SB Nation User Blog: ucla7477

A New Tradition: Christmas Carrolls!

ucla7477 — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:19:36 -0000

Away in a plush house, not paying for a bed,

The little poor Heisman lay down his bought head,

The agents who financed looked down where he lay

Their meal ticket pro prospect asleep on the hay.

Then Yahoo starts lowing, the NCAA awakes,

But the gutless commission no decision it makes

They love the dear Trojans so enforcement is lax,

And stay by their side until this too shall pass.

Be near me, dear boosters, I ask you to pay,

Forever and ever all night and all day.

Bless all the dear thugs in Pete Carroll's care,

And take us to BCS, but how we don't share.

The Difference between USC and UCLA...

ucla7477 — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 18:24:02 -0000

UCLA had a coach who won a national championship in a major sport, then broke a financially-modest NCAA rule and tried to cover it up. What did UCLA do? It fired him, because the reputation of the university was more important than wins, losses, and titles. "UCLA is deeply concerned about these actions," Young said. "We have concluded that coach Harrick conducted himself in a manner that was inconsistent with his position as a role model to students, where ethical behavior is so important."

USC has a coach who has won a national championship or two (depends on how you do the counting) in a major sport, who has broken scads of NCAA rules (Reggie Bush receiving the largest-dollar support in collegiate history, Dwayne Jarrett obtaining free housing, "student"-athletes owning the police while obtaining A's from Senora Ross, personally having an unauthorized extra coach at practice, etc, etc -- see Menelaus for much, much more), and never addresses a single incident. What has USC done? Made him the highest-paid employee of any private university in America.

When you think of athletes, you think of Jackie Robinson at UCLA and OJ Simpson at USC. When you think of coaches you think of John Wooden at UCLA and John McKay or Pete Carroll at USC. When you think of contributors to a better world, you think of Ralph Bunche of UCLA and a so-called Humanitarian at USC.

I remain stunned that the students and alumni don't seem the least bit chagrined at what they represent to the world. As Joseph Welch famously put it to Senator McCarthy, "Have you no sense of decency sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"

Maybe our football and basketball teams aren't the best this year, but our hands are clean and our conscience is clear. That is why I am proud to be a Bruin and eternally relieved to not be a Trojan.

Algebra for Trojans

ucla7477 — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 21:09:37 -0000

CRN = CCPC (Coach Rick Neuheisel equals Coach Cheat Pete Carroll). This appears to be what much of the media learned in junior high algebra (or at University of Scholastic Casualness).

The formula equates calling a time out to intentionally running up the score in a decided contest. Apparently it is well known to all that calling a time out is an evil, in-your-face action when performed by an improved but losing team. As such, it is fully equivalent to throwing a bomb in the last minute of an out-of-reach game when performed by a famed arbiter of good sportsmanship who understands the depravity of going for a 2-pointer in a decided game, particularly where said arbiter follows up by leading his thugs in taunting the vanquished.

Remember, "Success is peace of mind knowing you did something very very wrong and got away with it."

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark"

ucla7477 — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:24:56 -0000

If Franklin Pierce Adams, who penned the baseball classic "Tinker to Evers to Chance" in 1910, were alive today and witnessing "non"-professional collegiate football, he might be writing the following:

These are the baddest of possible words:

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

Trio of rule breakers, and cheaters of course,

Carroll and Kiffin and Sark.

Ruthlessly pricking other coaches' bubble,

Recruiting players who are felonious double --

Programs that are heavy with nothing but trouble,

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

Of course he only needed one verse for the admirable infielders a century ago, but this disreputable trio would provide him plenty of material to add on (below the jump)...

These are the poorest of academic advancers,

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

Keeping an eye out for transcript enhancers,

Carroll and Kiffin and Sark.

Their students' textbooks are gathering moss,

Library cards are invariably lost,

No problem, just send them to Senora Ross,

Say "Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

These are so brazen with NCAA regs:

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

Serial violators leave the rest with the dregs,

Carroll and Kiffin and Sark.

