- or -

From the "Who Gives A Flying Fart In A Rolling Rainstorm"? Dept. 

All good things got to come to an end.

Almost since the initiation of my time online - a scant several years - I've been a member of SBNation in one guise

or another.

 It's been a very interesting experience. I learned a lot - about socializing,

and about the many ways various people play the "fan game".

I also learned a lot about imaging manipulation, both good

(By the Master himself, David Tiao - alias Jctgamer)

and bad.

(By some clown with a point - and - shoot camera and a CRT)

But I can honestly say I had more fun on the various SB sites than anywhere else online that wasn't porn related.

So thanks to them (SB, not porn), and to all of you for helping me waste my time in an unproductive but entertaining fashion.

At this point this still holds true - and I hope it always will:

Toodles, Vic

That's what separates the two frontrunning teams in the NL West, according to MLB.com.

Yet the "Games Behind" column indicates they're both in first place.

Look at that travesty.

It burns. It chafes.

Is the Purplian fanbase content with that? Or are they chomping at the bit for retribution?

I can only assume that tickets for said theoretical comeuppance - scheduled for the 16th and 17th of this month - are flying out the door into the hands of the Purple Row passionate. If you don't have them already you should bust your buns to get them, because the Hated Ones will not stain the carpet of Coors Field again until the fantastic foursome of September 15th through 18th.

In the first two weeks there was a great measure of both success and failure regarding these two protagonists.

Now, due to a multitude of influences, we haz a tighter race.

From the "life imitates art" category:  I'd like to pluck a nugget from the archived works of Oingo Boingo,                                                         who were led by the genius of Danny Elfman:

Isn't this fun?

Isn't this what life's all about?

Isn't this a dream come true?

Isn't this a nightmare too?

In the process of the painstaking research involved in bringing you that scheduling news I noticed the All - Star balloting on the righthand column of the MLB team page.

Now, admittedly it is early and my reading glasses are not their most pristine - but while he's certainly still a handsome fellow isn't the Toddfather a bit old to be considered "1ST BABE"?

Enjoy the season, Row. And do not assume or predict the outcome in a negative manner.

What fun is that?

There was a crooked man who had a crooked smile.

He wanted to watch a ballgame so he drove a crooked mile.

Actually, more like twenty. And no, that isn't purple I'm sporting.

But then again it isn't - shudder - Sedona Red, either.

Nice digs.

Please pardon the substandard imagery, I'm a rank amateur.

Truly, the quintessential minor league facilities.

Not partisan at the gates, they let any ol' riffraff in. Which explains my access, and also others of my ilk who insisted on having me take their pictures while displaying profane gestures.

That last one may be the number of progeny expected. He hopes.

I have to admit that this was not my primary target game. In fact, hitting a game at all was a spontaneous decision. But the first choice started an hour earlier and I knew I'd be late - which some consider a faux pas. So when I saw that this one started an hour later I went for it  - and was still late...

...because I catered to my stomach's whims first and spent fifteen minutes in line here.

Hello, Maria. You know what's coming, don't you?

Great views all around. You're never far removed from a line of sight with the field.

OK, found my seat - which, at $21 on game day was one dollar more than the deck above me.

I originally thought I'd have no problem getting a lawn seat ($8) but the box office told me they were sold out.

Aw, c'mon - I can still see green spaces!

One more check of the range and aim...

...and it's time for the money shot.

Just for you!

There was, of course, fallout from such a gluttonous exhibition. There always is.

Oh, right - the game, and those who played it.

I didn't snap up a program, so you're going to have to identify yer particular heroes with your own investigative skills.

I noticed more than a few sport the the "knee high socks". Is that a sign of rank, or just a style thing?

Hey, whatever works.

Personally, I think the New Balance cleats look like cheap running shoes. But I'm also firmly form following function, so - again - whatever works.

This tilt really didn't go anywhere right away, until...

Oops...

.But then the desire for bragging rights seemed to take hold of the Rox, and things got interesting.

There is no intended correlation between the individuals pictured and the score changes, so don't go gettin'  technical with me. Yo.

There were some close plays, which required instinctive camerawork regarding timing and placement.

Uhh, I thought that was going to be taken care of.

Here's one for a caption contest.

Here's a true baseball name...

I recall a Schmidt who at one time was indeed gold.

This game seemed in hand.

But then Arizona regrouped.

And before you could say  "DON BAYLOR KNOWS, DON'T ARGUE!" ...

...the outcome was once again in question.

Something about the name "Buckner" evokes memories of certainties lost.

However, in the end (finally, sheesh!) bragging rights were indeed bestowed upon the Rox.

And, by extension, the Row.

Enjoy them to the fullest.

BTW, the batting images were catch - as - catch can.

I'm just glad these folks were as calm as they were.

Time to drop the gloves and get down to it.

As a Giant fan with no site to call my own I am forced to rely on the hospitality of the opposition to support my narcissistic obsession with throwing up cheesy imaging, and your tolerance has been nonpareil.

 But now, in the irrational hope that my laughable (by the epic standards of the truly professional, such as jctgamer) contributions can somehow sway the outcome of real - world events I must now test your limits.

Not trying to break 'em, tho'. I hope y'all understand.

  If you find these images disturbing - and the evil part of me, which is roughly 90%, hopes you do - I strongly suggest that you counter with your own.

Damn, there went 60 mil. My apologies to the Grand Canyon.

Here's hoping you have the strength to endure this visual onslaught.

  - CLANK -

And in closing, otra vez (once again)...

There is a place.

A place of much Dodger unlove.

