First, some disclaimers: This "best case" doesn't have Penn State running the table and winning the BCS Championship. That is an XBox scenario. In addition, I understand that the very logic I used in my last post could be applied to show that it's highly unlikely that Penn State wins one of those big road games.

Howeva ... If this team goes 11-2, I think everyone would be pumped (and jesse., it seems, will be doing naked push-ups in his yard). That would mean winning just one of those big road games and then a rather good bowl. That would certainly put Penn State as a top 10 team by the end of the year with some serious momentum heading into next season.

Now, I'm not sure everyone's aware of this, but the big knock on the Nittany Lions this year is that they have questions at quarterback. If they only had talent at QB, then with an All-American on the O-line, all conference skill players, and a nasty D, then this could be a Top 10 team. But, alas, the quarterback.

And I say oh, ye doubters, gaze upon these names: Paul Thompson, John Stocco, Brandon Cox, John David Booty, Todd Boeckman, Matt Flynn, John Parker Wilson, Josh Nesbitt, Ricky Stanzi.

What do those fine fellows have in common? They have all been starting quarterbacks for teams that finished in the top 10 over the last few years. There are some good ones, but none you'd call elite. My point is that this is the primary difference between college and the NFL. At the collegiate level, while awful quarterbacking can cripple you (see #14, QB) the lack of elite talent doesn't necessitate mediocrity. Merely good or above average play can generate wins if you've got enough talent elsewhere.

The upshot: Robert Bolden doesn't need to be Peyton Manning.*

But! But but but but Bolden's a FRESHMAN! Doom! Disease, delirium, destruction shall visit thee! A freshman at quarterback!

Two more names: Tyrod Taylor, Terrelle Pryor. I know the good Mr. Pryor is not a popular man on this blog, but he and Taylor both, as freshmen, guided their teams to the top 10. I'm not saying it's likely. I'm just saying it's possible.

And, hell, while I'm at it here are two more names. These guys weren't freshmen, but they inherited talented teams that people said would be middle-of-the-pack in their conference, mostly because these guys would be disasters under center. Those men? Michael Robinson, Daryll Clark.

*In fact, it's worth pointing out that an elite QB like Manning did NOT win a championship at college, while his successor, Tee Martin, did -- and it wasn't because Martin was an upgrade at the position. It was because Martin was "good enough," and the rest of that team was where the advantages resided.

It's tough to find any prognosticators picking Penn State to go any better than 9-3, but you don't have to look to far to find people suggesting this is a 4-, 5-, or even 6-loss Penn State team. Doom, they say.

Well, since this is the worst case scenario, let's just take it for granted that Penn State is beyond hope in the three big road games. However, even the most pessimistic are still counting Youngstown State, Indiana, Illinois, and Kent State as wins.

So where are the other losses? Obviously, they would have to come from Michigan, Michigan State, Northwestern, and/or Temple.

We're talking worst case scenario, so let's also take it for granted that each of those teams has improved, while Penn State has regressed. Fine. Totally plausible.

However, Penn State beat those teams by a combined ... carry the two ... a combined 142-43, for an average margin of victory of just over 24 points. The closest of those games was a 21-point game against Northwestern, and let's all remember that if Kafka hadn't gotten hurt it would have been closer, which is totally relevant because Kafka will take exactly zero snaps for Northwestern this year.

In short, even if the gap is closing, it needs to close by more than three touchdowns for these teams. That's conceivable, but not likely.

One last thing: Those margins were compiled while traveling to Northwestern, Michigan, and Michigan State. All of those games are at home this year.

This is the last of three posts (Part II was food; Part I was getting around). I know the good folks from Roll Bama Roll have already posted some info, but I aim to supplement theirs, particularly with info and places you might not get from just a cursory search.

1. Sports Bars: First, an admission. I don’t really do sports bars anymore. If there’s a game I really want to watch that requires me to go out, then I’ll do it, but I prefer places I can drink. To me, there’s a difference between a “bar” and a “place you can drink.” At one of them you can get called “brah”; at the other you can have a conversation, or, for that matter, simply drink with your thoughts to your own damn self. However, if I were to go to a sports bar in Tuscaloosa it would be:   
   
   A. Wilhagan’s. Downtown. When there is a game I need to see, or for the first rounds of the NCAA tourney, this is where I go. Pretty good pub fare. Spacious. Plenty of screens. Also has decent pool tables if you’re into that. It’s connected to Little Willie’s, which is a decent, but not great, place to drink. 2209 4th St., Tuscaloosa, 205-344-9986.
   
