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Mexican Manager Times Leg Stretch Poorly

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Mexican National Team manager Javier Aguirre was tossed from a Gold Cup match between Panama and Mexico in Houston Thursday after receiving a red card for attempting to "assist" Panamanian player Ricardo Phillips. Phillips could have been "losing his balance" near the sideline, and Aguirre could have been "helping him stay upright." ↵All of this is fine in theory, and quite sportsmanlike. It's the kicking of the groin in the middle of all that gets you a red card. ↵
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↵That's the manager of El Tri trying to punt a Panamanian player in the huevos from the sidelines. Woody Hayes joke goes here. ↵

↵Phillips was quite upset, and in the ensuing shoving match with Aguirre and other members of the Mexican team both he and Senor Crotchmasher were ejected with red cards from the match. The largely pro-Mexican crowd rendered their verdict by getting into fights and throwing beer at Phillips, who left the game in a protective amoeba of policemen. Then, in the three words that make any story both believable and more entertaining, it got worse. Panamanian striker Blas Perez, the scorer of Panama's lone goal, went down in the 90th minute. ↵

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↵A moment of applause for Chris Duncan of the Associated Press, because sometimes the funniest things require no embellishment whatsoever. ↵

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↵⇥Perez was injured on the field in the 90th minute and medical staff brought out a stretcher. As Perez was carried off the field, Mexican fans unleashed another barrage of cups and beer bottles and Perez fell off the stretcher. ↵
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↵There is a photo of this. Please swallow any liquids you have in your mouth before looking at it. Done? Good. I've just saved you the expense of a new keyboard. ↵

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↵And now go have the rest of what has started out as a fantastic Friday just because you have seen this first. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.