• joined May 06, 2009
  • last login Apr 15, 2014
  • posts 65
  • comments 7773

A mean, mean man. That is to say average, average.

A Fan Of...

  • MLB Minnesota Twins
  • NBA Portland Trail Blazers
User Blog

Blazers Will Win Playoffs! Win!

Don't you think we can WIN IT ALL this season? I sure do! Enough with the HATERS who DOUBT, let's show some TEAM SPIRIT! Here is my pre-games analysis: Damian Lillard dunks all the time when I...


Proof That God Loves Us: The Baseball Project

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy -- Joe Mauer* I'm in my 40s, now, so I don't have the relationship with pop music I used to. When you are young, music often feels like it...


Your Non-AL Central AL Season Preview

You know the Central teams. You know their devious, cheating ways. But how familiar are you with the rest of the junior circuit, the other teams Minnesota will steamroll on their way to a top draft...

An Itty Bitty Minnesota Black Baseball Exhibit

Twinsbrewer has some history that, for fans of baseball not just in Minnesota but everywhere, is worth a read.


6/5/2001: What If The Twins Took Prior?

In Stephen Fry's "Making History," a man sends a drug back in time to the well water of Hitler's birthplace, making mothers there infertile, and prevents Hitler from being born. The result? Facsim...

In the Cold, Cold Ground: How I Became a Twins Fan

It's really cold in Twins Territory this morning. Here's a tale to warm you up just a bit - how Twinsbrewer became a Twins fan.


The Mauer / Anson Podcast Transcript

Mauer: Hi, everyone, and welcome to the first installment of "Mauer's Neverlate," brought to you by "Mauer's Chevrolet." I recently moved to a full-time first-base role with my Minnesota Twins, and...


A trade idea my brother hatched

We're both Portland fans living elsewhere now, we're both excited by the team's success so far this year, and we both see parallels to the 1998-99 team that surprised everyone in the regular season...


The Mike Pelfrey GM Phone Conference

A hotel room in Florida. Six MLB general managers are there, five more-or-less conscious. The last snores deeply on the floor, wearing a set of Mickey Mouse ears. Others goad and prod each other...

Boys, Girls, and Sports Blogs

Twinsbrewer is frustrated with the culture behind many online sports communities.


There's No Cussing In Baseball

I grew up with a fundamentalist parent, and swearing was forbidden in our home. Any swearing. "Damn" was grounds for punishment. Even "oh, God" was trouble. These are easy enough rules to live by...


Scouts Rate The Nastiest Fantasy Pitchers

Looking for pitching outside the normal, pay-good-players-to-pitch-for-your-team route? The Twins always are! So let's hear some fantasy scouts rate the nastiest available pitchers in fantasy...


7 Reasons Mauer May Look Bad At First

Oh, did you think I meant "at first base?" Ho-ho. I have tricked you with my Headline Skillz! No, these are seven reasons Joe Mauer might look bad, period. But only at first, only at first . . . L...


Musical Lyrics: Entertainment OR PROPHECY?

The other day I read a book quoting some lyrics from a '60s musical. To my astonishment, I remembered the tune precisely. But this should probably come as no surprise. Growing up, my parents...

Play Portland against Real Madrid, beat them

Just a heads-up. The video game "NBA 2K14" has 14 Euro teams in it. Including Real Madrid, where our old friends Rudy "3 Goggles" and Sergio "Spanish Chocolate" Rodriguez currently roam. (The link's to RM's roster.) Sergio has a Harden-esque beard now. So stop adjusting the settings so that Portland can beat Miami. Play Real Madrid, instead. And wipe the floor with them. If you play in Madrid, you even get to use their funky-looking ball . . .

"Hold Steady" Rocker Geeks Out Over The Twins

Craig Finn, of The Hold Steady, gives a good interview on why he loves the Twins and Target Field. I do not know this band, but I know Finn's song "Please Don't Call Them Twinkies." And everything he says about musical choices at Target Field is spot-on. Very enjoyable stuff.


