It doesn't happen very often but every now and then I'll ask myself why I care so much about sports. How come after the SF Giants blew a 5-0 lead in game 6 of the World Series back in 2002 did it feel like someone had punched me in the gut? Why did I go to bed that night fantasizing about tearing that stupid rally monkey apart, limb from scrawny limb? In 2010 why did it feel like I was taking large amounts of oxycontin after the Giants won the World Series and for an entire week walked around in a happy state of bliss with a stupid smile on my face? How come I was so euphoric after Vernon Davis caught the game winning TD against the Saints, but wanted to curl up into a ball and make the bad man go away only a week later after 2 Kyle Williams fumbles cost the 49ers the game against the NY Giants?

I like to think I'm a reasonable, logical, and rational person. When I hear stories that Obama care will have a death panel as part of it so they can decide which people are valuable enough to receive care and who should just be allowed to die, I want to know what they're basing that on. If someone tells me they won't immunize their children because they heard Jenny McCarthy say on Oprah that it causes autism, I ask for the scientific study that backs up their claim.

But when it comes to sports I'm completely irrational. I won't get a raise at work if the 49ers win the Super Bowl. My wife won't suddenly want to rip my clothes off every night because the Sharks held up the Stanley Cup. I won't have the body of a 20 year old again if the Giants win the World Series. In short, nothing in my life will change simply because a team I like has won it all. Yet I am considerably happier when they do win, and the more important the game, the bigger the high. Unfortunately the opposite is also true.

I suppose in a way sports really are like drugs. They can give you an enormous high and for a lot of people are incredibly addicting, but they also can give you horrible lows and cost a lot of money. I doubt anyone has ever sold their body on the street so they can feed their sports addiction, but if I knew doing that would ensure the 49ers would win 5 of the next 10 Super Bowls I would probably give it some serious consideration.

More after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

Boooooooooo! I hate you Goodell! Booooooooo! You suck! Boooooooo! You're ruining the NFL! Boooooooooooooooo! Boooooooooooooo! Sorry, I got caught up in all the booing of Roger Goodell.

How great is the NFL draft? It's like an oasis of football found in the desert known as the offseason. Now football sites everywhere are filled with stories most of which involve winners and losers or some sort of grade, which is fine by me because I love those stories. They're like a really nice set of rims, completely worthless but still fun to look at.

I've spent the last couple of days scouring the web looking for feedback on the draft, and after seeing what search engine lycose.com and ecig.com had to say, I finally broke down and even went to bleacherreport.com. Twenty-eight "next" clicks later I remembered why I had put it off for so long. I think I'm going to do a story about the 50 worst slideshow stories ever made and I'll present it as a slideshow. That will be like ironic, or something.

But it's not just the news outlets and blogs analyzing the draft. This time of year everyone is an armchair analyst. Message boards are filled with people sharing their "expert" opinion. And they love to brag when they've made the right call.

"Dude, I told you Aaron Rodgers was going to be a stud and the 49ers blew it by not taking him! I can't believe these idiots get paid to do this. They should just hire me instead."

Of course this same guy hated the Aldon Smith pick and thought they should have taken Blaine Gabbert instead, but there's no need to bring that up.

As the old saying goes, "Opinions are like a-holes. Everybody has one and quite a few of them stink." At least I think that's how the saying goes.

So if it's obvious who's good and who isn't, why is the draft such a crap shoot? Why do some "can't miss" players actually miss, and future Hall of Famers like Tom Brady last until the 6^th round? I'm not an expert but I do play one on the internet so here are my reasons for why some "great" picks fail to make it in the NFL.

More after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

I'm a skeptic by nature. I don't believe in Bigfoot and I don't believe in the Loch Ness Monster. When I watch late night infomercials telling me I can become a millionaire and all I have to do is send them $19.95 plus shipping and handling to learn how, I shake my head and wonder who actually falls for this crap. When I hear of people who have lost their life savings to a ponzi scheme, as sad as it is, a part of me almost thinks the deserve it for thinking they could get something for nothing. As the old saying goes, "A fool and his money are soon parted by someone running the Nigerian 419 scam."

But my skepticism isn't limited to mythological creatures, get rich quick schemes, or the theory of gravity (It's really a giant spaghetti monster that keeps us from floating off into space). It also extends to superstitions. I have no qualms about walking under a ladder, I won't lose any sleep if I accidently break a mirror, I refuse to throw spilled salt over my shoulder, and I have no reason to believe eating a rhino's horn will increase my libido. Although I have heard that Spanish fly will give you a horrible itch.

Yet even the most rational and unsuperstitious person can suddenly become very superstitious when it comes to sports. Fans will turn their hats around or inside out if their baseball team needs a rally in the 9th. They wear the same jersey to every game and won't wash it if their team is on a winning streak (I can only imagine how horrible Green Bay started to smell last December). In the Far East they'll carry lucky crickets around in their pockets. In Los Angeles they come to the game late and leave early while in San Diego they don't come to the game at all. Although those last two might not be actual superstitions.

Given the fact so many fans think they can control the outcome of a game through sheer force of will while they sit on their coach eating a 7-layer bean dip, it should come as no surprise there's somewhat of a backlash when it comes to voting for the Madden cover. Being on the Madden cover clearly has a negative effect on the player so it's best to vote against the player you like.

More after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

If a team wants to get better there's really only three ways to do it. They can improve through the draft, trade for a player, or sign a free agent. I suppose there's also a fourth way which involves firing your head coach who found his offensive coordinator by scouring retirement homes and required every offensive play to be so simple it could be drawn in the dirt with your finger, and replacing him with someone who can actually coach, but will just stick with the first three.

Since the free agency period and draft are so vitally important to a team's continued success, a lot of time is spent analyzing those moves by the fans and media. The fans spend countless hours debating and discussing with others in sports bars and message boards everywhere their thoughts on the various moves, while the media ultimately lets us know which teams improved the most by creating lots of winners and losers stories. It's actually a requirement in every sports writer's contract that they need to write a certain number of winners/losers stories every year, as well as punny headlines, and top 10 lists.

With the free agency period now several weeks old and the draft still several weeks away, winners/losers lists are starting to pop up all over sports sights everywhere. They're like a wack-a-mole game. You just finish reading one and another one pops up.

But does landing the big name free agent really mean your team is better? The Broncos "won" the Peyton Manning sweepstakes but what if he's not able to fully come back from his neck surgery? What if he's only a shell of his former self? Not only will the Broncos have wasted more money than the entire annual gross domestic product of a small country, I'm looking at you Tuvalu as long as you haven't sunk into the ocean yet, but they'll be back at square one with no future QB of any kind.

Just look at what happened to the Eagles last season. They brought in Nnamdi Asomugha, Jason Babin, Cullen Jenkins, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, Vince Young, and Ronnie Brown, as well as resigning Michael Vick to a fat new contract. Everyone agreed they were the clear winners last year and all it amounted to was an 8-8 season.

Meanwhile the 49ers splashiest free agent acquisition last year was Braylon Edwards. Besides him most of the players they signed didn't generate a ton of excitement. Just look at the names of some of those players: Carlos Rodgers, Donte Whitner, Larry Grant, Blake Costanzo, and David Akers. Yet in hindsight I think most would agree the 49ers improved more with their free agent signings than the Eagles did.

So I thought I'd go back and look at some of the previous winners of free agency starting in 2007. Why 2007? I don't know, why not?

More after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

He was all the rage. Despite several other good story lines, he was the only one anyone wanted to talk about. It got so bad you could hardly turn on a sports show on the TV or radio without hearing his name mentioned ad nauseam. You know who I'm talking about. No, not Peyton Manning, I'm talking about Tim Tebow.

He was so popular Saturday Night Live wanted him to host a show even after they had just made fun of him. Tebowing became a bigger internet sensation than planking. His jersey became the number one selling jersey in the NFL even before he ever took a snap. But there was one problem. John Elway didn't like him. Maybe a better internet fad would be Elwaying.

