SB Nation User Blog: storminspank

New Scothawk Video - Iowa Beats #3 Penn State

storminspank — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 18:33:35 -0000

WOO HOO!

Iowa defeats #3 Penn State.

New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video New Scothawk Video

KARL KLUG - BIG TEN DEF. PLAYER OF THE WEEK (Hahahaha, Seriously?!)

storminspank — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:09:10 -0000

[Bumped. Congratulations to Klug, of course, but he only dominated the second half of an absolute laugher. Don't most guys who win POTW, like, start?--OPS]

DEFENSE:

Karl Klug, Iowa, SO, DE, Caledonia, Minn./Caledonia

After missing most of last season due to injury, Klug posted career highs with nine tackles and two sacks while also forcing a fumble to help the Iowa defense post a shutout against Florida International. The sophomore defensive end’s second sack forced a fumble that was recovered by Iowa on FIU’s final drive. The Hawkeyes limited the Golden Panthers to 56 rushing yards and four-of-15 on third downs. Iowa posted its fifth shutout in Kirk Ferentz’ nine-plus seasons as head coach and its second straight dominant defensive outing, after holding Maine to a field goal on Aug. 30. Klug earns his first weekly honor.

LAST IOWA DEFENSIVE POW: LB Mike Humpal on Oct. 15, 2007

All Legal Issues Aside, The New Football Roster is Up

storminspank — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:02:40 -0000

Hawkeyesports has updated the Football roster. The incoming froshes have their numbers; Shonn Greene gets his old one back. Fun for all. Although Marcus Wilson and David Blackwell have pages on Hawkeyesports, I don't see them listed on the roster... yet. Probably nothing to worry about. Other notes: Paine is listed as a WR, Staten at LB, and Riley Reiff is still on the team.

HERE ARE THE NUMBERS FOR THE INCOMING FRESHMAN COURTESY OF HAWKEYESPORTS.COM

No.	Name	Ht./Wt.	Pos.	Year	Hometown (Last School)
8	Trent Mossbrucker	6-0/190	PK	FR	Mooresville, IN (Mooresville HS)
10	William Lowe	5-9/165	DB	FR	Cleveland, OH (Glenville Academic Campus)
13	DeMarco Paine	5-10/175	WR	FR	St. Louis, MO (Hazelwood East)
14	John Wienke	6-5/225	QB	FR	Tuscola, IL (Tuscola HS)
16	James Vandenberg	6-3/195	QB	FR	Keokuk, IA (Keokuk HS)
27	Jewel Hampton	5-9/200	RB	FR	Indianapolis, IN (Warren Central)
28	Shaun Prater	5-11/172	DB	FR	Omaha, NE (Central)
31	David Cato	5-11/190	DB	FR	Arlington, TX (Summit)
32	Adam Robinson	5-9/195	RB	FR	Des Moines, IA (Lincoln HS)
34	Jeff Brinson	5-11/215	RB	FR	St. Petersburg, FL (Northeast)
38	Brad Herman	6-5/225	LB	FR	Metamora, IL (Metamora HS)
40	Jack Swanson	5-11/180	DB	FR	Naples, FL (Naples HS)
44	Greg Castillo	5-11/175	DB	FR	Mount Laurel, NJ (St. Joseph's Prep (PA))
50	Khalif Staten	6-3/219	LB	FR	Brooklyn, NY (Lincoln)
53	James Ferentz	6-2/265	OL	FR	Iowa City, IA (City HS)
54	Steve Bigach	6-3/220	DL	FR	Cleveland, OH (St. Ignatius)
66	Casey McMillan	6-4/295	OL	FR	Billings, MT (Central Catholic)
76	Ben Thilges	6-4/260	OL	FR	Humboldt, IA (Humboldt)
77	Riley Reiff	6-6/250	DE	FR	Parkston, SD (Parkston HS)
88	J.D. Griggs	6-5/225	TE	FR	Piscataway, NJ (Piscataway HS)
89	Shane Prater	6-1/170	WR	FR	Omaha, NE (Central)
90	Jason Semmes	6-3/218	DE	FR	Clarkston, MI (St. Mary's HS)
92	Jonathan Gimm	6-3/235	TE	FR	Houston, TX (Westfield)
99	Joe Gaglione	6-5/230	DE	FR	Novelty, OH (Lake Catholic)

Pretty egregious error on Casey McMillan's height and weight (6'4"/295, who are they kidding?), but we'll let it slide as this is probably just a preliminary release.

