advantage helping out with a few turnovers in Auburn favor. West Virginia fans will be headed home back to the coal mines disappointed.

Prediction: Auburn 34 West Virginia 24

AUBURN VS. LOUSIANA TECH

I wanted to comment on the game between Auburn and Louisiana Tech. In review, it must be said we got excited this weekend with the results. Yes it was victory and we did score points and it was Louisiana Tech. However, we have to keep things in perspective. It is kind of like being served spam all your life and then being served New York Strip steak.

1. Chris Todd – Lets be honest none of you wanted him to be the quarterback and none of you believed he would play that good. After last years dismal play and his shoulder giving out even I thought he would have transferred or gone onto the history books as “remember that guy” ala Daniel Cobb. But the player of the game was Dr. James Andrews the orthopedic surgeon that worked on Todds’ shoulder in the off season. The man is a miracle worker no doubt. I am pretty sure he is somewhere right now feeding the masses with loaves and fishes. If Chris Todd can lead us to a winning season it will be the feel good story of the season. A holiday weekend full of Hallmark Channel movies won’t be able to touch his story. Last year the kid was literally booed out of the stadium and his name was to be spoken less than infamous Voldemort. I over reacted when I said Chris Todd had a cannon, but again when you compare last year it was a different guy out there. But it’s only been one game so we will see if kids are wearing his jersey by game seven of the season.

2. Coaching - It was so nice to see the coaches being pumped up before and after the game. I just saw their contracts this week that may have been the cause for celebration. But if I am pissed or excited about a play I want my coach to feel that way too. I loved Chizik and some of the other coaches showing some emotion. It was scary at times because lets be honest Chizik looks like a wrestler off of the TBS channel on Saturday nights in the 1980’s. Still I like the change. Too many times in the past Auburn coaches were too passive. If I am cussing at the television screen I want my coach to be upset as well. I do not him staring off doing the golf clap as if he just watched Pavarotti’s opera. Also wasn’t it nice to see a coaching staff make adjustments at half time. We saw what was not working the first half and made adjustments. In years past, we were like those sea lions on the animal planet that keep getting back in the water even though they just saw their family eaten by a killer whale. It is refreshing to see Darwinism in full effect on the plains.

3. Defense – I was surprised at the defense. I thought Nick Fairley and Antonio Coleman both had great games on the defense line. This seems to be our strongest position, our linebackers not so much. If you follow Auburn you know that we have no depth there at all. Our second string consists of a walk-on pre-med student. That should scare you. I am sure the kid will do great on his MCAT but tackling Julio Jones is a little tougher, physically that is. But just the same I do not want Antonio Coleman taking my Middle Ages Poetry final. We have got to find someone who can stay healthy and help in pass coverage. Tubberville loved short linebackers, but I am not sold on a 5’10 linebacker. Maybe if we could catapult them into the back field I would change my mind but bigger is sometimes better.

4. Offense – The offense to me seemed like our strongest side of the ball. We completed passes, we had two running backs rush for over 100 yards a piece and we actually scored points. I know it seems rudimentary but after last season if the eagle lands correctly during pre-game we get excited. Ben Tate was as expected. He is a senior back that will help us wear down opposing defenses. Freshman Ontarrio McAlleb was more than impressive. He broke the freshman yardage mark in his first game. He is fast there is no doubt. But he weighs 170 pounds. That may be big for fifth grade dodge ball but this is the SEC and at some point the laws of physics will play out and he will take a pounding. Maybe Coach Chizik should share some of his Golden Flake chips with him to put some meat on his bones. Also we have to get the guy enrolled in the Bo Jackson speech class. Driving home the other night I needed subtitles or an interpreter to understand his post game interview. Well we have time to work on that.

Look Ahead: This week is Mississippi State. Last year as you know I rode on a bus multiple hours to watch the memorable 3-2 showdown. It was a weird feeling leaving the game last year as neither teams fans were cheering. An extremely drunk fan from Mississippi State asked me if I enjoyed the score. I had to think a minute as I could not decide. He told me drunkenly that he would rather beat his private parts with a hammer than win 3-2. At first I was perplexed but the more I thought about I began to see his point. Hopefully this year we can break the double digit mark and avoid all the hammer and private part talk. I think our offense and team mood is much better than last year. What does that mean, well nothing until it happens. However, with the game at home I like our chances. Hopefully the cow bells will be silent as we ease to victory.

