satyricrash
Feb 13, 2008 May 31, 2012 17 33558
While camping in the woods with his friends, he became so annoyed by the repeated sounds of wildlife around him that he shouted "Cool It!" into the woods, silencing every animal in the vicinity. "Let's see Tarzan do that," he mused to himself as he settled into sleep.
website: WHY NOT BOTHER ME ON THE TWITTERS? THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE I'LL BLOCK YOU ANYWAY!
a fan of
San Francisco Giants
Livan Hernandez
RSSUser Blog
Hey, I'm probably going to be too busy being busy at game time, so here's a WIN NOW for the home opener on Friday. Someone post it in the GDT for me, s'il vous plait? Someone good, not some dumb n00b.
xoxo
SATYRICRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Classical: The Passion of Chris Lincecum
"By Seth Kolloen
Tim Lincecum was a month away from becoming the 10th overall pick in the 2006 amateur draft when I started a story about him for a regional lifestyle magazine based in Seattle. The magazine was not in the habit of publishing features about college pitchers, but I had convinced my editor that Lincecum was not only an exceptional college pitcher, but a fascinating story. Tim’s father, Chris, I told her, was a former minor league pitcher and Boeing engineer, who had developed his son’s unorthodox throwing motion according to aerodynamic principles. Although I didn’t know it at the time, this was completely false. But it was still a good story..."
7 months ago
satyricrash
1027 comments
3 recs
OT: WIN NOW 2011: GOLDSQUID
by satyricrash on Oct 9, 2011 3:11 PM EDT
on McCovey Chronicles
Well what do you know, here are all these tremendously popular dumb WIN NOW rally images from this just completed San Francisco Giants base-ball season. There are a whopping SIXTY-FIVE (how is that possible???) of them, and I even flaked out after July! Good job, me! Thanks. My record is a tremendous 65-0. I singlehandedly kept the Giants in the playoff hunt ALL THAT TIME.
Thanks to the six four of you who still enjoy these things. I make them up for my own amusement, but I'm glad that someone likes them. It's really a lot of work with no pay-off, if you want to know the truth YOUR SMILES ARE MY REWARD.
THOSE WITH QUESTION MARKS OVERHEAD: "Oh, who are you, I'm new here, what does this all mean, these are stupid, I smell like a butt!" HERE, READ THIS, N00BER.
MORE REFERENCES:
...WIN NOW WILL RETURN IN THUNDERSQUID...
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Daisy Barringer: I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE - DRESSING LIKE LADY GAGA AT A BASEBALL GAME
"When this non-famous person showed up to a baseball game in a Giants' jersey, fishnet stockings, and very little else, I didn't expect to be bullied."
*One of my favorite funny bloggers, Daisy Barringer.
Happy Birthday, Mr Mays! (You read MCC, right??) People don't just write songs for NOBODIES!
Bam-Bam's odyssey is truly out of this world
Bam-Bam's odyssey is truly out of this world
Meulens' journey spans from Curacao to Giants to outer space
By Jenifer Langosch
05/04/11 10:00 AM ET
[SNIP]
With the requisites taken care of, a few final questions were in order for the 43-year-old baseball lifer from Curacao. Asked about what he was most proud in his career, Meulens took his time. His answer was thoughtful.
"There are a few things you have to put in line," he began. "Being the first Major Leaguer off our island is at the top of the list. Winning the world championship, obviously, is right there with it. Being an Olympian was huge. Participating in the World Baseball Classic. Those are all firsts."
The answer flowed as expected. Until Meulens continued ...
"And now, I've been chosen to go to space."
Pardon me?
"Yes," Meulens said. "I'll go to space, check it out."
"It's time for Major League Baseball to right its wrong!"
The next Judy St*ffes??
damning excerpt:
Officially, 3,000 miles separate San Francisco and Collar City. National League officials and the Giants have attempted to distance themselves further than that from the Collar City. Hey, who can blame them? I wouldn’t want to admit that I illegally moved — some historians say strong armed, others say blatantly stole — America’s Pastime from the home of Uncle Sam Wilson. What’s more un-American than that?