How many days until kickoff?

BHGP ROUNDTABLE: Iowa Football 2008 (Part Two)

storminspank — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 02:05:50 -0000

Here is the second and final part of this installment of BHGP Roundtable. All four authors that contribute to BHGP were to answer 12 incredibly written questions... yada, yada, if you don't understand what's going on, refer to Part One. Six questions then, six questions now. Wow. Fun.

LEGEND (for those of you scoring at home):

	Oops Pow Surprise
	Hawkeye State
	Jebus H Christ
	storminspank

EXPLANATION OF THE LEGEND: Again, go back to Part One to get the lowdown.

The final six questions after the jump.

Alrighty then. Here's Part Two.

Receiver With More Yards at the End of the Year -
Brodell, Stross, DJK, or Chaney

As much as I'd like it to be DJK (go ahead and have a seat, Vontae),

it's going to be Stross. Stross and JC came up through the Army AA game together, and when they're both healthy, they're a lethal combination. Look what happened when the line started giving Jake time against PSU, and look at who he threw to. Look at what Christensen and Stross did to the hapless NU secondary after halftime last year. It'll be more of that. Stross is big and athletic, and he's the type of zone stretcher that Iowa's desperately needed since Clinton Solomon (or past that, Mo Brown) graduated.

Stross.

If he can stay healthy, he's the most sure-handed receiver of the bunch, and this is the year where I can see JC keying on someone he's confident in and getting him the ball repeatedly. That man is Trey Stross.

DJK - He's most talented and I'm not convinced the other guys can stay healthy

(unless DJK's arrested and incarcerated between the time I write this and the time it's printed. If so, I pick Chaney because I heard he's black and the other 2 are white.).

While a couple of these receivers did their thing making future NFL DBs look silly (Brodell destroying Ross (:10 in); DJK schooling Ikegwuono(3:42 in)). The guy with the complete game is Trey Stross.

I realize the question was the WR having the most yards at the end of the year, and it very well could be Andy Brodell if Ken O’Keefe would open up the offense a bit, but we know that won’t happen. Stross has the best all-around game of the WRs on the team, and he's going to be Iowa’s go-to-guy... a more athletic Ed Hinkel.

Worst Loss in 08 if it Happens - ISU or Minnesota

ISU's at home and early in the year, so if Iowa drops that, the season's done, finished, over. Right then and there. There's no coming back for a winning BXI campaign if the Clowns win. In that sense, ISU must necessarily be the "worst" loss in terms of the effect it'll have on the team. Meanwhile, Minnesota's a road game late in the year, when shitty teams either have given up and can't win at all, or are gutting their way through a resurgence and are awfully dangerous. Since Iowa won't be losing in the first scenario, the second is your most likely answer, and it can't be as damaging as losing to ISU, since there isn't much more of a season for it to affect. Nonetheless, Minny fucking sucks, and losing to them will signify something very wrong with the program too. But we'll have probably seen that already at that point in the season.

ISU. It's at home. It's the killer September loss that could end this thing before it begins. Minnesota has some young talent at its disposal; Iowa State is using sorority girls on the defensive line. As bad as either loss would be, ISU is far, far worse.

ISU - Losing at the Gophers would hurt, but losing to the Clones at home would be crushing. Not just because we're better than them, but because I hate them and another year of listening to their fans brag about a win would force me to leave the state for good.

