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Study Finds Bicycle Seats Bad for Sperm Production. Well, Duh

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Are you a man? Have you ever been on ↵a bicycle for more than 12 seconds? Oh, then you don't need to read ↵any bit of this, because it's so scorchingly obvious that you'd just ↵be wasting your time.
↵Oh, who are we kidding? This is the ↵internet. Time-wasting is what we do best.
↵Anyway, LiveSports ↵has found a study by Spanish researchers confirming what we already ↵know: sitting on a seat that puts all your weight on the taint and virtually jams "Big Hoss and The Roundballs" back into your abdomen ↵is bad for the li'l swimmers: ↵
↵⇥Spanish researchers have found that active male cyclists have ↵⇥lower quality sperm to the point of infertility risk. Among other ↵⇥things, they blame the painful "function over form" design ↵⇥of the wedge bicycle seat.
↵⇥The good news is that unless you're training to be in the next ↵⇥Tour de France with Lance Armstrong, your time on the saddle ↵⇥shouldn't do any long-term damage. ↵
↵The study, which was headed ↵by a woman, found a "statistically adverse correlation ↵between sperm morphology and the volume of cycling training ↵undertaken per week," which is to say the more time spent ↵rigorously exercising atop the Crotch Killer, the worse the structure ↵of your salt babies becomes. And if it's bad for babymaking, it's ↵necessarily bad for the continuation of the human species.
↵The ↵only reasonable solution is clear: ban all bicycles until each and ↵every one of them is better tailored to anatomical reality. ↵Anything less is tantamount to treason against Pubesylvania, its Six Inch Governor and its Hairy Treasury Department.↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.