The Week in Worst: Like a knee to your private parts

Another week, another bunch of NBA guys making fools of themselves. Now with video!

By Bill Hanstock Mar 12, 2013, 11:00am EDT

Welcome back to the Week in Worst! We've assembled yet another tasty, heaping crop of terrible NBA GIFs for you to chuckle at or crash your browser. There's a whole bunch of Lakers content and of course a guest appearance by resident terrible-er JaVale McGee, but first up we've got a surprise and/or punishment for you!

That's right, the Week in Worst is now a fully-integrated multimedia enterprise. Please join me as I wax poetic about a few of the very worst plays this week, including coining a term for just what it is that JaVale McGee ... does.

I hope you enjoyed the Week in Worst taking the next step forward in revolutionary sports technology by pairing moving pictures with SOUND. I'd like to see those chumps at the NBA Network try that.

So without further ado, on to the column proper! Here are the very worst plays in the NBA for the week of March 4-10.

Worst Airball

Player: Matt Barnes

Date: March 7

We have certainly seen some bad airballs in this column, but this one has got it all: not only the completely wrong amount of strength behind it, but not even close to the rim. It's not like Barnes was being guarded or anything. Where the hell was this one going? Every time I watch it, I keep expecting a hawk to swoop in and snatch it out of the sky or something. Keep your eye on Ty Lawson (No. 3 on the Nuggets) there, wondering what the holy heck just happened.

Worst Pass

Player: Steve Blake

Date: March 10

NO STEVE NO THAT'S NOT THE GUY YOU awwwwwwwwwww snaggletooths

I love this slowing down in the middle, because time almost certainly slowed down for Blake in this moment. As the ball left his hands, it was likely a mash-up of Platoon and the Darth Vader NOOOOOO playing in his mind, over and over. It didn't cost the Lakers the game or anything, but this is the sort of thing a non-athlete would have stress nightmares about. Instead of those stress nightmares about waiting tables. You know, theoretically.

Also of note: Metta World Peace beginning his awkward jog.

Worst Celebration

Player: JaVale McGee

Date: March 7

As I discussed in this week's video, JaVale doesn't know how to be cool. His dance moves, demonstrated here, were learned from one of those toys where you squeeze the legs together and the arms fly to and fro. He looks like he's about to tell Kenan Thompson "AW HERE IT GOES."

Worst Free Throw

Player: Dwight Howard

Date: March 10

Just the softest, tiniest kiss of the bottom of the net. Dwight Howard has a delicate touch. A panache for finesse. One could even call this free throw attempt ... sensual. Sync up some Barry White, light some candles and let's caress the net. Just graze it. Tease it. Let it know you're there. But don't be bold. Bide your time. Be like Dwight.

Worst Genital Mutilation

Player: Tiago Splitter

Date: March 6

And on the opposite end of the scale from "sensual," we have Nazr Mohammed obliterating Tiago Splitter's junk like it's in a Lars Van Trier film. DON'T GOOGLE THAT.

Worst Defense

Player: All of the New Orleans Hornets. Every last one of them

Date: March 6

Hornet 1: "Hey guys, if we all stand on this side of the Lakers, there's no WAY they can get to their net! It's flawless!"

Hornet 2: "Wait, stand by THEIR net?"

Hornet 1: "Yeah, the one they try to score in! That'll show 'em! Nyah hah hah hee hee."

Hornet 2: "uh"

Hornet 1: "Trust me, this is a foolproof plan. Fool. Proof."

Hornet 2: "Well okay, if you ... "

/Kobe fast break and dunk

Hornet 1: /consults notes

Hornet 2: ...

Hornet 1: /begins weeping

Hornet 2: /backs slowly away

Worst Effort

Player: Steve Nash

Date: March 10

Look Steve, I know you're five-foot-nothing, but you gotta at least TRY for those. Don't you? Have I been playing basketball wrong?

Maybe Nash got confused and thought he was on defense. That would probably explain it.

Worst Block

Player: Russell Westbrook

Date: March 7

Self-blocks are the worst blocks of all. Way to screw everything up, you dummy.

Worst Traction

Player: Kobe Bryant

Date: March 10

Kobe is putting in work this week as he pays tribute to the roller-blading Raptor. It really is a phenomenal impression. He's clearly been doing 3 a.m. impersonation sessions to perfect that. He's dedicated, y'all.

Best Pass (To A Ballboy)

Player: Chris Wilcox

Date: March 10

Good hands, ballboy.

Wait, who ... who was Wilcox throwing to? The bench? Was he throwing to the bench? Dammit Celtics, this is why we can't have nice things.

Worst Play

Player: E'Twaun Moore

Date: March 6

I of course talked about this play in this week's video, because how could I NOT? Nothing more really need be said. Just bask in it. That's a whole heaping mess of fail, like a KFC Famous Bowl of suck. Crap on crap on crap, no waiting. Congrats, E'Twaun: you're the worst.