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Isiah Thomas And The Worst Team In The History Of Professional Sports

So you may have heard that Isiah Thomas will be returning to the Knicks as a part-time consultant. If you're one of the handful of people that don't think this is completely hilarious and borderline surreal, check out New York magazine's detailed account of Isiah's tenure with the Knickerbockers.

It's comprehensive, captivating, and definitive in just about every sense. It's one of those features that's so good, you keep it bookmarked. I try to read it once-a-month. Anytime I'm feeling incompetent, I immediately feel better about my own situation. As bad it feels now, you could always be part of Isiah's Knicks:

Not surprisingly, the current edition leads the league in forced shots, blown assignments, sideline spats, mini-mutinies, and wholesale mockery. Old nemesis Reggie Miller, now on TNT, called the Knicks “a leaguewide joke.” The Phoenix Suns’ Leandro Barbosa was distraught when a prankster said they had traded for him. “My heart was hurting,” the Brazilian said.

Did I accidentally sexually harass someone today? No, I didn't:

In October, just a week ahead of the team’s preseason debut, a Manhattan federal jury found in favor of former marketing executive Anucha Browne Sanders in her sexual-harassment suit against Thomas and the Knicks. After exposing the Garden as an overaged frat house, the trial torpedoed the defendants in a pair of video depositions. ... And there was Thomas with his lesson on race and gender: that it would be “highly offensive” for a white man to call a black woman a “bitch,” but “not as much” for a black man to do the same.

Hold up hold up hold up: Am I Stephon Marbury? No, I'm not:

Marbury ... stole the show. Yes, he said from the stand, he’d called Browne Sanders “a bitch,” though not “a black bitch.” Yes, he’d had sex with a 21-year-old Knicks intern, falling back on his go-to pickup line: “Are you going to get in the truck?” Damage done, Marbury sang his way out of the courtroom, then mugged for the photographers—huge grin, tongue unfurled like the Stones logo—from the back of his blue Rolls-Royce. The truth had set him free.

Sure, I may have disagreements with our editor, Chris Mottram, but this? No:

The next day, on the team’s charter flight to Phoenix, Marbury got wind that Thomas planned to bench him—and responded with a threat. “Isiah has to start me,” Marbury was heard to say, according to the News. “I’ve got so much s**t on Isiah and he knows it. He thinks he can f**k me, but I’ll f**k him first. You have no idea what I know.”

And on and on and on. It's a treasure trove of ego-boosting anecdotes.

Isiah said at one point during his time in New York, "I want to leave a legacy ... an imprint, a blueprint." And boy did he succeed. We can only hope this new role is as fun as the first time around.