It seems like the thing to do lately is to sit around and think of reasons why our Yankees have underperformed so far this season. It's pretty easy to point the finger at a player (or all of them), Girardi (fire the bum!), or Cashman (what's he ever done?!). I know, because I've done each of these things at one point or another, and damn! It was really easy!

It wasn't terribly satisfying, however. Lazy and spoiled I might be, but I do try to be fair. And fairness dictates that I at least get off my entitled butt for long enough to try to do some cursory analysis. I'm not Lord Duggan, so this won't be pretty, or deep, but here goes... (Note: All numbers from fangraphs. All errors from waw.)

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Warning!  This Fan Post contains no trade proposals, no rants about the Yankees roster, and no references to farm animals (although I expect that the same cannot be said of the comments section...)

At the risk of revealing too much personal information, I come from a broken home - my father, and most of my family on his side, grew up in Boston.  After he divorced his first wife, he married my mother and eventually moved to New Jersey.  This is how I - and I alone of my family - wound up rooting for the two best teams in all of professional sports:  the New York Giants and the New York Yankees.

My father had four kids from that first marriage, and over the years I have managed to stay pretty close to my half-siblings, despite the misfortune of birth that forced them to grow up idolizing a decrepit, piss-stained dump of a baseball stadium.  For the most part, I am pleased to say that the success enjoyed by the Yankees has generally prevented them from giving me too much grief (though 2004 and 2007 have been wiped from my memory through the excessive consumption healing power of booze love).  But of course, there is always that one cousin, nephew, or niece - the one that is too young to remember 86 years of ineptitude.  The one that watches the four-letter network and swallows their pro-Boston slant.  The one that forces me to suffer through exchanges like this (typos preserved for the sake of authenticity):

Niece: "so... i watching win yet another game to add to our winning streak, and the announcer said the red sox are the BEST team in baseball this year... ready to change bandwagons yet there dear uncle? ;)"

Me: "Was that the same announcer that said they were terrible back in April? These guys often lose sight of the fact that it's a long season. Kind of reminds me of a certain niece..."

Mom: "Phillies rockl"

Niece: "hahaha... whatever.. ur jus mad that we swept u in ur house for the first time since like 1912 or something like that :p"

Me: "That's what you're not getting... I'm not mad. It doesn't matter if the Red Sox win in early June. The only thing that matters is who wins in October. I would not expect a Red Sox fan to understand ;-)"

Niece: "lol :p"

Anyway, I just felt like sharing my pain.  I think I'm actually more bothered by her terrible spelling and grammar than I am by the fact that she gloats like this every spring...

There is an interesting article today in the Charleston Post and Courier about Slade Heathcott, who is currently tearing it up in A ball to the tune of .312/.392/.504.  I really did not know anything about this kid's personal history, and was surprised to hear about how bad it got before the Yankees sent him to Alcoholics Anonymous:

The wildest drinking night of Slade Heathcott's senior year started with a party. He blacked out and ended up five miles through the woods and clear across Texarkana. The police found Heathcott a bloody mess with a dangerously deep slash several inches up his right forearm. They whisked him to the emergency room.

"I didn't know what happened until later," Heathcott said. "I went up to a random house and started pounding on the door. Then I punched my arm through a kitchen window. The woman who owned the house said she just bought it from a drug dealer and was really afraid. She would have shot me but said she forgot she had unloaded the gun."

Apparently the team discovered something was wrong only after he nearly missed a team trip to the Dominican Republic.

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...and it takes the talking heads on ESPN about 3 seconds to bring up the recent incident of A-Rod running across the mound.  Of course, now this random guy throws a perfect game, and somehow on the occasion of this momentous accomplishment, the first thought to cross Bobby Valentine's 'mind' is "How can we use this to make Alex Rodriguez look bad?"

Am I being too sensitive on behalf of a Yankees player?  Vote and/or discuss below:

You might want to fix this:

Welcome to Pinstripe Alley, an SB Nation blog about the 26-time World Champion New York Yankees.

I think a 27 will look quite lovely there...

That's really all I want to say, but since a FanPost must be at least 75 words long, I'll add this:

Thank all of you for making this a very entertaining site!  I've only started reading it this season, don't know if it goes back further than that or not.  But I've found it a great place to talk to good Yankees fans, and the game threads have added a lot of humor and enjoyment to the games for me.  I look forward to next season, and I won't soon get tired of hearing "The Defending World Champion New York Yankees" :-D

I swear to God if I have to watch one more breakdown of the early season set between the Yankees and Phillies, I'm going to lose it.  Hey, guess what, ESPN?  We all know the Yankees lost!  And yes, having Dave Winfield, former Yankee, on the Baseball Tonight crew to balance out John Kruk, former Phillie (and forever moron) was a GREAT idea!  Just cancel out one homer with another, that is what I call balanced reporting!

Gah, I cannot believe I am looking forward to watching Fox!  But, Bud Selig has left me no choice.  I guess it's like when you switch from banging your head against a brick wall to hitting your thumb with a hammer.  It doesn't feel any better, but at least it's a change of scenery.

I cannot wait!  Tomorrow night, CC on the mound, black tacos and Ninja Assassins for everybody - it's going to be great!

And, since everyone likes polls, here's one for you: