Southern Cal landed a number of footballers, and T2E has learned from the student-athletes themselves why there are some enticements that UCLA will never be able to match. Here are statements from all of this year's recruits (save the one who isn't literate). Vote for your favorite!

1. "Eligibility by ballroom dancing -- who can beat that?"

2. "i came because of Coach Kiffin's NFL coaching experience."

3. "O.J. is my hero."

4. "You can knock up a women's basketball guard."

5. "They offered me the best compensation package, midway between a McKnight and a Bush."

6. "The signing paper came with an "A" in Spanish."

7. "I want to be a champion, and so far as violations and sanctions go, no one else compares."

8. "Coach Kiffin sent out some hostesses."

9. "I had my doubts about their program, but with Lane, Orgeron, and Haden, it's obvious they're clean now."

10. "We own the police."

11. "The professors have low standards, and so do the coeds."

12. "I want to be a film major and Kim Khardashian lives close by."

13. "I want to be an NFL Hall of Fame quarterback like Palmer, Leinart, and Sanchez."

14. "Rooftop sex has always interested me."

15. "I read Pete Carroll's Always Compete and believed every word."

-Bumped. BN Eds.

Leftover in my Troganisms in-box awaiting translation is the December 21, 2011 whine by Trogan Times apologist Bill Dwyre. His single point is that Southern Cal was unfairly sanctioned compared to Ohio State. His reasoning is so illogical, confusing, biased, and self-serving, it reminds me of reading cases in first year UCLA Law. Let's roll.

"Most would also wonder aloud, again, why <USC> took such a hard hit when other situations, certainly including Ohio State's, seemed similarly egregious."

Law school teaches students to distinguish situations. Specifics are provided below, but for starters 1) SC stonewalled the NCAA for years, 2) the quantity and magnitude of Trogan violations left everyone else in the dust, and 3) SC has a storied history of rule breaking going back at least to John McKay that no other university can even remotely approach.

"...the Buckeyes were penalized a season of no titles, no bowls and a loss of nine football scholarships over the next three years. USC has just finished its second straight no-title, no-bowl season and its scholarship assessment was 30 scholarships lost over three years."

Equality of justice means equal punishment for equal offenses. If I said convict X received the death penalty but convict Y received 10 years' imprisonment, it sounds awfully unjust. If I told you X was Charles Manson and Y was Jane Doe who'd committed involuntary manslaughter, then the punishments are, on a relative basis, fair. As Bruins Nation has observed many times, there is a very strong argument to be made that so long as the NCAA has its own death penalty, USC was a prime candidate to receive it; I've heard no one make that statement about Ohio State.

"The sins against NCAA doctrine of each school have been well documented."

You're hallucinating, Bill. Did Reggie Bush testify to the NCAA, or in court for multiple lawsuits? No, he paid off plaintiffs to keep everything hush hush. Did Pete Carroll attend the NCAA hearing? No, he fled Los Angeles for a pay cut in Seattle to avoid answering questions on a myriad of evils. Did Garrett, or Sample, or McKnight, or Senora Ross, or etc. etc. ad infinitum.

He goes on to gerrymander the facts to be about: a house for Reggie Bush's parents in some faraway place versus Tressel knowing players were selling memorabilia.

This type of logic doesn't declare, but clearly implies, that while Tressel knew about wrongdoing, of course Carroll did not. It also treats memorabilia as comps for a house. But Dwyre forgets to mention that 1) the assistant coach (McNair) clearly knew, and 2) stories were out for a long time and Carroll somehow never managed to hear anything. He also implies the standard Trogan argument, that nothing bad ever happened at SC except with one bad apple (Bush) -- no Jarrett, no McKnight, no etc etc.

Continue reading this post »

Now that the NFL season is nearing its finale, it's a good time to see how scandal-tainted Trogans fared in the NFL this year. (Translator's Note: Trogans do not "turn pro," they "move to the NFL." because at Southern Cal they are already pro football players -- without the literacy requirement.)

Let's count down the disappointments:

5. Matt Leinart -- would rate higher but only played part of one game and was unfortunate enough to be knocked out for the year. This prevented him from showing whether his known (from Arizona) character, leadership, and work habits would have maintained the playoff position the team's starter had set them up for.

