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Johnny Weir's Olympic Fashion Show, Sponsored By Hot Topic

Johnny Weir skated a brilliant routine last night in Vancouver and yet still got the short side of judging from the usual collection of haters making up a figure skating judges' row. They placed him sixth on the evening and Weir now goes into the long program needing some breaks to make it to the medal stand.

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Whatever. It's not his fault the judges aren't ready for the fierceness of a man wearing a Hot Topic corset laced up with pink shoestrings. 

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Weir faces a deep field going into the second night, but can rely on his pet Chihuahuas Bon-Bon and Vanya, close personal friend Kathy Griffin, and his Russian skating coach who he only speaks to in Russian for support. We still hold out hope for gold for Weir, if only to enjoy the most awkward bro-chanting of U-S-A! ever on the couches and in the living rooms of patriotic Americans watching this with their wives forever. If loving Johnny Weir, the Freddie Mercury of figure skating, is wrong, then I lack the desire or will to be right.