SB Nation User Blog: smudgers

Twas the night before...

smudgers — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 04:48:00 -0000

I got into it - okay, maybe provoked - a bit of a picture/story war with one of the DN faithful and wanted to share a little with the folks over here. I hope you enjoy viewing as much as I enjoyed creating. Be sure to click the links (or Easter eggs as I like to refer to them)...

Twas the night before...

Twas the night before the big game, when all through the dome,
The Queens were all stirring, glad that this one was at home.

The mullet was combed with precision and care,
In trepidation that the Bears would soon be there.

Percy and friends were rolling J's in their beds,
While visions of Lance Briggs terrorized their heads.

And papa Chilly in his toupee, with his lucky coin,
Had just started dreaming of massaging Favre's groin.

When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,
So Brad zipped up to find out what's the matter.

Away to the window, he flew like a flash,
While Harvin and others threw away their stash.

When, what to their bloodshot eyes should appear,
A sight that induced all their worst fear.

Hester stepped out, so lively and quick,
Their stomachs grew uneasy, they began to feel sick.

And off the bus running, Lovie called them by name,
"Now, Knox! now Forte! now Cutler and Olsen!
On, Harris! on Brown! on, Briggs and on Tillman!

So on to the field, the giant men flew,
With a grudge on the shoulders, and nothing to lose.

And then, in the distance, they all heard Chilly say,
"Please Brett, please. Come and save the day!"

He put down the phone, and got up from where he laid.
Grabbed his walking cane, and put in his hearing aid.

If they lost this one, he knew he'd be the blame,
so he dressed in his wranglers and prepped for the game.

An arsenal of weapons he had at his back,
Much better than he'd ever had with the Pack.

His eyes -- how they wrinkled! His back how it ached!
The many retirements that he perfectly faked!

He knew the Bears defense, from the many games before,
the ones where he threw interceptions galore.

As he grabbed the Ben-Gay off the top shelf,
He imagined a victory, in spite of himself.

A blink of his eye put a thought in his head,
Urlacher's out, one thing less to dread.

A sigh of relief, as he went back to work,
But the tape of Afalava and Bowman gave him a jerk.

O-gun and Brown in his face every play,
No one could save him, not Rice nor All Day!

The game played out, just as he thought,
The Bears were victorious… and screw the rhyming - Favre is OLD!

And have no fear Bears fans - no matter of this games outcome, we'll still have our QB next season!

Bears/Vikings Week

smudgers — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:07:33 -0000

Bears/Vikings Week

Cutler Mic'd (SF)

smudgers — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:35:42 -0000

Cutler Mic'd (SF)

Peanut Tillman Feature

smudgers — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:16:21 -0000

Peanut Tillman Feature

Westbrook Ruled Out

smudgers — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:17:00 -0000

Westbrook Ruled Out

From NFL.com

"Brian Westbrook has been ruled out for Sunday’s matchup against the Bears, Eagles coach Andy Reid said during his Wednesday morning press conference.

Reid added that Westbrook is currently seeing specialists in Pittsburgh after suffering his second concussion in three weeks last Sunday against the Chargers."

Random Thoughts From Week Nine

smudgers — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:07:34 -0000

The eighth game of the Bears season has come and gone and left Bears fans with yet another bitter taste of blowout at the hands of the Arizona Cardinals. While not ALL's completely lost, this (below) is what I've taken from the NFL, week nine.

Chicago Bears Edition

> For his sake, I really hope that Lovie Smith doesn't have to prepare his own taxes.

> If a tree fell in the woods and no one were around to hear it, could somebody please stop Larry Fitzgerald?

> Tommie Harris punches like a girl. A girl that can punch... and likes to take cheap shots.

> On a related note, I think Tommie's figured out a way not to practice this week.

> It's bad, very bad. But hey, at least we didn't lose to the 1-7, Josh Freeman led, Buccaneers (silver lining?).

> Magical mushrooms make Forte run fast... wait... what?!?

Around The NFL Edition

> TV must add ten pounds to Tony Dungy's ears.

> I cannot stand Phillip Rivers or the cornbread that he grew up on.

> NY Giants, ftw? Their season has gone down hill faster than Orlando Pace chasing an ice cream truck.

> Andy Reid's mustache has officially taken over control of his face.