4. Reggie Bush -- actually had a pretty decent year, but was not a difference-maker enough to keep his coach from being canned. Mouthed off that someday he will break the NFL single-season rushing record (apparently so he will be mentioned alongside his role model, OJ Simpson). Continued to make Khardashian news.

3. Carson Palmer -- quit on his previous team, demanded a trade, got moved to the we-dont-play-by-the-rules-either Oakland Raiders, signed a fat contract, and managed to lead his squad to losses in the final 3 contests, thereby choking a playoff spot and (like Reggie) getting his coach fired.

Continue reading this post »

Please check out the following report from NBC News, "Applications Soar at UCLA Despite Higher Costs":

State cutbacks have left University of California students paying around $13,200 a year and more increases are expected.

But the high costs have not stopped people from applying to the UC system. At UCLA alone, 91,512 people applied for enrollment for next fall, an 18 percent increase from previous years.

New students, especially freshmen, are apparently looking past the immediate pain to the future benefits and making a calculated decision.

"Going to a place like UCLA increases your chances of getting a better job or getting into a better grad school," said UCLA senior Nan Yang.

Key messages:

1. "At UCLA alone, 91,512 people applied for enrollment for next fall, an 18 percent increase from previous years."

2. "The amount of fall applications to UCLA is approximately the maximum number of seats in UCLA’s home stadium and the Rose Bowl in Pasadena."

For the academically inclined, Southern Cal is, at best, Second Choice. When one runs the costs-benefits ratio, Troy fares even worse.

We are not Kentucky, who hires Calipari.

We are not UNLV, who hires Tarkanian.

We are not USC, who hires Kiffin (and Carroll, and creates McKay).

We are UCLA, who fires a championship coach (Harrick) for breaking the rules.

We are UCLA, who esteems Wooden as the gold standard for a coach.

So how can anyone talk of Tressel (proven rulebreaker and liar) or Sarkisian (#2 man to Carroll, who not only never repudiated what went on at SC but even took criminals we threw off our team and gave them UW scholarships).

The LA Times had a special insert of 130 years of iconic photos. Included were one of a Bruin, Jackie Robinson, and one of a Trogan, driving a Bronco. Let's do nothing that would blur the totally different world-views of UCLA and Southern Cal.

I don't want losing seasons with someone like Mora Jr, but would settle for that instead of winning seasons as a national SCandal. What profits a school to go to the Rose Bowl and lose its soul?

The following was just released by the UCLA Athletic Dept:

"I have completed a thorough and unprecedented coaching search for our football head coach opening.

"I flew out to Coach Petersen and told him, 'You can come to a high-cost community and recruit against two cheats trained by Pete Carroll.' He did not turn me down (though his look was incredulous).

"I flew out to Coach Sumlin and praised him for his non-dominating performances against us and extolled the Bruin community's non-endorsement of his candidacy. But since I heard he would was going to snub me for College Station, I didn't formally offer him the job.

"I contacted Coach Golden and told him he was once again my third choice and offered him the opportunity to break his word with his employer. For some reason he did not jump at the chance.

"I contacted Pepper Rodgers, who lost one less consecutive game to SC than our current coach, while never achieving a single touchdown pass against Troy. I think he is hard of hearing because he didn't immediately accept.

"I contacted the key play-caller for the probationaries across town, Knox Kiffin, but I couldn't understand his Baby Trogan response. it was either yes, no, or cheat on.

"In order to conserve the carbon footprint of our university, I am suspending all plane flights and hereby announcing the new contract for $4,000,000 with Rick Neuheisel, who can spend $3,000,000 on assistant coaches I impose. This will ensure a short learning curve and a continuation of the tradition I've built at our alma mater."

Dan Guerrero

Let's examine the facts.

He has won in the Rose Bowl game.

He has been the subject of NCAA investigation.

His team was in a group of poor squads last year and still had a losing record.

His team is in a very poor division this year and has only a slim chance of making the playoffs, which would be a joke if it happened.

Should he be retained or fired?  

His name is Pete Carroll.

I considered doing yet another translation of Lane Kiffin, but decided not to because a) although I potentially can earn a high score for technical merit/execution/artistry, I get killed for degree of difficulty (the bare minimum), and b) the Pac-12 already translated his words as follows: "$ 10,000 fine."