Prediction: Auburn 24 Mississippi State 10

Auburn vs. Alabama Review –

Well I figured the game was going to go one of two ways. Either we would keep it close or it was going to be a blowout. As you know by now the latter came true. I don’t think hardly any Auburn fans thought we had a chance to win, but many of us didn’t think the outcome would have been that one sided. Here is a review of the game and its elements.

1. Fans – I had to add this section. My mother went to her first iron bowl this year, in Tuscaloosa. She stated she wore her Auburn colors proud. She was shocked to find that she was given the bird several times and verbally harassed and threatened all day long by all types of Bama fans. Not by one or two choice fans but by several all day long where ever she went. The sad thing was no other bama fans stepped in to say otherwise. As an Auburn season ticket holder I try to accommodate opposing fans who are visiting. I will discuss the game with them, offer directions and even offer a cold beverage. It’s funny how Bama fans complain about how LSU fans treat them and then turn around and act the same way. Bama fans are the biggest kool aid drinkers around and they are by far the most obnoxious. No I am not talking about the lawyers, doctors and dentist crowd or the merlot drinkers. I am talking about the sleeve less; hounds tooth ball cap wearing, mullets that make up 80% of the fan base. I only say this to prove a point. Anytime you do something like that you have to think, would you want someone to act that way towards your mother. These are the type of fans that most opposing fans view as bama fans. As I have said before those types of fans are the kool aid drinkers. I just wish they would drink some Jonestown Kool aid with Jim Jones sometime. The world would be a better place.

2. Offense- Kodi Burns looked extremely off. Any progress we had seen went out the door. He looked lost. What was that play were he held onto the ball for like 40 minutes as the bama player sacked him for a loss. He missed wide receivers all day long. I was almost distraught enough to yell “Put in Chris Todd” then I remembered the first half of the season. The one thing Kodi does well is run the ball. We ran him on two series and never did it again. I was dumbfounded. The running backs were even worse; Ben Tate a north south runner ran east and west, again. Does Auburn’s coordinator lack a compass or is it short term memory loss. Then Fannin fumbled, Lester fumbled, Burns fumbled it seemed everyone fumbled.

The wide receivers were non-existent as well, who are we kidding they were down right terrible, as they have been all year long. Quick, name Auburn’s leading receiver…..yea…me neither. Our offense line didn’t play much better. Kodi was running for his life all day. I will say Senior Tyrone Green gave Bama’s Nose Guard Cody all he wanted. You did not hear Cody’s name much yesterday on defense. I think they used a new technique that involved laying Snickers Bars at the line of scrimmage to distract him. By the way did anybody see one trick play? I didn’t think so. Don’t you think at 5-7 against your rival who was #1 you would want to use everything you could. It seemed as if Auburn was operating off of a playbook that was missing 56 pages.

3. Defense – Ok before I get started I know that the offense put out defense in a bad position time and time again. However, we did not play good at all on defense. Tell me can you recall us ever getting pressure on their qb or how many tackles did we miss. The key to winning the last few iron bowls and beating bama has been getting to Sara Jessica Parker, which we did not do. Our all-SEC linemen were very quite and out of position all day. Our midget linebackers were oversized as Bama ran it right up the middle. Mike McNeil, I haven’t seen such a bad example of safety since the Exxon Valdez incident. He let everything get by him, whether it was by air or by land. Yes, our defense was down right terrible. We needed linebacker Tray Blackmon yesterday. He is one of the best in the SEC against the run. But he was too busy working the double shift at the Waffle House having to support his nine kids. The second half we didn’t stop Bama at all. Their punter changed back into his street clothes.

