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Oregon's New Uniforms Are Made Of Wondrous Things

The Oregon Ducks are famous -- or infamous, if you prefer -- in the college football world for having like a million versions of their football uniforms each year (rough estimate). This year is sure to be no exception. The latest blockbuster tidbit of information (blocktidfo) from Darren Rovell is that this year's Ducks Nike uniforms will use 16 different materials. 16! That's a lot of materials! Let us run down what those materials might be, shall we? Yes, let us.

1. Cotton: Honest. American. The fabric of our lives.

2. Linen: You use this crap to make clothes in World of Warcraft so it probably has real-life uses, too.

3. Polyester: The first choice of any patron of the Regal Beagle.

4. Wool: It gets chilly up there in the Pacific Northwest. Better bundle up, sheeple.

5. Canvas: What, do I need to paint you a picture?

6. Burlap: Not comfortable, but definitely rugged. Oregon's "sackcloth and ashes" alternate uni will be turning heads from here to Galilee.

7. Spandex: In the grand tradition of cyclists and professional wrestlers.

8. Silk: For after-hours games broadcast only on the USA Network, with play-by-play announcer Rhonda Shear.


9. Hemp: Come on; it's Oregon.

10. Actual ducks: PETA is furious about this one.

11. Latex: It's Oregon's fetish, but that's not a big deal, you guys. Let's all be cool with it.

12. Neon: You may think that the big, flashing signs around the neck are garish, but they're actually more sedate than some of their past numbers.

13. Flannel: Grunge is coming back, man. I swear. It all goes in cycles, man.

14. Mesh: If see-through tops are good enough for Glenn Danzig, they're good enough for ANYONE.

15. Paper: Reduce, re-use, recycle. This also applies to Oregon's playbook, which just has "RUN IT" scrawled in Sharpie on every page in giant block letters.

16. Fruit by the Foot: Oregon saw Marshawn Lynch's sweet Skittles deal and couldn't pass up on that candy synergy. Next up: the Seattle Mariners, wearing nothing but Go-Gurt.

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