I cannot tell a lie, you are hatchet city, man.
I will lure you in with the longest writing that has ever been tangentially related to self-serve grocery checkouts.
SUNDAAAAY SUNDAAAY SUNDAAAY!!!! (And Tuesday) IT'S A BRAND NEW EDITION OF BATTLE RED RADIO! WHO WILL BE SMITED? WHO WILL BE IGNORED? CAN THE TEXANS BEAT THE PACKERS? ETC.
If we answer your question, you could win a brand new ... sense of satisfaction that you were heard! Wait, that's terrible. I quit.
We're not saying Kareem Jackson's pick-six was the most important thing to happen since the moon landing -- just the unlikeliest.
In this edition of our bi-weekly mailbag, we tackle the past, the danger of scab officiating, and look into the possibility of an afterlife.
It's Tuesday night, so you know what time it is: time to talk about another Texans win! Wow, that felt so weird to write. And hey, I think I'm suddenly finding the northeast tolerable. Oh God, I'm infected.
The Houston Texans are 2-0. The Denver Broncos are either 1-0 or 1-1, depending on what happens after this is written. Also, Blaine Gabbert makes everyone sad.
The Battle Red Bag is back in action, with another shot of pure depression! Wait, that's terrible, I quit.
The Texans. The Jaguars. Two teams. One game. Seven holding penalties. GUARANTEED! (This is a podcast.)
The team. The time. The radio podcast show. THREE MEN, IN A WORLD OF MYSTERIOUS LONERS. THEY'VE PAID THEIR DEBT TO SOCIETY, AND NOW THEY'RE COMING TO GET REVENGE ... ON THE MIAMI DOLPHINS.
You had questions, and they were bad. Thankfully, the Constitution says I have to answer them anyway.
After months of delay, the shadow draft is back, and it brings a new quarterback to Houston with it.
Ben Tate was squeezed out as franchise back by no fault of his own. With Arian Foster set to be the face of the franchise in the backfield for a long time, where does Tate's value lie?
A look at Connor Barwin's value. Is it a smart idea for the Texans to try to re-sign him? Is he more valuable than Duane Brown or Matt Schaub to Houston?
If nothing else, you could always count on the Texans to have a good passing game. Can you say that now?