Much has been made of the promotion video made by Notre Dame of football coach Brian Kelly motivating a female athlete to not give up on her post workout beverage choice.  Reaction has been mostly positive, but I ask you, how closely have you really watched this video?  After looking at the following breakdown, I think you'll find that it is nothing if not a revealing look inside the mind of a mad man.

The video opens with a Notre Dame student selecting a beverage from a Coca Cola vending machine.  She chooses A2.

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 MAUAJI NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT STEVE

  What do you mean friend?  You're not still upset about not getting to be the mascot for the Kilimanjaro Bowl are you?

 YES MAUAJI STILL UPSET!  WHY YOU ALWAYS DIMINISH MAUAJI'S PROBLEMS??

  I'm sorry, would a ke-baby help you feel better

 KE-BABIES CAN'T SOLVE EVERYTHING STEVE

 Maybe you should reach out to someone who can help you get started.  Do you know anyone in the mascot industry?

 YES GOOD IDEA, IF MAUAJI CAN GET FOOT IN DOOR, MAUAJI'S NATURAL SEX PEEL WILL TAKE OVER.  STEVE CALL THIS NUMBER

 Hello??  I'm sorry I can't hear you, hang on a second.  WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP!  I'M ON THE PHONE!  Remember what happened last time you two fought?  It didn't work out well for you you pasty ginger bastard

  FUCK YOU!  WHAT DOES A RAM HAVE TO DO WITH THE NAVY ANY WAY??  First of all, I'm a goat, secondly Ram Vela is very real and would love another shot at your punk ass.

 Sorry about that.  Who did you say this is?

 THIS MAUAJI.  REMEMBER WHEN YOU VISITED YOUR COUSIN HONEY BADGER?? WE SHARED WILDEBEEST CARCASS.  MAUAJI NEED HELP BECOMING MASCOT. NEED ADVICE

 HEY BUDDY Long time no talk.  I'd love to help you. Fair warning I'm wasted.  Bielema came over crying about Tank Carder again and the only way to shut him up is to play asshole until somebody blacks out.  What are you good at

 MAUAJI HAS NATURAL SEX PEEL AND CHARISMA.  MAUAJI MAKES UP FOR SMALL STATURE WITH AGGRESSION. MAUAJI STRIKES FEAR IN HEARTS OF ALL WHO OPPOSE HIM.  OH, AND MAUAJI LOVE KE-BABIES.

 Small, angry, intimidating, and sustains himself by devouring the young, huh?  I know just the guy.  I'll text you the number.

 YOU SAVE MAUAJI'S LIFE.  MAUAJI OWE YOU ONE.  STEVE! CALL THIS NUMBER

 This better be good, I don't have time for this shit......

TO BE CONTINUED... (in the comments by the much more creative people that make up the peanut gallery of EDBS)

I've been waiting for the release of this trailer since AMC greenlit the series.  Now that it's out and the trailer seems to match the promise of it's premise, I thought I'd share it with everyone here.

Created by Tony and Joe Gayton, "Hell on Wheels" takes place immediately after the Civil War in 1865, as a former Confederate soldier named Cullen Bohannon (Anson Mount) seeks his revenge against the Union soldiers who killed his wife. Bohannon's quest takes him to the forefront of the Union Pacific Railroad company's transcontinental rail construction.

A quick clance at the IMBD pages of the star, Anson Mount (IMDB page) and creators (Joe Gayton's IMBD page, Tony's IMDB) does not inspire confidence however.  The Salton Sea, written by Tony is literally the only thing they've done that it looks like I wold enjoy.  Although in fairness, I have not seen Faster, so maybe that's good.

Here's hoping that AMC's reputation for good television outweighs the rather pedestrian resumes of those involved with this show, because I really want it to be good.

Video and synopsis found on Crave Online

Day 2 3 of the NFL Draft is upon us.  Today we will be bombarded with stories of Tom Brady and how late round draft picks can turn into stars.  You will hear much consternation regarding the lockout and how it sucks for the guys that don't get drafted.  But most of all "experts" argue about players that will likely be inconsequential, while speaking as though they are talking about the best players in the history of the world.

Best case scenario is your team drafts someone you really like and you go all

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More likely than that, your team will draft someone you've never heard of from a school you didn't know played football, and you will be all.

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There's also a small chance that your team will draft someone you hate from the school you despise and you'll be all

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As it stands the team that would most benefit from South Caronlina upsetting Auburn is TCU.  They are poised to jump into the title game if Auburn loses.

Although it is far from a guarantee that Auburn won't go to title game if they lose, lets assume a loss is enough for them to fall to #3 in the BCS.

The BCS would look like this

Automatic Qualifiers:

• ACC Champ: Virginia Tech
• Big East Champ: UConn/WVU
• Big Ten Champ: Wisconsin
• Big 12 Champ: Oklahoma
• Pac 10 Champ: Oregon
• SEC Champ: South Carolina
• Guaranteed At Large: TCU - Top Non-AQ and ranked higher than a AQ Conference Champ
• Guaranteed At Large: Auburn - Top 4 in BCS Standings

Others available for at Large Selection (limiting them to the top 4 that have a legitimate shot because there will only be two at large selections up for grabs)

• Stanford
• Ohio State
• Michigan State
• Arkansas

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Not more than a few hours ago I posted this in Howard Schnellenberger's Top 25.

I’d love for someone to try to rob my house. ... it'd be wonderful explaining why the intruder was killed with an authentic 1700s era blunderbuss filled with pop rivets and wing-nuts.

Well, I just got a call from my local police force.  Someone did break into my house today.  It was a kid I used to coach in little league and Pop Warner.  His sister is one of my bartenders.  The police think he was looking for something specific because some things that would be valuable to a 16 year old were ignored.  This opens up a whole lot of implications that I don't really want to think about because someone told him what to look for and that I would be in NY until Thanksgiving.

Fun part of the story, by the time the cops were alerted by the alarm company and arrived, my Rotts, Bartleby and Loki, had the kid so scared he was literally grateful to see them.

That's enough of the serious stuff.  The point of all of this is that I CAN MAKE HALF OF MY WISHES COME TRUE!!!11!!!11.

I need to take advantage of this opportunity.  On to the wishes

1. I'd love for Notre Dame to beat Utah AND for there to be cake from that Cake Boss guy in Hoboken.
2. I'd love for Wisconsin to go to the Rose Bowl AND I will get to eat a big expensive steak.
3. I'd love to get tickets to the Wisconsin - Nebraska game for NU's first Big Ten game AND a team that has red and white colors will win.
4. I'd love for the restaurant I'm consulting on to be very successful AND for the big check the owner wrote me to clear
5. I'd love for the party my fiancée is dragging me to to be awesome AND for me to get blackout drunk on the top shelf open bar
6. I'd love for my fiancée to let me sleep with her AND one of her friends.

If you act now,  maybe I can make half of your wish come true too!