Elwaying - The look of complete disgust John Elway gets every time he watches Tim Tebow throw the football. Best way to accomplish the look is to imagine you're watching someone eat their own feces or you're looking at Roseanne Bar naked.

You know you're in trouble when you take over a team that had managed only 4 wins in their previous 21 games, lead them to the second round of the playoffs, and the only guarantee you get is that you've earned the right to be named the starter at the beginning of training camp. That's like telling a fireman who just saved a family of 4 from a burning home that he's earned the right to keep his job for at least another week.

More after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

This past summer fans of the NFL had to endure several months of uncertainty as they waited to see if the players and owners could work out a new CBA. Thankfully, and with almost no time to spare, a new 10 year deal was signed. And while some things changed, such as the owners getting a slightly larger cut of the pie...wait. Why is the division of revenue always compared to a pie? Why not a fruit tart or a tub of ice cream? Let's try that again. And while some things changed, such as the owners getting a slightly larger cut of the bundt cake, other things remained the same. One of those things that remained was the dreaded franchise tag.

This past week 21 players were slapped with the franchise tag. Some of the players stuck with the tag said all the right things and didn't make a fuss, such as DeSean Jackson who said he was "honored" to wear the franchise tag, while others "cough" Drew Brees "cough" were not so honored.

Some fans will look at Brees and sarcastically say, "Oh boo hoo! It must be tough knowing you'll earn only $14 million next season without a new deal. How will you ever survive?" While others living in the slums of India might look at that fan living in America and sarcastically say, "Oh boo hoo! It must be tough trying to get by on only a $50,000 a year salary living in a house that has a roof not made of tin and doesn't leak and floors that aren't made of mud. How will you ever survive?"

Really, wealth is all about perspective. I've often said being born in middle class America is a bit like winning life's lottery. I know no one here at Niners Nation has ever heard me say it but trust me, I've often said it. But even the wealthiest person in the world still wants more money, so I have a hard time being upset at a player who's mad about being given the franchise tag and told they may not make as much as they could have made if they were a free agent. But I also have a hard time feeling overly sympathetic towards them just as someone living in a shanty town probably has a hard time feeling sympathetic towards a middle class American who has only one car and basic cable.

More after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

I played football in High School and I like to think I was pretty good. One thing in particular I took pride in was the number of stickers on my helmet. If I sacked the QB I got a sticker. If I recovered a fumble I got a sticker. And if I hit someone so hard he started to wonder why the world was spinning, I’d get two stickers. A lot of High Schools and colleges still award helmet stickers to players when they make a big play.

The same thing happens in the NFL only they don’t get stickers, they get money, usually in the neighborhood of a few hundred to a thousand dollars depending on the play. The media has dubbed them bounties. There was even the famous Thanksgiving day game between the Cowboys and Eagles that is now referred to as "The Bounty Bowl" thanks to rumors Eagles coach Buddy Ryan offered to pay $200 to anyone who would take out Cowboys kicker Luis Zendejas.

A perfectly coifed Jimmy Johnson said after the game, "I have absolutely no respect for the way they played the game, I would have said something to Buddy, but he wouldn’t stand on the field long enough. He put his big, fat rear end into the dressing room."

The now proud father of the two perfectly behaved sons, Rex Ryan and Rob Ryan, said at the time, "I resent that. I’ve been on a diet, lost a couple of pounds. I thought I was looking good." I guess the apple really doesn’t fall very far from the tree. Unless it’s perched on the edge of a cliff then it probably would fall far away. But it didn’t in this case.

Continue reading this post »

Since I still found it hard to believe the 49ers weren't playing I watched the entire Super Bowl with a blank expression on my face. My wife thought I was trying to look like Eli Manning. In the end I was glad the Giants won, partly because it meant the 49ers should have beaten the team that won it all, but mostly because it made me smile to think about the hell Rex Ryan must be going through right now.

A part of me really didn't want to watch the game but I soldiered on since I still needed to write a story for all the good people here at Niners Nation. Plus, I kind of get a kick out of knowing I'm watching the same thing at the exact moment so many other people I've known in my life are watching it, including my ex-High School girlfriend Sarah Mumford. Man I hate her. So without further ado (do people still say that?) here are some of my observations from this year's Super Bowl.

Chris Collinsworth is a tool

Before this game I generally had no opinion of Collinsworth one way or the other. To me he was like the sports equivalent of soccer. If you ask me about soccer the most you could expect in response is a shrug and a comment of mild indifference. That all changed when he said in the 4^th quarter, "We should just have these two teams play all the time." Sure, we should just let the Patriots and Giants play every year in the Super Bowl, the Lakers and Celtics play every year for the NBA Championship, and the Yankees and Phillies play every year in the World Series. That sounds like fun. Maybe there's a reason NBC is 4^th in the ratings. By the way, I don't know if you noticed but "The Voice" is back on NBC as well as a new show called "Smash". There were a couple of commercial breaks where they forgot to plug one of those shows so you might have missed it. Seth Meyers made a good point when he tweeted, "It's hard to believe this is the last Super Bowl in the pre-Smash era."

More Super Bowl observations after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

When I was a kid I had a problem controlling my anger especially when it came to sports. My room was literally filled with plaster marks from holes that needed to be covered. Since my dad was tired of constantly going to Home Depot he one day gave me a foam brick. The idea being I could throw that in anger but nothing would get broken.

In my first game with the foam brick something that was so important I can't even remember what it was anymore got me really angry and I threw my brick. I watched as it flew through the air and doinked harmlessly off the TV. So I went into my room and punched two holes in the wall instead of just one.

At times the 49ers offense reminded me of my old foam brick. Time after time they doinked harmlessly off the Giants defense and went 3-and-out. Yet in spite of that they were still in a position to win, and would have won if not for the fact they lost the turnover battle for the first time since,...well for the first time in a really long time. So long ago, I can't even remember how long ago it was. It was that long ago.

How could the 49ers who had 10 turnovers in 16 games have 2 in this one? How could the 49ers who had led the NFL in turnovers with 38 have zero in this one? What makes it worse is they easily could have had 2 interceptions but both were dropped when two 49er players going for the pick collided with each other. And there was another fumble that wasn't a fumble because of a quick whistle by the refs. Now that I'm thinking about it, I sure don't hear the Giants fans complaining any more after they almost went into cardiac arrest complaining last week about how the refs were trying to hand the game to the Packers after a non-fumble in that game.

More after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

The 2011 regular season will be remembered as the year of the QB. Drew Brees and Tom Brady both broke Dan Marino's 27 year old single season passing record of 5,087 yards and Matthew Stafford came close finishing with 5,038 yards. It was the first time 3 quarterbacks finished the year with over 5,000 yards passing and 10 quarterbacks finished with over 4,000 yards. Of course their numbers are greatly helped by the fact defenders are penalized if they hit the quarterbacks head, or go down low on his legs, or hit him too late after he throws the ball, or even if they hit him legally but were thinking about hitting him illegally, and the same is also becoming true towards receivers, but it's still an impressive stat.

Yet in the divisional round all those high powered offenses didn't seem to help their teams much. Brees and the Saints number 1 ranked offense? Gone! Aaron Rodgers and the Packers 2^nd best all time scoring offense? Eliminated! Tim Tebow and the Broncos super powered...uh, their high octane...wait, their ummm...their offense that's led by a really super nice guy? Crushed!

Meanwhile the 49ers and Ravens have had two of the top defenses all season, and the now healthy Giants defense has also really stepped up their play of late. Only the Patriots remain of the juggernaut offenses. I guess the old adage about defenses winning championships is true. Unless the Patriots win it all in which case maybe the Mayans were on to something after all with this whole 2012 thing.

Giants 37, Packers 20

After a franchise best 15-1 regular season, the loss at the hands of the Giants has the Packers feeling blue. No, too literal. The Packers loss to the Giants certainly felt like déjà blue. No, that won't work either. They may like cheese in Wisconsin but they hate it in their salad dressing. You know, because they don't like blue cheese.