> Jay Leno is comically unfunny. Not technically football related, but I'm really tired of seeing that chin during commercial breaks.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

By the numbers: Tommie Harris 2009 (through eight games)

8.0 - Tackles

0.0 - Sacks

1.0 - Interception

1.0 - Game sat by Lovie

1.0 - Ejection

$7,290,000 - 2009 Earnings

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Worst joke of the week (stop me if you've heard this one):

Eleven guys walk onto a football field and allow the other team to score six times on their first six posses... Oh... you've heard this... two weeks ago, huh?

My apologies.

WCG Trick or Treat

smudgers — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:14:45 -0000

This is a tad bit late, but you know what they say...

With the trick that our beloved Bears played on us last weekend in the Cincy Jungle, the NFL has provided us with a treat this weekend by giving us the Cleveland Brownies in our house.

I wanna dedicate this thread to all things Halloween. So, let's talk:

Costumes: Are you and/or your kids dressing up in any Bears gear, ex-players, or even a retired Honey Bear? What about dressing up as a Chicago Bears' offensive linemen, although this costume has been proven to scare no one.

Traditions: What do you do each Halloween? Do you deck the house out and pop out of the bushes to try and scare little kids until they cry? Do you go to a crazy downtown party? Do you stay at home, turn off all the lights and act like you're not home because you don't wanna be bothered by little brats begging for candy?

Pumpkins: I'll be knee deep in pumpkin innards tonight as I'll be carving a Tigger and a Brobee for my 19-month old. To keep this Bears related, I also created three team designs (see below). I'm not sure how good these will work since I haven't tried them out, but feel free to use download 'em and give 'em a try.

To download the Bears' primary logo template, click HERE.

To download the Ditka template, click HERE.

To download the Bears' alternate "bear head" logo template, click HERE.

• • • • •

Happy Halloween weekend Bears fans. Here's to hoping it'll be a lot less scary than the one we just faced.

One more frightening thought before I go... LINK'ers (click at your own discression).

A Friendly Warning from a Bears Fan

smudgers — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:17:33 -0000

Jay Cutler is a bum!

I hope you've been doing some upper body lifting, Mr. Cutler, because this loss (along with every loss from here on out) will be on your shoulders. Throwing interceptions is inexcusable and will not be tolerated in our city, where god-like quarterback play has been a staple of our team for years.

I don't care that you threw for 300 yards and 2TD's in this game. I couldn't possibly care any less that you've come in and provided life to a receiving group that came to Chicago so that they could happily die. And I really don't give a fat rats arse that, prior to this week, you were the first QB since Jack Concannon in 1970 to have a 100-plus passer rating in three straight games.

None of that matters if you cannot step up, be a man, and overcome the rest of the deficiencies we have as a team. We brought you in to cure all of our ills... you are (or were) our savior, whether you wanted to be or not!

Do you realize what we gave up for you? Two first round draft picks and a third. Maybe you're not aware of our rich history of evaluating first round draft talent, but then again... it's obvious you don't care about the Chicago Bears or it's fans.

On top of the draft selections, we also had to throw in our future first ballot QB in Kyle "Cousin It" Orton. Please tell me you're watching Denver's offense play, so that you can learn how to win games, which is all that KO does!

Brian was right, you really do put the "Jay" in va-jay-jay!

We are now 3-2 and the Vikings are 6-0. Despite only being six weeks into the regular season and still having two games to play against a Favre-led Minnesota team, our season is over. My life is over.

The trade... it was and is an obvious bust! Even more so of one than the Hershel Walker to the Vikings trade. Hey Jay, at least you win at something!

At this juncture, I'm ready to play let's make a deal with the wizard that is Josh McDaniels. Let's trade back, please... Take Cutler! You can keep our draft picks and we'll even throw in Knox since he's really yours after all. Just give us back Orton so we can, as a franchise, know what it feels like to be winners again.

Chicago - we payed top dollar for filet and McDaniels gave us ground chuck. The "Sizzle" is gone and all we're left with is the char from an overcooked and overpriced steak. It's official, we've been burned!

I just wish we had been given some warnings!

Devin Hester - Wired! This reminds me of Crush attempting to explain the "proper exiting...

smudgers — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:22:21 -0000

Devin Hester - Wired!

This reminds me of Crush attempting to explain the "proper exiting technique" of the EAC to Marlin in Finding Nemo.

"It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it. Look, you're really cute, but I can't understand what you're saying. Say the first thing again."

Great piece on Dick Butkus and what the Bears/Lions rivalry meant to him.

smudgers — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 01:31:09 -0000

Great piece on Dick Butkus and what the Bears/Lions rivalry meant to him.