4. Special Teams – Well of course our regular kicker Wes Byrum did not play. In way it was a relief. However, the weight of the kicking tasks was put on a walk on kicker, Morgan Hull, who had never kicked in a real game before. Does that sound like a recipe for disaster or an after school special? Well it was a little of both. With the first half winding down, the tigers down by ten, Hull kicked what most thought was a momentum changing 40 yd field goal through the uprights. However, El Satan called a timeout to ice the kicker. Hull had to rekick it. Hull was like the guy who thinks his name was called to come down on the Price is Right only to find out he misheard the announcer. So he lined up again to make his mark on the rivalry, only to kick a line drive that would have decapitated a midget. It was blocked and the momentum of the game shifted back to Bama. He never saw the field again for a field goal attempt. Clinton Durst, our own little Rudy of a punter was by far the player of the game. You know it’s been a bad year and season when your punter is the highlight. He kept us in the game with his punts all day long. He helped our field position. You know it’s bad when the Auburn player of the game looks like the guy bagging your groceries. Hell, last year he probably was bagging your groceries.

All in all we should have known it was going to be a bad season. Now we don’t have to hold up seven fingers anymore. We can go back to the one finger that all bama fans deserve. I salute Bama and their coach and team. They have had a good season. They have a lot of reasons to be excited. So much so I created a list for them.

TOP TEN THINGS BAMA FANS HAVE NOT BEEN THIS EXCITED OVER:

1. Bama fans have not been this excited since Spam was half off at Piggly Wiggly.
2. Bama fans have not been this excited since Elvis was sighted working concessions at Bryant Denny stadium.
3. Bama fans have not been this excited since hounds tooth caskets became available.
4. Bama fans have not been this excited since they learned Kenny Stabler was driving their children’s school bus.
5. Bama fans have not been this excited since the no shirt and no shoes policy was dropped at Captain D’s.
6. Bama fans have not been this excited since former Coach Mike Price tried to cash his buyout check at Sammy’s strip club.
7. Bama fans have not been this excited since Skoal dip cans came in his and hers.
8. Bama fans have not been this excited since they had their Bear Bryant coke bottles appraised on Antique Road Show.
9. Bama fans have not been this excited since Joe Namath kissed their wife.
10. Bama fans have not been this excited since they learned every time a hurricane hits they get a new trailer (FEMA).

Cheer up Auburn fans there is always recruiting and women’s basketball. Look at it this way at least Auburn items will be on discount for Christmas time.

Auburn vs. West Virginia Review –

Lets be honest who didn’t think in the back of there mind this game was where we were going to turn the corner. This was the game where we beat West Virginia on national television and everyone forgets about the losses, the spread and terrible season. Then the game started. Here is a quick review of the events in the past week.

1. Fans – Watching the game I noticed that the only West Virginia fans they seemed to show were the ones that had their summer teeth, which was some were teeth and some were not. It looked as if many of their fans had cleaned out the cold medicine and cleaning products from the local pharmacies or as we call it meth 101. How many coon skin caps did you see, good lord. If that’s the ladies fashion of West Virginia then I assume women shop for evening wear at the local taxidermist. There were quite a few Coal Miners Daughters in the stands, none of them even close to Sissy Spacek. Also it was strange I saw West Virginias marching band, but I didn’t see one single banjo player. Ok enough bashing the other team. The beat us but it feels good to get it out. Lets get to the real problems.

2. Tubbs – I have heard it all this week from rage to hopelessness towards Coach Tubbs. 1st I thought it was funny that so many people commented on the color of Tubbs jacket during the game. Many of you said it was the wrong orange. I am sure Queer Eye from the straight guy dressed him. He has no clue as to the difference between a burnt orange or a pumpkin orange and neither do I thank god. If he wears pink and wins I don’t care. Say what you will Tubbs cares; he laid all of his emotions out on the field. He couldn’t play the game for his team. Many of the fans have called for him to resign. We have all asked, who are we going to hire? Who will take the job? How will we come up with the money? These are all questions so far no one can agree on what to do. I say he stays because him leaving would kill our program and our pocketbooks. Football rules at Auburn. They don’t build all of those new education buildings with chess team receipts. It’s a fact when the football team is on the up more people purchase items and donate. Tubbs has done a lot for the program and I think he needs another chance. He gambled on the spread and it didn’t work and it has sunk the entire year. My prediction is he gets a reprieve from the warden (Lowder) but he has to make some personnel changes on his staff. I don’t think Tubbs will fire his coaches he will probably create a position for them elsewhere.