The Packers defense will get blamed for this loss but it should be put on their offense. After all, their defense has been giving up yards all season long. You can't expect them to change now that it's the playoffs. Their offense however scored the second most points in the history of the NFL. I'm still trying to figure out where that team was on Sunday. They dropped 6 passes after averaging less than 2 a game for the season. On two separate occasions Rodgers missed wide open receivers, one which would have gone for a TD and another that would have given the Packers a 1^st down around the Giants 30-yard line. And they turned the ball over 5 times, I'm sorry*, they turned the ball over 4 times after turning it over only 14 times in their previous 16 games.

Now the Packers become the first team in the history of the NFL to win 15 games and not win at least 1 playoff game. I wonder if State Farm can somehow work that into their next Discount Double Check commercial.

*I just learned if a player losses the ball and the other team recovers and runs it 10 yards down the field before the fumbling player's knee hits the ground, it's too close call and therefore not a fumble.

The rest of the divisonal round games after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

Sometimes my wife looks at me like I'm insane. Watching me as I laughed maniacally after Demaryius Thomas raced down the sidelines for a game winning 80 yard TD was one of those moments. I'm not a Broncos fan and I'm definitely not a Tim Tebow fan, but I hate the Steelers. I don't mean that as an insult if you're a Steelers fan, you should just realize a lot of people really hate your team.

What made the whole thing even better wasn't that they lost, but it's that they lost to a team that almost everyone thought had no chance. It has to make the loss hurt that much more. No doubt Ben Roethlisberger was thinking after the game, "This must be how she felt."

Now the Broncos get to move on to play a Patriots team that slapped them around silly in Denver a few weeks ago. After that game Tom Brady told Tebow, "Maybe we'll see you again." After this game Tebow said of Brady's comment, "I guess he's a prophet." Come on! You couldn't just say he must be psychic?

Lions 28, Saints 45

Remember in those old Road Runner cartoons when Wile-E-Coyote would run several feet off the edge of a cliff, stop in midair, look down to find out there's nothing below him, and then fall? That was a little bit like the Lions in this game. They led 14-10 at the half and only trailed 24-21 going into the 4th before they realized they weren't supposed to win this game and crashed horribly. After all, they don't have Jesus helping them in the 4th quarter like the Broncos do.

Drew Brees threw for 466 yards and 3 touchdowns while leading the Saints offense to a playoff record 626 yards. The Lions also helped them by dropping 3 interceptions, allowing 92 of the Saints 167 rushing yards to come after first contact, allowed the Saints to convert on 4^th down 3 times and 3^rd down 7 of 11 times, and the Lions offense ended up punting after both turnovers the defense did force. Matthew Stafford, who threw for 380 yards including 211 to Calvin Johnson, was also picked off twice.

The rest of this game and Wild Card weekend after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

This was the week for records to be broken and for teams to fire head coaches and general managers. Strangely, while the 49ers had a chance to break several defensive records, they didn't manage to break any of them. Oh well, I guess we'll have to settle for watching them have a first round bye and a home playoff game in the divisional round.

There's also some good news that the NFC West is no longer the laughingstock of the NFL, and we all know the reason for that, the Harbaughcolypse. Did I spell that right? The 49ers 7 game improvement almost single handedly pulled the West out of the basement to respectability. The Cardinals also improved this year, winning 3 games more than they did last season, while the Seahawks finished with the same record as last year and the preseason favorite Rams finished 5 games worse. Here's how the 8 divisions in the NFL finished:

NFC East - 30-34, North - 36-28, South - 33-31, West - 30-34

AFC East - 33-31, North - 37-27, South - 26-38, West - 31-33

Now let's all take a moment to point our fingers and laugh at the AFC South before I run through all the games of week 17 in the NFL.

(Insert mocking and laughter here)

Cowboys 14, Giants 31

Looks like I inserted the mocking and laughter too soon. We should probably also take a minute to deride the Cowboys. After eking out a win on Thanksgiving over the Dolphins the Cowboys were a game in first place and basically just needed to win one of their two games against the Giants to win the NFC East. That's when the self implosion began. They iced their own kicker in an OT loss to the Cardinals, they blew an 11 point lead with under 5 minutes to play at home against the Giants, they got manhandled by the Eagles at home, and they looked like they weren't even trying in their final beat down at the hands of the Giants. Their only win in their last 5 games came against the Bucs who were in the process of their own self implosion while losing 10 in a row. Eli Mannning threw for 346 yards and 3 touchdowns, the Cowboys ground game managed only 49 yards, and the Cowboys defense missed so many tackles they're considering a career change to a Matador. "It's extremely painful and it's a damn shame," said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. I don't know why but laughing at other people's misery sometimes makes me happy.

The rest of week 17 after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

The NFL is finally getting what they've been trying to get for a while, a lot of mediocrity. Going into the last game of the season 11 teams have records of either 8-7 or 7-8, over a third of all the teams. Depending on how things play out, it's at least possible that half the league will finish with between 7-9 wins. There's only 1 elite team, the Packers, and around 5 teams that are good but also have obvious areas of concern (49ers, Patriots, Ravens, Saints, and Steelers). While the rest of the NFL seems to be made up of slightly above average to slightly below average teams, with a handful of teams that just stink. At least we can feel good knowing the Broncos aren't receiving anymore divine help.

Chargers 10, Lions 38

Break out the Natty Light Detroit (Fooch, you can drink some if you like as well), the Lions are back in the playoffs for the first time since 1999! I guess that means tonight they're going to party like it's 1957! You know, because that was the last time they won it all. I can't help but feel like I'm missing a more obvious reference. Matthew Stafford threw for 373 yards and 3 touchdowns and Calvin Johnson had 102 yards receiving and a TD as the Lions jumped out to a 24-0 first half lead before cruising home for the blowout win. The win ends the Lions 11 year playoff drought while the loss eliminates the Chargers for the second straight season. I was about to say it's hard to believe a team with that much talent could miss the playoffs two years in a row but then I noticed the Cowboys were also about to miss for the second straight season. Wait, I remembered the more obvious reference. Tonight they're going to party like it's 1995, since that was the last year the Lions won 10 games in a season.

Cardinals 16, Bengals 23

Andy Dalton threw for 154 yards and 2 touchdowns joining Peyton Manning and Cam Newton as the only rookie quarterbacks to throw for over 3,000 yards and 20 touchdowns in their first season. The Bengals defense intercepted John Skelton 3 times, Jerome Simpson scored a highlight reel TD while doing his best impersonation of Mary Lou Retton (Do younger people know who she is?), and the Bengals withstood a late Cardinals charge to hold on for the win and take sole possession of the last playoff spot in the AFC. A win at home against the Ravens in their final game will lock up only the Bengals 3^rd playoff appearance over the last 20 years, all under Marvin Lewis. The Bengals are so desperate to have only their second home sellout of the year when they play the Ravens this Sunday they were offering buy one get one free tickets. So if the Bengals clinch a playoff spot next week and no one in Cincinnati is watching, are they a tree? No, that's not right. If they Bengals clinch a playoff spot and no in is there, do they make a sound? Wait, that's not it either. Maybe, if the Bengals are a tree and they fall over in the forest but no one is there, did they really fall over? Give me time, I know I'll get it eventually.

The rest of week 16 after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

I've been waiting for the 49ers to have a "suck it" win for some time now. I thought they had it when they won on the road in Detroit, but the Lions aren't your traditional powerhouse team and they've struggled some after that loss. I then thought they had their "suck it" win when they beat the Giants, but the Giants had previously lost to the Seahawks and they've been really inconsistent. Now that they humiliated the Steelers on MNF, I feel like they finally got their "suck it" win.