It may not be good for much else but MCC is a Pandora's toybox of imagery.

And so I went there and gathered an armful of it, in the hopes that it at least brings a smile if not an edge in your scheduled battle with evil.

Because if you are of the mindset that believes in the unbelievable (and now looks like that's entirely apropos) then this may be what gets you where you want to go.

Well, that and a daily dose of CarGowitzki...

Copy/paste as necessary.

Uh...this one is , um, effective.

I customed this one for you myself.

Okay, that ought to hold you.

VERY good luck to you.

Have GREAT games.

BEAT L.A.

Remember...Victory starts with Victor.

 I know, this is obvious.

The extra attraction to this is that while Andres Torres is having fun he seems to also be having an uplifting effect on his teammates, one in particular.

Andres has been at this game professionally since 1997.

He's always had speed, but never seemed to have the power numbers necessary to stick at the Major League level.

Maybe it was that, maybe a combination of bad luck and trouble, but for whatever reason the guy hasn't had more than a third of a full ML season since he signed out of a community college in Florida.

So here he is, a Giant. They signed him to a one year contract for $426, 000.

He's a 32 year old professional minor leaguer.  What are the odds they'll resign him?

I think he knows his opportunities may be limited.

Which is why he's currently having fun at a .307/.401/.496 pace.

David Pinto at Baseball Musings writes

"As players age, they tend to become more selective at the plate, as they no longer have the physical skills to overcome the mistake of swinging at a bad pitch. For Torres,that seems to mean he's doing a better job of squaring up the ball, resulting in more doubles and triples. In this case, the small sample may not mean that he’s lucky; it may mean that opposing teams haven’t adjusted to his new approach at the plate. The Giants should get as much as they can out of him, but be prepared to take away his playing time when pitchers figure out how to get him out again."

After which Chris O'Leary, apparently a hitting analyst of some sort, wrote

"I know Andres and have helped up some with his hitting. Basically, he’s a completely different hitter than he was when he first came up. Before, he was taught to slap the ball, like Ichiro, and beat out the throw and to do other things that are mechanically problematic. Now he’s trying to drive the ball, like Albert Pujols, and it’s making a big difference."

I hope Giants Mismanagement sees the  advantage in Life's Late Innings Torres over the Zombie DeRosa and the Opposing Pitcher's Best Friend Rowand. 

Because who knows, that might be the MAGIC! right there.

( apologies to the Specials)

I actually wrote/posted this to you in yesterday's GDT.

Then after sitting back and admiring my handiwork I realized that you might not ever see it.

And considering how much time it took me to do it (It's called "hunt and peck" for a very good reason), well, I just couldn't let that happen.

That and I hadn't put up a Fanpost in a while, so my self centered self dragged it over here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People say this – how the heck do you enforce something like this without turning it into a nanny state? No thanks.

Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.
"Out, out, Fred Lewis!" - JCTillam Gamerspeare

by jponry on May 12, 2010 8:31 PM MST up reply actions

  I smiled at that, because that’s pretty much how the ’Pit’s threads read. "Profanity check"… "Margin check, dudes." But this was what really made me do a double take…

Fuck This Shit

F - bombs away, folks, until the end of the game.

by Jim McLennan on May 11, 2010 9:38 PM MST reply actions 6 recs

 That's Jim McLennan (the 'Pit's Grant) giving his fellow Snakepitters permission to use the word "fuck."

    As you can see it was well received. They’re a frustrated lot there and with good reason. Maybe his is a well intended censor state…I mean, think of the damage all this profanity has inflicted on Graham’s delicate sensibilities. And Cookyman, well, I haven’t read him as much lately – did his parents tell him not to spend so much time with those guttermouths?

   I know the ’Pitters have no problems enjoying baseball games delivered with polite cameraderie, but being conditioned to…to this…makes it read like someone took the flavor out of your food.

   Now they react/remark/exclaim/analyze, but it’s like a shooting star – a bright flare and it’s gone. Then it’s back to sammiches and eels (don’t ask). Honestly, it’s sometimes hard to tell that there’s a game being played. Then again, they’re determined to think and speak in -  and of - pleasantries. And when your team that "Won a Series faster than any expansion team EVAR!"  less than ten years ago looks like utter crap on a daily basis you might feel better talking about anything else, too.

   I suppose it’s just that since McC’s been around for 126 more years than the ‘Pit and its gravitational vortex of suck (I’m KIDDING, Chief. Put the gun down.) has pulled in so many more hapless souls explains the ghost townlike look of their post game threads and next day wrap ups.

That or they’re apathetic, and who could blame them?.

   The prevailing sentiment here is, of course, motivated by the results we see on the field (and, recently, the inanity from the executive washroom). Plenty of astute (and ass toot) baseball minds here, and the analysis (catharsis?) is multifaceted. Y’know, like the unholy spawn of Medusa and a Hydra, only it can make sense of FIP.

   Also, FWIW, I do think that the average Giant fan has had a longer run at the "bonding with a team" thing than the average ‘Pitter. Those emotional ties run deep, especially when you’ve been present when the historically great players were on the field in front of you – Bonds, Clark, Williams, Cepeda, Kent, Nen, Beck, Perry, Mays, McCovey, Marichal, Mo…

…Mo…

…Morris…

   By comparison the Blankfans have had: Randy Johnson, the only man since time began to be both Good, Bad and Ugly simultaneously.

     I guess until things go right they’re wrong, and if the wrongness provokes groans of discomfort which gets this sea of people looking for what’s hurting/how to fix it ("Why the HELL isn’t it FIXED YET?") then that’s just the natural order of things.

Mark Carreon.