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The Only Real Winner Here? Heart Disease

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The Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Championships are coming up. This always ↵reminds me of a fine story someone told me about Chestnut's entourage. ↵Yes, Joey Chestnut has an entourage, a fact that should -- along with ↵the show Entourage and what happens to people who travel with ↵them -- convince you that the entire concept of an entourage is a ↵terrible, terrible idea. Also, real men travel like Snake Eyes: alone, ↵clad in black, and possibly with a pet wolf loyal to them and them ↵alone. ↵

↵So Chestnut has an entourage, and someone who works with Chestnut's ↵sister pokes my source and says: ↵

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↵"So, Joey wants to give you his phone number, if you want to hang out." ↵

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↵He says this with the kind of gravity associated with "Vladimir Putin ↵would like to speak with you." The woman declines. And thus, instead ↵of getting stiffed in front of just one person, your entire entourage ↵now knows you were rejected and they still expect you to pick ↵up the tab. See? A wolf only expects fresh meat and the occasional pat ↵on the head, and may urinate on the floors of your hotel room. Then ↵again, so may your entourage, so the wolf is still ahead as the ↵companion of choice. ↵

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↵The point being: Bodog is offering Chestnut as a 2/3 favorite over ↵Kobayashi, who is currently running as an 11/10 winner in the nation's ↵most popular promo event for gastrointestinal distress. Chestnut has a ↵two-year win streak against Kobayashi, and is looking to take it to ↵three in a row and become America's Tubemeat Conqueror of Choice ↵again. But let's not fool ourselves here: the real winner in all ↵of this? Heart disease, the undefeated champion of them all. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.