Sark: recruiting violations are misunderstandings,

Lame: busted six times means unfair profiling,

Cheat: paying Reggie Bush is just stimulus funding,

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

With ill-gotten gains they must be the best,

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

On top of the polls and dead-certain BCS,

Carroll and Kiffin and Sark.

Lame: thumped by Ole Miss and then by the cops,

Sark: a 3-3 start has appallingly dropped,

Cheat: 55 unto Stanford is his latest of flops,

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

And of course the poem we are most waiting for: "Mighty Cheaty has struck out!"

NCAA Announces Penalties against USC Football...

ucla7477 — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 01:56:52 -0000

This just leaked from NCAA Headquarters....

"After a very lengthy, albeit not not very penetrating, investigation, we reluctantly announce the severe 'Death Penalty' against the Southern California football oligarchy.

"As is well known on the Internet (but not to the Los Angeles Times), the USC Trojan football program has been point and center in an impressive list of scandals. We refer you to the Bruins Nation's Menelaus file, too large for us to reproduce here.

"We specifically acknowledge that Reggie Bush was accorded extra benefits far in excess of those normally lavished on USC's so-called student athletes. Our judgment is that Mr. Bush has suffered enough through his association with the Kardashian family, so he may retain his ill-gotten Heisman trophy.

"We further acknowledge the zero degrees Kelvin institutional control by President Sample, Athletic Director Garrett, and Chief Ethicist Senora Ross. Our judgment is that everything that happened was the work of one man with nice hair, who has been removed from all university activities (granted, with an eye-opening severance package and a promise not to talk). We refer, of course, to Mr. Tim Floyd. We direct you to the Bruins Nation documentary, "The Sound of SCilence" for further details.

"Finally, we acknowledge the many contributions to bottom-line NCAA revenues gushing from a non-regulated Trojan program. This, in concert with the college's enviable relationship with local law enforcement personnel and the exemplary role-model behavior of the head coach, Mr. Pete Cheat Carroll, results in the following unprecedented sanctions:

"1. Because their behavior is reminiscent of Delta House, they are placed on double-secret probation.

"2. Because they have a poor defense and an untried quarterback and have no chance of making the BCS championship game or even a Rose Bowl berth against a laughable Big Ten team, for this year only the University is banned from post-season play. We understand this will cause great suffering among alumni who would normally flock to the Poinsettia Bowl, Bell Helicopters Armed Forces Bowl, or Chick-fil-A Bowl.

".3 Because they must now compete for academically-challenged recruits against Lane Kiffin and Steve Sarkisian, they are given the additional handicap of losing one scholarship each year through the rest of this decade (i.e., 2010). Please note that as part of the nation's Stimulus Bill, it is acceptable and encouraged for the University to hire marginally-qualified employees whose sons may play varsity without counting against scholarship limits.

"We understand that these egregious sanctions may cause some embarrassment among other schools who have received more lenient treatment in past years (such as forfeiting games). By pounding Southern California as we have, we trust that others who might consider behaving similarly will be fully deterred."

L. A. Times' Predictions...

ucla7477 — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 02:41:42 -0000

I assume everyone saw the first two predictions below, in the Times' October 7 special section on the baseball playoffs. You probably don't know that their third prediction got squeezed out at the last minute to make way for another photo of Donald T. Sterling. So here they all are:

1. Dodgers to be swept by St. Louis

2. Angels to fall in five games to BoSox

3. NCAA to execute swift, fair, and comprehensive justice on the Southern Cal football program.

Colisseum Showdown: The Continuing Hype

ucla7477 — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 04:50:30 -0000

Free your calendar. Set your Tivo. Turn off laptop, cell phone, PDA. This Saturday is the Pac-10, no, the national, game of the year.

As the world knows, two squads will be battling for sole ownership of the Pac-10 cellar, the Cheat Pete Trojans and the WSU Cougars. Wazzu is a heavy favorite to pull out the loss, as they return much of last year's team that had the worst defense in the nation and build upon the 2008 foundation of one conference win, copped against the only college footballers to garner a winless season. USC has an uphill fight to overcome its huge talent gap over the Cougars, its home field advantage, and a 44-point betting line in Vegas. Can Cheat Pete pull this one out and succumb?

