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So I was sitting around and I said, "Hey, Rob, I think I'm going to rank every move of the offseason," and Rob said, "That sounds like an amazingly stupid idea," and I said, "Yeah, but I'm out of ideas," and Rob said, "Do you know how long that will take?", and I said, "Nah, shouldn't be too hard. Just a little copy-and-pasting, pushing the numbered-list button, and boom," and Rob said, "Whatever. See you in March, moron," and then when the cops found me eight hours later I was in a Barnes & Noble trying to eat a Street & Smith's preview mag and wearing nothing but a Delmon Young shirsey.
But the hard part is over! And for no real good reason, here are the offseason trades, signings, and re-signings ranked from best to worst. The only ground rules were that minor-league signings didn't count, and extensions to players under contract (David Wright) didn't count either. This is all about a team acquiring the players they wanted, or keeping the players they had away from the other teams.
I found 55 trades, signings, and re-signings that I don't care a lick about. They're all there at that link if you want to yell at me for ignoring any of them. I've always wondered if Blake Tekotte's girlfriend reads Baseball Nation. That left 108 different trades, signings, and re-signings that actually provoked an opinion. Which is nature's way of saying, "C'mon, man, it's the winter. Read a book or something," but, well, that slope has already been slipperied down.
Ooh, one last note: This is about how much sense the moves made just as much as it's about the potential impact. A bad team making a B-prospect-for-reliever trade probably isn't going to have a fraction of the impact that, say, the Josh Hamilton signing will. But if I hated the idea behind it, it could be at the very bottom. Otherwise, the bottom of the list would just be filled with reliever signings, good and bad, because those probably aren't going to make much of a difference.
1. Indians acquiring Matt Albers, Trevor Bauer, Bryan Shaw, Drew Stubbs from Dbacks and Reds for Lars Anderson, Tony Sipp, Jason Donald and Shin-Soo Choo
2. Blue Jays acquiring John Buck, Jose Reyes, Emilio Bonifacio, Josh Johnson, Mark Buehrle, and $4M from Marlins for Jeff Mathis, Yunel Escobar, Adeiny Hechavarria, Jake Marisnick, Henderson Alvarez, Anthony DeScalfani, and Justin Nicolino
3. Rays acquiring Wil Myers, Jake Odorizzi, Mike Montgomery, and Patrick Leonard from Royals for James Shields and Wade Davis
4. Mets acquiring Travis d'Arnaud, John Buck, Wulimer Becerra, and Noah Syndergaard from Blue Jays for Mike Nickeas, Josh Thole, and R.A. Dickey
5. Dodgers signing Zack Greinke
6. Nationals signing Dan Haren
7. Yankees re-signing Hiroki Kuroda
8. Nationals acquiring A.J. Cole, Blake Treinen, and PTBNL from Mariners/A's for Michael Morse
9. Nationals acquiring Denard Span from Twins for Alex Meyer
10. Braves acquiring Chris Johnson and Justin Upton from Diamondbacks for Martin Prado, Nick Ahmed, Brandon Drury, Randall Delgado, and Zeke Spruill
11. Reds acquiring Jason Donald and Shin-Soo Choo from Indians for Didi Gregorius and Drew Stubbs
12. Blue Jays signing Melky Cabrera
13. Diamondbacks signing Brandon McCarthy
14. Blue Jays acquiring Mike Nickeas, Josh Thole, and R.A. Dickey from Mets for Travis d'Arnaud, John Buck, Wuilmer Becerra, and Noah Syndergaard
15. Indians signing Michael Bourn
16. Twins acquiring Vance Worley and Trevor May from Phillies for Ben Revere
17. Red Sox signing Mike Napoli
18. Twins acquiring Alex Meyer from Nationals for Denard Span
19. Red Sox signing Koji Uehara
20. Astros acquiring Max Stassi, Chris Carter, and Brad Peacock from Athletics for Jed Lowrie and Fernando Rodriguez
21. Astros acquiring Alex White and Alex Gillingham from Rockies for Wilton Lopez and PTBNL
22. Tigers signing Torii Hunter
23. A's acquiring Chris Young from Diamondbacks for Yordy Cabrera and Cliff Pennington
24. Mariners re-signing Hisashi Iwakuma
25. Tigers re-signing Anibal Sanchez
26. Indians signing Nick Swisher
27. Rays re-signing Joel Peralta
28. Cubs signing Kyuji Fujikawa
29. Giants re-signing Angel Pagan
30. Rangers signing A.J. Pierzynski
31. Red Sox signing David Ross
32. Cubs signing Edwin Jackson
33. Braves signing B.J. Upton
34. Yankees re-signing Andy Pettitte
35. Rays acquiring Yunel Escobar from Marlins for Derek Dietrich
36. Mariners acquiring Kendrys Morales from Angels for Jason Vargas
37. Mets signing Shaun Marcum
38. Pirates signing Francisco Liriano
39. Cubs signing Scott Baker
40. Red Sox signing Jonny Gomes
