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Ladies' Bouncy Parts Are Complex Scientific Mystery, Says Science

So it turns out that human ladies come with many moving parts, and that some of these parts can impede the perfect running stride, on account of being all bouncy and curvy and whatever. And sometimes that hurts, because there are in some cases very large fleshy bouncing things attached to your person while you're trying to get your gym on, and apparently knowing this passes for science, somewhere:

Many women have long wondered whether breast movement, especially a lot of it, can affect running form. This was the first experiment to formally put that question to a practical test. What the researchers found was that breast sway did, in fact, have a significant effect on the women’s running.

Enter a bunch of researchers who are ostensibly trying to help all these wiggly gelatinous ladies, but are mostly making us laugh by getting things like this written about them:

Jiggle may make running both more difficult and injurious than it needs to be.
[A] raft of new studies has established, convincingly, that breasts are more mobile and less manageable than most people once believed.

And this is about the time where I would start to make jokes about sentient breasts, except that WAIT THIS IS TERRIFYING:

Researchers at the Portsmouth lab, for instance, recently completed a series of experiments that delineate just how breasts move during activity. Instead of merely bouncing up and down, it turns out that breasts arc through a complicated figure-8 pattern when a woman runs or walks.

Yeah, OK, I'll never be able to look straight ahead while running again. This is absolutely mesmerizing. (What?)