Sure Ben Roethlisberger wasn't 100% and they didn't have cheap shot artist extraordinaire James Harrison, but the 49ers were without Patrick Willis and lost both Ted Ginn and Joe Staley before the end. And let's be honest, Frank Gore hasn't been at 100% for some time now. As for the whining I've been hearing from some Steelers fans about the chop block penalty and the penalty on the FG that allowed the 49ers to turn it into a TD, the 49ers had their own horrible chop block penalty called on them that killed a drive in Steelers territory.

So to all those critics who said the Steelers would crush the 49ers and to everyone who still says they're pretenders and have no chance in the playoffs against a real playoff team, Suck It!

Patriots 41, Broncos 23

Noooo! Khaaaaaan! Wait, that's not right. Bradeeeeeey! The Broncos offense flipped the script by playing well in the first quarter, putting up 16 points on their first three drives, but they got little going after that. Tom Brady shredded the Broncos usually stout defense for 320 yards and 2 touchdowns and the Patriots quieted the talk of making Tebow a Saint. After the game Bill Belichick went up to Tebow and said, "Tim, I am your father." To which Tebow replied, "Coming from a great coach like you, that's an honor." Seriously, the guy never seems to get upset at anything. He then jumped off a platform but luckily there was a slide at the bottom and after coming to a rest there was a conveniently placed hatch that just happened to open at that moment, because what duct system doesn't have oddly placed hatches that open on their own at random times making it much easier for someone to fall out the bottom of Cloud City so if needed, they could be more easily picked up by the Millenium Falcon? Yes, I referenced both Star Trek and Star Wars because I'm a geek and proud of it.

The rest of week 15 after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

I've often felt I grew up at the best time to be a 49ers fan. I was 8 years old when they won their first Super Bowl and I was in college when they won their last. From 1981 until 1998 they would win at least 10 games every season except one and they would make the playoffs every season except two, 1982 and 1991. For 18 years I felt like they always had a chance to win it all and I was disappointed when they failed to do so.

The reason for their unprecedented run of success is almost always attributed to the fact they had one of the best quarterbacks to ever to play the game with Joe Montana, and then they replaced him with another Hall of Fame quarterback, Steve Young. But what many people forget, or others are just too young to remember, is that it wasn't a seamless transition. In fact, there were a lot of 49er fans who wanted Young to be traded.

Young first came to the 49ers in 1987 after playing two seasons with the Los Angeles Express of the USFL and a season and a half with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. While with the Bucs Young had gone only 3-16 as a starter, completed just 53.3% of his passes, averaged only 169 passing yards per game, and had thrown almost twice as many interceptions as touchdowns. This was clearly not what people were expecting from someone who finished second place for the Heisman Trophy his Senior year at BYU.

In 1987 the 49ers traded for Young. Even though they already had perhaps the greatest QB in the game with Montana, the move to the 49ers gave Young a chance to learn and adapt his scrambling style of play to the NFL. In the four years he backed-up Montana, Young played in 35 games, starting 10 of them, and was 7-3 as a starter. But there were still concerns that he had a tendency to run as soon as he felt any pressure and would never develop into a prototypical NFL QB.

Finally in 1991 he got his chance to lead the 49ers. Montana was lost for the year with an elbow injury and Young was named the starter. After finishing 14-2 the previous two seasons the 49ers had high expectations coming into the year, but with Young as their QB they struggled to win. They began the year with a 4-5 record and Young was eventually replaced by Steve Bono when he hurt his knee in week 9.

That's when their season started to turn around. Bono got the 49ers back to their winning ways and went 5-1 as a starter. Even when Young was finally healthy enough to play again the 49ers stayed with Bono. It wasn't until Bono went down with an injury of his own late in their 15th game of the season that Young came back. He led them to a win in their final game but at 10-6 the 49ers missed the playoffs for the first time since 1982.

That's when the controversy really began. There were many in the 49ers organization that wanted to trade Young. They even came close to trading him to the Los Angeles Raiders, but when it was discovered Montana wouldn't be back in time for their season opener they decided not to go through with the deal.

Five plays into their season opener against the Lions Young suffered the first of many concussions and Steve Bono came in to lead the 49ers to a 31-14 victory. Young came back the following week against the Bills but in a game that featured zero punts, the 49ers lost 34-31.

By this point there was already a hard core contingent of fans that wanted the 49ers to get rid of Young. After Bono won in week 1 and Young lost in week 2, and considering what happened the previous season, their cries became deafening. Bench Young in favor of Bono! It may seem strange that people were wanting to bench a future Hall of Famer for a career journeyman, but most fans didn't know that at the time.

Despite the Bono supporter's wishes 49ers head coach George Seifert stayed with Young and by the end of the season they finished with a 14-2 record. Young threw for 3,456 yards and 25 touchdowns, while also rushing for 537 yards, and was named the NFL's MVP. In the divisional round of the playoffs the 49ers beat the Redskins 20-13 but their season ended when they lost at home in the NFC Championship game 30-20 to the Cowboys.

The loss to the Cowboys only added fuel to the fire for the Young haters. Montana had finally come back from his injury in the last game of the season and even played in the second half of their final win but Young, not Montana, was named the team's starter during the playoffs, and the fact they lost to the Cowboys only proved what they believed. Montana would have won that game and the 49ers would never win it all as long as they had Young as their starting QB.

By this point not only were the fans divided as to who should be the starting QB, but so were they players. Many wanted the 49ers to go back to Montana, including owner Eddie DeBartolo Jr., while others backed Young. In the end the 49ers traded Montana to the Chiefs and the 49ers stuck with the more youthful Young.

During the 1993 season Young once again put up huge numbers. His 4,023 passing yards set a franchise record and he led the NFL with 29 touchdowns and a 101.5 passer rating, but their 10-6 regular season record was well below expectations and for the second year in a row they lost in the NFC Championship game to the Cowboys.

The fact Montana led the Chiefs to an 11-5 record and an appearance in the AFC Championship game, which they lost to the Bills, only added fuel to the Young hater's fire. Even though Montana and Young both lost in the same round of the playoffs it was the Chiefs most successful season in over 22 years and that gave the Young haters all the ammunition they needed. Montana would have led the 49ers to a victory over the Cowboys while Young would never win the big game.

Before the start of the 1994 season the 49ers were aggressive in the free agent market brining in a lot of new talent including Dion Sanders and Ken Norton Jr. It was also the year they drafted DT Bryant Young and FB William "Bar None" Floyd. They finished that year with a 13-3 record earning them the #1 seed in the NFC, and after crushing the Bears 44-15 in the divisional round, they finally beat their nemesis the Cowboys 38-28 to reach the Super Bowl.

After finally getting past the Cowboys the Super Bowl seemed like a foregone conclusion. Young threw for 325 yards and a Super Bowl record 6 touchdowns, becoming only the 5th player to be named NFL MVP and Super Bowl MVP in the same season, and the 49ers easily cruised past the Chargers 49-26. It was after the game that Young had this memorable moment when he asked for the monkey to be taken off his back. If you want to watch a great video about it just click here.

So did the win finally quiet the doubters? Did those who had been yelling at the 49ers to trade Young for years finally admit they were wrong about him? Perhaps some did. But mostly the sentiment among those hardliners was, "Montana would have won 3 Super Bowls in the time it took Young to win 1", and "Young only won because the 49ers broke the bank bringing in so many free agents".

So what's the point in this walk down memory lane? It's that I can't help but notice some similarities between Young's situation and Smith's. Now before anyone freaks out, I'm not saying Smith is as talented, or even close to being as talented, as Young. What I am saying is that Smith seems to have this hard core contingent of fans who hate him no matter what and love to point out every time he messes up, much like what happened to Young.

Smith is far from perfect. There are a lot of areas he needs to improve and it's possible he could regress and the 49ers would be better off getting rid of him. But he's made huge strides from last year and he's played well for most of the season. The 49ers are 11-3 and the huge improvement in Smith's play is a big reason why. He's had some bad games like he did a couple weeks ago against the Cardinals, but almost every QB in the NFL will have games where they're off. There are only so many quarterbacks like Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, and Drew Brees to go around.

