If anyone ever doubted that Waggle Room has a living community of passionate golfers who not only parry their viewpoints across the aether but also meet in person from time to time and play a good game of ye olde golfe, this is all the proof they need to see that they are wrong.  While the main article is interesting and funny, especially for regulars here, the comments are classics in and of themselves.

This deserves not only to be widely read, but also to archived for all time as what wonderful people all of the regulars are.  We've not always agreed, them and I, but be assured I have never questioned their motivations nor their ferocious passion, and that I for one hold them in great respect. 

I hope that one day we all can meet somewhere on this Third Rock from the Sun and play a tournament together.  If any of you folks care to try to frame the logistics of that and give enough notice of its happening, I guarantee you I'll be there to join in the fun.  I only wish my home were large enough to invite you all to Eagle Ridge.

And folks, you not only owe me a new keyboard, because I repeatedly spit out tea laughing at your ripostes, you also have reminded me that I need to get my nearly fifty year old carcass into a gym to work out.  That's because at times my guts hurting from laughter were the results of your wits.  And half-wits too, in some cases.

Cheers to all,

Charles

PS and to Wendy a quick note: " 8 - 2 = shooting blanks."

As all on this site who are either drunk or sober know, We have Wendy in one corner, at 60 inches, and Easingwald in the opposite corner weighing many stones....

This Epic match will be played at  Wendy's club,   Old Swampy or whatever the name is...Does anyone know the real name?....within the next 2 weeks they tell us...Tee time is already booked...Guess it's early in the morning...cause Wendy said it was early for her...we know that anything before 8am is not in her best interest....

All posters can weigh in with their picks....Chip will update and Scrums will be dispensing the liquid refreshments....He is also taking all bets, ..I believe that just before the bell rings, that Wendy is the odds on favorite....

SO, get your bets down folks.....NO, this is not a popularity contest....It is a Serious Grudge Match....Who's it goona be left standing?....As I get first pick, I takes LIL WENDY...."GO LIL WENDY"    ..STUB

Well, the U.S. Open is history, with all it's surrounding Hoopla and Drama.  I waited to make this announcement so as not to Userp the Open News...So here it is:

I'M LEAVING THE LINKS...Yes I am...No, No,  won't do you any good in trying to change my mind...No, won't listen to any of your reasonings...Can't talk me out of it, my minds made up...and when my minds made up, even if I am wrong  (happened only once or twice)...it's made up....Your naturally asking why, so I'll tell you....When you play like "R...UBBISH OR CRAP"  I derive no more pleasure in doing so....If I can't do it well, I intend not to do it at all...

Sure, I'll give you the reasons, and no, I want no sympthathy....This is just the way it is....

1.     AGE:   Charles and Easy have addressed this very subject....You age, we all do....I didn't realize I was, until I looked in the Mirror one day and this White Haired handsome person looked back at me.....He had bags under his eyes, big enough to pack....and where did those sleek, well muscled arms go?...What was going on here....Damm, I was AGING, and no one ever told me.... 1a...The EYES...My sight is so bad, if I didn't have a Caddy I wouldn't know where the ball was, except most often in the Fairway some place....Haven't seen a ball come down in years.  And this also goes to PUTTING...Really hard to read the GREENS when you need a cane and seeing eye dog..

2.     INJURYS'  ROTER CUFF in Right shoulder shot...Creates a hitch in my swing at most inopertune times, and hurts like Hell also....
         * LEFT KNEE:   Had it replaced in 04'..with Stainless Steel and Teflon...Pains gone, but knee bends great, but does not FLEX on back and  through swing....Do your swing and you will see what I mean....Made adjustments for this years ago, but really not happy..
         * RIGHT KNEE:  Grinding Bone on Bone, and hurts like Hell...Take pain pills..not happy with taking pills either. this is starting to cause a restricted backwing, and instead of the smoothes swing this side of Heaven that I had most of my life, I'm slashing worse than Arnie..not good...

3.     FLEXIBILITY:   Don't even know what that is anymore.

4.     OVERALL HEALTH....Best word I have to describe it right now is  "SHITTY"....Have no idea where my strength and endurance have gone...but they done got up and went....Can't even tell you when...Can't beieve no one would tell me I was getting OLD.   I can't even play 18 anymore, I run out of gas about 7-8 and that's no fun...

BUT...THERE'S ALWAYS A BUT.....Here's the SILVER LINING OR THE GLASS IS HALF FULL...all depends on your view point, and I prefer to see some MARTINI still in the glass.....I said I was leaving the LINKS, NOT GOLF....alltogether...I intend to become the bane or scourge if you will of all teachers like our own Chipper, that LIL DOLL....Yep, that's right.....I INTEND TO BECOME A RANGE RAT.   The range I have in mind, has great facilities...for Putting, Chipping, Pitching and sure, I still intend to hit a full shot here and there...Plus, they have benches so I can sit down when I feel like it.