[snip]
The best the City of Troy can hope for is possibly the San Francisco Giants allowing the World Series trophy to be displayed in the Collar City for a few days. The Record has sent a letter to The Giants and the Major League Baseball Commissioner’s Office asking for such a request.
Hey, if Major League Baseball can get artifacts from Texas to Albany International Airport and a subsequent drive to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown 16 hous after the final out, it can certainly send a trophy — which belongs in Troy — to the Collar City to be viewed for a few days.
OT: WIN NOW: The 2010th Inning
by satyricrash on Oct 27, 2010 4:57 PM EDT
on McCovey Chronicles
Hey N00BS, I "used to" make these images before "each" game and posted in the GDT (back before you ruined it) called WIN NOW, and the story is too long to go into on how they even started, but it was last summer, and too bad you missed the origin, boo hoo on you for looking at shameful pornography or stealing music or whatever you were doing on the interwebs instead of reading a blog for a baseball team you didn't have THE GUTS to follow.
"WHY HAVEN'T YOU MADE ANY LATELY, YOU DICK??" I WILL TELL YOU WHY! THE LAST THREE "WIN NOWS" PRECEDED A GIANTS LOSS, THAT'S WHY. No one is gonna blame ME if this balloon catches fire and crashes. But I will take any the credit, thanks in advance.
SPEAKING OF DISASTERS:
Pre-season:
Why is Sabes smiling?? He knows he's only signing Bengie to trade him later!! LOL BENGIE!!
Starting out, the WIN NOW images were identical in theme to the 2009 model.
04/01/10
04/02/10
THE REGULAR SEASON
OPENING DAY - HOUSTON - 04/05/10
04/06/10
04/07/10
HOME OPENER - 04/09/10
04/10/10
04/13/10 ????
04/14/10
04/16/10
04/17/10
And by this time, I'm pretty bored, so I try to liven things up…
04/19/10
04/20/10 - yeah, man
04/21/10 - this one Howie swore he saw a nipple and almost banned me.
And I was pretty grumpy after that, so I took a week off. And them someone made their own WIN NOW image that sucked and it made me mad so I stepped back in to retain my trademark.
04/30/10 - in 3D!!
05/01/10 - notice anything yet?
05/02/10 - This seemed to get a big (positive) response. (NO NIPPLES.) Oh, it was the first comic WIN NOW.
05/04/10 - Florida
05/05/10 - Florida
05/06/10 - Florida
But then I went this way for New York...
05/07/10 - Mets
05/08/10 - Mets
05/09/10 - Mets. If I remember those games pretty much sucked.
Back home…
05/10/10 - SD
05/11/10 - SD
05/14/10 - Houston again.
05/15/10 - Houston. Welcome home, indeed.
05/17/10 - SD - Still had not beat the Padres yet!
And then there was this:
05/18/10 - BIZARRO WIN NOW! First win of the year against SD
05/19/10 - at AZ. Freddy's back.
05/20/10 - AZ
05/22/10 - At Oakland - LOL CAIN!! This was the STAR WARS game. Know how I know?
05/23/10 - at Oakland
05/25/10 - Washington (LOL LIVAN)
05/29/10 - AZ - Guess who got called up?
05/31/10 - COL - Might be my favorite of the year just for how dumb it is.
Then I must have been busy or burned out, because there was not another one for a month.
06/26/10 - BOSTON
06/27/10 - BOSTON
06/27/10 - BUMS - Now we're talkin'
06/30/10 - BUMS - Uhhh.
07/02/10 - at COL - vs Jimenez, right?
07/03/10 - at COL - with apologies to Natto.
07/04/10 - … but not the Rockie children.
07/05/10 - ALL A PART OF SABES' OFF-SEASON PLAN
07/06/10
07/07/10 - /WOLF WHISTLE!!!
07/15/10 - Post all-star break! My only appearance! Suitable for framing!!
Then I was very busy working for a month straight. Then the Giants were in a pennant race and were trying to catch SD. So, I pulled this one out and made a couple changes…
09/10/10 - BIZARRO TOO - AND IT WORKED AGAIN.
09/11/10 - Then we lose this one on national TV! Yay!!
