Here's how SB Nation recommends you operate your television set on Saturday, July 3. All times Eastern.
10:00, pay-per-view - UFC 116. Brock Lesnar vs. Shane Carwin.
2:00, ABC - Paraguay vs. Spain.
Tour de France
11:30, Versus - Prologue stage.
4:00, Fox - Mets at Nationals, Marlins at Braves, or Rays at Twins.
3:00, CBS - Round 3 at the AT&T National.
Hah! Need a bicycle, huh? Bet ya grandpa might could make ya a bicycle. I oughta poke around in the garage, see if maybe I can rustle up a few broomsticks an' a set of pedals, put one together for ya.
Ain't no need to go to the bike shop. Plenty of stuff in this house we can use... tell ya what, figure I might could take apart that mixer, stick it to a couple o' broomsticks, maybe pull the wheels off that old red wagon ya used to play with. Ya still play with that red wagon? Don't wanna take it apart if ya still wanna play with it.
What's the matter? Gettin' cold feet? Ya wanna bike, but ya don't wanna spend the time puttin' it together?
Ain't ya never seen the Tour de France? Those folks have to start out the race by runnin.' They collect stuff they find on the way that they might could make a bicycle out of. Usually just some sticks. By the second week of the race they've made a couple o' wheels outta stolen garbage can lids, an' by the end, they're ridin' on a bicycle! That Larry Armstrong, though, he's smart as a whip. He likes to bring his own bicycle to the race, have it all put together before it even starts! Ya look up Larry Armstrong in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of Larry Armstrong readin' a dictionary.
Yeah, Lance Armstrong.