Relative Awesomeness Of Remaining Twins

Well, Morney's gone, and he was close to the awesome-nest player in recent Twins history. Supremely talented, he was a lazy bastard in his early 20s, causing a frustrated Torii Hunter to attempt...

An actually fun "Sports Illustrated" article

This is an excerpt from a new book about how athletes become great. It has a killer lead: college softball pitcher Jennie Finch embarrasses MLB hitters like Albert Pujols, who says "I never want to experience that again." The gist is that people who practice things, a lot, develop visual memory banks which allow them to process information much faster than people who haven't practiced as much. Situations which don't conform to their memory banks reduce their advantage, and that's why college girls can hit Jennie Banks but Pujols and Bonds and A-Rod couldn't. The excerpt appears to be saying that conventional wisdom is wrong, genetic ability matters less than brain programming through repetition. If so, Drew Butera could be better than Joe Mauer if he practiced more. This is dumb. I assume the book is more elaborate than that. The lead, however, is huge fun. And there's cool science stuff on how fast baseballs move and how quickly batters have to decide if/where to swing the bat. (Really quickly, as it turns out, which is why Mariano Rivera's late-breaking cutter has bamboozled hitters for 42 years.)


Why The Twins Have No Trade Chips

Due to intrepid reporting, yours truly has been able to discover why so many presumably appealing Twins trade targets have slumped or become injured in recent weeks. The answer, faithful readers?...

No trades, sez Yahoo guy

Yahoo, which knows where I live and what kind of turtle-on-turtle Galapagos porn I prefer, threw this in my face from a writer I've never heard of. I agree with it. If you don't, you hate evolution. (Sidebar: P.J.'s next start is against C.C.? That's just MEAN.)


Playoff Futility And The Jermaine Point

In other sports, fans will talk about "playoff droughts." As in, the Pittsburgh Pirates have gone X many years without a playoff appearance. This is a notable indicator of organizational futility....


Magnífico Santana: No más, estoy triste

It looks like Johan Santana may be done as a big-league pitcher. He's battled injuries the last few years, and now he's re-ripped a shoulder muscle that was operated on before. He threw the Mets'...


Worth Checking Out: Baseball & Cable

Community member twinsbrewer examines an article from the City Pages regarding additional revenue streams for Major League Baseball teams.


Thanks, Joe, For The Cheese Coupon!

I opened up my envelope containing the Twins tickets I ordered online (yes, paying full price is stupid when they'll all be worth $.99 on StubHub by June, but I take disabled people to the games...

Gary Trent Helping At-Risk Kids

Former Blazer/Twolf Gary Trent now works for a Minnesota school, helping counsel and support at-risk children. Trent saw more than most of us knew, and even quit school to sell drugs for a while. Sounds like he's doing something terrific with himself, these days.


Blazer Rookie Of The Year History

Berkeley and Ben's recent sighting of an SI poll trumpeting Lillard as the mideason ROY favorite got me farting around the web. Thanks to that delightful farting, here are some tidbits about the...


Movie posters for 2013 Twins players

We haven't seen the Twins' advertising campaign for 2013 yet; I'm sure it'll be a doozy. "Get To Know 'Em: Opposing GMs Are" might be the theme. Until then, let's scan the archives from that other...


Cole DeVries: Most Player Twins Player, Ever

Cole -- or should we call him by his true name, "Lying Despicable Utter Asshat" DeVries -- raised my suspicions the minute he got called up to the Twins, last season. In his Twins head photo, he...


Where Does Playoff Excitement Come From?

Scene: a living room, at night, in October. A father sits on a sofa, reading the sports page. In walks a child. Child: Dad? Dad: Hmm. Child: Dad, where does playoff excitement come from? Dad:...



At sites like this, we enjoy theorizing about what decisions our favorite team should make. But the only vote we really have in the matter is buying tickets and merchandise. When it comes to local...

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