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The Invention Of Lying: What If Everybody Told The Truth?

…Annnnnnd we’re back. Friday. Last NFL Preview (for now). It’s been fun so far, and if you’ve missed anything, here’s what’s been covered so far:

Monday: Who Are The Ten Most Annoying Humans In Pro Football?

Tuesday: Who Are The Coolest Humans In Pro Football?

Wednesday: Why The Oakland Raiders Are The Most Insane Sleeper Pick Ever

Thursday: An NBA-Flavored Look At The NFL

But today, we’re taking things in a little bit of a different direction, in honor of a movie that most of you probably haven’t seen. The Invention of Lying was written, directed, and acted by Ricky Gervais, the man who brought America The Office, and generally one of the funniest human beings on earth.

It wasn’t a perfect movie, but just the fact that Gervais was able to turn a simple hypothetical into a feature film is an accomplishment in itself. The concept? Everybody tells the truth.

Gervais’ main character, Mark Bellison, lives in a society that’s yet to discover the concept of lying. Imagine if nobody could engage in doublespeak, or vague, boring space-fillers to avoid talking about how they really feel. And good lord, where else will you find more doublespeak, or vague, boring space-filling quotes than among professional athletes and coaches? It’s not that they’re lying, but they’re certainly not telling the truth. 

In Gervais’ world, this is impossible. Some examples from the movie:

  • An Advertisement: “Pepsi: When they don’t have Coke.”
  • Jennifer Garner, meeting her blind date: “I’m a little frustrated at the moment. Also, equally depressed and pessimistic about our date tonight. I’ve actually been dreading it all day.”
  • Gervais: “I’m 40 years-old, but I really have no financial assets to speak of. In fact, I think I’m on the verge of getting fired.”
  • A Retirement Home is instead called: “Sad and Depressing Place Where Old People Go to Die”
  • Gervais’ secretary, after he’s been fired: “Well, Mark, I’ve loathed nearly every minute I’ve worked for you and I’m glad you’re leaving. Hope to never see you again.”

So, since we tried it with the NBA a year ago and it was a lot of fun… What would the NFL world look like if everyone told the truth, all the time? Let’s take a quick look around.