09/12/10 - vs SD
OMG TOO NERVOUS TO JINX SHIT! UNTIL:
09/26/10 - at COL - this knocked Colorado out pretty much. You're WELCOME.
09/28/10 - AZ
09/29/10 - AZ
09/30/10 - AZ
10/01/10 - FINAL SERIES - SD - LOST!
10/02/10 - SD - LOST!
So the JINX is in, right? No WIN NOW the next day = NL WEST CHAMPS. I'm no wizard or nothin' but it's pretty clear I control the destinies of twenty-five guys I have never met. (NOT COUNTING IN MY DREAMS! What if I am jinxing them IN MY DREAMS??)
So in the playoffs, we win one game. Hey Picasso, maybe it's okay to start doing them again?
THE POST SEASON
10/08/10 - Atlanta - LOST!!
So you can see my predicament. (/Zips up.) I dare not make any more!! But you can just imagine the gowns I would put Timmy in or the violence flying from the direction of Matt Cain. Yes! Use your imagination! Like Mr Rogers!
Anyway. Feel free to vote for me for all the year end awards. What? I can't win because I already won last year? WE NEED TO CHANGE THE MCC CONSTITUTION! Show me your birth certificate, "GRANT".
Alright. One more series. WIN NOW!!!
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With a Bow Tie and a Glove, the No. 1 Giant Relishes His Seat
"With a Bow Tie and a Glove, the No. 1 Giant Relishes His Seat"
NY TIMES profile on Bill Neukom from 07/15/10
My apologies if this has been posted in a pre- or post-game thread, as it is from yesterday.
Standard background puff piece. A little bit on the South Bay territory right controversy, Nuekom's involvement in Democratic Party politics, and Microsoft.etc.
Here's a fun quote! "The organization did not have a plan after Bonds,"
...And Then He Threw A Battery At Her
Man Purposely Vomited On Girl At Phils Game
PHILADELPHIA (CBS 3) - Police arrested a Cherry Hill man after he was accused of intentionally vomiting on a young girl at the Phillies game Wednesday evening.
The young girl's father, trying to give his daughters an unforgettable night at the ballpark, ended up getting a memory he wishes he could forget.
American Experience: Win Now
by satyricrash on Oct 5, 2009 7:38 PM EDT
on McCovey Chronicles
WIN NOW was a series of photographs by acclaimed photographer Alfred Eisenstaedt taken during the 1940s for use in the War effort. Though the photographs were very popular with the G.I.s in various theaters of combat, the U.S. Government forbid their civilian use stateside. With the war over and the United States victorious, Eisenstaedt bought back his photos and held them back from public view for neatly fifty years. I first ran into Eisenstaedt in 1992, saving his life from dolphin attack in the Bermuda Triangle. So taken was he with my courage he willed the entire photo series to me shortly before his death in 1995.
I WISH I COULD TAKE CREDIT FOR THESE ARTISTIC MASTERPIECES!
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I stumbled over this today and it's over a week old and was surprised no one had posted this up to McC yet, seeing that it's about both the Giants AND food. (Legally, hot dogs are food.)
Way OT: Google/Gmail Gimpy?
Hey is anyone else having like really slow-to-unusable Google and Gmail the past couple of days? I tried to Google "Slow Google" (!!) but the query just timed out. What's the big idea?
Scott Eyre: Hero
Upon seeing Selig in the Phillies' clubhouse following the postponement of Game 5 due to rain, a Phillies pitcher looked at him and said: "That fucking guy. I wouldn't let him supervise one of my shits."
Above, the New York Mets and their uniform tribute for their version of Latin Heritage night. Though it's great that more teams are doing this, I think the Mets could have at least tried instead of just slapping a "Los" on the front. I dunno, I like GIGANTES the best. (Kiss ass.)
Yard Work Season Preview
by satyricrash on Mar 15, 2008 9:23 PM EDT
on McCovey Chronicles
Yard Work is a baseball satire site, occasionally dishing out some funny stuff. You know, like when something is technically funny but you don't, like, laugh or anything? Like Oscar Wilde or a strange 12:55am SNL sketch. It's, uhm, like that.
ANYWAY, here is the newly minted season preview for the Giants, as written by "Herb Caen."
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