Well, as that great News Caster EDWARD R. MORROW said during the coverage during WWIi of the London Blitz..."GOOD NIGHT...and   GOOD LUCK.......STUB

How dare anyone in this day and age ask - require someone to be grown up and act with dee-cor-um...Easy...when Ricky Fowler was giving an interview, he turned his had around and had the brim in the back....WELL by all that's holy, that didn't sit well with one of the members of AN who asked him  (politley I'm sure) to please turn it back to the way it was ment to be worn...RF didn't, so the member asked him the second time  (maybe witha bit more of a demand) and RF did...The reason ?..He said he wanted people to see his face...Hey, I have no quarell with that...In fact, it's simple as hell...TAKE THE FRIGGIN HAT OFF...

I take great exception with this hat thing...Here in the gud ol  USA of Texas,  men don't take off their Stetsons..(well with the one exception, wink wink) even to eat...Than there is the crowd that wears the gimmy caps...I have more than once gotten off my chair, and leaned over one of these BAD MANNED BUFFONS in a restaurant and asked them to remove the hat...And they get my meaning real quick. No fist-a-cuffs yet, but it does get a few dirty looks...If they have women with them, I usually get a GREATFUL look...to me, BAD MANNERS ARE NEVER IN STYLE.

The members of AN have certain things that they want done, ahd how they want them done...No shorts on the course is one...but, and this is the key point here....THIS IS THE WAY THEY WANT THINGS DONE, AND HAVE PAID A LOT OF MONEY TO HAVE IT SO...It's their club...do it their way, or hit the highway...AN doesn't need the Pros...they need The Masters....STUB

OK All you great unwashed and other assorted Nutters...Sit done, Shut up and pay attention, cause I'm only going to tell you this one time...Wendy, stop trying to hit Easy with your elbows, and Easy, stop picking your nose...This is something that is not in any Google or printed matter about the Masters. Unless you know people on the inside, you could never find this out, so here goes..Chip stop playing witht the friggin katz.

This comes from Fred who has been the head steward longer than most's mens memories...So, because it's only fitting, I will have Court blow the trumpet to start us off, cause he lives there in the Land of JAW-JA, the Land of the Lonesome Pine..Court, yur up....TA TA TA TA TA TAAAAAA !!!!!!  Well done.

Fred swears to this on his Greatgrandmothers and his Grandmothers eyes, and as they were both VOO DOO Priests, and did stuff with Chicken Bones and Stuffed dolls and pins like Wendy,  he was to scared not t be telling the truth...Fred has skin like leather, and you almost expect to see Moss growing on him..

Well, Fred says, that on EVERY Tuesday Morning of Masters Week this takes place...Oh, a bit of showcase here...On Monday night, (that's before Tuesday)   The Stars that shine on Alabama....not out....blacker than the inside of a deep well...However, on Monday's sunset, as it sank below the JAW-JA  Pines,  it was a Great Red Ball...and as any sailor can tell you,  there is a saying...."Red at night, Sailors delight,  Red in the Morning, Sailor take warning"....Also, no frogs or Kaddy Ditts...singing....Still as a grave yard...

OK....Now, at exactly 6:15 am, Fred says he filles 2 coffee cups and takes them to the porch of the Butler Cabin...No ones there, but he said he can see 2 chairs moving gently.  He puts the cups on the porch rail, and in his words  "get's the hell out of there"....But he has watched, and he said that when the clock strikes 6:30 am on the button,  he swears on his Grandma's eye balls he can see two, that's 2  Gossamer like Things go to the first tee...One is Cliff Roberts, and the other Hoard Hardin...Wow, you talk of 2 guys with Iron Fists in velvet gloves...Well, jist ask McCord how tough they were,,,He had hardly gotten Bikini Wax out of his mouth, before he was fired...Anyway,  Those two, that's 2,  stand on the first Tee...raise their arms and  here's where it gets kind of scary...Fred swears you can hear them in Boomin voices rolling down the Fairways carried by the breeze that's cume up...yell....'BLOOM GAWD D*** YA".

The sun comes up over those... JAW-JA Pines in a big bright Yellow Ball,  every blade of grass stands at attention, every flower bud opens and every Dogwood Tree blooms....This is the start of MASTERS WEEK...Fred says when he goes to get the coffee cups....THEIR EMPTY...

Now Charles...go with your friends to enjoy the event...feast your eyes on greens like no other course, and admire the most pristine conditions you can imagine....Not one scrap of paper, cigarett butt, etc.   More trash containers than most Apartment parking lots...Make sure you eat one of their famous EGG SALAD sandwitches, with a cup of that famous coffee they brew...OH, and make sure you go to the merchandise tent and spend freely....This is how the Pro makes 25 % of his yearly income...IT'S MASTERS WEEK.....

There it is you Nay Sayers, and assorted other Skeptics....Inside info into the Masters......Stay thirsty everyone....STUB

OK Adam from Chi Town....You been writing all that stuff about the Masters, and Augusta National and you wern't supposed to...We assigned Eh Rats that job because he is retired and snow bound and has nothing else to do but drink....We thought that by having him do the Masters stuff, we could curb the drinking a bit, so ya didn't help.