So instead I take up Simers' LA Times interview (sic) of John Robinson:

'... the "old fart" as he calls himself..."

The "old cheat" as everyone else calls him.

About this year's Notre Dame game, "It was USC at its best."

Trash talking before the contest, calling the opponents quitters after the game, not winning by Trogan dominance but by Irish miscues.  Assuming they also got farcical calls by the officials, delivered some late hits and other personal fouls, and didn't go to class the week before the game, yes, this does represent the "best" they can offer.

"... they didn't have that big win.  They do now."

You don't have to beat a Top Ten team to have a big win.  You just need to top a once-fine program who fires coaches on a regular basis now.

 "... people say maybe they quit; I just don't care."

Not people, your school's players.  Of course you don't care, you being a bridge between the nonpareil good sportsmanship of John McKay and Pete Carroll. 

Continue reading this post »

Bumped. -BN Eds.

The LA Times has a lengthy Simers interview-and-story about Lane Kiffin.  I'll spare you Lane's revisionist history about his Oakland Raiders experience, his non-excuse excuse for SC's win-loss record last year, his opaque defense of his dad the defensive (in more ways than one) coordinator, etc.  What does stand out is his declaration that he can win national championships, and the reason why.  "Sure we can.... We were here before. We saw exactly how it was done from A to Z."

Our sources obtained a copy of the top secret A to Z document.  It is untouched from the Pete Carroll version, which in turn was only modestly updated from the John McKay original.  It's after the Jump.

Continue reading this post »

The Times ran a feature piece about foreign grad students at Troy being treated to acclimation indoctrination, er, training. The students were identified as 1 German,1 Malaysian,1 Pakistani, 2 Koreans, and around 20 Chinese.  Their families are paying big bucks to enroll them in -- these are actual class names -- "Life Without a Car in Los Angeles," "Stress Management," (politically incorrect) "Accent Reduction,"  and "Understanding U.S. Culture,Values,and Religion." But most important for the global leaders of tomorrow, there is "Football 101."

There are several good tidbits in the writeup, the best of which is a student exclaiming,"O.J.Simpson went to USC?" and being proudly informed,"Yes,he was a very very good player."  The student, educated at other than Troy, was well-versed enough to note,"Now he's famous for something else."

Continue reading this post »

Recent post and comments have shown UCLA to be # 12 in the World in academic ranking and #2 in the Country in giving back to the community and the nation.  USC scored # 50 and #46, respectively.  Clearly the results are biased, skewed as they are to such passe factors as academics, citizenship, philanthropy, societal contributions, and the like.

So we present the following appropriate, relevant, and objective criteria, the Trogan Rank Criteria.  To no one's surprise, the University of Southern California rates #1 by a wide margin, proving to students, faculty, alumni, and the public that you always get what you pay for.

A.  National Championships rescinded

B.  Heisman Trophies repossessed

C.  Killers attending spring practice

D.  Students (percentage) earning "A", Spanish

E.  Earnings per never-graduating student, during collegiate years

F.  Exposure (Youtube) of philanthropic events

G.  Number of times sanctioned by NCAA

H.  Number of opportunities, declined, to self-report violations to NCAA

I.  Number of opportunities, declined, to plead guilty to criminal offenses

J.  Ownership of the police

K.  Gender-demeaning actions, per athlete

L.  Gender-demeaning actions, per fraternity brother

M.  Quantity and quality of inane public statements (aka Trogan-to-English)

N.  Substitutions, Ballroom Dancing, for academic coursework

O.  World population (billions), all of whom have Trogan envy

P.  Promotional book tours, tainted coach

Q.  Attorneys (percentage) in Compliance Office

R.  Avoidance of opportunity to enroll Jackie and Mack Robinson

S.  Cheerleaders' jubilation, following opponent's score

T.  Subordination of academics to pigskin

Please add additional items -- Southern Cal really wants to run up the score.

