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Ouch! Brandon Spikes' Sex Tape Hits The Web, A Nation Averts Its Eyes

When you hear the words "Brandon Spikes sex tape", what do you imagine?

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Personally, I think pain. Eye-gouging, dreadlocks swinging, a dark room, and the grainy, discolored cinematography they used in the move Belly. Did Hype Williams direct Spikes' sex tape? Because he should have.

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Even if you're not familiar with the Patriots LB (and former Florida All-American), just the name "Brandon Spikes" sounds like someone that's 6'2 260, and professionally well-versed in administering pain. Not the person you want to watch making love. Because Brandon Spikes doesn't make love; he punishes people.

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Right?

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Err... Maybe not. His sex tape isn't quite the dystopian snuff film befitting a professional ass-kicker—it's actually a profoundly weird Chatroulette session, where he just sort of lays there next to another girl, staring into the camera. So I guess it's more of an awkward, out-of-place professional mistake befitting an NFL rookie.

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I watched it this morning so that you don't have to, but if you insist... Click here.