   B. Mugshots. Downtown. Decent food here, too. Spacious. I have nothing bad to say about the place, but I go there hardly ever. 511 Greensboro Ave., Tuscaloosa, 205-391-0572.
   
   C. The Houndstooth. Haven’t been in this place for years, not since they remodeled. It’s got name recognition. There’s also some place across from it on The Strip called “Legacy” or “Traditions” or some such thing. Never been in there. But these are the two big sports bars on The Strip.

1. Places to Drink:
   
   A. Egan’s. You want a shot of Jagermeister and well bourbon on the rocks – or, if you really devalue your body, something from one of those taps. As the boys from Roll Bama Roll explained, this is a fine and dirty location to drink. The only place I would go on The Strip. But let’s be clear here: This is not a “nice” bar. Home to self-loathers seeking pharmaceutical comfort, home to smoke so thick you can’t see the distant wall, home to the cast aside, home to the misfit toys, home to the drummers who stayed behind in hopes of that next gig, Egan’s is a grungy, funky, loopy kind of place. As I said in another post: I watched the ’05 Ohio State game there. I also watched the ’05 Michigan game there. And these two experiences serve as the working metaphor for the place. Either Troy Smith is upside down and all is right with the world, so you catch that Egan’s magic and ride the night toward euphoria – or you’re drunk and numb, soul-deadened and reeling toward the floor, which at Egan’s wears a thick patina of spilled Jagermeister, ash, and disease. It’s on The Strip.
   
   B. The Alcove. You want bourbon. When people finally graduate from Egan’s, they come here (though many still crawl back at Egan’s for a good show, or on Halloween). There will be people here that are totally unaware there was even a football game played that day, which can often be rather refreshing. The crowd is almost as eclectic as Egan’s, but smells better. If you’re feeling frolicsome, try one of their specialty drinks. If you dislike smoke, this is a great place, as there’s no smoking inside (a rarity in T-Town), but if you want to smoke there’s seating both in front and in back, and the back is ventilated well enough so non-smokers can hang out there, too. 730 22nd Ave., Tuscaloosa, 205-469-9110, http://alcovetavern.com/Home.html
   
   C.The Downtown Pub. You want beer, domestic. Nothing fancy here, but big booths, plenty of bar room, and pool tables in the back (if you’re at all picky about cues and quality tables, go to Wilhagan’s; if you just like to play a game now and then, this place is fine). Not the greatest place if you want to watch a game, but there are TVs. Friendly atmosphere. 2427 University Boulevard, Tuscaloosa, 205-750-0008.
   
   D. Catch 22. You want a martini if you’re inside, gin and tonic if you’re outside. You might also want to try one of their infused drinks, if you roll like that. This place can be a tad hit or miss. There are nights when it’s packed to bursting and nights when it’s pretty quiet. I prefer the quiet nights, especially when it’s cool enough to sit outside. This is the perfect place if you want to sit outside with 3-4 other people and relax (unless it’s too crowded, in which case it’s a short walk up to The Downtown Pub, or down to The Alcove). 2328 6th St., Tuscaloosa, 205-344-9347.

This will be the second of three posts (Part II will be food; Part III bars). I know the good folks from Roll Bama Roll have already posted some info, but I aim to supplement theirs, particularly with info and places you might not get from just a cursory search.

Tailgating may well be your option, but for those who want to explore other places a bit, here are some thoughts. Also, with each place, CALL AHEAD. I can’t stress this enough. Places down here close at weird hours, and things get even crazier on game days. Call ahead.

Finally, I should say that food runs a close third to religion and politics as a way to start an argument – so if any of the guys at RBR disagree with my assessments herein, have at it. I won’t be offended.