Continuing its tradition of hardball investigative reporting -- you know, the in-depth reporting of the Reggie Bush scandal, the pointed questioning of Pete Carroll, the penetrative interviews of Mike Garrett -- the Los Angeles Times now turns its searchlight on Pat Haden:

Bill Dwyre's interpretation of what Pat said -- and didn't say -- is translated below:

He is the kind of person with whom you want to have dinner. Every night.

Well, if you're a Trogan fan.  And in contrast to OJ, McNair, Leinart, Rey Rey, Lane, Ogre, and Garrett.

"He was more mature when he was 11 than I am now," McKay says. McKay is 58.

After all, I am a McKay.  Do you recall when my Pop whined about Stanford running up the score and John Ralston replied that he had no comment, that he didn't want to get into a pissing contest with a skunk?

Haden to lead the Trojans out of the gloom of an NCAA penalty that Haden now characterizes as "the second worst in NCAA history, after SMU's death penalty."

Which actually should have been the equal to it: capital punishment for Troy.

"I'd give myself a B-minus," Haden says

Senora Ross has it recorded as an A.

He has placed a high priority on returning a sense of the college experience to athletes at a school which, in its past, has stressed winning

There's also free housing, tricked out cars, HDTVs, tutors, grades without attendance, sex on the roof.

Continue reading this post »

A special insert in today's L.A. Times is the "Readers Choice 2011 Best of Southern California," which contains polling results from "well over 40,000" voters on many categories (e.g., best Russian restaurant, best museum, best chiropractor).  In the Education section, the winning University was -- of course -- UCLA!  

The write up notes that "UCLA is a shared public asset that benefits society..."  It recognizes Westwood for "... educating students, powering the economy and improving overall quality of life."  Further, we are "... the top arts and cultural education center in the western U.S...."   And lest anyone be uninformed, we are identified as "... home to a storied and proud Bruin sports program that has brought home the most NCAA team championships in the history of collegiate sports."  

Awfully impressive for a summary only two sentences long!

There was no Second Choice listed.

Pat Haden is considering taking USC football independent.  Bruins Nation has obtained a draft announcement, extracts follow:

"I have a dream of O.J. Simpson confessing to me," said Winfrey during a Q&A at The Cable Show in Chicago.

You might think Oprah Winfrey – who recently wrapped an historic 25 years atop the daytime talk show ladder – would have snagged everyone she wanted for her couch tête-à-têtes. But no. There are two people Winfrey is still determined to land: Susan Smith and O.J. Simpson.

“I have a dream of O.J. Simpson confessing to me,” said Winfrey to voluble cheers from the crowd at Chicago’s McCormick Place convention center. “And I am going to make that happen people.”

“I don’t just want the interview,” she continued. “I want the interview on the condition that you are ready, Mr. Simpson.”

You can read more at url: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/oprah-winfrey-determined-land-oj-202466

Now consider, Bruins, what this might lead to: Oprah giving all relevant Trogans an opportunity to confess.  John McKay and Marv Goux are out of the running, and Clarence Reece doesn't count because as our colleague has posted, he has already confessed.  But there is surely room for the following (and please suggest additions):

Pete Carroll

Mike Garrett

Lane Kiffin

Ed Orgeron

Joe McKnight

Dwayne Jarrett

Rey Rey

Mark Sanchez

Pat Haden

Steve Sample

Charles White

John Robinson

Tim Floyd

OJ Mayo

Lil Romeo

Matt Leinart

Sra. Ross

I have a personal interest in encouraging this new Oprah series, as there will never be a dearth of Trogan-to-English to translate!

Bumped. - BN Eds.

Despite the persuasive defense of Troy by acclaimed orator Matt Leinart, the public doesn't seem to buy that Southern Cal is entitled to be recognized as champions regardless of their cheating.  So now "Always Cheat" Carroll brings his indisputable logic to the issue.  

Pete Carroll, in the wake of the BCS stripping USC of the 2004-05 national championship, still chooses to remember the players and results on the field.

O. J. Simpson similarly chooses to remember the results on the field, not any extraneous stuff.

"Just watch the comments of the players..." "They know who won, who didn't. [Matt] Leinart and Lofa Tatupu and those guys, they all know."

They also know who went to class, who didn't; who skated on criminal offenses, who didn't; who paid for their own cars, who didn't.  And of course they are objective witnesses in this controversy.

"The whole thing is so unfortunate."

