SB Nation User Blog: secret ASian man

Haiku Friday

secret ASian man — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 01:49:26 -0000

Logging in from work
Nico's diary greets me
Murphy over Croz?

Long stressful work week
Watching the A's, not so much
Bring on the Royals

Must return to work
Inappropriate net use?
Will I get fired?

Bringing back haikus
feel free to add your own stuff
A's won last Friday

DLD 6/7/07: Havin' a WHALE of a time in Oakland!

secret ASian man — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 07:41:13 -0000

In the interest of not jinxing a certain sporting event in which a team from Oakland will compete with another team from Boston I'm going to start this DLD a little bit off topic.

I sure hope you are having a whale of a time so far in this beautiful (but windy) month of June.

Do you remember that dead whale that washed ashore on a private beach at Point Richmond? Well, it looks like they're finally going to do something about it. (SF Chronicle)

Be sure to read all the way to the end. Thankfully the authorities have chosen a sane approach to deal with this situation.

In previous cases of stranded dead whales, officials have tried burying them, but animals or the weather can uncover the animals. In one notorious case that was captured on video, officials detonated one whale on-site. But pieces of the whale rained down on onlookers and cars, turning one big mess into many small ones.

Captured on video? Perhaps this one?

Check out money quote #1

FEMALE BYSTANDER: Here comes pieces of... my God!

No lady, it's not manna from heaven, it's particles of blown up dead whale.

Here's money quote # 2

ANCHOR: The humor of the entire situation suddenly gave way to a run for survival as huge chunks of whale blubber fell everywhere.

It's not really that funny, but his deadpan delivery, was a sign of a different era.

Now back to baseball:

Has Danny Haren finally arrived? (ESPN.com)

Jason Giambi; from sellout to snitch? (ESPN.com)

Personally, I would commend somebody to come forward and shed some light on this episode of baseball. I would especially commend somebody who is doing it not for financial gain, unlike Jose Canseco. But, alas, things are never so simple and black and white. This thing might end up as another political conflict between the MLBPA and the owners, as things usually are.

Sigh.

Poetic Interlude: Kendall is Killing Us Softly

secret ASian man — Mon, 21 May 2007 04:19:43 -0000

Inspired by an actual comment from a post game thread!

Strumming our pain with his ground outs
Stingin' our lives with his K's
Killing us softly with his swing
Killing us softly with his swing
Leading the whole league with DP's
Killing us softly with his swing

I heard he called a good game
I heard he was hardcore
And so he came to Oakland and lead off for awhile
And there he was this catcher
Home run to left field

We felt flushed with fever
Embarrassed by his stats
I felt that he should rest more often and Melhuse should play more
I pray that he would walk
But he just kept right on

I am 25 years old and I have hypertension...

secret ASian man — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 06:58:57 -0000

My blood pressure is 149/92.

Yikes, and I'm only 25.

Granted, I just came back from Grand Opening of the Hooters in Fremont and devoured a lot of wings and french fries but my blood pressure should not be anywhere near where it is now. In fact, I only became aware of this problem after I went to the doctors because I was suffering from whiplash due to a recent auto accident. My doctor thinks that my blood pressure is high from the stress of the pain and things should get better as I feel better.

I'm not taking any chances and I'm not waiting for the doctors to tell me I have a problem. I've been going to the gym again, I made a Chinese New Year's Resolution (didn't make a Regular New Year's Resolution, the gyms would be too packed in January), but now there is a sense of urgency and I'm doing at least an hour of cardio at least three times a week. In fact, cardio is the only thing I can do since my back and neck is still a little bit messed up. Starting next week, I'll be a workweek vegetarian, I will not consume meat between showing up for work on Monday and leaving work on Friday. I might even go on a 48 hour juice fast before the All Star Break.

So what does this have to do with the A's? I'll tell you why after the flip.

Of course there are other possibilities as to why my blood pressure is so high at 25. Yes, I am overweight, and yes, I often go on six or less hours of sleep, and yes, I have a family history of this stuff and, yes despite eliminating a lot of junk out of my diet, it's still not good enough. How's that for a run on sentence?

But I also believe that there are two and a half other possibilities on how I can get like this and I believe that the Oakland Athletics are one of those two and a half reasons. I can change my lifestyle, and I will, but when it comes to the A's and the one and a half other things, I don't know. I don't want to change those things.

I live for these A's. I cheer home team vociferously (except for Crosby, his AVG is getting better but I'd like to see more walks) and when the Angels/Yankees/Red Sox/Giants are in town I boo them with just as much vigor. In fact, this is one of my favorite times of the year, the beginning of the baseball season is like the first day of school. It's fun all the way until May, that's when A's just suck hard and I most definitely know that May has to be bad for my cardiovascular health.