Worse for me – Minnesota. Worse for Iowa – ISU. While Iowa has no reason losing to the Gophers up in Kinnick North, they REALLY have no business losing at home to a bunch of pansies from a community college in Ames. [Insert comment from some ISU fan – "ISU has like a 25 game winning streak against Iowa. Iowa sucks – getting beat by little brother. HAHAHAH LOLOL1!!!!1! Suckeyes are going down. ISU owns Iowa!!"] Yep. That’s what we’ll be hearing if the Hawks lose. Let’s just not let that happen. So if I have to pick between the worst team in the Big 12 or the worst team in the Big 10, I’ll take the out-of-conference team.

True Frosh to Make the Most Noise in 08

We don't know how loudly Casey roars, but this'll probably be one of either Brinson or Hampton, whoever comes out on top at tailback out of summer practice. Iowa needs all the help they can get there, whereas you can immediately point to a glut of experience at every other position. The only other candidate would be beastman Riley Reiff, who would be a fine 4th end behind Clayborn, Ballard, and Klug, but even then he has to beat out Anton Narinskiy to get on the 2-deep, and Brinmpton probably has an easier shot at that.

Honestly, with last year's dependence on freshmen (true or redshirt), I only see one true freshman avoiding a redshirt. If he's able to pick up on blocking schemes, Jeff Brinson will almost certainly get his fair share of carries, especially in the second half of the season when he's had more time to learn the offense and the coaching staff realizes Guillory is incredibly small and Paki O'Meara is, well, Paki O'Meara.

Casey McMonster - I hear him take a shit, no, I mean, I can actually hear him when he shits and Iowa City is 100 miles away. He's not of this world. I'm afraid of his bowels.

I was going to say Reiff, but I couldn’t remember if he committed to Iowa… or Nebraska… or Iowa… With all due respect to The McMillaniac, Trent Mossbrucker is the true frosh bringing the noise. The Iowa staff used a schollie on a kicker; that speaks volumes. To say Iowa’s kicking game last year was poor would be a huge understatement. Signor and Murray split time. Each of these guys had a FG blocked (which equals the number of kicks Nate Kaeding had blocked… during his entire 4 year career at Iowa), yet neither of them missed one PAT (oh no, actually, each of them both missed TWO PATS… we are talking a freakin’ PAT. I CAN KICK A DAMN PAT.) Iowa attempted 28 PATs, a sad fact in itself, and our kickers missed FOUR of them. In contrast, Kaeding kicked 169 PATS at Iowa and missed THREE in his four seasons. It’s hard to be Nate, but Schlicher played a damn good Nate cover tune. Iowa’s successes a few years back were the direct result of excellent special teams play. Iowa needs Mossbrucker to come in and snag the full-time kicking job and pull another Kaeding impression. It won’t be easy, but he has the skills to compete. And just in case he can’t grab the reigns of the kicker spot, he broke almost all his school’s passing records at QB… I’m just saying…

The Big Ten Football Standings on 12/15/08

[Programming note from OPS: I hate that you said football, because I was definitely going to put in women's basketball. I also hate that you got the date right so I couldn't cheat.]

Bowl, if any, Iowa Goes To This Year

There are no at-large BCS teams in the BXI this year, not after OSU gets smoked by USC (this is what USC does, people, they KILL their non-conference opponents) and nobody else on the Bucks' docket raises their SOS to championship level. Plus I think there's another faltering out there for OSU; they've been pretty fortunate with injuries over the last few years, so they're "due." Even if they run the table, though, they're still #4 or #5 and headed to the Rose Bowl. Hardly a shame, of course, but that means Cap One for PSU, Outback for Wisconsin (again), and the Alamo will jump to take Iowa again. Were this 2009, of course, that's the Champs Sports' pick, but Orlando is one giant hell made of asphalt, strip malls, tourist traps, old people, and humidity. Be happy with the Alamo.

Remember the Alamo.