Now, with all you've blathered about, there is a whole lots ya don't know....And, I ain't going to tell you right now...You will have to wait until Tuesday Morning....So, start knawing on your finger nails...Yup, it's nail biting time...No, No..no matter how much bribe you offer  (isn't that what they do in Chicago)  you have to wait for Tuesday....

STUB 

Well, it has been an interesting week....Started out bad and ended just about the same way....Firstly, let me tell you about the weather we have had to endure...high 60's at night, and 79-80 during the day, and trade winds up a bit around 8-10 mph...Also had scattered showers, but not too bad...hard to complain when it's that warm and the rain is too...

Food wise, eating like a pig...I am really enjoying all the fresh fish...Yesterday, was at the dock early  5:30, because on Saturday, if you don't , you have to wait for the second run of boats...The chefs and restaurants get the first run and you may not be able to get what you want...I picked up a couple of good size pieces of Mahi Mahi...Had them skin it right away, saves me time later...Wendy...I fixed one with a Potato-Horse Radish crust...Fried with the Crust side down, until flaked away with a fork...Did a side of Bourbon Glazed Carrot sticks...Drank a hell of a lot of nice White wine....Absolutely delicious...This was only the second time I tried that crust, but it turned out well....Other one in freezer until mid week...

Well, As you might expect, the blood lettings commomly call Volley Ball attracted some unwelcome attention...On Tuesday morning, the Site Manager for the Condos came out and told the Kids that they were welcime to use the court, but it was on Sight Property, not the beach   (it is, just never realized it before)...but asked them to tone it down a bit...seems some guests had complained about the noise...The kids left,  and didn't comeback until Thursday...much more subdued, but glad to see they didn't stay away....

GOLF...what can I say...Played well on Tuesday,  Played so-so on Thursday, but managed to get my day money back out of the pot...Bought one round of drinks and left...My energy level has been down, don't know what's the problem...Just kind of Blah...attitude sucks also...I know, we arn't chipping Ice, shoveling snow or falling and  slipping on that Ice, but you do have to realize, we also have it  kind of rough...The same great weather day in and day out,  being able to go outside with out freezing, Playing Golf or water sports when ever we want...This all takes it's toll on a person.

My Pro-ta-ja in the card business is off and running...Got all her permits, licenses, tax numbers etc..  I went to the Printers with her...Have any of you seen envelopes being made?  Fasinating...And did you know they have a machine that tears the paper to give it that custom look?   She's supposed to deliver the 50 boxes to the Ritz Carlton the front part of next week...She got a letter from THE marketing  company in all the Islands..."Hilo Hatties"..Everyone that comes to Hawaii ends up in one of their stores (all over the place)  and buys something to take home...,I still have 2 coffee cups,  and they give those to you with your purchase....My wife used to buy what they call a MU-MU..don't know about the spelling, but it looked like a sack with a hole for the head and  slits for the arms...She put those on when we got here, and that's about all she wore...Even took a couple back with us and wore them around the house...Came in every color of the Rainbow....Anyhooo, they asked Amanda to send them a catalog so they could order...Pretty neat...She really was excited...I also set up a business calander, that tells her what to do when, and a small bookkeeping service...Always hire the experts to do what you can't...I told you one of the reasons she came to Hawaii in the first place was to get out from under the parents, who were trying to Micro-manage a 22 year old...Doesn't work...But, she said she had talked more with her Mother, told her what she was doing and things seemed better..Thought her Dad was coming around more too...Happy to hear all that.. Oh..those note cards really do look great...just an aside

While just lounging on the balcony kind of whale watching and sending E-mails back and forth with my son, I was playing a game of Hearts...Now, You don't have to be a brain surgeon to play card games, just be able to count and remember a few things  RIGHT?   Well, the word FAIR was bandied about in another post,  and I can tell you there is nothing FAIR about life...I was holding my own in the game, when it got down to the 2 last cards... I had the 5 and Ace of Hearts...I had already taken 3 points.  Had worked it around so that the chair on my left was leading...Put down the 3 of Hearts...Chair across from me the 4 of Hearts...I felt pretty smug...Then..WHAM...the fickle finger of fate entered the picture and FICKELED ME.   The chair to my right put down the QUEEN OF SPADES  (13 points) and I clicked on the 5 of Hearts rather than the Ace...Just like that---16 points...Than had the Ace to play, and picked up 2 more...Of course, i lost the damm game...Fair?...maybe that's what has contributed to my bad attitude...See what I mean when I say things are tough here?....Aloha-and Mahalo  all you great unwashed......STUB

Yea, Yea..I know, the report is a day late...get over it...Jeez

Starting at the top, THE WEATHER....absolutley paradise fantastic, as it should be...78-80 days, 67-70 evenings with Trade Winds 2-4 MPH..