It made me high-tail out of town and take a pay cut in Seattle.

Continue reading this post »

So you thought Southern Cal lost their ill-gotten football championship?  Watch the video and the scholarly Matt Leinart will explicate the truth.  Then, though the truth needs no explanation, it does need translation. This was awfully long, so only extracts are provided; here it in its entirety at ESPN:

"In reality, I don't think anyone can really take the championship away from us."

We stole it fair and square.

"For all the hard work we put in."

Not in the classroom, or in philanthropic activities, but in a couple practices here and there.

"All this stuff that happened outside the field, I don't condone it at any point, but that doesn't take away from what we did as a football team."

Things off the field that meant a number of us were suiting up illegally doesn't take away from the point spread.

"We just all moved on from it."

Though at a cut in pay.

"Young kids, everyone makes mistakes."

Old enough to die for our country, to vote, to drink, we can't be expected to make non-juvenile decisions.

Continue reading this post »

Bumped. - BN

Now that the University of Sanctioned Cheaters (aka U. of Soiled Championships, U. of Spotless Carroll, etc.) has lost its appeal of NCAA penalties, several members of the "university" community have stepped aside from their studies and research to demonstrate their understanding and remorse for their wrongdoing. Or not.  We'll take the Trogan responses as reported in multiple sources, then translate.

First report comes from MSNBC. We begin with angry, er, Mad Max.

President  C. L. Max Nikias 
"We are extremely disappointed in this result. 

We paid good money to influence the appeal and it didn't work.  We expected a hand slap as we are used to, and as we alone deserve.

We are very concerned that the historical value of case precedent and the right to fair process in the NCAA adjudicative process, both in terms of the ability of an institution to defend itself or prove an abuse of discretion on appeal, have been substantially eroded.

We don't like a process that allows us to not testify under oath or bring our chief culprits, er, victims, before impartial questioners.  We are entitled to the same defense as OJ got on his murder rap.

Further, the decisions of the COI and IAC have set a standard that leaves little, if any, room to discipline more egregious violations that will be addressed by the NCAA in the future without irreparably damaging athletic programs across the country.

Other than the Death Penalty, which we so much deserve but so much wish to leave unmentioned.

 Notwithstanding this troubling concern and our grave disappointment, we will look forward to the future."

Where we will resume our pursuit of academic excellence, Nobel Prizes, rooftop philanthropy, and everything else that we know is so much more important than football.

After the jump, Ethical Pat joins in.

Continue reading this post »

Bumped - BN

For those of us who need constant practice in conversational Trogan, Reggie Bush and Lane Kiffin are the gifts that keep on giving.  

By way of context, our nation is suffering through an official unemployment rate of 9.0% and an unofficial one (considering those working part-time who which to be full-time and those who have given up looking for work) around twice that.  My employer is reducing force by a a few hundred persons, on top of layoffs last year.  So one would expect a public figure to evidence sympathy and support for those who are out of work. But if the public figure in question is a Son of Troy, we should not be surprised to learn that not only is he work-ethic-challenged, but is a Twit about it.

The story is here, and the translation is below.

"Everybody complaining about the lockout! Shoot I'm making the most of it! Vacation, rest, relaxing, appearances here and there! I'm good!"

Yo, you guys in the bread line, you folks at the job fairs, lighten up.  Enjoy your time off like I do.

"Right about now we would be slaving in 100 degree heat, practicing twice a day, while putting our bodies at risk for nothing."

Not working an 8-hour day, mind you, let alone overtime.  And practicing to get better for the employer who pays you millions is stupid, you know, "nothing'.

"FYI last tweet was a joke! Relax people damn it's called sense of humor! Cry me a river why don't you..."

Oops, just like all my statements about the Heisman and illegal benefits, what I said earlier today is inoperative.  But this time you can believe me.

Bush also made headlines last month when he tweeted, "It's been fun New Orleans," shortly after the Saints traded up at the NFL draft to take Alabama running back Mark Ingram.

Always compete.  Or not.  If someone else challenges you, take the money and relax.  (Or you can whine like my old teammate Leinart.)

All of the posts have come at a time when Bush's future with the Saints is unclear. Bush is heading into the final season of a contract worth about $11.8 million for 2011, and the Saints expect him to take a pay cut this season.