Now let me be clear, there's nothing wrong with being critical of Smith's play. He's far from perfect. But it's one thing to say he needs to do a better job in the red zone or in stretching the field, and it's quite another to simply say he's a bum and the 49ers are winning in spite of him and he deserves none of the credit for their success.

If the 49ers win their last two games against the Seahawks and Rams they will finish with a 13-3 record and the #2 seed in the NFC. That's a 7 game improvement over last year's team that finished 6-10. No doubt having perhaps the best defense in the NFL is a huge reason for their success, not to mention they've been playing outstanding on special teams, but to act like Smith doesn't deserve any of the credit for their enormous turnaround is just plain ignorant.

Feel free to be critical of Smith's play all you want. Just be fair and give him some of the credit he deserves for their success as well.

LL Cool J put it best when he said, "So forget Oreos eat Cool J cookies." Wait, that wasn't right. He put it best when he said, "They call me Jaws, my hat is like a sharks fin." No, that wasn't it either. Was it when he said, "You can scratch my back, well get cozy and huddle?" Hold on, I remember. He put it best when he said, "Mama said knock you out!" At least that's what James Harrison was thinking when he leveled Colt McCoy. No, LL Cool J put it best when he said, "Don't call it a comeback!"

The Broncos, Giants, Texans, and Falcons all came back to win after being behind with the Broncos, Giants, and Texans managing to come back from 2 scores down late in the 4th. The Vikings, Titans, and Redskins also mounted big come backs and all three drove down into the red zone in the closing seconds but they all failed to punch it in for the win. You know what, no matter how tough that loss was on Sunday at least we can point to almost every other team in the NFL and say, "At least I'm not that guy." Now on to the rest of week 14.

Bears 10, Broncos 13

OK, this is really starting to get ridiculous. If the Broncos were winning because, like the Packers, they were simply playing better than the other team, I could live with that. But they're winning in what can only be described as, "You've got to be freaking kidding me!" ways. This game against the Bears was just another example. Trailing 10-0 with less than 5 minutes to play, Tim Tebow led the Broncos down the field on a 63-yard TD drive in just under 2 ½ minutes to cut the lead to 10-7. Alright, no big deal, that's what Tebow's been doing at the end of every game. When they lined up for the onside kick with 2:08 to play I figured they would get it since that's the kind of luck the Broncos have been having. So when the ball bounced around between what felt like 10 different players and the Bears ended up with it I thought that this was the end of the Tebow magic. I was wrong.

On second down after the two minute warning, and the Broncos without any time outs, all the Bears had to do was run it two more times, punt, than the Broncos would have maybe 15-20 seconds to tie the game. That's when Marion Barber did the unbelievable. On second down he ran out of bounds. No really, he ran out of bounds even though the Broncos had no way of stopping the clock. As I said before, "You've got to be freaking kidding me!" The Broncos got the ball back with 53 seconds, drove down the field for a Matt Prater 59-yard FG as time expired that I knew would be good even before he kicked it since, you know, Tebow is on his team, then Prater kicked a 51-yard FG in OT for the win. "He's a good running back," Brian Urlacher said of Tebow after the loss. Tebow's response to the slight, "Coming from a really good player, that means a lot." Aaahhh! Forget Tebowing, we have a new verb. I'm sorry Bears, you got worse than screwed, you got Tebowed.

The rest of week 14 after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

There's only 4 weeks remaining and a few things have become clear to me. No one wants the Wild Card spots in the NFC since they all lost this week, the Bills, Lions, maybe even Bengals weren't nearly as good as their early records seemed to indicate, the NFC West and Dolphins weren't nearly as bad as their early records seemed to indicate, and the NFL putting Tim Tebow on the cover of their first magazine was about as predictable as Lindsey Lohan going back to rehab.

Eagles 14, Seahawks 31

Vince Young's first pass of the game was intercepted, his last pass attempt was intercepted, and in between he was intercepted two more times, including one that was returned 77 yards for a TD by David Hawthorne to seal the win for the Seahawks. "He was expecting (LeSean McCoy) to be open and he wasn't," Hawthorne said. Kind of like Joe Theisman was expecting Lawrence Taylor to be blocked and he wasn't. Marshawn Lynch rushed for 148 yards and 2 touchdowns as the Seahawks crushed any slim playoff hopes the Eagles still had while managing to keep their own playoff hopes on life support. They're still the same playoff hopes they had before, just more like a tomato.

Jets 34, Redskins 19

Do you have a QB who's lost some of their confidence? Is your team questioning its ability to play football after being manhandled by your hated rivals and losing in the final minute to a team led by Tebow? Do you need to inject them with a boost of confidence and help your QB regain some of his swagger? Well have we got the cure for you. Introducing Rex Grossman and the Washington Redskins. Grossman's play will have your defense feeling they can conquer the world. We guarantee at least two Grossman turnovers and if watching him complete only 19 of his 46 passes doesn't leave your secondary pounding their chests and running around the field like airplanes, nothing will. As for your QB, nothing provides a bigger ego boost than going into the 4^th down 13-16 and then putting up 21 points against a defense that's thinking, "Why try? Grossman will just blow it anyways." Yes, your team's confidence will never be higher so schedule your game today. (Rex Grossman and the Washington Redskins do not guarantee future success. Actual results may vary.)

Continue reading this post »

I have to admit, I just don't get Black Friday.  Is it really worth all that hassle and loss of sleep just to save a few bucks?  It reminds me of that time people in Cleveland waited over two hours in line for a 23 cent one topping pizza.  Do they realize they can normally get it for $10 and even less with a coupon?  Is it worth 2 hours of your life to save $10?  That's not even minimum wage. 

Then there are the stories that invariably come out when all the hoopla, yes hoopla, has died down.  There's the story of the 61-year-old man who fell on the ground having heart problems, eventually dying, and how people simply stepped over him on their way to saving $5 on a magic bullet blender.  Or the lady that pepper sprayed 20 people so she could get her discounted X-Box games that she could have got for the same price if she just waited until February.  Hey, didn't I hear on Bill O'Reilly that pepper spray is essentially a food product anyways?  Maybe they were just hungry after their long wait and she was trying to feed them.

But nothing was more surprising, and quite frankly shocking, than what happened in the game between the Chargers and Broncos.  No, it wasn't another Tim Tebow led come from behind victory, it was when the cameras caught Chargers kicker Nick Novak urinating on the sidelines.  Seriously, he was on one knee in a corner by the Gatorade with a trainer holding up a towel to hide him relieving himself. 

In all honesty I could care less.  I mean, what guy hasn't done something similar when they just had to go and there was no bathroom to be found?  But did he have to do it by the Gatorade?  Come on!  Given there were players sitting on the bench only a few feet away and they seemed completely nonplussed, I'm guessing this sort of thing happens more than we realize.  I can't wait to hear if Rodger Goodell hands down a fine on this one.  Now on to the recap of week 12.

Bills 24, Jets 28

The Bills made a game of it but they couldn't overcome Mark Sanchez's career high 4 touchdown passes, including the game winning TD to Santonio Holmes with just over a minute remaining.  "He's at his best," said Jets head coach Rex Ryan of Sanchez, "in big moments."  And yes, he said that with a straight face.  But the real story was how Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson did his best Plaxico Burress imitation pretending to shoot himself in the leg after scoring a TD in the 2^nd quarter.  "I've seen worse and I've heard worse," Burress said of Johnson's celebration.  I hear you Plaxico.  I remember the Icky Shuffle as well.

The rest of week 12's games after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

I can't Tebow what I just Tebowed.  How did he Tebow that?  I mean, when he Tebowed the Dolphins in the last few Tebows, that was one thing.  Then when he Tebowed the Raiders in Oakland I started to take Tebow.  After the Chiefs Tebow, I thought there might be Tebowing to this.  But what I Tebowed with the Jets, I just couldn't Tebow it.  Seriously, how does he keep Tebowing this every Tebow.  It's Tebowable.  I don't Tebow about everyone else but I Tebowed it more when Farve was Farving his Farve to sideline reporters and the sideline reporter didn't like that Farve Farved her his Farve so she let everyone know what Farve had Farved.  But what Tebow Tebowed, unbetebowable.  Sorry, I'm way behind on my Tebow quota. 