Sears Tecumsah Snow Thrower Bowl, December 20th against Western Michigan. Be there!

I don’t there is any other destination for Iowa other than the Alamo Bowl this year, which is fine. Hawk fans will have a great time on the Riverwalk for yet another year.

Number of Cows/Pigs/Etc... It Takes to Feed Recruit Casey McMillan

In tonnes or number? We need to know how big the livestock is. Otherwise you're just giving him babies, which A) are all gristle, and B) totally cheating. Also, are we talking per day, week, what? I think the better question is: McMillan effect on corn prices if he gets a taste for Doritos. I'm thinking: disastrous inflation.

Four calling birds. Three french hens. Two turtle doves. And a partridge in a pear tree. And the pears in the pear tree. And the pear tree. And that's his pre-breakfast breakfast.

All of them.

Food prices continue to rise at an astronomical rate. "It’s the price of oil!", the pundits say. RUBBISH! The graph below shows the true impact on food prices, specifically the price of beef.

We will be lucky to order an 8 oz. rump roast at a restaurant by the end of the year for less than $50.

BHGP ROUNDTABLE: Iowa Football 2008 (Part One)

storminspank — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 04:07:52 -0000

This piece was meant to have been an all-inclusive, one-stop-pop roundtable discussion on the upcoming Hawkeye football season. All four authors that contribute to BHGP were to answer 12 incredibly written questions and give their expertly expert expertise. Seeing that I collaberate with a bunch of overzealous, pompous wannabees (I can only assume they were the same guys who, as kids, ran to the front of the class to be first to hand in their math assignments), this story is much larger than I anticipated. Henceforth (yeah, big word, I know), this will be a double dipper. Six questions now, six questions later. Wow. Fun.

LEGEND (for those of you scoring at home):

	Oops Pow Surprise
	Hawkeye State
	Jebus H Christ
	storminspank

EXPLANATION OF THE LEGEND: If you were wondering about the basis of the icons for each contributor to the roundtable. Here’s your answer. I suppose I could have used everyone’s current avatar, but that would just confuse everyone severely. The only logical thing to do was to go to Google. It basically runs everything in the world, top to bottom. The Google image results were studied and the most applicable images were used. Sure, JHC gets a flaming unicorn and I get Pearl Jam rocking out on stage, but that’s randomization at its best. If you disagree, go screw.

Now, without further ado, the questions…

Well, there’s a little more ado. The questions are after the jump… so… make the jump… now.

Good, you made the jump. Now you can continue onto our Roundtable feature, but I will warn you right now... the information contained might:

a.) make your head explode
b.) cause you to become pregnant
c.) force you to empty your bowels

You've been warned... finally, the questions that are dying to be answered.

IOWA'S OFFENSIVE MVP

There are two, and only two possible answers, and that's Jake Christensen or Tony Moeaki. We'll find out about Moeaki when he's on the field, but his blocking/receiving capabilities are vitally important for the offense as a whole, and let's face it, Brandon Myers isn't there on either front yet.

Meanwhile, JC, too, is critically important to the team's success, and it's imperative that he not only has the system in place to succeed (we'll see about that), but also the mental fortitude (again, we'll see). It's awfully tough for a college quarterback to struggle the way Christensen did last season, then come back and put together a monster year, and while we're not saying he's now forever tainted, he does have a long way to go. Then again, maybe just eliminating the threat of being sacked by Vandervelde as he's tossed backwards will make everything settle into place more easily.

I'll go ahead and say it: Jake Christensen. Kirk Ferentz has already compared him to Matt Rodgers, who had an atrocious sophomore year (only honorable mention All-Big Ten while finishing 2nd in the league in passing yards behind Jeff Freaking George) before massacring all in front of him in his junior and senior years. I don't see why Christensen (who had a much better sophomore year, finishing 11th in the conference in passing efficiency) should be any different. If the line improves as it should, and the receivers improve as they should, and the return of Tony Moeaki gives him a reliable target over the middle, and we find a running back...