3. Franklin – Well the rat spoke as the ship was sinking last week. I knew last week we wondered how long it would be till the rat came a calling. Well two weeks didn’t seem like such a long time but not when you are a rat. Most coaches have a code like the mafia you don’t speak about the unspoken. Not Franklin, he had only been out of the door two weeks before he started blabbing like a little girl like he was on the Montel Williams Show. The fact that he went on the Finebaum show to express himself is even worse. He knew Finebaum is a muckraker and that Tubberville despises the man. So much for journalism credibility. It’s kind of like breaking a story on genocide in Darfur at the National Enquirer. I couldn’t believe he actually tried to feed us that bull that his neighbors and friends in Auburn still are nice to him. I can tell you if I was his neighbor I would steal his newspaper, salt his lawn and then probably ask for a loan since he has no job and $600,000.00.

4. Players – There weren’t many highlights last week from any of our players. Defensively that was the worst game I have seen us play this year, which is saying a lot. Really I watched the game and cant say one nice thing. I would say player of the game should have gone to the team pilot who flew the team out of town after that embarrassing loss. Can you name one? We didn’t have a running back rush for more than one hundred yards, Our quarterback passed for an inch over one hundred yards and our defense even let the opposing teams mascot score. Really I am blank. Don’t say Tommy Trott because he caught the ball. That’s his job, which is like rewarding a fire fighter for putting out fires.

5. Next week – Here we sit with Ole Miss, both at 4-4 battling it out for third or fourth place in the western division. However, we are two very different teams. Ole Miss has a big win over Florida and near win over Alabama. Auburn has a 3-2 over Mississippi State. So yes this year we cant even count on Ole Miss as a guaranteed win. The Tigers travel to Oxford hoping that the ghost of William Faulkner won’t write the final chapter in their season and possibly their coach’s career. I know it seems every week we as Auburn fans say this is the week. Well I do believe if we don’t win this one then 5-7 is a reality. If we beat Ole Miss 6-6 becomes a reality as sad as that is. Yes, save your money for Christmas money because at 6-6 the Tigers could be headed to the Independence Bowl in Shreveport, Louisiana. Bama has been there a lot recently so maybe their fans can tell us what bingo parlors and Ruby Tuesdays we can visit while there. I know its embarrassing to be 6-6 and go to a bowl. Its almost like a prize served with humility. Pretty much how the Griswold’s felt when they won Pig in a Poke, dressed a pigs on European Vacation. I will take it. Why do you ask? It gives us three weeks of extra practice and more time to find a coordinator not named Franklin or Borges. My Predictions for this weekend is that being its a Raycom game I will adjust my television set several times assuming the cable is unplugged. Thirty minutes later I will remember that the game is on Raycom and that their broadcasting budget consists of a doublewide trailer, chicken wire, a coat hanger and three guys named Dave. I predict we will see many Ole Miss students named after civil war generals in the stands wearing bow ties getting drunk yelling Hotty Totty next to their date who swears she is going to be the next Faith Hill. Next to that I predict that I will be either relived or depressed before 2:30. In the end I say the Tigers hang on as Tubby coaches for his job the place where it all began ten years ago.

Auburn 21- Ole Miss 20

AUBURN VS. ARKANSAS

I wanted to comment on the game between Auburn and Arkansas. In review, I have said that watching the Mississippi State game might have given you stomach ulcers and that watching the Tennessee game was like passing a kidney stone. Well watching the Vanderbilt game was pretty much automatic onset diarrhea, mixed with a little Ebola virus, symptoms included bleeding from the eyes. Well if you watched the Arkansas game what else can you add? Except maybe it was worse than being a man and having a candiru fish swim up your privates which was later removed by cystourethroscopy. Basically it’s the fish that that swims up your pee hole and can only be removed with forecepts. Or for you women, it was like delivering sextuplets in a tub with no drugs. Yes, it was that painful. Here are a few points from the game