1. Breakfast:
   1. Rama Jama’s. This is the place for a game day breakfast – this is where Blackledge gorged himself when he did a game here last year. It sits at the southwest corner of the stadium (the stadium is large; you will be able to find it) on Bryant Drive. Wall-to-wall Bama stuff. The menu is usually scaled back on game days, but it’ll still be good. Go early, it’ll be open. Get the SEC Champion Breakfast and a coffee. Also open for lunch (good burgers), but that’s a mess on game days.
   2. The Waysider. Meh. This place gets a ton of ink, so I have to include it. Locals and outsiders alike love it, but I don’t. 1512 Greensboro Ave., Tuscaloosa, 205-345-8239
   3. Pancake House. This place is in Birmingham, but that’s where you might be staying and having breakfast, after all. If you want more info on places in Birmingham, Paige2PSU will likely be more help than me, but I can tell you this is a great place for breakfast. I ate here the day of my wedding. I ate here the day after my wedding. I eat here every time I’m in Birmingham and it’s in the a.m. Get coffee, home fried potatoes, and whatever stack of pancakes strikes your fancy. 1931 11th Ave. South, Birmingham, 205-933-8837. 

1. Barbeque:
   1. Archibald’s. There are more famous places, but none better. Get pulled pork on white bread, a bag of chips, and a Grapico. There aren’t many places to sit here, but you can pull up one of the three or four stools at the counter while you wait. If you want to eat at the picnic tables in the yard, do it – just don’t step in a fire ant bed. 1211 MLK Boulevard, Northport, AL, 205-345-6861. http://visitsouth.com/articles/article/archibalds-barbeque-northport-al/
   2. Dreamland. This is the famous one, and it’s good. Archibald’s is better, but you can get a beer at Dreamland. Two locations in Tuscaloosa, one on the south side of town of Jug Factory Road: 5535 15th Avenue, East Tuscaloosa, (205) 758-8135. The other is actually just over the river in Northport: 101 Bridge Avenue, Northport, 205-343-6677. There’s also a location in Birmingham, but I’ve never been there. http://www.dreamlandbbq.com.
   3. Mike & Ed’s. This one’s the easiest to get to as it sits on 15th. The BBQ itself doesn’t quite measure up to Archibald’s or Dreamland, but this place has good sides (the other two places don’t have any sides). 101 15th St. East, Tucaloosa, 205-345-6400.
   4. Big Bad Wolf’s. This is for if you’re on The Strip. It’s not as good as the one’s above, but you don’t have to drive, and nothing quite says game day like this place, which just sets up outside and dishes it out. No address. It’ll be on The Strip.
   5. Moe’s Original BBQ. http://www.moesoriginalbbq.com/about.html. I’ve not actually been to this place, so can’t vouch personally, but it’s had good reviews since opening, and it looks like a damn fine place to spend a few hours on a football Saturday. 2101 University Boulevard, Tuscaloosa, 205-752-3616

1. Catfish:
   1. Catfish Heaven. There are many places to get catfish in and around Tuscaloosa, but there’s only one Catfish Heaven. Catfish. Heaven. You’re getting a catfish plate and sweet tea. That’s it. Sit down. Get yourself some tartar sauce and fill up your drink. Watch the inevitable "Walker, Texas Ranger" that’s on television. Don’t plan any strenuous activity for the next few hours. 2502 21st St, Tuscaloosa, 205-752-7222. NOTE: If you’re not used to where you’re going, this is oddly tricky. You’ll be driving on Greensboro, and you’ll likely see a sign at the train station that says "Hargrove"; well, on the other side of Greensboro Hargrove becomes 21st. Once you make that turn you can’t miss it.

1. Diners:
   1. The Brown Bag. Damn, The Brown Bag is good. You can get BBQ, but it’s not as good as the other places above (some would argue even that point, though). The fried chicken, though, is outstanding, as are most of the other items on their very affordable menu. 9425 Jones Road, Northport, 205-333-0970. You’ll want some decent directions to this one, or a GPS. If you don’t know where you’re going you won’t find it. This is the kind of place that’ll close at odd times, though, so definitely call ahead.
   2. 15th Street Diner. A good "meat and three" right in the heart of Tuscaloosa. The place gets kind of swamped on game days, so if you’re wanting to hit this place for lunch, go early or call ahead and make it carry out. Good meatloaf, greens, desserts – but when it gets too crowded its service and quality can suffer. As the name suggests, it’s on 15th. 1036 15th St., Tuscaloosa, 205-750-8750
   3. Maggie’s Diner. This is one hole-in-the-wall I’ve never been to. But I’ve heard only raves. 1307 Ty Rogers Junior Avenue, Tuscaloosa, 205-366-0302.

