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The All-Star Game Details You Never Needed

One of the tricks of successful sports journalism is imitation. There's no shame in it. ↵

↵So, if a live streaming video of a door could become a sports Internet sensation, what's the next step? Well, a live streaming video of an empty baseball stadium's not a bad start. ↵

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↵I woke up in Washington, and now I'm in Las Vegas, and St. Louis is in St. Louis, so it's unclear to me just what time the All-Star game stuff will be starting, but I know it sure as hell hasn't started yet. I can tell, because when I started watching KMOV.com's live streaming video of Busch Stadium, the screen was emptier than Tim McCarver's list of "baseball cliches to avoid." Soon, though, the action heated up. Some sort of vehicle began dragging the infield dirt. It went from the third base side to the first base side, then circled back to third base, and then, in a dramatic moment, headed back toward first. ↵

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↵Empty-Stadium-Cam not doing it for you? No worries, friend, KDSK has you covered with raw video of, and I quote, "the carpet installation." That's right, it's 83 seconds of construction workers laying down red carpet in downtown St. Louis. Watch out for that tack, guys! No no, move it 1/16th of an inch to the left! Yeah, that's better. ↵

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↵I don't want to suggest that St. Louis is provincial or anything. I mean, the mayor is obviously well-read in the history of great political speeches. See, here's what Francis Slay said when opening a new sculpture garden near the stadium: ↵

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↵"Gentlemen, it's time to start the fountains, and to paraphrase Ronald Reagan, tear down the fences," he said. ↵

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↵And the only thing we have to fear are rusty faucets themselves. Meanwhile, the editorial board of the local newspaper was welcoming the world of baseball to town by proclaiming thus: "It’s with all humility that today we welcome President Barack Obama and tens of thousands of fans from across to the nation to St. Louis — the greatest baseball city in America — for the 80th Major League Baseball All-Star Game. We mention our superlative status as a baseball city not to brag, but to teach, especially children from out of town who haven’t been to a ball game in St. Louis or who otherwise aren’t a part of Cardinal Nation." ↵

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↵Mike Shannon's birthday party? "The sports stars were amazing, the movie stars were hot and the politicians were A-list." The Official Playboy Party? "The Official Playboy Party of All-Star Weekend was hot, hot hot!" ↵

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↵It all sort of suggests that St. Louis is, as a city, sort of hyperventilating this week. And why not, when both Nelly and Bobby Knight simultaneously descend. All I can advise is that if those good people need to catch their breath for a second or two, they can check out the Empty-Stadium-Cam. Last time I checked, a couple staffers were walking around behind one of the dugouts. It was crazy. ↵

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↵For more of Dan Steinberg, visit his blog with The Washington Post, D.C. Sports Blog. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.