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Jenn Brown To Endorse Icehouse. Two Please, Bartender.

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Jenn Brown of ESPN will be the official spokesperson of Icehouse Beer, according to press releases thrown into your inbox like they're actually news that anyone cares about at all.

Some people do think this might be news, if only because Brown is a college football sideline reporter, and college athletics as a whole tends to frown on alcohol being mentioned at all in association with their sport. Though not expressly forbidden, there is a gentlemen's agreement between schools that alcohol is not sold in stadiums and that alcohol advertising will not be sold inside stadiums themselves. Clearly this has kept college students from drinking alcohol at all, and is a successful policy worth continuing and extending to the media professionals covering the sport.

(Some teams do sell beer in their stadiums, including the Memphis Tigers, where beer is less a beverage but more of a coping mechanism.)

If Jenn Brown wants to endorse beer, let her. You have to get on board with a lot of shady notions to be a college football fan: the BCS, the sly trick of keeping a semi-pro league played for profit under the cover of being "amateur athletics," and the idea that Bob Davie can talk on television about football and get paid for it. They're all dodgy, but you take them in order to be close to the sport.

But being outraged over a sideline reporter--which for all intents and purposes is now a stepping stone to skill-exclusive celebrity/spokesperson now--endorsing a horrid beer college students will drink anyway is a step too far for even me. I signed on for corruption, and for a cracked system of determining a national champion, and for the absurdity of watching a sport where Florida can seriously line up on the same field against Miami of Ohio.

What I didn't sign on for is any endorsement of the NCAA's bizarre policies on alcohol, a substance college students bathe in regularly whether a blonde internet traffic magnet endorses it or not. Besides, the real crime here is advertising Icehouse as "beer." If you want to have a Congressional inquiry on the matter, start there and then work your way over to a probe on why Ron Franklin isn't calling my SEC night games anymore. #REALTALK

(Were you going to mention that college students are mostly under 21, the legal drinking age? Were you also going to suggest unicorns go around asking them not to drink because it's against the law? Because you probably should if that was where you were going with this argument, because it would be just as effective as current enforcement.)