1. Tony Franklin – Well I said last week it’s only a matter of time. I though the end of would be near but not that near. Wow, that was fast. But don’t cry for me Argentina, Franklin sang because he gets $300,000 for the next two years plus that sweet Hyundai you saw him driving. I see lots of Judge Judy re-runs in his future. Also, many of you said it was wrong that he was filmed leaving the building. Well that was his choice to leave at the location at that specific time. It was like tying a t-bone neck to your steak in a room full of dogs. He knew he would get followed. How will we remember Tony Franklin? This will be remembered just like Jet gate or Bowden’s dismissal. Most Auburn fans might not agree on the timing, but I think we all agree on it was going to happen. Maybe all things will now be remembered as 2009 A.T.F., after Tony Franklin. Did any of you see any of the titles to Tony’s Franklins books he was carrying under his chin when he left? One was Tony Robbins, the self help guru. I kid you not. Wow, I wonder if the book helped. We all speculate as to the other books. Some of the other possible books Tony was carrying -War and Peace-Auburns 2008 season, The Jury-Auburn Fan Base-2008, Custer’s Last Stand, Anne of Greene Gables and Tony Franklin’s Adventures in Tiger land. At this point Franklin is probably second guessing himself for taking the job. But don’t we all wish when we second guessed ourselves we got $600,000. In today’s economy that could buy a lot of Wachovia stock or what’s left of it.

1. Tubberville – As I said last week many fans were already calling for Tommy’s head. This was before Franklin’s departure and before the loss to Arkansas. Now the drums for a sacrifice have grown louder. Do I believe Tubberville is to blame somewhat, yes. He hired Franklin and it did not work out so he is to blame somewhat. However, I am not one to write him off all together. Does anyone recall how much Tubb’s buyout is? Yes, its several million. In this economy who can afford to pay that money. Time are tight even for the big boys. Old Lowder’s stock is in the tank, his pockets are empty. He is so broke I saw him ringing the Salvation Army kettle at Lowe’s the other day. Jimmy Rane can’t help because construction is down. That has caused his wood sales to plummet. Rane is so broke he has resorted to being a Roy Clark look alike at Hee Haw reunions. Don’t think for one minute if a buy-out came prices for the everyday fan wouldn’t go up. Those ticket prices would soar as would the prices for those mystery meat hot dogs you all love so. The fact is that it has not helped Tubbs that Clemson fired Tommy Bowden this week, mid-season. Many people find similarities in our programs. We both have coaches named Tommy, both coaches have been there ten years, they call Clemson “Auburn with a lake”, plus we have both have had seasons that did not meet expectations.

The fact is Tommy has had more wins that Bowden in ten years, more conference championships and more championship appearances overall. Then you add in that our players have a high graduation rate and the fact that we have run a clean program. Yea, I know we don’t cheer GPA’s and good behavior on Saturdays. It’s not like we are yelling go #23, great class attendance. Yea, #14, so glad you don’t beat your girlfriend. But it does help in many peoples eyes. We all forget Janet Jackson’s words of wisdom, “That’s the way love goes”, no not those, these, “What have you done for me lately”. Remember Tommy has a few wins to go before he passes Pat Dye. The man took us out of the dark light cast by the cherub from hell, named Terry Bowden. He has beaten our rival time after time. He deserves some respect. This year is gone, lets all face it. The spread is like kudzu it can be eradicated  but not in a short amount of time. It’s all our players know for now, so we have to ride it out. I do think Tommy needs to go back to the old system, hire a new coordinator, give the guy his space and fire some of his old staff. He needs to change things and I think he will. Give the man credit he has survived this long in a business that has a new Brutus ready to stab you in the back on a daily basis. If everyone still hates Tubberville after next year we can hire a new coach. A name mentioned last night as a replacement was Jesse Palmer, the football announcer, ex-Florida QB, and for you ladies the ex-Batchelor. I can see it now during recruiting trips he lays a single rose at the door step of the recruits he chooses.

1. Quarterbacks – Well last week the coaches tried to give Kodi a chance. After watching the game many members of the Kodi fan club turned in their membership cards. Kodi knows two plays, run and fake like you are looking to pass then run. If he improvises he always has throw and interception. Kodi is an athlete no doubt. He can run and has a strong arm. Does that translate to a good quarterback? Yes, if you can do that on a weekly basis, which so far he hasn’t. If you have not read it yet Tubbs said its Kodi’s job to lose. That’s a scary thought.  No pressure at all.