1. Good Dinner Locations (given the 6:00 game time, you’re probably more likely to eat a big lunch and then grab something quick at the game … but just in case, some of these places are open late for after the game)
   1. DePalma’s. Italian, downtown. Some folks disagree with me about this place, but I’ve never had a bad meal here. The Pasta DePalma is really good, as are any of their lasagna specials. Split a bottle of wine to toast that interception return by D’Anton Lynn. 2300 University Boulevard, Tuscaloosa, 205-759-1879. http://www.depalmasdowntown.com/
   2. Kozy’s. I’ve not been there in years, but I remember it being good, better than some of the other "fancy" places in town. Steaks, seafood, good wine. 3510 Loop Road, Tuscaloosa, (205) 556-0665.  http://www.kozysrestaurant.com/. They used to do Sunday brunches, too, but you might call ahead to make sure that’s still on.
   3. Cypress Inn. The boys at Roll Bama Roll touched on this, and I’ll second their support. They do close at 10:00, though, so it might be tough to get there after the game. It’s just across the river, and if you’re lucky you’ll get a table next to a window. Anything on the menu is good, but get the peanut butter pie for dessert. 501 Rice Mine Road North, Tuscaloosa, 205-345-6963. http://www.cypressinnrestaurant.com/
   4. Chuck’s Fish. A very popular place downtown, named after civil rights attorney Chuck Morgan. Good sushi, good entrées, good drinks. Open til 11. 508 Greensboro Ave., Tuscaloosa, 205-248-9370, http://www.chucksfish.com/Chucks_Fish/Welcome.html
   5. Epiphany. I’ve never eaten here, so I can’t vouch personally, but it is supposed to live up to its fine dining advertising. It’s also easier to get to than Kozy’s, because Epiphany is right downtown. 519 Greensboro, Tuscaloosa, 205-344-5583, http://www.epiphanyfinedining.com/index2.html.

1. Pizza
   1. Mellow Mushroom. A chain, yes, but a good chain. Easy to find location downtown. Really good pizza, but it does take a while, so don’t think that on a game day you’re gonna get in and out of this place in a hurry. They’ve got a decent beer selection for while you wait, and plenty of televisions if you want to watch replays of that Jack Crawford sack where you thought, just for a second, that he’d decapitated McElroy. Really good calzones, too. 2230 University Boulevard, Tuscaloosa, 205-758-0112, http://www.mellowmushroom.com/tuscaloosa#/store/index/tuscaloosa  
   2. Little Italy Pizzeria. A total opposite from Mellow Mushroom. Here they’ll zip you in and out quicker, but there’s no beer to wash it down. As the name suggests, you’re looking at big, greasy slices. Gooood. This place is in a plaza at the west corner of campus, right where The Strip starts. In general, I’d avoid eating anywhere on The Strip except this place and Big Bad Wolf’s (above). 1130 University Boulevard, 205-345-4343.

So you've got tickets. Or you’re scouring eBay or StubHub and thinking, yeah, I can do that. This is for you.

This will be the first of three posts (Part II will be food; Part III, drinks). I know the good folks from Roll Bama Roll have already posted some stuff, but I aim to supplement theirs, particularly with info and places you might not get from just a cursory search.

I assume everyone who’s coming to Tuscaloosa has already investigated places to stay, so I’m not going to be giving out any hotel recommendations. I also assume that you know how to use Mapquest and/or a GPS, so I’m not going to be giving specific directions. Just the basics.

If you do have a specific question, ask, e.g., "Hey, I got a great deal at The Masters Inn in Tuscaloosa. Is that a good idea?"* or "I couldn’t find a room in Tuscaloosa, but found a deal in Columbus, MS. Is that a reasonable game day drive?"** or "What’s the best music to listen to while I’m driving through Tuscaloosa?"*** I’ll answer all I can.

Some notes on getting around T-Town, though:

1.      Game Day Traffic:

a.       It’s worth picking up a copy of The Tuscaloosa News just for the game day traffic map.

b.      Also, the area immediately south of campus – the rectangle formed by Bryant, Queen City, 15th and Hackberry – will be a zoo. Mostly student housing. If you venture in looking for a place to park (and there will be some places), try to get a place off the street, even if you’re in a yard or crammed into a small lot. Many a mirror of street-side parkers has lost in these areas.

