SEC Media Days start Wednesday, and SB Nation will storm the gates six strong to cover every imaginable angle of the three day hypestravaganza. I'll be there for the mothership, Holly Anderson will have EDSBS covered, Cocknfire from Team Speed Kills will be breaking in a new Mac for the network's dedicated SEC site, and we will bring two Joels: one from Rocky Top Talk, and one from Roll Bama Roll. You can never have too many Joels in your media army.
The schedule for the nation's most saluted collection of slightly pudgy men behind laptops eating chips in an fiercely air-conditioned room follows.
Wednesday, July 21 (1 - 5:30 p.m.):
ALABAMA: Coach Nick Saban
Players: RB Mark Ingram, LB Dont’a Hightower, QB Greg McElroy
Question no one will ask: "How many points will you win this year's national title game by, Coach Saban?" <----Reporters flip over tables run, pull fire alarm as Saban turns red, glows, and detonates.
MISSISSIPPI STATE: Coach Dan Mullen
Players: DB Charles Mitchell, QB Chris Relf, OL Quentin Saulsberry
Question no one will ask: "If we each give you and Kentucky a dollar, will you leave so we can talk to Urban Meyer about his esophagus?"
KENTUCKY: Coach Joker Phillips
Players: WR-QB-PR-KOR Randall Cobb, DE DeQuin Evans, TB-KOR Derrick Locke
Question no one will ask: "Hey, where's Coach Brooks? He sick or something?"
FLORIDA: Coach Urban Meyer
Players: DE Justin Trattou, C Mike Pouncey, SAF Ahmad Black
Question no one will ask: "Are you happier this year now that you have a real quarterback?"
Thursday, July 22 (8:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.):
GEORGIA: Coach Mark Richt
Players: WR A.J. Green, P Drew Butler, FB Shaun Chapas
Question no one will ask: "I was wondering if you'd let a few of us take your players out for a few drinks after this is over, coach."
Players: QB Ryan Mallett , TE D.J. Williams, DE Jake Bequette
Question no one will ask: "Are you interested in the recently vacated coaching position at Vanderbilt, Coach Petrino? DON'T BE SHY YOU CAN TELL US."
VANDERBILT: Interim coach Robbie Caldwell
Players: LB Chris Marve, RB-RS Warren Norman, LB John Stokes
Question no one will ask: "Did you know 'interim' Latin for "to be fired in December?'"
SOUTH CAROLINA: Coach Steve Spurrier
Players: FB Patrick DiMarco, LB Shaq Wilson, DE Cliff Matthews
Question no one will ask: "Do you miss Lane Kiffin? If so, what color rose would you send him if you had to send roses? I'll bet you it would be pink. They are so pretty, after all. Just like Lane."
Friday, July 23 (8:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.):
AUBURN: Coach Gene Chizik
Players: OT Lee Ziemba, LB Josh Bynes, DB Aairon Savage
Question no one will ask: "Lee Ziemba, what was it like playing for Pat Dye?"
TENNESSEE: Coach Derek Dooley
Players: TE Luke Stocker, DE Chris Walker, LB Nick Reveiz
Question no one will ask: "What do you plan to do to avoid disappointing those used to the endless triumphs of the Lane Kiffin era?"
LSU: Coach Les Miles
Players: QB Jordan Jefferson, LB Kelvin Sheppard, CB Patrick Peterson
Question no one will ask: "Coach Miles, what time is it?"
OLE MISS: Coach Houston Nutt
Players: DT Jerrell Powe, DE Kentrell Lockett, OT Bradley Sowell
Question no one will ask: "Hey, was that Jevan Snead working the valet stand out there, coach? I think it was him since he tried to throw me my keys and they went three feet over my head."