It's certainly not without precedent, as with a more skilled (and higher paid and less academically endowed) squad, he choked at home to 41-point underdog Stanford. He is already making excuses for his men, so it appears he is working hard on the demotivation factor.

Prediction: SC 30, WSU 7, and MSM headlines that the Trojans are back

UPDATE: NBC Sports has quickly taken note of this stellar matchup; http://collegefootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2009/09/23/worst-of-the-weak----land-of-disenchantment/

No. -10 SMU at Washington State . . . This was the "Worst of the Weak" Super Bowl. Two teams locked in a ferocious battle to see who was worse. The competition was so close that they couldn't settle the matter in 60 minutes, forcing the unfortunate 22,319 in attendance to sit through some overtime. As one would expect, it was a pathetic extra frame that saw the Mustangs throw an interception on their only play, followed by the Cougars gaining a grand total of three yards before they kicked a 39-yard field goal to end the festivities. In this particular upside-down corner of the college football world,SMU "won" 27-30. Congrats!

No. -6 USC . . . In addition to the shocking loss at Washington, you can blame Pete Carroll for this ranking as well. According to him,Jake Locker is the best quarterback that his team has faced in the nine years that he's been piloting the Trojans. We could argue that point, but won't. It's more interesting to call into question his previous banana peel incidents that came at the hands ofMatt Moore (Oregon State 2006), Patrick Cowan (UCLA 2006), Tavita Pritchard (Stanford 2007) and Lyle Moevao (Oregon State 2008). Succumbing to those world beaters in recent years earns USC this retroactive ranking.

No. -5 Lane Kiffin's Mouth . . . Urban Meyer absolutely deserves an assist, but when will it end for Kiffin? Will it ever? He's been a collegiate head coach for a grand total of three games, so it's simply remarkable that he's already the poster boy for poor behavior. At 1-2, Kiffin needs to shut up and coach.

From UCLA Connect...

ucla7477 — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 02:56:25 -0000

Renowned Ethicist Named Alumnus of the Year
UCLA Awards exemplify the pride of UCLA. Come honor the founder of Character Counts!, a gold medalist, a public servant, a benevolent dentist and two of UCLA‘s most generous philanthropists.

Through the institute, Josephson founded CHARACTER COUNTS!, the nation's leading character education system. It now reaches 6 million youngsters through the CHARACTER COUNTS! Coalition, a widespread partnership of schools and youth-serving organizations. Every third week of October is designated asCHARACTER COUNTS! Week.

The Josephson Institute also launched the Pursuing Victory With Honor sportsmanship campaign, endorsed by virtually all amateur athletic organizations. Like all institute programs, these projects are nonpartisan and nonsectarian, promoting a common language of core values called the Six Pillars of Character: trustworthiness,respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship.

IN OTHER NEWS, the University of Southern California named as Non-graduating Attendee of the Year, the renowned ethicist Orenthal James Simpson.

Showdown in the Colisseum

ucla7477 — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 03:38:04 -0000

Free your calendar. Set your Tivo. Turn off laptop, cell phone, PDA. This Saturday is the Pac-10, no, the national, game of the year.

Prediction: SC 30, WSU 7, and MSM headlines that the Trojans are back.

The Wazzu of South Central... (contd.)

ucla7477 — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 06:03:17 -0000

Please take note that the conference cellar is shared by USC and WSU, although the latter had a better weekend. Interesting quotes out there include Joe McKnight saying SC was more talented but got outworked by the team with the conference-record 15 straight losses, and another that SC under Pete Cheat has now lost five times by double digits against unranked foes.

Imagine if he had to recruit lawfully and if his "student-athletes" weren't allowed to stay eligible via Senora Ross!

UPDATE: NBC Sports has taken note of this stellar matchup; http://collegefootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2009/09/23/worst-of-the-weak----land-of-disenchantment/