2.      Parking:

a.       It’s worth it to pay some decent money, as long as you’re not east of McFarland, west of Lurleen, or south of 15th, and as long as you’re actually in a lot or in a yard. There are some places along 15th and along McFarland that will offer shuttles to the stadium (some hotels will have this, too). Just remember, if you’re parking or walking in a place where nobody else is there’s a reason – and it’s not because nobody knows about the place. Tuscaloosa can be a surprisingly dangerous place, so don’t venture too far from the crowds, especially after the game.

b.      In the season ticket package there’s a flier touting free parking downtown at a new deck on 23rd Avenue between 6th and 7th Streets, just behind City Hall. I would imagine this would fill up fast, but it’s a new and rather large parking deck, so it’s worth a shot. This would put you about a mile from the stadium, plus near downtown eateries and bars. There’s also a Tuscaloosa Transit that’ll run from there to the stadium for $1 if you don't want to walk.

3.     Northport: Northport is the town just across the Black Warrior River north of Tuscaloosa. If you see addresses for hotels or restaurants that say Northport, don’t rule them out. Traffic on a game day will be bad on the bridges, of course, so do account for that.

4.     Main North-South arteries:

a.      Highway 82/McFarland Boulevard runs north/south from US 20/59 all the way to Northport on the east side of Tuscaloosa. Once you cross the river, it veers west toward Mississippi.

b.     Highway 69/43/Lurleen Wallace Boulevard does the same on the west side of town. This runs through downtown Tuscaloosa, then cuts through downtown Northport before it meets up with Highway 82 (which at that point is running east/west). Note that as you go through downtown Lurleen Wallace Boulevard splits, one going north, the other south.

c.      Greensboro Avenue. This is on the west side, too, and it takes you near several decent bars and restaurants as you approach downtown.

d.     Queen City Boulevard. Just west of campus. Not much to see here, but you can cut through away from the worst of the traffic, and you might find a good deal parking somewhere and it’s a safe area (except after Katrina, which put trees down all over this place).

5.     Main East-West Arteries:

a.      University Boulevard: Takes you right through campus. The Quad sits just to the north of this, as does much of campus. The main entrance to the stadium sits to the south. As you get to the west end of campus, this becomes "The Strip." At some point during game day the section of University from Hackberry down almost to the strip will close.

b.     Bryant Drive. This mirrors University just south of the stadium, and as you go east of campus this actually merges with University. This, too, will be closed in the blocks near the stadium on game day. There are, however, plenty of stores open for beverages and such. Also street vendors to find a copy of the "Nick Saban: Gamechanger" DVD you’ve always wanted.

c.      15th Street. This is your best bet. Anywhere north of 15th and it’s an easy walk to campus. Gets you from east side to downtown quickly. It’ll be crowded, but not closed.

d.     Jack Warner Parkway (known as "River Road" locally). This winds along the Black Warrior River, north edge of town. No shops/restaurants here, which means traffic flows a bit more smoothly. Some places to park if you can handle the hike up the hill to campus. A decent walking park and views of the river if you want to take a moment to gather yourself and visualize Royster scooting inside the pylon for the winning score.

e.      Skyland Boulevard. Way south of town, down by I-20/59. Of use mainly if you’re staying in a hotel down that way. There is a cluster of restaurants of the IHOP/Hooter’s/Logan’s ilk down where this meets 69/43/Lurleen.

* That’s a terrible idea. People murder other people at The Masters Inn. You’d be better off in a sleeping bag on the Quad. No joke.

** Driving from a place like Columbus, MS, or even Starkville is totally plausible. It’s a straight shot to Tuscaloosa on Highway 82 from those places, and traffic won’t be nearly as bad as it will be from Birmingham. The big downside, of course, is that it puts you an hour or so further away from the Birmingham airport when it’s time to make the trip home. But I know people who have done this for game weekends and have been quite happy with the decision.

*** Live and Deadly by The Compulsive Gamblers. These Memphians have nothing to do with Alabama, however, I’ve yet to hear something sound so right for September in the Deep South. Runner-up, of course, is "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" by The Band, but save this for after Penn State pulls the upset (and have an escape route ready).

Perhaps I've missed this elsewhere, but Alabama is investigating Marcell Dareus, who attended a Miami agent's party. Dareus is a pre-season first-team SEC defensive lineman. This would be no small loss.

If this link doesn't work you can simply go to tuscaloosanews.com: http://www.tuscaloosanews.com/article/20100720/NEWS/100729985/1291/sports

Update: The Tuscaloosa News lead sports writer has posted that Alabama is "checking into" whether or not other players were at the party.