Still, it seems that I live or die on every pitch of every game. Playing a lot of close games sure doesn't help. I know, "it's only a game" and I do treat it as such, when the A's lose I remain sullen only until I reach my truck or cross the BART bridge. On the other hand, I'm also pretty sure AN knows how exuberant I get when the A's win. Of course, bad news always sucks.

Long story short, is my fanaticism for this team affecting my health in a negative way? I sure hope not, because I am pretty sure that being a baseball fan in general and an A's fan in particular is not a bad habit that needs to be kicked, like smoking. But just to be safe, for the sake of my health, I do have one request for the boys in Green and Gold; Please be boringly good for the next stretch. No one run games, extra innings or bullpens making things interesting, just boring wins; exactly like that really cold game against the Angels. Please do this for the sake of the health of A's fans everywhere. I know May is coming up so maybe I should just wish the A's just won't suck too bad this year.

I'm going to work diligently on improving my health. I can't give up the A's and I can't give up the other thing and that half reason will be a really hard nut to crack.

Poll

What do you think of my blood pressure?

YIKES!!!

12 votes

More wings and beer should cure what ails you.

42 votes

Yikes.

1 votes

Yikes!

6 votes

61 votes | Poll has closed

CrosbyWatch: When will you eat crow?

secret ASian man — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 01:45:06 -0000

A good friend of mine says that he is giving Crosby one last chance and that he should, be the all star break, bat his weight (215) with five home runs. My standards are not set so low. Crosby's show last night was promising but as I said in a comment on last night's wrapup thread, one night of non-suckness doesn't not necessitate a comeback without a positive trend. His performance today seems to be a return to form with an o-fer with 2 K's and no walks.

If Crosby gets the message and starts making adjustments an improving, I think he can and will be a 30/30 guy. With Geren being very smart on the basepaths, I do think 30/30 is possible for Crosby. Until then, he's just going to suck.

So what will it take for me to eat crow? I wanna see the following stats from Crosby by the all star break:

.240 AVG and a less than 2:1 K/BB ratio and I don't give a rat's ass how many jacks he hits.

.240 is attainable for Crosby and is better than his "ROY" numbers and his K/BB ratio was better than 2:1 in the 2005 season. 2005 was year of hope, he batted in the .270's and was pretty good until he got hurt. He has sucked ever since.

So, what will it take for you to eat crow when it comes to the Croz?

UPDATE 4/18 9:27 PM: .240 with a 2:1 K/BB ratio is only the first step. At that point I will cease to be a hater and will only golf clap with no verbal cheers unless if it's a key situation where I'll do a "Let's go Oak-land" or a "Let's go A's." Crosby will have to work real hard to deserve my enthusiasm and awesome God-given voice.

It's Marco Scutaro Magic Time™!

secret ASian man — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 03:46:07 -0000

Today's game was one of those games that remind me of how much I hate Yankees fans.

Instead of my usual seat in the cheap seats, today I had a special treat from my mom's boss; field level, section 106. Unfortunately, section 106 is also Yankees central. You had all types of Yanks fans there. You know, your bandwagoners who've never been to New York, some über-trendy types that look like they're dressed for Killers concert rather than a ball game (one guy even had a murse). I don't have anything against the Killers per se, they're alright, but wearing torn up acid wash jeans, $70+ t-shirt and a blazer? You're at the Oakland Coliseum, not at some club. This is a place to see a ball game, if you want to go to a place to be seen, go to AT&T Park.

The person who got under my skin was your "real Yankee fan." This was the guy who really was from New York, you could tell by the way he talked. I can't duplicate a New York accent unless if I'm singing a number from West Side Story. This guy was legit New York, I can respect a guy like that...but...

...But he was heckling the A's.

I'm not going to begrudge any visiting fan's right to root for their team. To root for your team in a hostile environment is commendable, it's hardcore and that's a sign of a true fan. Besides, it's fun to get into those "LET'S GO OAK-LAND/YANKEES" shoutfests. But please don't heckle the home team and disrespect our house (or, as some Cal fans would say, "our domicile").

That guy was talking a lot of trash the entire game. It got worse when the Yanks tied it up, it got even worse when they took the lead and worse still when they got their insurance run. I felt like crap, Harden was taken out of the game after three visits by Larry Davis and we all know the state of the A's offense. I was fearing that the Yankee heckler would not shut the hell up when Mariano Rivera started to warm up in the bullpen.