41. Angels signing Josh Hamilton
42. Blue Jays acquiring Mike Aviles from Red Sox for (manager!) John Farrell, David Carpenter
43. Red Sox signing Ryan Dempster
44. Yankees signing Kevin Youkilis
45. Nationals re-signing Adam LaRoche
46. Red Sox signing Stephen Drew
47. Pirates signing Russell Martin
48. Cubs signing Scott Hairston
49. A's signing Hiroyuki Nakajima
50. Red Sox acquiring (manager!) John Farrell, David Carpenter from Blue Jays for Mike Aviles
51. Nationals signing Rafael Soriano
52. A's re-signing Bartolo Colon
53. Giants signing Andres Torres
54. Rangers acquiring Josh Lindblom and Lisalverto Bonilla from Phillies for Michael Young
55. Giants re-signing Marco Scutaro
56. A's acquiring Jed Lowrie and Fernando Rodriguez from Astros for Max Stassi, Chris Carter, Brad Peacock
57. Rays signing Kelly Johnson
58. Diamondbacks acquiring Martin Prado, Nick Ahmed, Brandon Drury, Randall Delgado, and Zeke Spruill from Braves for Chris Johnson and Justin Upton
59. Pirates acquiring Jerry Sands, Ivan De Jesus, Jr., Mark Melancon, and Stolmy Pimentel from Red Sox for Brock Holt and Joel Hanrahan
60. Royals re-signing Jeremy Guthrie
61. Angels acquiring Jason Vargas from Mariners for Kendrys Morales
62. Marlins acquiring Derek Dietrich from Rays for Yunel Escobar
63. Blue Jays signing Maicer Izturis
64. Red Sox signing Shane Victorino
65. Rangers signing Lance Berkman
66. Pirates re-signing Jason Grilli
67. Angels acquiring Brandon Sisk from Royals for Ervin Santana
68. A's acquiring Josh Jaso from Mariners for A.J. Cole, Blake Treinen, and PTBNL
69. Astros signing Jose Veras
70. Cubs signing Nate Schierholtz
71. Phillies signing Mike Adams
72. Yankees signing Travis Hafner
73. Red Sox acquiring Mike Carp from Mariners for PTBNL or cash
74. White Sox signing Jeff Keppinger
75. Indians signing Mark Reynolds
76. Yankees re-signing Ichiro
77. Angels signing Joe Blanton
78. Rangers signing Joakim Soria
79. Angels signing Ryan Madson
80. Mariners signing Joe Saunders
81. Twins signing Mike Pelfrey
82. Padres re-signing Jason Marquis
83. Indians signing Brett Myers
84. Red Sox acquiring Brock Holt and Joel Hanrahan from Pirates for Jerry Sands, Ivan De Jesus, Jr., Mark Melancon, and Stolmy Pimentel
85. Astros signing Carlos Peña
86. Diamondbacks acquiring Yordy Cabrera and Cliff Pennington from Athletics for Chris Young
87. Phillies acquiring Ben Revere from Twins for Vance Worley and Trevor May
88. Reds re-signing Ryan Ludwick
89. Mariners signing Jason Bay
90. Orioles re-signing Nate McLouth
91. Marlins signing Juan Pierre
92. Braves acquiring Jordan Walden from Angels for Tommy Hanson
93. Rays signing James Loney
94. Diamondbacks acquiring Heath Bell from Marlins for Yordy Cabrera
95. Rockies acquiring Wilton Lopez and PTBNL from Astros for Alex White and Alex Gillingham
96. Royals acquiring James Shields and Wade Davis from Rays for Wil Myers, Jake Odorizzi, Mike Montgomery, and Patrick Leonard
97. Mariners signing Raul Ibañez
98. Royals acquiring Ervin Santana from Angels for Brandon Sisk
99. Marlins signing Placido Polanco
100. Dodgers signing Hyun-Jin Ryu
101. Reds re-signing Jonathan Broxton
102. Diamondbacks signing Cody Ross
103. Dodgers re-signing Brandon League
104. Twins signing Kevin Correia
105. Mariners acquiring Michael Morse from Nationals for John Jaso
106. Marlins acquiring Jeff Mathis, Yunel Escobar, A. Hechavarria, J. Marisnick, H. Alvarez, A. DeScalfani, and J. Nicolino from Blue Jays for John Buck, Jose Reyes, Emilio Bonifacio, Josh Johnson, Mark Buehrle, and $4M
107. Phillies acquiring Michael Young from Rangers for Josh Lindblom and Lisalverto Bonilla
108. Diamondbacks acquiring L. Anderson, D. Gregorius, and T. Sipp from Indians for M. Albers, T. Bauer, and B. Shaw
109. Phillies signing Delmon Young
Oh, Phillies.
Here's how it breaks down:
- 1 through 16 are moves I love unconditionally
- 17 through 33 are moves I like
- 34 through 57 are moves I like well enough, but I'm not going to spend too much time arguing for
- 58 through 86 are the "huh" zone. This can also be the "Yeah, okay. I guess so" zone or "Shhh, Love It Or List It is on, and that's more interesting" zone
- 87 through 91 are a small patch of minor dislikes. Can't get too worked up.
- The Heath Bell Line is the official categorization for what happens after that. Because good god y'all.
These are completely objective, correct, and permanent rankings. There shall be no disagreement on any of them. And now I'm going to sit in the corner and not think about offseason transactions for a few minutes, if that's alright with you.