Now..our new en-tra-pur-near, Amanda gets a rude awaking...Tuesday, took her to City Hall, Where she received a great dose of reallity....Permits, fees and Taxes...The woman at the Ritz Carlton has been of emense help with information, and even gave her an order for 50 boxes of notes...Amanda, right now, is trying to decide if it's all worth it...

On to Golf...You all know how Wendy says her game is Rubbish...Well,  Mine went right past Rubbish, and right to SUCKS...Thursday, threw...nay, donated my 100.00 to the day pot, and had to endure all the lip flapping from the kids in addition to not making a buck...Only thing good...I didn't have to buy any drinks this week...

Oh yes...first Whale sighting of the trip....My front balcony faces Lanai and Molokai....The channel in between is great for whale spotting....One breached twice..Quite a sight...The biggest things you jave ever seen...Absolutely beautiful...I had taken the rest of the Pizza from the freezer,,and along with a very robust Eye-Tal-yun.Chainti...really scarfed it down...Ended up with a great case of heart burn untin about 2 in the AM. I had earlier, had an attack of sweet tooth...No, My sweet tooth takes over my whole life...I had jumped in the car, gone to the store and gotten a Marie Callander  DUTCH APPLE PIE..this is as close to home made as you can get..I have been wacking away and througly enjoying it.

Now...The reason for the delay..it had been rumored about a Volly Ball Match...Yup...true...Saturday morning, along with the usual crowd..here came a bunch of True Locals, going to College..There's a branch of the Univ. of Hawaii here...I recognized 3-5 of the kids, from watching them Surf on the far side of the Island...

Well, let me tell you...I have never seen more hard bodies in one location in my life...this trancended  a sporting event...It was more like Carnage and Mayham...There were than a few bloody noses and scraped elbows and knees....Wendy, you would llhave been proud of that 60 inch dynamo  (I think her name is Liz)...She is one tough kid...One of the locals, couldn't take his eyes off her...not that I could blame him,  She had to turn away a couple of times, to empty the sand out of those hammocks she wears, while digging balls out of the sand...The play got so rough, I called a halt (I was the Official on site)  with an 8-8 tie....Now, here's the greatest part....As rough as the play was, the Locals produced a case of beer (we were off the beach and up on the lawn now) And they were all long lost cousins...Wendy..Who ever says youth is wasted on the young, is wrong..That kid who couldn't take his eyes off Liz?   She was sitting on his legs, and when she turned to talk to him, that  poor guy didn't know if he should reach out and touch them, or lean over and kiss them...knowing full well, he would loose either his hand or head...Gawd amight, it was funny to watch her work on him.

Ok..I'm sure ya all know they is playing the Seniors Skins game at the Kaanapali...Well, it's creating a bit of a problem...It's free for anyone who wants to go watch...The problem?  Their parking on the highway which is a no-no....I decided to go play one of the Local Muni's...The DUNES AT MAUI LANI..Easy, it's a Scottish Links type course in the middle of the Island..6800 yds...A nice track....Well, I got hitched up with a couple of locals..Tad (the father) played barefoot...his son was just along to placate Dad...Tad was about 55-60, and beat me in 9 holes by 5 shots...He said he gave up shoes abot 5 years ago when then went over 100.00...His balance was fantastic...Only played 9 holes, as I was having a real melt down...

Well. it's back to watching Sun Sets, Whale watching and just relaxing...So, shovel that snow, Try driving on that Ice and freezing your bum off....Aloha Everbody....Chip darling...Where are ya?...STUB

Lordy, What a week it was....Damm, I need a Martini just to keep my strength up...

We got a bit of rain early in the week, but just showers, nothing serious....AND, I did get to play 2 times....Went to McKenna  and teed it up with the young flat bellies....Tossed my money into the day fund, listened to all the trash talk about OLD PEOPLE  and kicked ass...I put 100,00 into the pot and dragged out 500,00,,,,Just killed them with my Iron play...That has been my strength all these years.....Spent most of it buying drinks later in the club house for the little snots...Oh well, it was good PR....by the way, shot 76.....Second round , not so good....I went to Royal Kahanna and was just a bit late to get out on the South course...That's what the Sr. tour used to play....There were 2 groups on the fairway, and 4 on the Tee Box....All Women.....must have been a convention or something.....I waved to the guys in the Pro Shop, jumped in the cart and went across the road to the North....Ahhhh,  no one there....first hole par 5 straight away....missed the birdie, but ended the front side with 39...On 10, I could feel that damm muscle in my right side start to twinge...by the tee ball on 13, I said to hell with it and went in....Yea EM..have played most every course in the Islands over the years....There's a small airport about 5-6 minutes from my place, and years back, a couple of us used to charter this guy and fly to different Islands, play and fly back....My wife would just roll her eyes,  thought I was a bit daft  (like that Wendy...daft)...