A pay cut?  When I'm already making less than I received at SC?

Continue reading this post »

The L.A. Times put out their annual announcement of the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books.  It was held for several years at UCLA, where I went twice to (naturally) get Coach to autograph his books for me.  Now the Times has moved the event to South Central, providing more opportunities for translating Trogan into English (in this case English Lit).

Let's start with the main story (Welcome).

... a fun-filled weekend-long community celebration that is sure to educate, inspire, and entertain the entire family.

The people there will receive the new experience of being educated.

"Our new home at USC offers an exciting next chapter..."

Well, not really a home.  Everyone knows it's not safe to live there.

"We'll be expanding popular programming.."

Rather than the serious, intellectual, cultured stuff.

"... and enhancing exhibitor activations..."

I'm not sure what this even means.  There were some activated exhibitors on the Campus rooftop, so maybe they plan an encore?

"The Campus offers more places to relax..."

In lieu of classrooms, libraries, special exhibits, etc.

USC.. will transform into a village of intellectual excitement...

The transformation, like Cinderella's, expires at the stroke of midnight, then they return to the far more popular and traditional pigskin-worshipping and other chauvinist antics.

Continue reading this post »

BREAKING NEWS:

This provides more details on the Trogan roofer and the unsurprising SC response.  For the original post, see this.

They've identified (name not disclosed) the male roofer:

MailOnline can reveal the young lothario  IS a USC student from a wealthy Californian family.

Oh shoot, I bet the mortgage that he was a first-generation American and the first in his family to attend college.   

He...  is also a keen sports player.

Gasp!  He, he, he's an athlete!  Holy smokes, I'd would never have guessed one of the Southern Cal "sports" could possibly have done this.  I was so sure he was a pre-med!

The student photographed having sex on the roof of a college building was in hiding today as the fallout from the lurid images threatened to engulf him.

Did he drive away in a Bronco?

The scandal has electrified the university's student body

And just when they were so hard at work cramming for midterms...

The disgraced fraternity member's wealthy parents live in a highly respectable beach community in southern California.

Providing the basis for their son to be admitted as a "legacy."

'He has had to make a formal apology to sororities at the college.'

It was not learned whether he was clothed at the time.

Continue reading this post »

In case you haven't seen it online, below is the Huffington Post story on a couple caught on-camera having sex on a rooftop at the University of Sexual Crassness:

For our translation session, we hear from Frat Chief of Troy:

“appalled by the actions associated with the individuals in the pictures..."

Although I did download the shots for my Facebook photo gallery.

"...will work tirelessly to reverse the negative stereotypes such an action has perpetuated.”

We know at Troy how hard it is to dispel accurate portrayals of our culture.

"While the actions that were taken did involve a member of our chapter we, in no way, support this kind of behavior, nor do we promote any such actions,"

He, like all the rest of us hedonists, acted on his own.

the fraternity member seen in the photos had been suspended 

Coach Kiffin has put him on double-secret probation.

inquiries into the incident had been launched

They will proceed with all deliberate speed, on our patented Reggie Bush internal compliance timeline.

the fraternity member seen in the photos had been suspended "for conduct unbecoming of a Kappa Sigma and a gentleman."

An oxymoron if I've ever heard one.

Further information was provided by a house spokesman:

Otter: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules or took a few liberties with our female party guests -- we did. But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few sick, perverted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg ... isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do what you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America! Gentlemen!

Continue reading this post »

This year we have the opportunity to see the best and the worst of college basketball in the Final Four.

Representing Good, we have Butler and Virginia Commonwealth, the mid-majors whose programs bear no taints, who don't stuff their rosters with 1-and-dones, and who don't get constantly hyped by Dick Vitale.

Representing Bad, we have Connecticut and Kentucky.  UCon (deliberate acronym) is coached by Jim Calhoun, who was this very season denounced by the NCAA for his program's violations.  Calhoun, who believes "the buck stops there," has accepted no responsibility and pawns off all wrongdoing as the workings of his assistant coaches (who, by the way, he hired and supervises).

