Lately we've been getting a lot of people who follow other teams over here at BRB.  Some of them have expressed that they are occasionally confused at some of the terms we use here.  With that in mind, I present to you all a glossary of terms that we use here at BRB.  I should point out that some of these terms are blatantly stolen from DGDB&D.  Full credit to MDC and bfd for coming up with them.

BRB regulars, if you can think of any other terms, please put them in the comments and I will update this fanpost to reflect them.

Mr. Mittens, Zoolander, Eli Manning's Fluffer - David Carr

Winstonsaurus - Eric Winston

Barbaro - Charles Spencer, former LT of the Texans who got injured in a freak accident and never could get back to health.

Zima - A demonic substance that, when ingested rapidly, turns otherwise sane bloggers into raving lunatics.

Scott - Rumored co-founder of BRB.  In actuality Tim's evil alter ego who only appears after Tim downs too much Zima.

LVJ - Kevin Bentley.  Short for Lyndon Veins Johnson.  To find out why, head over to DGDB&D (I'd link to them but I can't from here).

Smoove Will - Will Demps

Patrick Willis - Before the San Francisco game, we discovered that some of our friends at Niners Nation think a wee bit too highly of their (admittedly very excellent) linebacker.  I'll let someone else explain it from here. Take it away, TexansForever:

When the ball is snapped, WIllis bursts out of his Jersey and flies 20 feet up into the air (spinning in a 360) as he is surrounded by a Holy Light and wings sprout from his back.

He then splits into the three aspects, Coverer, Tackler and Son. Each aspect then converges on an opposing player and blankets him in a radiant light of blinding glory while the offense falls prostrate in divine worship.

Rosencopter - One of the darkest days in franchise history.  Sage Rosenfels' attempt to get one more first down against Indy that led to the Texans coughing up a 17 point lead with five minutes left to play.

DeJesus - DeMeco

The Baddest Person Who Ever Lived - Andre Johnson (I just made that up, but it is 100% accurate, I swear)

teh Schaub - Our quarterback

BESFs - The Baby Eating Sister F*ckers, also known as the Tennessee Titans.  To find out why, click here.

Satan, Beelzebub - The owner of the BESFs.

Radio - Vince Young

Vodka - Kerry Collins

Apostrophe - Andre' Davis

Durga - A Hindu goddess to whom Texans fans pray for good luck.

BANNED! – Threatening to ban somebody for no reason.

Ballhawk Gamecock – The player formerly known as Fred Bennett

Hugene – Eugene Seale

Evil Genius – Frank Okam

Bitchephant – Kama’s “wheels”

THOR – James Casey (The Hero Of Rice) and minor deity

Bone Crusher, The Season Ender -  Bernard Pollard

The Comicle - A Houston newspaper whose coverage of sports often appears to be written by bored chimpanzees.

Little Dicky Justice, Age 12 - Vince Young's soulmate.  Also, one of the chief chimpanzees at the Comicle.

Pancakes - A Texas-sized version of the Sally Struthers character from South Park.  Also writes for the Comicle. 

K-Dub - Kevin Walter

OD - Owen Daniels

Cowgirls, Cokeboys - A team that plays in Southern Oklahoma.

Jerah - Owner of the aforementioned team.

Frenchy - Jacques Reeves.

Methopotamia - Where the BESFs and Satan reside.

Coors Light - Tim’s beverage of choice. Bad mouthing it will result in being BANNED!

Horse vomit - The secret ingredient in Coors Light.

The Human Coke Machine - Vonta Leach

The Vonta Leach KTFO Award - An award formerly given by DGDB&D for people who had been knocked the f*ck out in a style the Human Coke Machine would approve of.  Ought to be resurrected (hint, hint).

I have to give Chris credit for this, because I first found the images on his site.  Seems that the Texans Talk people have been photoshopping Jeff Fisher into some pictures after he showed up at that charity event with a Peyton Manning jersey on.  All of this led to this youtube which you have to see to below.  Schadenfreude never felt so good, did it?  My personal favorite picture is below.

via img196.imageshack.us

While Peter King continues to barely mention Schaub or pay him backhanded compliments, our friends at Football Outsiders have a much better opinion of him.  Better, in fact, that Kurt Warner, Matt Ryan and the Manning brothers.  Unfortunately, they're not as high on Steve Slaton, and deservedly so.  There's also some interesting commentary on Chris Johnson in the piece as well.  In any event, reading these guys is a breath of fresh air compared to Peter King and company.

To tell your loved ones how you feel about them.

To think about how good you have it.

To ponder how you got where you are.

To take a moment to think about loved ones who aren't here anymore.

To appreciate people who are braver than you.

To consider the idea that, no matter how many warts and faults this country has, it remains a wonderful place, a land of opportunity, a beacon of hope.

To remember.

via www.myrnaslist.com

I shit you not, my friends.  Our own Matt "The Ultimate Weapon" Turk may have some competition.  Turns out Chad Ochocinco may be as good an all-round threat as Turk.  I don't know if you guys have seen this, but I just stumbled across it. 

Ochocinco can kick extra points and kickoffs.  Looks like he's got plenty of leg, too.

Also, why can't SBNation give us the ability to embed YouTubes into threads?  That would be badass.

ACT I: THE GAME

 It begins with earth.  A field of grass, cut to just a few inches above the ground.  Someone has marked out a rectangle on the field by drawing white lines on it, perhaps with paint or chalk.  The rectangle is further divided by a series of white lines that run across it at five yard intervals and then further marked with the addition of hashmarks and yardage numbers.  Perhaps there is a special logo in the endzone or at the field's middle.