Well, I've been busier than the preverbial one armed paper hanger.....And ya damm right,  there have been a lot of wiggling and jiggling on the volley ball court...Wendy, you will love this....There is one lovely, your size...60 inches...However, I keep waiting for her to fall over, as she is so top heavy it's funny...These kids play to win, no quarter asked for and none given....Yesterday this little fire storm,  went up on the net, and when the guy went up for the spike, she gave him an elbow in the groin that just about knocked him down...The look on her face was priceless....Pure....Take that buster....ya gotta love it...

The fresh fish has been fantastic..,eating all I can...Wendy, I fix it all with Mirin, Capers, lemon butter and bake it...A good salad to go along, and what more do ya need....I made a Pizza Tuesday, and ate like I was a starved castaway....put enough sausage, and other meats on it to put a Chicago Pizza to shame....Put 1/3 in the freezer for another day....Got more wine,  and the fixings for the Martini;s what more do I need?    Chip...where are ya ?

Now, this is what has been taking a ton of time....Remember those 2 sweet things, one from Canada, and the other from Australia?..Well, the kid from Canada is still here...The one went back to Australia to finish her Medicaal School....Amanda  (her name)  said she decided to stay, more to get out from under her parents micro-managing her life than anything...Oh, and now she has a boy friend so that may have something to do with it....However...this girl has talant...she was an ART major...and can paint / draw....During our talks  (ok, I stammered)..she said she really wanted to do something with it, but didn't know how to start....I said the first thing she needed was a plan of what to do, and how she was going to do it....Well...the first thing i knew, I was setting up a business plan with her, and teaching her how to do due diligence...We settled on NOTE PAPER  (yup, people still write notes)..she could do a painting on the front....I had her going to Printers, Specialty stores, etc....so she could see what this was all going to entail...The result ?...It's dueable....Stay tuned, will keep you apprized as this unfolds....

The Weather has been great...80 today...and forecast as Sunny for the whole of next week...about time....Well, It's Martini, cheese / crackers / sausage time....Ta Ta yawl....Ah, life i good.....STUB,

, I jis wanna say, Chip and Me is not currantly dating....Now, that that's outta the way, I will describe the week this way  'RAIN RAIN GO AWAY, COME BACK ANOTHER DAY"...

OK all you assorted bandits, pirates and assorted other nardowells..LISSEN UP..In all my years of coming to the Islands, I have never and I mean never seen so much rain....It's pretty bad, when Islands , ISLANDS for friggin sake, have flash flood warnings...No, it wasn't a steady rain, but it came and went and came down prety hard when it was here....

It was so bad, (the weather) I actually saw a couple of honeymooners arguing....I thought that was funny as heck...If they do it now, just wait a few years...I drank so much of that Kona  Coffee, my bladder seems back to normal...I peed like a race horse....I have 2 balcony's at my place...One on the side where I can see the sun come up in the morning, and one facing the ocean, where I can watch the sun sent every evening...It's also the balcony that I can view all those sweet young things playing beach vollyball.....There was no vollyball....It rained to damm much.

There's an old sailors saying...about how the weather is going to be....Easy probably knows it...It concerns the sun.." Red at night, sailors delight, red in the morning, sailor take warning.   I couldn't tell...Never saw the damm sun.

I did however drive to the dock, get the catch of the day for 3 meals, and yes, they were delicious...I do have to go to the store again, because I didn't buy a lot of wine on the first run, but did drink some  (ok, lot's) with the dinners.. Tonight, is steak night...A wonderful bone in Ribeye about 1-1/2 in thick...Will do medium rare, with one of these wonderful Maui baked potatoes...this volcanic soil grows some great stuff...Oh, yea,  I have also managed to polish off 2 pineapples....Man, they was good....I saved some of the juice, and have the steak in the fridge, setting in it right now....Yes, I also have my fingers wrapped around my Martini glass right now....
If the sun doesn't shine real well, the tourist dollar is going to be way down..

On the up side of things,,I'm here where it's warm, no damm snow or cold weather...but consider this....How would you like to be one of the tourists who spent a bundle to get here, with a wife and a couple of kids in tow, and than had this for the week...Probably spending about 350-450 a day, and couped up in a hotel with a bitchy wife and sullen kids....Kind of puts things in perspective.....Ah, life is good......Stay tuned, this is an ongoing issue....STUB.

OK, FOR BETTER OR WORSE...HERE IT IS FOR THE 2k10.. The state of the LPGA....all the pundents are scratching ltheir bellies, and wailing about the problems....I don't see any problems.....I see 2K11 as a year of great opportunity for the ladies.....Wide open race, and let the chips fall where they may....The best thing for golf, is COMPETITION, and I don't care where it comes from.....just go out and beat each others brains and ego's in....

For the Nationwide tour...I see a whole lot of new faces, young, eager and fearless....That's also a good thing....they all got 14 tools....the last man standing every week will have earned it.....Lots of beardless young guys....have at it....