Oh, who am I kidding? Your offensive MVP is Seth Olsen. By default.

Kyle Calloway Jr. (son of former Hawkeye Kyle Galloway), who will (probably) start at RT - Talk all you want about our backs and receivers, but if JC doesn't have his ass protected, we're screwed.

I know you think it can't be worse than last year, but it can. If JC starts getting hammered from behind by Maine, the boo-birds will be there to finish him off. Save the QB, save the world (sorry).

Probably the easiest question of the entire roundtable discussion. Tony Moeaki. The TE position has always been the safety blanket for QBs under the Kirk Ferentz regime. Brad Banks had Dallas Clark. Drew Tate had Scott Chandler. Now Jake Christensen has Tony Moeaki.

All three TEs mentioned will be in the NFL in a few years. In fact, you all know Tony is going to win the Mackey Award. YOU KNOW IT! Go ahead and ink it in. Moeaki is NFL ready right now, can block effectively, has soft hands, possesses a high football IQ, and (barring injury) will be one of the main targets for Jake this year. Also, Moeaki is going to defeat McCain this November, as well… pencil that one in, though.

IOWA'S DEFENSIVE MVP

This has to be the DT tandem of Kroul and Unusual Punishment. While the ends are just as critical to the success of the defense (moreso the secondary), everyone will be feeding off the energy of Kroul and King up front.

A healthy, active front 4 is critical to the rest of the defense functioning like a typical Parker defense ought to: angry and unabated.

There is only one answer, and it's not who you think. In a defensive system predicated on a front four pass rush with limited blitzing, it's Matt Kroul who is key.

Without Kroul in the middle taking on 3 offensive linemen, Unusual Punishment and his young compadres on the outside wouldn't stand a chance of getting to the quarterback. Without Kroul plugging the middle, the linebackers (who, by the way, are also young) can't flow to stop the run. Without Kroul, the secondary is defending receivers longer than should be allowed in a zone scheme. King will get the accolades, but it's Kroul that makes Iowa's defense run. He's the most valuable player, and it's not even close.

Ryan Donahue, P - No, I'm not kidding. We do not have a dynamic offense. We will have a stout defense, but I don't see anything dynamic out of our D either. When we were good, we dominated field position. We will need to do it again to have any success against good teams this year.

Donahue has a huge leg and with a year of experience I expect consistency... jesus, a fucking Right Tackle and a Punter as our MVPs... sigh.

Saying "Mitch King" here is like predicting that Peyton Manning is going to start at QB for the Colts next year. Pretty obvious one, so I’m not going to say it (Waaaait, I just did). Anyway... I’m going to go with A.J. Edds.

He’s a smart guy (BXI All Academic Team). Weighs in around 250 lbs, yet runs a sub 4.7 40. A brutal combination of speed, size, and strength. The guys up front are going to take care of business this year (please, oh please), which will allow Edds to go Greenway on opposing offenses. Rumor is A.J. has put on 35 more lbs, dropped his 40 to 4.39, and added 17" to his vertical. Good news for Hawk fans.

BIGGEST OBSTACLE FOR THIS IOWA TEAM

God, where to begin? The running game isn't even on the same continent as "stable," the offensive line needs to actually show some improvement, and we don't know if anyone on offense is capable of staying healthy over the course of the year, with the exception of maybe Eubanks and, uh, DJK? Everything hinges on having the offense ready for the Big Ten slate by the time they head to Pittsburgh. From there, they'll be missing OSU and Michigan, but there's no opportunity for a letdown.

September. We haven't gotten through September without a loss since 2001, and that was because the ISU game at Ames was moved to the end of the season after 9/11. Iowa has 4 games it can absolutely win in September - all at home - and a road game at Pitt, which would be problematic if not for the Wannstache. If they get through September unscathed, a bowl game is a near-certainty and 9+ wins is not out of the question. 4-1, and things are OK. Anything less and the wheels will spin off this wagon.