I know I'm mangling the phrase, but it is darkest just before the sunrise. At the bottom of the ninth, with two out and Todd Walker on first. Jason Kendall was at bat and I thought to myself that the only way to keep the game going was for Kendall to draw a walk or take one for the team. Kendall did draw a walk, at that moment I looked up to the scoreboard and I saw this:

>2B 19

Yep, it's Marco Scutaro. I knew something big was going to happen, I leaped to my feet, flipped my cap inside out for a true rally cap and shouted, "IT'S MARCO SCUTARO MAGIC TIME!" and started the "Marco...Scutaro" chant with the other A's fans in 106. All the while, Yankee fans was muttering something along the lines of, "strike him out, he's garbage." That did not stop us, then on an 0-2 pitch Marco just hit one off the foul pole and all of the Yankee fans shut up and started to leave.

Although I would have like the A's to show an ability to score in an inning that was neither the first or last, I'm a satisfied with our boys in green and gold taking their first series of the 2007 campaign. On our way out of the Coliseum, we didn't chant, "Yankees suck." We were too good for that, it was all about Marco, Oakland and Scutaro.

A letter to my truck

secret ASian man — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 18:36:54 -0000

Dear My Truck,

You are a 2001 Toyota Tacoma 4X2 PreRunner. Like me, you look Asian but you are really made in America with foreign components and call Fremont your place of origin. You have served me faithfully for almost 94,000 miles. We've been through a lot; roadtrips to Chico, Fresno, SLO, SoCal, camping, 24 hour gambling trips to Reno and Cache Creek where I squandered a few financial aid checks when I was in college. We shared a lot of accomplishements, I drove you to my first paid gig and my college graduation. We've also shared some dubious accomplishments that I'd rather not share in a public forum.

When baseball season rolls around I am reminded of all the good times we've shared in the Oakland Coliseum parking lot. Playoff games, opening days, lazy summer Sundays where I zoom off to Oakland right after church. We've had some parties in that parking lot. I remember a few fireworks games where our spout turned into party central during the fireworks, mainly because we had lots of beer on hand. A lot of good memories stem from showing up early for a game and just wasting time sitting on your tailgate, eating food and drinking beer while listening in on the A's pregame show.

I fear that A's Home Opener 2007 may be our last hurrah.

Those roadtrips were from a more innocent time. A time when gas was less expensive ($1.70-$2.10) and my parents footing a good portion my bill. Now, gas is $3.20 a gallon and rising and I am a productive member of society supporting myself and giving money to my parents as opposed to spending my parents' money. Gone are the roadtrips to Chico and other schools that party harder than Cal State Hayward East Bay (pretty much any school) where I spend significant chunks of time blacked out in a drunken stupor. Those have been replaced with the morning commute and the evening commute. I'm a big boy now.

These days, your 16/22 MPG can't cut it anymore. Gas is too expensive and driving is no longer fun. Also my liberal, hippie-ish tendencies is urging me to pollute less, especially now that I have a job that comes with a company truck. That truck is a gas guzzler of a Dodge Ram going 15 MPG on a good day. I'm thinking of trading you in for a hybrid. We've had fun, but it's time to move on.

Before any of this happens we're going to end this run the tailgate party to end all tailgate parties. On Monday, I'm going to make some pork chops, corn on the cob, potato salad, cut up some fruit and I'm going to find that awesome Carne Asada in Hayward. There will be plenty of beer. We will be in the parking lot early, since I got the day off from work. To paraphrase Shakespeare's Henry V, "Once more into the breach, my truck, once more..."

Party. Monday. Oakland Coliseum Parking Lot (66th side).

LET'S GO OAKLAND!

Sincerely,

secret ASian man

PS: How the hell am I going to tailgate in hybrid?

PPS: The secret ASian man is back.

Ray Ratto has awaken me from my slumber

secret ASian man — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 23:23:21 -0000

Happy 2007 everybody! Haven't seen you guys in awhile. It's me secret asian man, remember me? I'm sorry for not being around. Starting a new job, going on an extended business trip to Minnesota (I bought game 5 ALDS tickets, but never used them) and performing in a few shows back to back kinda ruins your life. Even my offline friends have trouble remembering I exist. Trust me, it's not just the job, it's everything. When I'm rehearsing for a show I can pull 18+ hour days. Online pursuits or even offline social pursuits seen to fall by the wayside when you wake up at 6 to go to work, work a full day, then go to the City and rehearse or perform until you get home at around midnight.