Ok, now for the big show.....I see a year of young guys....Why ?...because they're hungry....I can see them pushing and shoving their way to the top of the ladder....Who gets shoved off?    I think it's gonna be a tough year for the 40 somethings.....Well, wether you agree or disagree, that's what this listing is all about...I think everyone has an idea and a wish list.....so, let's hear some.....STUB

Well, if no one else is gonna, I will....Where the Hell is Old Man Par ?  Ya don't think he got his self drunked up and locked up in the Tank do ya ?   Wasn't  Isn't he supposed to be our fearless leader ?   The site hasn't been changed and it's begining to smell like an ol diaper....Let's find this guy....anybody got bail money ? NO ? Well, what we gonna do ?  Can't let him rot in the huskow...didn't read about any major killins in his area a the country, so it can't be too bad.....STUB

HA !!!  So much for your fashion sense....Just saw all the "uniforms" our Yanks will be wearing for the RC...Pretty darn snazzy....It's a RETRO look....back to the 40's and 50's....Cardigan sweaters, the whole bit....They say that Bob Hope had enough sweaters to start a store....Everyplace he went, someone gave him one.   And by the way, I now have your number....You are Jean's Sister-in-law,  PENNY and your under appreciated hubby is STEPHEN...GOTCHA !!!!....Maybe what you saw the other day, was for the EURO team ????.....STUB

I had to give this a lot of thought before I wrote it, cause it will come back and bite me so to speak.....These are true stories.....just a bit  of trivia....when there were Cowboys and Indians,  The cowboys wore boots that came up almost to the knee...They were made of leather, almost a quarter inch thick....Why?  because there were Rattle Snakes...When they struck, faster than you can blink, it was usually between the ankle and calf of the leg...Their fangs couldn't get through the leather....

OK...Court may remember a Club in Atlanta that he and I talked about a bit ago....Indian Hills....The Ford Motor Co. carved this out of a Georgia Pine forest....For you that aren't familiar with real snakes, the poison kind, in Georgia, they had 2 main varieties....Cotton mouths and  a smaller one called  Copper Heads....When this course was started, the crews carried shot guns and it sounded like a shooting range every day...After the course was completed, on Mondays when the maintenance crews went out, they still shot a bunch of them.....Well, the point of this post is, that the first year the course was open, they hosted a LPGA event....Carol Mann and a lady from Canada stayed at our house....The local rules said "DO NOT GO INTO THE TREES TO GET YOUR BALL"   They had cut the branches up about 8-10 ft....so you could actually take a swing....One thing about Cotton Mouths....they climb trees to get at the birds nests.....Well, the first fairway started at the clubhouse on a hill.... went down probably 30-40 ft and leveled out....The fairway was slopped left to right, and on the right side was about a 2 acre pond...The fairway took a gentle bend around the pond to the right.

The best tee ball, was towards the left side...it caught the slope and could shot gun you another 50 yards into the middle of the fairway...Just a 9 iron or wedge to the green, across the corner of the pond....Well, Ms' Mann went to the left side, but also drew the ball, into the trees....When she got there, she was starting to go into the trees....could see her ball on the pine straw....A Marshall there stopped her....he had a rake on a rope....he threw it over the ball and dragged it out....She could take a drop with no penalty.....When they looked, sure enough, there was a snake in a tree.

Second, they were having a member guest at the same club....the rules sheet told the players not to go into the trees, and also not to retrieve their balls from the water.....I don't recall which hole it was, other than it was a par 5 and you crossed a small stream 3 times to get to the green....It took a really big hitter to go for the green in 2 rather than playing a 3 shot par five.....You guessed it....One of the guests dribbled into the water, got out of his cart and reached into the water....this is a favorite place for the Copper Heads....He got 4 separate strikes on his hand and arm....He started to run,  and the others in his group chased him down.....I was acting as rules official, and just happened to see what was happening.....We put him in my cart, I took him up the hill to the club house where an ambulance took him to the hospital....His partner was his brother-in-law, and when I talked to him a few days later, he told me his hand and arm swelled up about 3 times normal...Lucky, he didn't lose any fingers.

Well, all you guys/gals get ready to gaffaw....This ones on me....The Atlanta Athletic Club had built a new course out a bit,  a great place....Well, one Wednesday, My dad's uncle called me and said one of the regular foursome couldn't make it, and could I fill in....Are you Frikkin kidding me?   I'd be there if I had to sell one of my kids....I jumped in the car, drove ta a RICHES' department store and purchased a pale lemon yellow pair of slacks....My wife said I couldn't go looking like a bum and embarrassing Uncle Walter.....I remember this like it was yesterday....On the 4th hole, a dogleg left, I out drove the others by about40 yards, but went through the dogleg into the rough....They had also cut the branches up about 8-9 feet.   Dropped Uncle Walter at his ball, and sat there while a couple of guys hit, than drove down to my ball....Just sitting there on that pine straw as pretty as you please....I got out of the cart, determined my distance, pulled a club and went into the trees....I took a couple practice swings, no problem....than I happened to look up to see if I was obstructed.....HOLY SH*T.   there above my head was the snake......Well, I froze....and I wet myself.....Uncle Walter had gotten there, saw what the problem was and told me not to move....Hell, I couldn't have if I would have wanted to....He took a club, and knocked the snake out of the tree, grabbed my arm and pulled me out of there....He put me in the cart, and than the adrenaline hit me....I shook like I had Saint Vitus Dance....They took me back to the club house, poured a couple of brandy's in me and sent me home.....I walked into the house, and my wife took a look at me and that big wet pee stain on those new lemon yellow slacks....Never said a word....I marched into the bathroom, took the slacks off, balled them up and threw them into the trash....I told her what happened about 3 hours later....She must have laughed for 20 minutes, than went and called Uncle Walter and I could hear her laughing again....He never did ask me to play with his group after that, even tho he and I went to the Masters together for a few years.....OK everbody  stop yur dam laughing......yea right    SYUB