We need to stay healthy! We need to beat ISU! We need to stay out of the Johnson County JaiLOL! No, we need to play hard. Our biggest obstacle is lassitude. We didn't play with passion for 4 quarters last year, not once. The only thing we can control is how hard we play, and when you lack superior talent, you need to play with fire.

Douchacitis. That disease has run rampant through the program the last few years, and it’s time it stopped. Arrests. Lame ass attitudes. Academic issues. Just stop it already. Fucking strap up and play Iowa Football. Throw away your skirts and pussy-ass attitudes and go punch someone in the mouth already. Stop making excuses and start making plays.

IMPACT PLAYER NOT IN THE STARTING LINEUP LAST YEAR

Aside from the "impact" of Casey McMillan throwing the referee into the Jumbotron, this would probably be either of the two probable starting cornerbacks, Amari Spievey and Jordan Bernstine.

Neither of the two has much D-I experience, but they're both supremely athletic and have a history of high-level performance. Spievey, if you'll recall, was ass-bananas at his JUCO this season, and Bernstine was a heavily-recruited safety/corner from DM Lincoln. Sure, tossing a couple unproven corners out at the same time might be risky, but the last time Ferentz did that, they were Antwan Allen and Jovon Johnson, and those two little smurfs did pretty fucking well for themselves. I like Bernstine and Spievey more than the midget marauders.

As of right now, it's Derrell Johnson-Koulianos. Brodell and Stross are listed as the starting wideouts, but the slot receiver - the traditional blocker for the KOK bubble screen - is just as important.

Plus, given the never-ending issues surrounding Brodell's hands, having a sure-handed receiver in the slot can only help. And, yes, I know DJK wasn't exactly sure-handed last year, but he makes Brodell look like Cris Carter.

Shonn Greene - I'm telling you, if he can walk, he'll play.

If he plays, he'll make an impact.

I don’t know where he is going to play or how often he will see the field, but rest assured that when Karl Klug gets on the playing field there will be a lot of impacting – dude can flat out play and has a motor that does not stop.

Whomever the impact player ends up being, it’s likely going to be on the defensive side of the ball. Other nominees: Christian Ballard, Adrian Clayborn, Amari Spievey, Marcus Wilson. (Listing additional players isn’t a cop-out, all four of those guys can fucking ball.) Iowa has a ton of potential for new starting faces on defense and they are all extremely talented players.

WHY IOWA WILL SUCCEED THIS YEAR AS OPPOSED TO THE LAST FEW YEARS

Well, the plain and simple fact is that the things that went wrong can't possibly be as bad this year. In '05, it was a horrific case of the drops and bad luck. In '06, the quarterback was at 50% all season and morale bottomed out (note: at Iowa, bottoming out still means six wins). In '07, the rate of attrition from injuries and poor behavior totally gutted the offense and led to such ridiculously unfit freshman starters as Colin Sandeman and Julian Vandervelde. Things just can't be worse, especially in the receiving corps and on the line. Granted, the running situation sucks, but it's not as bad as it was in 2004, and you saw how that worked out. Veteran QB, plenty of known quantities at receiver, decent and experienced line, and a rough defense? Sure, Iowa's not going to the Cap One again, but it's not like they're doomed to 4-8 either, especially not with this joke of a schedule. Look for 8-9 wins.

Because we lost nothing. Look, I love Al Young. I love Damian Sims. Tom Busch might be my favorite Hawkeye not named Bob Sanders. I watched Mattison and Iwebema for three seasons. Klink and Humpal played their asses off. Godfrey might have been the best Hawkeye corner since Tom Knight (OK, since Jovon Johnson). The fact is Al was hobbled by injuries and lacked top-end speed, Sims fumbled too much, Iwebema spent the last season bear hugging tackles, and Mattison didn't go boffo until his last year. There are obvious replacements for the defensive graduates, and almost all of them are more athletic. We might not have a running back right now, but we'll eventually find one. Smart freshmen can run in this system; hell, just ask Damian Sims.