You can thank Ray Ratto for bringing me back to AN. As previously stated in another diary, Ratto speculates that Joe Blanton may be sent to the Mets for Lastings Milledge.

Although I no longer have any great animosity against Ratto, sometimes this guy is so off the mark:

The A's also need a first baseman, either Nick Swisher or some sign of a rejuvenated Dan Johnson. They need an outfielder to replace Payton, they need two new starters to replace Zito and (we presume) Blanton, and when we say replace, we mean the 32 wins they will take with them, they need Rich Harden to turn up some time, they need a power-hitting designated hitter, and they need Bobby Crosby to make physical peace with the medical department.
(emphasis mine, of course)

I just hate it when people just bring in the "wins-loss" stat line. W-L is probably the most overrated stat in baseball. OK let's look at Cupcake's 2006 numbers:

GS: 31
W-L: 16-12
ERA: 4.82
ER: 104
HR: 17
BB: 58
K: 107

Ratto seems to have conveniently forgot, for the sake of fanning the flames of discontent, that Joe Blanton is a 4.82 ERA pitcher and his wins come from great run support which is an oddity for an Oakland pitcher. If anybody else on the 2006 staff had Blanton's run support they might have had a shot at 20 wins (Zito and Haren would have). Joe Blanton was one of the League's best pitchers in the second half of 2005, but before that half and since that half he has been a very mediocre pitcher.

Cupcakes for Lastings? Pull the trigger, Billy.

Speaking of Fat Ladies Singing...

secret ASian man — Sat, 23 Sep 2006 09:18:08 -0000

Friday night's game was a perfect example of why I pay an extra five bucks a month getting the internet on my cell phone.

You see, I was performing in an opera last night. Il Trovatore (you know, the one with the "Anvil Chorus") at the San Francisco Lyric Opera. And yes, there was a fat lady singing and she was awesome.

I played the part of Ruiz, the sidekick of Manrico, the good guy. My part pretty much consists of running on stage with some recit, leaving and then closing out the scene when I return with the chorus serving as the cavalry to save the day. The opera has four acts and is about three hours long.

Out of those three hours, I'm probably only have about 30 minutes of actual stage time which leaves me with plenty of time to follow the game on my phone.

If you think MLB Gameday sucks, following a baseball game on a cell phone is way worse. I was probably a sight to see. I was wandering backstage in costume pacing back and forth. I was either muttering in a low voice or doing a Eckersley-esque fist pump to display of dissapointment or joy of the games progress. Between refreshes on my cell phone's browser I was always shifting my position searching for a stronger signal, we were in the basement of the California Palace of the Legion of Honor in Lincoln Park.

I probably looked like Star Trek character scanning for lifeforms.

After singing my small bit ("Siam giunti, ecco la torre. Ove di stato ge'monoi prigioneri. Ah! L'infelice, i vi futratto") to open the fourth and final act I picked up my cell phone to follow the game. By this time it was the top of the tenth. I knew I had plenty of time. This was the act where most of the characters die and since it was opera, it would take a looong time.

Let's just if real life was like opera and somebody was shot in the head. That person would have about five minutes to sing an aria saying goodbye to the world and belt out a few high Bb's and C's before expiring. Yes, I had a lot of time.

But, as we all know, the game wouldn't end that quickly.

I breifly considered going to my bows with my glasses on and cell phone in hand, but I didn't; it wouldn't have been professional.

After changing out of the costume, it was the bottom of the twelfth. Swisher had just been walked, it was time for Marco Scutaro. I was still refreshing my cell phone browser.

I thought to myself "Why the hell am I still on the phone, Marco's going to do something. I need to listen to the game in my truck." I bolted for my truck and turned on the radio. I made it just in time to listen to the hit live.

The next minute or so I was screaming in the cab of my pickup truck. It was a mad garble of "YEAAAAHHH!" "LET'S GO OAKLAND!" and "BI-ATCH!" I haven't felt like this since Jason Kendall hit that home run. I then calmly collect myself and drove off to a tapas bar to have some drinks with the cast.

It was a good night.

The Eck and Me

secret ASian man — Sat, 09 Sep 2006 19:31:20 -0000

Fremont's favorite son came home today in a part of a celebration of Fremont's 50 years as a city. And I got my giveaway Eck jersey signed. Need I say more?

The Photo

The Jersey

The Sig

Need I say more?

Apparently, I do, because I have to meet the 300 characrter min. I'll add one more photo, it's not A's related, but it's awesome.

Me at the 50 yard line, Neyland Stadium.

Too bad the game next day was horrible, I had fun in Tennesee nonetheless.