HEY EVERBODY....THIS IS KIND OF A MORAL ISSUE, SO IF THAT AIN'T YOUR SCHTICK, READ NO FURTHER

I have been reading,  well rereading really a book with the title "Golf is not a game of perfect" written by Dr. Bob Rotella....I was sitting on the beach,   yea, I'm still in my favorite place on Gods green earth,  admiring as I do, all the wonderful bikinis, long limbs and big....well you get the picture....I have a good friend who is also a Doctor....a real medical kind...and we were sitting there discussing the book and different aspects of life....The talk got to negatives and positives and he made a statement, that just hit me between the eyes....He said,  that more of mans illnesses have to do with being negative than most people think.....I asked him to explain, and he said that being negative creates more stress, longer recovery periods, etc....This all just blew me away, cause I knew what he said was absolutely true....So, henceforth...I am going to do like the Ol Johnny Mercer song   "I'M GONNA ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE,  E-LIMINATE THE NEGATIVE"  and don't mess with Mr. in between....Years back, when my wife and I were young marrieds, she said, she couldn't understand why some people always had to say something negative...I remembered that, and that's why I'm going back to the way it usta be....If any one else feels so inclined, well jump aboard....there's lots a room......jist sayin....STUB

Howdy gang....I just got a life lesson, which due to my advanced age, I shouldn't be getting any more.  However I will explain that later, as it has absolutely nothing to do with Golf...well, maybe just a little bit.

I was wondering, if you bought new clubs, and they didn't live up to all the hype that the manufacturers put out, can you return them?   How about golf balls....we all know the direct and indirect lies that are told about them...If they don't dance just right on the green, or suck back far enough can you return the rest for a full refund....And how about shoes....If they don't get you closer to mother earth as claimed, can you return them, even if ya played in the rain? 

It extends to gloves, hats, shirts/blouses pants/shorts/skorts and maybe even underwear...Is everything under a warranty?  Is it implied when you purchase the article in question?   I haven't seen any product "disclaimers" have you?

Now, the reason for all these musings....My cell phone went belly up, kaputs....and this after about 15 years at least.  No matter, I have been paying a insurance fee on my cell phone bill for just such an emergency.  Well, at least I thought I was....checked my statements, and YUP, there it was....Well, I went to the cell phone store, and after the laughter stopped from the clerks upon seeing this dinosaur, they informed me that "SORRY, YOUR INSURANCE ONLY COVERS DAMAGE DUE TO A LIGHTING STRIKE,  OR A BUS RUNNIING OVER IT, OR A CYCLONE"...But not ordinary wear and tear and outright age.   Hmmmm!  After spending the better part of an hour just to hear this, I came back home and called Customer Service....The nice young lady explained that "indeed that was the case...In fact it  (the phone)  and my plan were so old,  She never said one word about my age,  they didn't even exist any longer.  

I stood my ground, and explained that no one had advised me of this when the phone and plan were taken out...I had faithfully paid the fee each and every month for all the years, so it sould indeed be covered...Finally, after about a 20 minute conversation, she agreed to overnight me a replacement....In fact, it just got here....A real beauty....RED, and even takes pictures....My old one only sent and received calls...charging it now...The only reason I carry it when I do, is because my Sons raise a stink if I don't...."what if you need help or something" is all I hear...to keep peace, I put the thing in my pocket and into the glove box in the car...I don't bother telling them that "there are times when I don't want to be found or interrupted.....I hate it when some clown on the course is texting or calling/receiving a call from someone during the round....Well, that's it...just wondering about  those WARRANTIES and what's all covered....STUB

Where is that new weekend warrior that we were promised,,,What's his name?  Jonathan Wall....this is the guy who has all that golfing stuff we are supposed to get on the weekends...Right?   Ya don't suppose he went to the wedding, got slopped up, staggered into an alley, passed out and the cops picked him up and threw him into the tank do ya?   Or...Maybe he just got slopped up and forgot it was the weekend...At any rate, we didn't get any thing from Mr. Wall....Did we?  Any one know where he is?   Did he report in for duty this morning?   I think Court better send out the hounds and find him....jist thinking here mind ya.....STUB