Well Chris Todd was brought in briefly to spark the offense. He sparked it alright. The problem was his interception into double coverage sparked the   Arkansas offense when the started out on our 20 yard line. Todd’s arm is done. If Dr. Andrews did the surgery I would ask for a refund. Because at this point Bob Dole has a stronger arm. Yes, I said it, if you don’t get it then look it up. Anyway, now we totally bypassed Neil Caudle as a viable option even though he is listed as the 3rd string quarterback. Tubbs doesn’t even mention that the kid has a shot. I think Tubbs forgets this kid is on scholarship. He is never mentioned. In fact in the program his picture was removed for more ad space for Golden Flake. The kid is smart he will be a fine engineer one day but not a quarterback. Now the coaches are talking about moving freshman Barrett Trotter up from the scout team to see if he can make a difference. Let’s be honest have any of you seen Barrett Trotter? He looks like the fourth Jonas brother who no one talks about. The Jonas brother that chose the wrong path,  Barrett Trotter, on the next Behind the Music or E Channel. The kid has been on the scout team. What does that tell you. He has been around for a year, but they didn’t think they needed him. Now six games into the season he is good enough. If you were in surgery and the nurse said excuse me the surgeon we scheduled did not work out, but we found a  surgeon from the scout team and he looks like a Jonas brother. Would that scare you?

4. Defense –  The defense did not like its self last week. People have made excuses well Arkansas is  a good team. No they aren’t. This is same team that was blown out by more than 30 points by its last three SEC opponents. We gave up over 400 yards to Arkansas. That’s not good. Wait till we play W.Virgina, UGA or Bama. Their quarterbacks will be much better and not have phallic names. There is more bad news. Anyway, Sen’Derrick is probably going pro. I don’t blame him. He is guaranteed millions of dollars. That is probably better than getting one of those highly sought after criminology or sociology degrees from Auburn. Its not like one day you will hear, “Tonight’s symphony Beethoven #7 will brought to you by conductor, Sen’Derrick Marks”. He is an NFL stud, I can’t blame him. Trey Blackmon is likely out for the year with a fractured wrist, again. His nickname before the season was “little ball of hate”, more like little ball of always hurt. But I like Josh Bynes, his replacement, just as much or more so I am fine with it. Last week with defensive back Jerraud Powers out they played freshman Neiko Thorpe a lot. He got picked on by the Arkansas QB. He will be good one day, but for now he needs some weight, he looks like Starvin Marvin from South Park. You would think he would meet Al Borges at Sonny’s BBQ to put some pounds on. Mike McNeil is another person I have had trouble with. He is our safety and he hasn’t hit anyone this year. When it comes to contact he is lacking. If you watch the games he is late on a lot of plays and leans in like he is afraid of contact. The kid needs some toughness. He is a tough as a box of Playtex. Every time he hits someone I expect him to yell “hee-hee” like Michael Jackson and the moonwalk away from the play. What was once strength is now a glaring weakness. All our opponents have to do is follow Arkansas’s game plan. Basically they did not less us to get to the QB, one, two steps then boom passed it. No waiting, which is the opposite of our quarterbacks. If we can get everyone healthy and rush the passer we should be fine. But that’s a big “if”. The road does not get any easier.

1. The Road Ahead: We are off this week thank goodness. I don’t think I could take another game. Next week we play West Virginia on a Thursday night. This is not an SEC game, but all the nations eyes will be on us as we are the only game on that night. People will see if we have recovered from the Franklin firing. If we don’t perform and lose this game it won’t help. Its like eating someone’s lunch out of the office refrigerator. Once you done it you are labeled as the mooch and you cant shed the label.  People, recruits, other teams will smell blood. We have to show something that opposing teams can fear. If they see us not being able to run or run the spread things will cave in on us. Here are some predictions for next weeks’ game. You will never hate John Denver more in your life than after hearing his song Country Roads played 200 times. Yes, even more than watching John Denver sing Christmas songs with the Muppets. Plus it will be guaranteed that West Virginia fans will burn several couches regardless of the outcome of the game. It’s a tradition, I don’t know if it’s a fear of furniture or if its because their family trees only have one branch. Either way it will be exciting. Better than the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s.

Prediction: Auburn 17 West Virginia 14

P.S. I am a die hard fan so I pick Auburn against anybody so don’t bet on my theories. If Auburn played the Chinese Army I would take the tigers with the points.