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This Is the Worst Day Ever for Mascots

Earlier today, we discussed the tragedy that occurred in Fairfax, VA, where the Mason athletic department decided to kill off Gunston, the ambiguous green blob, in favor of some pumpkin-headed, chisel-chinned freak of a mascot. ↵

↵Well, we’ve come across some more upsetting mascot news. First, we travel to Tampa, where -- earmuffs kids -- the actual human being inside Raymond has been fired for no apparent reason: ↵

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↵⇥"I'm just as confused as everyone else," [Kelly Frank] said. "I really didn't get an explanation." ↵⇥

↵⇥Frank said she was praised as recently as three weeks ago, when her supervisors told her she out-enthused the Philadelphia Phillies mascot, the Phillie Phanatic, during the World Series. ↵⇥

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↵Out-enthuse the Phanatic? Impossible. But I’m certain she never lost a dance-off, which is the key ingredient to being a successful mascot. (Or Miami Hurricane fan): ↵
↵ ↵⇥ ↵⇥ ↵⇥ ↵⇥ ↵⇥ ↵⇥ ↵ ↵
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↵Second, we travel to Texas, where Rowdy, the Cowboys freakishly giggly, half-man, half-child looking mascot, has been put on probation after chest-bumping T.O. while celebrating a touchdown a few weeks back. The penalty means Rowdy can only come out at halftime and once in the 3rd quarter to shoot shirts into the crowd. This, of course, has commenters at the Dallas Morning News referring to the NFL's employees as "Nazi clowns," which, as it turns out, were the mascots of the Third Reich. They were evil, evil clowns. ↵

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↵All of this would leave us feeling very sad if we didn’t absolutely despise mascots. Except for Gunston. He was pretty righteous. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.