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Roger Goodell Isn't That Bad After All

Value your friendly local sports mob boss, reader. While Roger Goodell may run the NFL with the icy efficiency of a young Michael Corleone, he takes the league's image seriously. David Stern irritates Mark Cuban, and that's enough for me to assume there's something good about him as a person. Finding anything nice to say about Bud Selig is difficult, but try this: he probably doesn't drop adorable kittens off balconies for fun. There. There's something nice about Bud Selig. ↵

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↵None of the three would likely go as far to praise Hitler, and then three weeks later suggest Jews were responsible for the international banking crisis. See, America? You're lucky. You could have Bernie Ecclestone as the head of one of your major sports, who pulled off that unique double lindy by doing just that in responding to the World Jewish Congress calling for his resignation as head of Formula One. ↵

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↵⇥But when he was subsequently informed that the World Jewish Congress had called for his resignation, Ecclestone reacted again. "It's a pity they didn't sort the banks out," he said. When asked to elaborate he countered: "They have a lot of influence everywhere." ↵
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↵Oh, to have an audiotape of Ecclestone and Prince Phillip splitting a pitcher of martinis in the early afternoon. Or in the morning. Any time would work, I suppose. In comparison, the most controversial thing Bud Selig will do is set himself on fire while trying to make a smoothie or something else equally clumsy and unaware. ("Check mate!" "Bud, we're playing checkers." "What's that?" "Nevermind, Bud. Check mate it is.") Meanwhile the Illuminati are leaning back in their chairs, secretly making mints as the Bernie Ecclestones of the world fall right into their traps. Only Robert Langdon sees what they're really doing here, and if Dan Brown doesn't work this into his next novel, he's turning down my idea that prints free money. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.