 What is interesting about this field is not the fact that men walk or run on it.  It is the fact that men put their hands on it and eventually their entire bodies will end up on it, face up, face down, alone or in a group.  A referee puts the ball on the field and some men will place a single hand on the grass.  The man who puts his hand on the ground in this way does not do so because he has fallen or seeks to stoop at an altar or a confessional booth.  No.  In this sense, the act of putting one's hand on the ground is nothing more than the coiling of a spring.  The creation of tension.  Sweat slides in single beads from the faces of these men, falling to the earth like a solitary drip from a faucet.  If it is cold, steam will jet from the mouths and noses of these men as if they were bulls charging.  Tension ratchets up until there is only one possible action - a controlled explosion of muscle, aggression and grunts aimed at the opponent, timed to coincide with the snapping of the ball.  That's what the hand on the ground means.

It doesn't matter where this field is.  What matters is the game that is played there.  Boys and men will come to this strip of earth to play there.  There might be twenty people in the stands (all parents), 20,000 or even 100,000.  The men on the field may notice the people in the stands, they may not.  They are playing the game.  The game could take place under the sun's glare or under a harsh flashbulb bath of lights illuminating the rectangle as though god was peering down from heaven at this collection of men engaged in controlled, violent battle for supremacy.

Continue reading this post »

This little corner of the internet has attracted quite a few new names lately.  With the season about to start up, I thought it might be a good idea for us to introduce ourselves to one another.  I've seen other sites on SB Nation do this and it seems to bring out a lot of people.  Perhaps we can even convince a few lurkers to register and contribute.  Just share as much information as you feel comfortable sharing.

I'll go first.  I was born and raised in Houston but I live far away in a hot, dusty place now.  I've been a fan of Houston sports since as long as I can remember.  I went to my first Astros game with my dad back in something like 81 or 82 when I was 8/9 years old.  I've supported the Houston teams, with the Astros and Oilers being my favorites, ever since then.  I kind of gave up on pro football when the Oilers left town but I immediately became a Texans fan when it was announced that the NFL would return to Houston.  I watched the first game agains the Cowboys and have since watched every game I can, which was unfortunately not that much once I moved overseas.  However, the innernets have been a blessing and last season I was able to catch every single game on my trusty laptop.

Outside of following sports I like to play sports and really like action-type sports.  I used to be a backpacking/climbing guide and climbing, along with surfing and skiing, are my greatest passions in life (outside of my wife and two sons).  I also like playing guitar, cycling and poker and I'm a wannabe barbecuer.  I'm kind of a dilettante, I suppose. 

Besides the Houston sports teams, I also follow Ajax Amsterdam, the greatest soccer team in the history of the galaxy.

Hope to hear from everyone else out here, including perhaps a few lurkers.

Go Texans!

BFD was kind enough to post about my request for quality barbecue here.  I've decided that Luling City Market was the best place to go.  I should be there at noon this Saturday and would be happy to meet up if anyone is around.  If not, at least I'll have some good brisket to cry into.

Let me know if you're interested.

I need ten more words to make this the right length.

As a follow-up to my last post, which attempted to use poker to as a proxy for football, and explain why aggression is important to each, I'm going to give what I hope is a thought-provoking (and somewhat novel) theory on how a team with lesser defensive talent can neutralize some of the advantages a team with a superior offense enjoys.  It may run a bit long, but bear with me, because it should be an interesting discussion.  As I did last time, I'm going to start with poker, weave a little game theory into my argument, and conclude by tying it in to football.

Suppose for a minute that you entered the World Series of Poker Main Event and somehow, through a combination of intuition and luck, have made it to the final two.  You are heads up (yay!) and have only one person left to knock out.  If you do, money, fame, fortune and a bevy of hot blondes are yours for the taking -- you'll be so rich that you could cover your bed with money and roll around on it while you cavort with a variety of lovely women.  Sounds great, right? 

There's only one more obstacle to overcome before you can release your inner baller, and his name is Patrik Antonius.  Antonius is one of the most feared players on the planet.  He plays in, and wins, the biggest games in the world.  He's not afraid of anything, isn't intimidated by the money, and is basically a stone-cold killer as far as poker is concerned.  You playing against him is like trying to go one-on-one against Yao Ming.  You know that over time, his edge is so great that your chips will practically jump into his stack on their own.  Your only hope appears to be luck, right?  Is there any other hope you have of defeating your foe and becoming the poker celebrity that you've always wanted to be?

Continue reading this post »

Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Game Theory.

Now that we have a new defensive coordinator who, if Pancakes is to be believed, is in love with the blitz I thought I would give my own two cents on why pressuring the quarterback is the single most important part of playing defense.  I'm no specialist in defensive shells a la Matt, but bear with me and you'll see that there is a solid foundation for what I'm going to propose. 

For the purposes of this post, I'm going to compare football, specifically defense to poker, specifically no-limit hold 'em.  Stay with me - the comparison works.  For all the image that poker has as a game of wild bluffs and douchebags wearing their sunglasses indoors, there is actually a fundamental theorem that tells you in simple terms what you need to do to be a good player.  Sure, there's a bunch of underlying mathematical gobbledygook that explains it, but the premise is amazingly simple: get your opponents to make costly mistakes by paying cards differently than they would if they knew your hand.  Note that the deviousness and misdirection is implicit in the theory.  As I'll show you later on in the post, so is aggression.

The best poker player, then, is the one who is able to profit the most from his opponents' mistakes while losing the least from his own.  Being a good poker player does not mean making no mistakes - it means that you make a mistake on purpose in order to get your opponent to make a more costly mistake. 

There are two kinds of ways to get your opponents to make mistakes: you can have them put money in the pot with the worst hand or you can make them fold the best hand, giving you all the money in the pot.  The first point is pretty obvious, but it's the implications of the second point that make no-limit hold 'em so powerful, and make the comparison to no-limit hold 'em so relevant.

Continue reading this post »