UCon has nothing on Kentucky, however, which has an unmatched history of misbehavior (from segregation and bigotry by Adolph Rupp, through money-in-the-mail under Eddie Sutton and Dwayne Casey, just to pick a couple). UK intentionally hired John Calipari, who is the only coach (active or otherwise) to get 2 different colleges' Final Four participation vacated for serious violations (UMass and Memphis).  Coach Cal is working on the famed Tarkanian "3-cheat" (the Shark managed to put 3 different programs on NCAA sanctioning).

I think we know which folks to root for.

"This year the bubble was so soft that, really, anybody could make it with a droplet of effort.  So we looked for discriminators.  Did we include Southern California because it plays in a top conference?  Um, no.  Did we include them because of all their losses to sub-200 teams?  No, although that is a fact.  Did we include them because of their storied roundball history?  Since we can't even name any of their past players other than OJ2, obviously not.  Did we include them to raise the average IQ of the tournament field?  In a word, NO.

"We chose to include them to provide a strong message of support to the new administration of the (so-called) University, particularly the harsh, no-nonsense discipline meted out by the Athletic Director.  It made a major statement that Mr. Pat Haden suspended Coach O'Neill for one full game.  This far exceeds the combined suspensions for Coaches Carroll, Kiffin, and Orgeron, so clearly there is a new compliance attitude in South Central.  (At least for basketball.)  

"So instead of someone academic like Boston College or a division winner like Alabama or someone from the ACC like Virginia Tech, we are proud to select the University of Spotless Character to this year's NCAA.  Note that it is a tribute to our mercy that they weren't still ineligible for post-season play."

Some commentators have said the team has 3 must-win games in a row, the first of which they barely managed today. More realistically, they need to put together a 7-1 run, which means win 6 of the next 7.  Here's why:

1.  The only "good win" this year was BYU and the only "good loss" this year was Kansas (and maybe Villanova).  These count for less after today's upset losses by two of these foes.

2.  There is no opportunity for a "good win" in the eight game stretch that started today.  ASU: worst team in the conference.  USC: middle-of-the-Pac who already beat the Bruins.  St. Johns: coached by not-Wooden.  Oregon & OSU: losing conference records.  (All of the preceding 4 are home games.)  Stanford: see the Oregons.  Cal: middle-of-the-Pac who nearly beat us in Pauley.  ASU: see above.  One loss among these eight would be very bad, and horrid if it were to come at home.  Two losses among these eight and we're out of the tournament discussion.

3.  The final three games have two ranked teams, one at home and one on the road (the deadly Washington trip).  If we win 7 of 8 prior to these, then we've reached the 20-win plateau and almost certainly assured a third place finish in the league. Then win one of the final three and at least one game in the Pac-10 Tourney and we are in.  If we stumble twice in the 8-stretch, then we have to win two of these three and probably at least two in the Tourney, since we'd not be considered "on the bubble" until the final game.

Do they have what it takes?  The margin for error is very small.

1.  Cheat Pete Carroll and his SCeattle Seahawks were knocked out of sole possession of first place (in the worst division of the NFL) and to a below .500 record by...        Matt Cassell, the QB who never received a single start while playing for Carroll at SC.  (Guess he wasn't a character guy like Matt Leinart.)

2.  Lane Kiffin's legacy at U. of Tennessee was once again on display today.  See url below for all the details, but summary (referred to as Quote of the Year on ESPN this afternoon) from scandal-plagued UT basketball coach Bruce Pearl says it all:

"I've made mistakes, I clearly did," Pearl said Monday while addressing the Knoxville Quarterback Club, "but what I was hoping for was that some other dumbass would get on the front page and take me off the hook.  I miss Lane Kiffin."

Note: Pearl then made a statement Lane never made at UT:  After thanking Vols fans Monday for their suppport, Pearl apologized, saying he "brought embarrassment to our university and I'm humiliated and embarrassed by it."

Remember these are the guys who are everything good about college football (see last week's installment of Trogan-to-English on BN).

This translation, from the Nov. 21 LA Times interview of Pete Carroll, is rated PG (pretty grotesque).  You know the drill: Cheat mouths off, then we interpret.

"I don't like people thinking bad things of me or the program."

Especially things that are true.

"I was in charge of it, so I have to totally own it."

