So the Avalanche just fucking blew my mind last night with an absolutely ridiculous trade that immediately convinced me that Pierre Lacroix has gone completely insane. How in the world could we deal away a budding star power forward and our best D prospect? Erik Johnson is good if we can keep him away from hungry golf carts, but 19 points in 55 games? For Stewart and Shattenkirk? And last year’s savior for Brian sodding Elliott? Are we still building from within? What the hell is going on?

Then I paused for a second, took a few breaths to calm down, and the puzzle pieces slowly fell into place. Things will be fine. Our front office, thankfully, hasn’t totally lost its collective mind. We’ll survive and the sun will rise again in the morning.

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Ignoring the east because seriously, who even watches those teams?

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What's an All-Star game without a joke write-in campaign to accompany it? A lifeless, boring exhibition game that nobody watches. But if we come together as one, we could make it into something beautiful: A lifeless, boring exhibition game that nobody watches, featuring the likes of elite derriere sniper David Koci and Cup-winning goalie John Grahame.

Apparently, you can vote 30 times a day for 50 days for a grand total of 1500 votes per person for some reason, and probably even more if you make a fake account. I could explain the process, but I'm lazy so here's a link to Broad Street Hockey's. Just replace their players' names with ours and it should work out okay.

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10/11 vs Philly
1. 1st Period, 10:27: Flyers - Too Many Men

The Avs started this man advantage with a strong cycle. Duchene had two decent looks but elected to pass both times, the second of which hit a Flyer and was cleared into the bench. Stastny won the enduing faceoff, and the puck flew up into the air and bounced back to Liles. Rather than controlling it, he whiffed on a shot attempt, allowing Richards to steal it and get loose for a breakaway. 

A furious backcheck from Hejduk couldn't stop him, but luckily Anderson was more than up to the task.

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As we're all aware, the Avs have been atrociously bad up a man this season, handing out breakaways like free candy and allowing more goals than they get. Because I'm probably a masochist or something, I've decided to take it upon myself to review each game's failures until either Gamecentre stops being free or I lose my will to live after rewatching our shorthanded goals over and over again.

If you've a love affair with despair, come join this exciting magical adventure through the disaster known as our Power Kill. We'll play video coach and figure out who's been awful, it'll be a blast.

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DISCLAIMER: The following is all uninformed conjecture and stale jokes and I really know nothing about any of these teams. Please don’t hurt me.

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Alright, here’s the score. The rest of the league sees a team with a hellish final stretch that’s managed just 1 win in its last 8, has allowed 32 goals in that span of time, and is just barely hanging onto a playoff spot after having battled for the division not even a month ago. The pundits would love to see themselves proven right, that the clock has struck midnight on our Cinderella team, Anderson has turned back into a pumpkin, and our ugly stepsisters in Detroit and Calgary have us down for the count.

We know better. We’ve watched this team all year, we’ve watched them grow and struggle and persevere through the second most man-games lost in the league. We saw them pelt Greiss with 45 shots and Kipper with 35 lately, in two of their best games all year. The Avs of October are back, and they’re about to surprise the hell out of everyone once again.

So I’ve written a song for them, to the tune of Hey There Delilah. And it goes like this:

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After his controversial hit on Mike Green, David Koci has reached his lowest point with the Colorado Avalanche, clearly unpopular with the fanbase and having been a healthy scratch three games running. He can barely skate, takes bad penalties, and loses pretty much every fight he starts. Avalanche fans everywhere lament the presence of such a useless player, occupying valuable seconds of ice time that could be used to develop future stars. But there's a very simple explanation for his being on the team that can't be measured by stats alone, or watching him play, or common sense. Management saw some huge intangibles in signing Koci, the following of which are earning him $575,000 on the year.

- Opposing fighters might suffer bruised knuckles from punching him too hard.

- Couldn't afford to bring back Scott Parker, whose hair gel and beard conditioner expenses would've driven the team to bankruptcy.

- Never needing to leave the bench allows him to double as stick boy.

- Absolutely no risk of him choking every 3rd period.

- In desperate search for marketable personalities, management thought they'd found someone with a hit segment on CBC called "Koci's Korner".

- If he ever wins a fight that matters, it might be an inspirational enough miracle to propel the team to the Stanley Cup.

- Made acquisition of Peter Worrell look good in comparison.

- Watching him cower in fear every time somebody mentions Zdeno Chara is hilarious at team parties.

- Fellow Czech enforcer was needed to mentor up-and-coming goon Marek Svatos.

- If all else fails, the Canadiens could probably still be duped into trading a franchise goalie for him.

To the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer:

Budaj the backup goalie
never had 'rebound control',
and if you ever watched him
surely he'd allow a goal.

All of the other players
had respect (except the Flames).
But no one wanted Budaj
starting any hockey games.

Then when Andy took a fall,
Sacco came to call.
Budaj grabbed his Flanders mask
and pwned harder than Tuukka Rask.

Then all the Avs fans loved him,
quit hoping he'd get the sack.
"Budaj, you're our new hero
until Anderson gets back!"