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zoonews — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:36:33 -0000

Maryland Sucks!

zoonews — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:10:37 -0000

That's right. You said "Cal Sucks!" one too many times for this Golden Bear. So, Maryland Sucks! Oh yeah, it's on now. We'll beat your ass in Berkeley next year just like Tennessee. Please stop punching me.

What was the final score on that Stanford TCU game, anyways?

I don't know if y'all heard that it was hot and humid. Well, it was. Thankfully my day started inside the air-conditioned CAA tailgate on campus.

When I was in band we memorized the entire packet. For fun.

There were like 500 Cal fans and Sandy B. and Joe Kapp spoke and got everyone fired up to make some noise and root on our Bears to victory! Oh man, this is gonna be awesome.

This is gonna be so awesome! Go Bears!

Then we went outside.

Mommy?

I was stone cold sober but the first half was a blur. Our seats were on the lower level, I remember that. Some football happened too, but it didn't seem good. I got dizzy for a little while. I remembered somebody saying something about making some noise but I mostly felt like puking.

Oh, hey, halftime!

Their band had sashes and they had a platoon of girls with scarfs.

Whee, scarfs!

I stood in line for water and met 77's mom who was really super nice and friendly. She asked about getting the player's families info about the pre- and post-game spirit events on these trips and I said heck yeah, that would be pretty awesome to have some of y'all in attendance, I'll get someone to hook that up.

Do you know who I am? I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Filled with cold water I regained my ch'i and actually felt kind of excited about the 2nd half.

We're gonna get out there on that field right there and we're gonna do some stuff that we know how to do, alright?

Can I get a big California Golden Bears "Wut Wut" on 3?

Wut Wut!

Then the 2nd half started! Aw, yeah, get back in this thing, Bears! Some highlights:

The Turtle did the worm.

I never learned how to do the turtle!

Cal scored some points.

Touchdown, Bears!

The Terps scored some points.

Boo.

The wind and cloud cover slightly picked up, saving us from certain death.

Penis goes where?

We scored more points.

The fourth quarter is ours!

They practiced their spelling.

'T' goes where?

We checked out the cheap seats.

Game goes where?

The game ended.

Cal Band Great!

We saw some monuments the next day.

Deep.

Happy now, Twist?

A sneak preview of Saturday's action!

zoonews — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 17:08:55 -0000

A sneak preview of Saturday's action!

SB Nation User Blog: zoonews

Image FanShot

Maryland Sucks!

A sneak preview of Saturday's action!