Hello, everyone! Welcome to Week 28 of THIS WEEK IN GIFs. We have an amazing field for you this time around, and I think I know which one is going to win already, but let's hold a vote anyway.
Before we get to it, here are Matt Ufford, Dan Rubenstein, and myself discussing our favorites:
GIFs are usually most fun to view out of context, but in this case I like stripping the context so far back that we don't understand that these people are involved in a basketball game. Look at Kobe Bryant. "d'aw kumquats i sure hope i get to see Joey do his silly dance! makes m'giggle every time! i betcha he's gonna ... wh ... what? he's doin' his silly dance right now? D'AWWW"
(Via Matt Ufford's Fumblr)
We've seen several different Jays Cutler over the years, and I think we have room for another. Everyone, please meet Motherly Jay Cutler, who tenderly raises offensive drives into adulthood. On the next play, Cutler stuffed a football into Matt Forte's backpack, told him, "a stranger's just a friend you haven't met yet! Knock 'em dead, punkin' seed!", and sent him toddling into the Vikings' defense. Later, at the bottom of the dogpile, he found that Cutler had also slipped a note, written with tender care on a napkin: "WELCOME TO THIS NAPKIN: JAY CUTLER CHICAGO BEAR. ENJOY YOUR NAPKIN." Listen, this character is still a work in progress, okay?
What is actually happening: This gentleman was saluting while shaking a giant flag prior to the Jets-Patriots game.
What it looks like is happening: he jackin it
Special thanks to Dan for nominating this one for inclusion, because I originally missed it. Maybe it's because Frank Gore's game resembles that of a rumbling, old-school power back. Maybe it's because his name is Frank. But despite the fact that he graduated high school the same year I did, I get the impression that he's actually 600 years old. He's not dancing to a beat. He's dancing to a damn tuba.
BRANDON MARSHALL, PT. 1
(Via Bill Hanstock's Week in Worst)
Here is Brandon Marshall giving up 14 yards of ground on a four-yard pass. Serious questions:
- If we ran a cost-benefit analysis of what happens when players make huge yardage gambles like this, what would we find? For obvious reasons, all I can remember are the guys who were able to Dante Hall their way into field-reversing, 60-yard gains. I don't recall so many huge losses like this one.
- Did the stats folks subtract passing yards from Jay Cutler? That would be kind of crummy.
- What's the furthest distance a player has advanced upfield, only to be tackled behind his line of scrimmage, excluding desperation trick plays? I have to imagine that this play is way up there.
- If I went over to Brandon Marshall's house to play video games, would I actually get to play, or is he one of those people who plays a one-player game and responds to all protests with, "hold on, just lemme try something"?
BRANDON MARSHALL, PT. 2
(Via Bill Hanstock's Week in Worst)
It's quite rare for someone to make multiple appearances in a single week of THIS WEEK IN GIFs, but here we are. To flag down your quarterback while a) standing completely still, and b) standing right next to a defender ... that's like when you're playing a game of Stratego and you start turning your pieces around for your opponent to see. "There's my flag. See if you can get it." All the rest of y'all older brothers out there know what I'm talking about.
And thus ended the three-year spectacle of the Joker Phillips-coached Kentucky Wildcats. I think we're probably in for plenty more hilarious Kentucky football, though, which ought to make everyone happy. Even Kentucky fans, who, in my experience, are completely fine with the rest of the world giggling at their football team.
God. That's the secret, isn't it? Every awful sports team ought to be complemented with a like-branded, successful program in another sport. I'm imagining the Kansas City NBA Royals. This is awesome. Ah shit, now I'm imagining Billy Butler as an over-valued shooting guard who takes mid-range jumpers exclusively. DAYDREAM TERMINATED.