Jets 13, Broncos 17

In all fairness the Broncos defense deserves most of the credit for this win.  Before Tim Tebow's late game heroics the Broncos offense had managed only 134 yards and 3 points despite constantly starting with good field position.  And if the defense hadn't scored a TD of their own it wouldn't have mattered what Tebow did at the end of the game.  But Tebow is Tebow so...Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, and Tebow.  There, I think I finally got it out of my system.

Panthers 35, Lions 49

The Lions fell into an early 24-7 hole, but this isn't your father's Lions, or your grandfather's Lions, or even your great-grandfather's Lions for that matter.  These Lions can come back and win.  Matthew Stafford led the Lions comeback, throwing for 335 yards and 5 touchdowns, and for the first time since the pilgrims gave smallpoxed laced blankets to the Native Americans (Native in the sense they got here way before everyone else, but "We got here first" Americans doesn't really role off the tongue) the Lions will be relevant on Thanksgiving.

The rest of week 11 after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

All four teams in the NFC West won in the same week for the first time in 11 years.  Is this a sign of the apocalypse?  Are they the four horsemen?  Are Tim Tebow's two completions the two witnesses?  Are the 49ers front seven the seven headed dragon?  Who would be the whore of Babylon?  All I know is if Tebow can't play one week because he's suddenly disappeared into thin air I'm going to start getting nervous.

Patriots 37, Jets 16

Remember in 1995 when the Rams started 5-1 and were all set to make a statement win at home against the 49ers in week 7?  The 49ers went out and crushed the Rams 44-10 to which one of the 49ers players replied afterwards, "Same old Rams."  No doubt the Patriots players were thinking the same thing Sunday night, "Same old Jets."  The Jets hadn't lost at home all season while the Patriots had lost two in a row, but it didn't matter because the Patriots still have Tom Brady while the Jets still have, well...Mark Sanchez.  Brady threw for 329 yards and 3 touchdowns while Sanchez threw for 306 yards but also had 2 interceptions, including a costly pick-6 by Rob Ninkovich in the 4^th that sealed the win for the Pats.  "It looks doubtful right now," Rex Ryan said of the Jets chances of winning the AFC East.  "What am I going to say?  Maybe I should guarantee the fact we're out of it.  The last time I did that, we made the playoffs.  Yeah, we don't have a chance."  Hey, you said it not me.

Bills 7, Cowboys 44

The Cowboys are back!  They just crushed a quality team, or what used to be a quality team, at home.  Tony Romo threw for 270 yards and 3 touchdowns.  They now look like the team to threaten the Giants in the NFC East.  Wait a minute.  Weren't we saying the exact same things about the Eagles just a couple weeks ago?  Is there any other bandwagon we can jump on after the team played one good game?  "I think that's as good as we played against a team that's credible," said Jerry Jones.  Credible?  That's one way of putting it.  The Bills did just lose 27-11 at home last week to a Jets team that just lost at home 37-16 to the Patriots.  Using the transitive property that means the Bills would lose on the road to the Patriots 157-3.  My math might be off but I think that's close.  The Bills may have lost but at least the Bills David Nelson's girlfriend is hot, and yes Bignerd, you can put that on a tombstone.

Continue reading this post »

Week 9 is officially in the books which means every team has played at least half of their games.  My own take on week 9 is that every team that seemed favored to win, lost.  The Bills a perfect 4-0 at home, not anymore.  Tom Brady had won 31 straight home games, that streak's over.  The Chiefs coming off a big home win over the Chargers facing the winless Dolphins, welcome back to earth.  And Tebow, well...that's all I really have to say about that. 

Jets 27, Bills 11

The Bills were 4-0 at home this season.  The Jets were 0-3 on the road.  So naturally the Bills...lost?  Come on, you're killing my football pool.  The "Look mom, I'm an airplane" Jets easily handled the feel good story Bills thanks to a stout Jets defense that forced 3 turnovers and stifled Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Bills offense for most of the game.  Which was a good thing since Mark Sanchez, who threw for 230 yards, didn't get the Jets offense rolling until the second half where they put up 24 points.  "It's totally attitude," said defensive tackle Sione Pouha who led the team with 7 tackles and one forced fumble.  "Jet-i-tude is the way we look at it."  Jet-i-tude?  That doesn't even make sense.  Sounds like pot slang for "I just threw up".  What's next?  Packer-i-tude?  Raven-i-tude?  This has got to be the dumbest thing I can think to call it-i-tude?  At least "The Sanchize" rhymes with "Franchise", even if it's almost as dumb a nickname.

Falcons 31, Colts 7

People seem to love watching celebrities fall apart.  Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, and to a lesser extent, Mel Gibson with his alcohol induced anti-semitic tirade, have all fallen apart before our very eyes.  Now we can add the Colts to that list.  A team that just two years ago was sitting at 14-0 and decided not to chase perfection, will now have to see if they can avoid tying a different record.  And they actually seem to be getting worse, having lost their last three games by a combined score of 120-24.  Delone Carter fumbled, Curtis Painter threw behind Reggie Wayne for an interception, Julio Jones split two Colts defenders for a highlight reel 50-yard TD, and that was just in the first quarter.  The only TD scored was by their defense and they didn't get a first down in the second half until the final minute of play.  I don't think I've watched anything so painful since Jersey Shore's The Situation bombed horribly at Donald Trump's roast.

The rest of week 9 after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

If you ask most people they will tell you football is the greatest sport in the world.  They love the action, strategy, and the athletes are some of the best in any sport.  For many, if a master work of art was turned into a sport it would be football.  I am, of course, talking about the game that the only things required to play are a foot, a ball, and any open space that might or might not have grass depending on the economic situation of the country you live in.  Here it's called soccer.

Personally, I hate soccer.  I find it low scoring and boring.  Sure they're running around a lot but there just kicking a ball back and forth.  Plus it doesn't have any of those convenient commercial breaks that allow me to go to the bathroom because I've already downed a 6-pack by halftime and my chili nachos aren't agreeing with me.

I don't mean that as an insult to any soccer fan.  If you love it, great, keep watching it.  If you want to kill two hours of your life, what do I care?  I've just never been able to make myself care about soccer, which is saying something because I even got into curling during the last Winter Olympics.

I do, however, love football.  And no, I'm not going to call it American football since I live in America and any red blooded American (as if blood could be another color) will already know what I'm talking about.  It's also a game people love for it's fast action and strategy but with strength and violent hits thrown in despite Rodger Goodell's best efforts to make it otherwise.  Of course, when you really think about it, calling it football is the stupidest name in the world since the only players who actually touch the ball with their foot are the kickers and they're ironically the only ones that aren't really football players.

This past Sunday we got the annual football game played in London between the Bucs and the Bears, which the Bears won 24-18 thanks mostly to Josh Freeman repeatedly confusing the Bears cornerbacks for his own receivers.  It was the 5^th time since 2007 the NFL has played a game there and it was the second trip by the Bucs.  Rodger Goodell has stated that he'd like to have a few teams make trips regularly to help establish a fan base and the Glazer's seem more than willing to oblige mainly because he owns one of the most popular football teams in the world.  No, not the Bucs, Manchester United.  Plus, since he doesn't have much of a fan base in Tampa he might as well try to get one in London.

Continue reading this post »

 Oh no!  Avert your eyes!  Run for the hills!  It's handshake gate.  A pumped up Jim Harbaugh ran over to Jim Schwartz after the game, shook his hand too hard, and then said, "You want to taunt me from the sidelines?  Well suck on that you stinking pillow biter."  Harbaugh then shoved him out of the way as Schwartz turned in confusion and asked, "What the (bleep) is a pillow biter?"  Schwartz then proceeded to run down the field after Hargaugh bumping into him and stamping his foot in anger wanting clarification of the insult Harbaugh had just said.  Players jumped in between and fans stared from the stands wondering if they should throw their beer or not.  Considering the tough economic times in Detroit, most decided to drink their beer while bragging to their friends afterwards that they did throw it and hit Iupati right in the helmet.  I guess there was also a game played between the two teams but who cares about a game when watching coaches fight is so much more entertaining.  Well, on to the rest of week 6.