I think the offensive line will be better than it's been in 3 years. We have some talented guys, and with some work, we'll have a solid unit. It's been a long time since I had any confidence in our guys up front. This year I do.

The crew is healthy (for now). If the main parts of this team can stay on the field, it’s actually pretty potent on both sides of the ball. If the Hawks can avoid the injury plague and start playing with some moxy, success should come to this team. We won’t see a repeat of the last few years. Not going to happen.

WHY IOWA WILL CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE JUST LIKE THE LAST FEW YEARS

The running game. Holy God, the running game. The spiraling, unstoppable descent of the offensive line. The shaky-at-best secondary. And as SMQ says, if the best thing you can say about a team is who they don't play, do not bet on that team.

Because we lost nothing. This year's starters are, by and large, last year's starters. Surely there were injury problems later in the season, but all the key parts were in place in Ames, and we all saw what happens. Any optimism for this season is predicated on a big step forward by these players, and such expectations might be too much to ask.

We sucked 2 years ago and didn't make any changes. We sucked last year and didn't make any changes. If you keep making the same mistakes over and over - you suck. The end.

Iowa will continue to struggle on offense with Ken O’Keefe patrolling the sidelines, holding offensive plays in his sweaty hands, and wearing a headset too big for his noggin. Look, I’m not on the KOK hater bandwagon (although I might have founded it), but it’s time Iowa gets someone who knows offensive fundamentals… such as when to run the ball and when to throw the ball. Kirk, we know Kenny is your BFF, but if he doesn’t adjust sooner than later, it might be time for him to head back to Fordham or Allegheny College.

[WATCH FOR PART 2 OF THIS FEATURE SHORTLY]

Todd Lickliter Bleeds Blue and White... err... Black and Gold

storminspank — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:08:13 -0000

	Coach Lickliter, thank you for agreeing to meet with me... even though I live in 200 miles away from you and the fact that I didn't actually secure an interview of any form with you.
	Thank you for conducting this fake interview.
	You're welcome.
	Thank you.
	Thank you. I mean, you're welcome. Er... thank you??
	(Pause)
	So last season went pretty well, huh?
	[long look, then puts head in his hands]
	Nah, I'm just messing with you. Last year really sucked. I mean, I tried to be optimistic throughout the season, but we were bad... like LA Clippers during the 80's and 90's bad. We even lost our own tournament we set up in order for us to win a preseason tournament. Shouldn't be a problem, though, because I saw you took it into your own hands that we'll never lose the Challenge again, as you got rid of it completely.
	Yeah, the Hawkeye Challenge had too much Hawkeye in it. However, I thought our team played through a lot of adversity. Tony's early injury, then Jarryd gets nicked for the season. All in all I thought our guys gave it their all. I'd still like to see them play a different style, a certain way if you will.
	What way would that be?
	The Butler Way.
	The what way?
	The Butler Way.
	Ooooh Kaaaay. So you want Iowa Hawkeye basketball players to play as if they were playing for a completely different team?
	Precisely. If I can get everyone to play just like Butler does, we are going to go places. I can see it already. Anthony Tucker will be Mike Green. In fact, I have already told Anthony that he will be wearing #10. Devan Bawinkle gets to play A.J. Graves. Um, let's see, oh, Matt Gatens will be known as Pete Campbell. I have everyone picked out. It's going to be great.

