Many a trade happened in the baseball world on Saturday, and we were prepared, since we had previously written up reports on roughly 600,000 possible trade combinations in advance. Needless to say, many of these didn't happen, but we worked so dang hard on them that it'd be a shame not to let some of them see the light of day.
Here are a few.
Albert Pujols Traded To Marlins For Rick Vanden Hurk
On Saturday, the Marlins managed to land Albert Pujols minutes before the trade deadline. This makes sense for both teams involved -- the Cardinals, who find themselves in the thick of a playoff race, shore up some bullpen help, while the Marlins add a consistent bat to their roster. The Cardinals will pay the remainder of Pujols' contract.
Matt Wieters Dealt To Walgreens For Ergonomic Pillow Thing
On Saturday, the Baltimore Orioles apparently abandoned the Matt Wieters Experiment in order to ensure that they are getting a restful night's sleep. A lot of folks don't give a second thought to what sort of pillow they use, but this new weird-shaped pillow is supposed to be more ergonomic or something.
We're not yet sure how exactly Wieters fits in with Walgreens, but it's likely that he'll work in the photo department, occasionally running over to the front register if the line gets really long. Wieters will fill the roster spot of Josh Bennett, a 17-year-old who was released after trying to grow marijuana out of one of the Chia pets in Aisle 6.
Adam Dunn Dealt To Braves For Wonderful Monds
Thanks to an unconventional contract arrangement, the Atlanta Braves still hold rights to Wonderful Terrific Monds. Nationals general manager Mike Rizzo tweets:
I Am So Exited to Get Wonderful Bonds. #twitter
Reds Ship Johnny Cueto To Mariners For Calvin And Hobbes Book
Something under the bed is... dealing?!?!? The Mariners pick up a talented young arm, and Dusty Baker has something to giggle at while taking a dump. This is a major upgrade over his previous options, a DVD player instruction manual, the label on a tube of toothpaste, and a neighborhood newsletter from last October that offers tips on how to have a spooky -- and safe -- Halloween.
Brewers Corey Hart Trade For Brewers
With their odds of reaching the playoffs growing slimmer by the day, the Milwaukee Brewers elected to turn logic on its head by Corey Harting a trade. Nobody is sure how this works or whether it is possible. On Saturday morning, general manager Doug Melvin said in a series of tweets:
Bread is weird. DON'T build bread villages. You cannot live in a bread house. What a waste of bread.
We are pleased to announce that Corey Hart.
Have yourself a GARY little Christmas. That's what I'm going to say next Christmas. I do not know why!!!!