Panthers 17, Falcons 31

The Falcons gave up a lot to draft Julio Jones because they felt they were just one big playmaker away from being an elite team.  Well Jones has lived up to expectations but the Falcons have stumbled out to a 2-3 start.  With Jones not able to play this week the Falcons did something unusual, they went back to the way they used to play.  They ran the ball 35 times while trying only 22 pass attempts, and wouldn't you know it, they won.  Sure the Panthers have given up more rushing yards per game than every other team in the NFL not named the Rams, but let's not nit-pick.  Michael Turner led the way with 139 yards and 2 touchdowns, while the Falcons defense forced 3 Cam Newton interceptions.  "We'd like to be able to do that every week," Said Matt Ryan who threw for 163 yards and a TD.  Yea, and I'd like to be able to dunk a basketball and not have my kids constantly bugging me for money but we don't always get what we want.

Colts 17, Bengals 27

With the Colts trailing by 3 with just over 5 minutes to play Adam Vinatieri had his 52 yard FG blocked by Nate Clements (yes, that Nate Clements) and three minutes later Carlos Dunlap returned a Pierre Garcon fumble 35 yards for a TD to seal the win.  Andy Dalton had another impressive performance for the Bengals completing 25 of 32 passes, including 13 straight at one point, for 264 yards and a TD.  Dalton has been so impressive for the Bengals they've decided they are willing to trade disgruntled quarterback Carson Palmer.  Meanwhile, the Raiders have decided to overpay for an overhyped player one last time in memory of Al Davis.  At least they still have a great running game.

The rest of week 6 after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

So, the Chiefs overcame a 17 point deficit to beat the Colts, big deal.  The Eagles almost came back from being down by 21 but lost and are now 1-4, what else is new?  The Lions are one of only 2 undefeated teams while the Colts have the worst record in the NFL, hardly news.  In other words, this NFL season after only 5 weeks is so crazy, so upside down, so unpredictable, it's actually become the norm.  Long live NFL anarchy!

Packers 25, Falcons 14

Game time!  Guess who said the following:

 "Now that we abused them, for the second time in a row, at their home, there's nothing really to do."

• A) Ben Roethlisburger after Ben-a-palooza
• B) George Bush after the fall of Baghdad
• C) B.J. Raji after the recent Packers win

That's right.  It was said by Roethlisburger after their recent...no wait.  I could have sworn it was Big Ben, and no, the college girls didn't give him that nick-name.  Turns out it was said by Raji.  In their last two games against the Falcons, including last year's playoffs, the Packers have outscored the Falcons 63-35 while Aaron Rodgers has thrown for 762 yards and 5 touchdowns.  The Packers have now won 11 straight games, including the playoffs, while the Falcons have gone 2-8 over their last 10, including the preseason.  Yes I know, the preseason doesn't count, but it makes their fall look so much worse.  In fact, they've already lost as many games this season as they did all of last season when they finished with the best record in the NFC.  But Raji wasn't done with his criticism.  When asked if the Packers have a rivalry with the Falcons he said, "For it to be a rivalry, you have to win meaningful games.  They're just another opponent."  At this point it's starting to look like everyone's just another opponent against the Packers.

The rest of week 5 after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

 MC Hammer said it best when he rapped, "Don't call it a comeback!"  No?  It wasn't MC Hammer?  Was it Run DMC?  It couldn't have been that guy who's hat is like a sharks fin.  So forget Oreos eat Cool J cookies, he's bad.  I mean really bad.  Well, whoever it was that was the theme of week 4 in the NFL.  The Bengals came back from a 17-3 deficit against the Bills, the 49ers came back after being down 23-3 against the Eagles, and the coup de grace came when the Lions overcame a 27-3 deficit against the Cowboys and Tony "I'm no longer a choke artist, oh yes I am" Romo.  And that's not even taking into consideration the Cardinals who blew a 10 point lead with only 5 minutes to play or the Seahawks who almost came back after being down 27-7 but came up just short after they realized their kicker wasn't Sebastian Janikowski.  With that in mind let's recap all the games from week 4.

Patriots 31, Raiders 19

This game started out close but with the Raiders trailing 14-10 with a little over 2 minutes to play in the first half, and with a 2^nd and goal at the Patriots 6 yard line, Jason Campbell decided he didn't really want the ball after all so he threw it straight at Patrick Chung for the interception.  To get an idea just how bad the throw was, the nearest Raiders player was so far away Chung had time to pull out his cell phone and send out a tweet about his interception before finally being tackled.  "It was just a bonehead play," Campbell said.  At least he's honest.  After that it was all Patriots led by Tom Brady's 2 TD passes, putting him ahead of Joe Montana on the all time list, and Wes Welker who had 50 catches for 500 yards, or something like that.  Rumor is the Catholic church wants to make Welker the patron Saint of small white kids who dream of making it in the NFL.

Panthers 29, Bears 34

Devin Hester set an NFL record with his 11^th punt return for a TD while Matt Forte became the first Bears running back to rush for over 200 yards in a game since Walter Peyton, going for 205 yards and a TD.  Turns out the Bears needed every bit of it to sneak past Cam Newton and the Panthers.  Newton threw for 374 yards and a TD while also running for two more scores, and he now holds the NFL record for most passing yards in a quarterbacks first four career starts moving past Billy Volek.  Wait, what?  Volek is second on this list?  Who's in 3^rd, Romo?  Oh, I guess he is.  But this game was really all about Forte.  "The holes were huge out there," said Forte.  "We just kept on pounding and pounding them."  And if you thought the same thing I did after reading that, you're all a bunch of perverts.

Continue reading this post »

Week 2 is over and despite the fact no games are being played, Tom Brady has still managed to throw for another 300 yards, the Chiefs have given up another 35 points, Luke McCown has thrown two more interceptions, and the entire Dolphins secondary has decided to take an early vacation since they figured they couldn't stop anyone when they were trying maybe they could do a better job if they just didn't show up at all.  They certainly couldn't do any worse.  Chiefs fans have also started pre-ordering their Andrew Luck jerseys and Colts fans are lighting a record number of candles to the patron saint of helping injured quarterbacks recover and get back onto the field to salvage their season.  It's one of the more obscure saints. 

Browns 27, Colts 19

If the Colts are going to go the whole year without Peyton Manning can we just skip the season and have them play the Chiefs now in the "Ander Luck Bowl"?  But while there was no Manning, the other Peyton, you know the one that's on the cover of Madden who the Browns got from the Broncos by trading the only unburned LeBron jersey in Cleveland, ran for 94 yards and 2 touchdowns leading the Browns over the Colts (when was the last time you heard that?).  "That's Peyton," said Browns quarterback Colt McCoy who threw for 211 yards and a TD.  "He's going to run and run and run."  Kind of like the energizer bunny only not nearly as annoying.  "We probably would have seen some different things," with Manning on the field, Browns coach Pat Shurmur said.  No doubt, probably 5 more Colts touchdowns.

The rest of week 2 after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

 I love week one of the NFL season.  After the draft, the offseason changes, OTAs, training camp, and preseason, we finally get to watch some real football.  It's also the time of year when fans from every team still have hope.  For some its hope their team will make the playoffs and win the Super Bowl.  For others it's simply hope of seeing improvement over last year.  Week one gives us our first chance to gauge where our favorite teams are at.  Of course, all 32 head coaches will be sure to say something along the lines of, "It's just one game and there's still a lot of football to be played so we shouldn't read too much into the win/loss."  But I'm not a head coach so I'll read into it as much as I want to.