At least until a bit further down the column, where I begin to make excuses in earnest.

On Reggie Bush: a. "I still don't know the details,"  b. "I wish I had known,"  c. "... it actually took place in San Diego," and d. "I won't talk to anybody else about it."

a. I've made every effort to hear no evil.   b. So I could cover it up.   c. Even the tricked out car and the marketing reps at our practices, they took place in San Diego.   d. Especially the NCAA or under oath in a court of law.

"Sports is the greatest vehicle on this planet to bring people together, and we were a symbol of that in our small way."

I am a humanitarian.  This is off the record, but I'm the frontrunner for next year's Nobel Peace Prize.

<The NCAA punishing Troy> "... it's like stopping evolution."

The more all institutions of higher learning become like the Trojan football program, the more advanced our society becomes.  It's in the Origin of SCpecies.

<Reaction to the sanctions> "It made me sick to my stomach."

I felt the same way reading your interview. 

"For people to judge our practices, in many cases never going to one, it's a shame."

Nestor tried to get in, but with all the celebrities, runners, sports agents, and illegal coaches, there wasn't any room.

<Sanctions for the practices shows that the NCAA is> "It's uneducated."

And if there's anything I'm an expert on, it's uneducatedness.

<On getting out of Dodge just before the law>  "I didn't do that."

This is as true as everything else in the interview.

"We were the best thing to happen to college football in every single way."

Let me count the ways.  1. Crime statistics.   2. Scandals (ref. Menelaus).   3. Farcical academics.   4. Payoffs to avoid testimony in open court.   5. Demeaning women.   6. Avoidance ot self-disclosure.   7. Conning the local media.  8. The only institution of higher learning to own the police.  9. Possessor of the highest-paid amateur footballer in history.  10. Proud to have OJ Simpson attend our practices.  11. Spawned Kiffin and Sark, great role models for the next generation of humanitarians.  etc etc etc 

T.J. Simers quotes his wife's more succinct, and certainly accurate, translation: "Oh puke."

ESPN's top story on the Women's BB page is here:

     http://espn.go.com/womens-basketball/

The 3 top recruiters are pictured: Pat Head Summitt (winningest ladies' coach in history), Geno Auriemma (longest ladies' winning streak ever), and Coach Nikki!  If you click to the story, UCLA's recruiting class is ranked #3 in the country.  There's a separate story with the first NC tourney Bracketology that has the Bruins as a #4 seed in the West (but with Baylor in the region); with wins like last night's maybe we can move towards a 3-seed.  

It's great to see our team getting positive national press, especially this early in the season.

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) from UCLA Law is running for a 6-year term (she was appointed to fill out HIllary Clinton's term).  She is featured in Vogue magazine.  I don't receive it but you can get an idea by this summary on the Politico website:

Per the Fairness Doctrine, next month Vogue will do a spread on the Trogan cheerleader who celebrates the opponent's scores.  It is anticipated that she will be making her run at high public office in 2011.

Once again Lane Kiffin, the gift to linguists that keeps on giving.  Read his article at the url below and its translation.

http://sports.espn.go.com/los-angeles/ncf/news/story?id=5674359

The officials at Stanford didn't start the clock after Troy took the lead.  "I expressed myself to them, my disappointment at that."

Those around me are quite accustomed to disappointment.

"It's such a game-changing moment."

Like an unnecessary roughness call can be.

He wondered about the discrepancy in calls -- Stanford 3 penalties, SC 8.

The calls are supposed to be even, even if we commit twice as many offenses.  We are SC, and we are entitled to special treatment.  Especially when we pay above market prices.

"I'm going to have to ask Coach Harbaugh..." how his team doesn't get penalized.

Yo, Jim, what's your deal?  You're kidding me, you recruit students and they are smart enough to not make dumb penalties?  C'mon, man, tell me how much you pay the refs.

He filed a complaint with the Pac-10 about a number of calls...

This conference has always awarded controversial calls to SC, in fact calls that weren't even controversial.  We are entitled.  We own the police, I mean the refs.  It's all the officials' fault.  Don't blame me or, more accurately, Dad, for letting the scholars race down the field in one minute to win the game.  (Like we did at home in the Huskies revenge game -- we are consistent.