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Mike Singletary Will Not Draft a QB Who Has Daddy Issues, Eliminates Matthew Stafford

Mike Singletary doesn't just want your body when you play football for him and the 49ers. No, he wants much more. First, he's going to take his pants off, because he's more comfortable that way even if you're not. Then he's gonna want to know about your relationship with your father, your feelings about your mother, and for you to confess your innermost emotional pain. Why? Shhh. Mike's asking the questions here, and you're answering them. ↵

↵I'm not kidding. The 49ers are officially off the Matt Stafford bandwagon after Stafford refused to discuss his parents' divorce in a session with a psychologist hired by the team to evaluate possible draft picks. Never mind that this has jack diddly poo nothing to do with football or Stafford's ability to throw a deep out. Singletary's having none of a prospect's selfishness with his worst memories, and don't forget it. ↵

↵⇥"If you're going to look at drafting a guy in the first round, and you're going to pay him millions of dollars, and asking him about a divorce about his parents, if that's going to be an issue, uhhh, then you know what, maybe he doesn't belong here." ↵
↵That's why you didn't hit the checkdown on that play, Matt. Your aim was affected by the unresolved feelings of anger you have toward your father. The missed deep ball on the prior play? Obviously sent long by your repressed rage toward authority figures. If you are drafted by Detroit, Mr. Stafford, take comfort in knowing that while you may have your soul crushed by the experience, at least you get to keep it afterwards. Correction: will have your soul crushed. There, much more accurate now.↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.