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Super Bowl Commercials 2012: Pepsi Tells World Elton John Keeps Flavor Flav In His Basement

Elton John spends upwards of $38 million a month on flowers.* I understand that. He needs money, and Pepsi's like, "Hey, Elton. Do you like money? We understand you do. Here's some money." He's no victim here, and the economies of Guatemala and Honduras are safe with the knowledge that their single biggest customer is flush for at least another month or two.

It's a lazy but successful ad, though. That is Elton John's living room, and that is what he does when not buying flowers or singing duets with Leon Russell. So they didn't even need a set, or costumes, for that matter. That is what Elton John wears on Wednesdays, and on select Thursdays if he's feeling fancy. You watch the whole thing, and that's more than you can say about whatever that GE commercial where people make stuff and electricity and zzzzz---

The two real missteps, though? One: allowing Melanie Amaro to defeat Elton John. You may know Melanie Amaro from X-Factor, and if you do, let me know inform you who Elton John is. He is the King of Spotsylvania, an independent republic in Virginia. He rules with an iron fist, and is also a part-time piano player. Everything you will read on Wikipedia about him is wrong, mostly because his minions want to keep his cover as an old 70s pop star. You watch X-Factor, and therefore knew none of this.

The other? Telling everyone Elton was keeping Flavor Flav in his basement. NOT COOL PEPSI I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL.

*Estimate based on nothing scientific whatsoever.