So what did I notice in week 1?  Mainly that it was a rough start for division winners.  Five of the eight division winners from last season lost in week one (Chiefs, Colts, Falcons, Seahawks, and Steelers), and all five of them lost by at least 17 points.  Of the five, only the Seahawks still had a chance to win going into the 4th quarter, and let's be honest, did anyone really think the 49ers were going to lose that game?  Of course I'm a homer and I see the world through 49er tinted glasses.

Patriots 38, Dolphins 24

Booing your teams quarterback is a sacred and time honored tradition for NFL fans.  Even Hall of Fame quarterbacks like Steve Young got booed in their playing days.  For Dolphins fans, their favorite target of scorn has been Chad Henne.  But then something strange happened.  Henne had a great game.  He threw for 416 yards, 2 touchdowns, and his only interception came on the last play of the game.  Too bad for the Dolphins they were playing against Tom Brady and their secondary was about as stout as a wet paper towel.  And not a good paper towel like Brawny but one of those generic ones.  Brady threw for 517 yards, the fifth most in NFL history, and also connected on four touchdowns as the Patriots moved at will against the Dolphins defense.  But it wasn't all high fives in the Patriots locker room afterwards considering they gave up 488 yards of offense.  "We still need to get out there and work," said Albert Haynesworth.  "With no offseason, it kind of hurt us."  And by "us" I can only assume he meant everyone else since he's used to skipping training camp.

The rest of week 1 after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

Preseason is over, final roster cuts have been made, and the start of the NFL season is thankfully just around the corner, so I just thought I'd ask one thing.  Is there anything lamer than the fourth preseason game?  Someone taking up two parking spots because their car is so much more precious than your car?  Lame, but not as lame.  Someone driving slow in the left lane? Not as lame.  Listening to a crying baby while you're trying to eat in a restaurant and the parents are refusing to take their eating and pooping spawn of satan outside? No.  Having someone talk behind you in a movie theater?  Nope.  As a side note that has nothing to do with anything, when I saw "Seven years in Tibet" in the movie theater one of the two people sitting behind me didn't speak English so the other person translated the entire movie for them.  If you thought sitting through that entire never ending movie was hard, try doing it while someone is speaking in Portuguese behind you through the whole thing. 

Now the preseason is over we can start to watch the real thing in a couple of days.  So here are just some of the story lines going into the 2011 NFL season.  In other words read, "Stories that happen to pop up on the front page of the various sports sites I visit."

The starting QB in Washington is Rex Grossman?

Like a lot of other people I assumed John Beck was going to get the starting gig for the Redskins.  But you know what happens when you assume.  You make an ass out of u and the guy standing next to u, or something like that.  Mike Shanahan had been saying all preseason that this was an open competition and it looks like it really was.  If the preseason ended after three games, like it should, then Beck probably would have been named the starter.  But there was a fourth game and after playing three solid to good games he had a colossal flub.  If you can, in fact, flub colossally. 

So instead the starting job goes to the Wile E Coyote of NFL quarterbacks, Rex Grossman.  No matter how many times he takes a beating he keeps coming back for more.  I'm not all that sure this is the best move for the Redskins since Beck seems to have more upside and could develop into a better quarterback down the road.  Then again, maybe they truly feel they have a shot at winning the NFC East (please hold you laughter) and they feel Grossman gives them the best shot at winning this year.

After hearing of his promotion Grossman said, "It's just a matter of playing smart and not having those three or four bad plays.  Just take care of the ball consistently and I'll be fine."  Which is a bit like someone who's drunk saying, "I just have to stay between the white dashed lines on the road while I'm driving home and I'll be fine."  Easier said than done.

More after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

They say week 3 of the preseason is the most important game of the 4.  Teams practice like it's a real game, go into it like it's a real game, and charge ticket prices like it's a real game.  Of course it's not a real game and coaches and players will go out of their way to minimize any accomplishments.  But it does give us our best look at how teams are doing in certain areas, especially since week 4 is nothing but a glorified scrimmage that's about as usefull as an umbrella during hurricane Irene.  So here are some of the things I noticed in week 3 of the preseason.

Lions look legit

Ok, let's get all the caveats out of the way.  This was just a preseason game.  The Lions went into this game as if it was the Super Bowl while the Patriots went into this game as if it was a week 3 preseason game against the Lions.  The Patriots also might have been worried that they might not have a home to go home to after the game thanks to Irene.  So with all the obligatory disclaimers done, let me just say the Lions completely destroyed the Patriots in just about every facet of the game. 

Matthew Stafford had enough time to enjoy a nice cup of tea with biscuits before every throw while Tom Brady would barely finish his 3/5/7 step drop before Ndamukong Suh or one of the Lions other defensive lineman was plowing into him.  And this wasn't simply a case of the Lions having a better game plan than the Patriots.  In almost every position battle the Lions player outplayed the Patriots player.  Bill Belichick summed it up best when he said after the game, "We didn't do anything very well.  We didn't throw it, didn't catch it, didn't block, didn't tackle, didn't cover, didn't return.  It's a long list.  Didn't coach."  Interesting, but what I want to know is if they kicked the ball well.

Again, this was just a preseason game and something similar happened last year in the Patriots 3rd preseason game when they lost to the Rams before finishing the year with a 14-2 record.  And who could forget how the Lions went undefeated in the preseason of 2008 before going 0-16 during the season.  But the Lions are definitely starting to look like they may be the team to challenge the Packers in the NFC North assuming Stafford can stay healthy for once.  Yes, the world has definitely been turned on it's head.  First a hurricane is hitting the U.S. and it's not in Florida and the Lions might actually have a good team.

More week 3 observations after the jump...

Continue reading this post »

Week 2 of the preseason is done and I was reminded once again how not having OTAs and a shortened training camp really has made the play sloppy.  I try to watch as many games as possible but I also read the AP recaps and the word I read time and time again was sloppy.  Sloppy play, sloppy penalties, sloppy secon...hold on, that's something else.  Anyways, here are just a few observations from week 2 of the preseason, as if you didn't know that already since that's the title of the story.

Should Manning have courted Burress?

Eli Manning has already lost two big targets this offseason when Kevin Boss and Steve Smith left in free agency, but if Plaxico "who put a gun in my pants" Burress continues to play like he did against the Bengals, than Manning might have second thoughts about making zero effort to reach out to him.  At the very least he could have asked to be a friend on his Facebook page.  Burress had 3 catches for 66 yards, including a highlight reel over the shoulder touchdown, while Manning was a very pedestrian 8 of 16 for 78 yards.  On their first two drives they couldn't even manage a first down, and their first touchdown came on an 18 yard touchdown run by Brandon Jacobs that came after a Devin Thomas 73 yard kickoff return.  True, the Giants crushed the Bears in a 41-13 victory, but that was thanks to their bruising run game that pounded out 218 yards on 27 carries, a smothering defense that didn't allow a touchdown until the very end of the game, and great special teams play.  Actually, now that I think about it, that doesn't sound that bad.

They're beatable after all

No team has gotten more hype this season than the Philadelphia Eagles and for good reason.  They've been bringing in so many high profile free agents people are already comparing them to the Miami Heat.  All that's missing is for Michael Vick, Nnamdi Asomugha, and Jason Babin to go out on a rock concert stage acting like the rest of the team is unimportant while an announcer is wailing over the speakers like it's the WWE.

But just like the Heat had their struggles early on, the Eagles looked downright horrible in their 24-14 loss to the Steelers.  And it wasn't even that close.  Vick completed only 5 of 12 passes for 47 yards and 3 interceptions, while Vince Young followed that up completing only 5 of his 8 passes for 34 yards and an interception of his own.  In fact, the only Eagles quarterback that did look good was Mike "why am I being arrested" Kafka who completed 14 of 19 passes for 160 yards and 2 touchdowns.  Undoubtedly it's all part of some master plan to pump up Kafka's value so they can trade him later to a quarterback starved team for a second round draft pick.

Continue reading this post »