	Well, one player you won't have on your team this year is Tony Freeman. Sounds like he sort of threw a little tamper tantrum on the way out of your meeting. I'm sure with your past record, you'll be more than willing to comment on what transpired in your office during his year end interview.
	Pusth.
	Pardon me?
	Pusth.
	Can't help but notice you acquired a lisp... and did you just curse at me? I'm confused.
	Pusth. That's the Butler Way. Passion. Unity. Servanthood. Thankfulness. Humility. Pusth.
	Oh... Right... Back to the Butler Way thing again. Good on ya.
	You see Tony wasn't big on pusth. I can't have guys on my team who don't love pusth. You gotta want the pusth. If you don't buy into the pusth, then you need to leave right now.
	Couldn't agree more.
	Butler Way!
	Hi Joel. Glad to hear from you. Now get back to recruiting.
	Will do. I'm just heading back to the great state of Indiana to look at some future Bulldo- I mean, Hawkeyes. Can't wait to get back there. Good ol' Indiana. What a magnificent state. Better swing by ol' Hinkle Fieldhou...
	Have fun, Joel. Coach Lickliter, of the six new players you are bringing in, who are you really excited to see in Black and Gold?
	What? Who am I excited to see in BLACK and GOLD??? Why would I be excited to see a Boilermaker suit up? I mean, at Butler, both Purdue and Indiana always got the better recruits and got all the spotlight. I don't think I am excited to see anyone suit up for Matt Painter and those stinkin' Boilermakers in their stupid Black and Gold uniforms.
	I was referring to Iowa.
	[Looks Up]
	The team you coach right now.
	Right, right. I was just testing you. Oh man, I gotta keep my cool here. I can't disgrace the likes of the revered, Sir Tony Hinkle. Gotta stay focused, Butler Way. Butler Way.
	Loras Way!
	Quiet, Chad.
	LOLOLOL!!11! Sorry, boss. Just kidding. Do you like my new hat? It says Butler on it, and it's 100% all-natural and also it breathes well and also it's made out of American flags and also Butler... ... ...Well, off to Minnesota to go offer a bunch of obscure talents that no one has ever heard of. Woot! Woot!
	Go get 'em! And remember there is no "I" in Butler!!
	But there is an "I" in Iowa.
	Crap.
	Yeah.
	Hmmmmmm.... (cricket chirping)
	So when will it ever be The Iowa Way?
	[Laughing] Oh, for a second there, I thought you were asking a serious question. Oh man, good times! [Laugh turns to a guffaw.]
	J.R. Angle. He's seriously not going to suit up next year, right? I mean, have you followed his latest escapades?
	DAWG POUND!
	Ok, that's all I can stand, I'm going to have to end this fake interview. Thanks for the swag you brought me. I would have preferred some Hawkeye gear, but blue does happen to be one of my favorite colors.

(Redux from mostlynothing.com)

One Word: GORNSTARHIGHLIGHTVIDEO

storminspank — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 20:36:13 -0000

Now that the NBA Draft is around the corner done, what better time than now to hit up a Gornstar highlight reel? The X-Factor is out in full force. Throw in some caress rebounds, perfect-form free throws, defensive side guarding, and plenty 19 foot 2-pt FGs and the world sits in awe of the man that is Gornstar.

(H/T: DONJUAN2234 at HawkeyeNation)

McDermott Gets Legacy Verbal For 2015

storminspank — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 14:34:21 -0000

Mac has done it again!

Although the major recruiting sites have yet to confirm the verbal from young Julius Michalik, Jr., I have spoke with several insiders and they say that it's a done deal. This would be the earliest a recruit has ever committed to the ISU program.

While there is only one piece of video currently on the web showcasing Michalik's skills, there's no doubt that he will fit right in with his fellow Clones... well, the ones that are actually left on the team.

VIDEO IS BELOW

The shot itself is gorgeous, but what I really appreciate is his hustle on the defensive side of the ball. Probably a four year starter for ISU.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8dcE0fOC04

Ed Norton Ain't Got S--t on Casey McMillan

storminspank — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 03:03:36 -0000

While Ed Norton continues to get money from his movie obviously based off of the life and times of Casey McMillan, I can't help but think some sort of royalties need to be paid to the incoming freshman. Maybe some sort of likeness fee? I don't know. I've never studied law... or paid attention to it when I took any of those classes.

I think the McMillan family has a case, though.