Yep, now I know why Ms' Shin is #1 on the LPGA.   I have been around our game for over 70 years, and so I guess I can speak with a good idea of what it takes to get there and stay there...I watch very closely, the Sybase play, and this is my observation:  She will not beat herself....that said, here's why...She has an absolute belief in what she can do...She knows exactly what each swing will produce...distance and direction wise...AND, she doesn't care what anyone else is doing...She plays only to her strengths...driving, second shots, pitching/chipping and putting...I watched, and never did see her "trying to make something happen or force a shot", and this is what did most of the other players in...I think we will have a long reign of Ms' Shin, and it will be enjoyable watching all the rest push at her...No, she didn't with the event, but it was only a red hot putter that did her in, not a mistake on her part.....STUB

Hey Gang....pile on here with whatever.....My observations.... and I know Wendy is doing a jig behind her couch with Mr.Westwood leading...but, is it just me or is our sport looking like NASCAAR?    I counted 7 patches on Lee's shirt for different sponsors....this is getting a bit out of hand if you ask me..Ya I know, I'm an old Foggy....Next...has the criteria changed for getting badges?   I keep scanning the galleries, and it was a decided YOUNGER GROUP than I am used to.   If so, where the heck have I been not to know it...With all the bitching out of the way, I don't believe anyone can argue with the level of talent we are seeing at the Masters...It sure will be a great Sunday, and I wish them all the best....STUB.



 

Has anyone seen Ryan?  is he off on holiday?   just laying around his girlfriends place?  it has to be something really drastic....have the jails and hospitals been checked...I'm really worried....it's like a cats litter box...this site hasn't been changed for 2 days now....I thought that maybe Court or Jumpin had something to do with this, but they haven't been seen for 2 days either...sure is a funny way to handle business...STUB

It is well known by most of you guys/ladies what I think of Michele Wie's talent and where she should stand on the LPGA tour...I am going to make no apologies here...however, I'm going to ask several questions and make some observations that I would like you to weigh in on...First,  Wie was going along in good shape up to the 11th hole..She had missed  1-2 short putts that would have had her right next to Ms' Seo...who by the way, played one of the most flawless rounds I have seen on the LPGA, Kudos to her...I have said this before and I lay it out again here...Where was her Caddy?...When are they going to get someone with some Brass Kajonies on her bag...Over the past at least 3 years, it's been DUMB DECISIONS that have done her in...It's the caddies job to see that those don't happen....This guy has a meal ticket and is afraid to open his mouth....GET RID OF HIM...Next,  Wie with an iron in her hand is as good as anyone out there...You don't always have to Eagle the par 5s, most times a birdy is just as good....I will say that the 2 stroke penalty was correct....She still had time to make up the lost ground...Again, it was the Caddies job to settle her down...I see a lack of focus...isn't that what you have swing coaches for?  Do they need to clean house and get all new people?   Truly, something needs to be done, but what....STUB

This is really just a heads up...Ken Greens son was found dead here in Dallas some time ago on the SMU campus...they just released the findings today...His name was Hunter, and he died of accidental poisoning, from Alcohol, and 3 different prescription drugs  all downers...His sister Brooke said the family was still trying to cope with the loss...I guess we all are, and ya wonder, how many more things can get put on Ken's plate...STUB

Feel free to jump in anytime gang....would these be considered game enhancement drugs?   I had my left knee replaced with Stainless Steel and Teflon, but not my right one...I am bone to bone there, and sometimes you can hear it "click" when I walk...Needless to say, at times is downright painful and aggravating...Here's the thing...My Sons mother in law has problems too, and she takes a product to relieve it...she claims it does wonders....She sent me a bottle of the liquid gels, and they contain"Glucosamine Sulfate along with Chondrotin Sulfate....All designed to ease the pain and provide smoother joint work.... any thoughts on this....STUB
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it's twoo, it's twoo...Newsmax posted that Fleischer has indeed been hired by Tiger to do the spin on his return...This is the same guy who did wonders for the college bowl game picture, advised the GB Packers on how to handle the dismissal of their quarterback, and advised a steroid druggie before a senate inquiry...boy, and we all know how well those all turned out...Oh, and not only that, but this is a joint venture with ...drum roll here...IMG....Tigers agents....wow, this just boggles the mind doesn't it?  Now, supposedly it's reported that Arnie Palmer has let it out that Tiger will play at BayHill.....TADATATATATAAAAAA!!!!....stay tuned, this seems to be a work in progress...STUB

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Something about this whole Tiger thing hasn't felt right from the git go...I didn't know what it was, but those little hairs on the back of my neck, just wouldn't lay down. Take a real close look at the picture of his SUV and the damage it shows....If he was coming OUT of his driveway as reported so early in the morning, he would have had to make an almost U-TURN, to damage the auto where he did....Now, supposing, just supposing....he was coming home at that time of the morning, and couldn't make the turn into his drive...That would more closely relate to where the damage is, the fire plug and tree...I don't know about anyone else, but this doesn't ring quite right....STUB