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Spencer Hawes just missed a quadruple-double

Yes, Spencer Hawes. Remain calm.

USA TODAY Sports

We very nearly witnessed history tonight thanks to Spencer Hawes. Monumental history that may have changed the fate of our entire nation. Planet. Universe. Hawes had 18 points, 16 rebounds, eight assists, and seven blocks against the Pacers. Since the NBA started keeping track of blocks in the early 1970s, three players have recorded quadruple-doubles consisting of points, rebounds, assists, and blocks:

- Nate Thurmond (22 points, 14 rebounds, 13 assists, 12 blocks in 1974)

- Hakeem Olajuwon (18, 16, 10, and 11 in 1990)

- David Robinson (34, 10, 10, and 10 in 1994)

Another thing those three players have in common is that they're all in the NBA Hall of Fame. Therefore, by NBA law, if Hawes had recorded two more assists and three more blocks, he would have been automatically inducted into the Hall of Fame and all previous Hall of Famers would be disbarred because Spencer Hawes doesn't share. According to Hawes Law, Spencer would have also been elected president and allowed to print and distribute "Spencer Bucks"-- currency featuring an image of Hawes' face that fluctuates in value based on his mood.

For whatever reason, Doug Collins benched Hawes with 28 seconds remaining in the game. You could argue Hawes wasn't likely to get two more assists and three more blocks in 28 seconds, but I would counter-argue that HE HAD 18, 16, 8, AND 7. CLEARLY ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE YOU FOOL.

Oh well. Hawes's final line is arguably more impressive than a quadruple-double and puts him in even more elite company. And the Sixers won, so that's good, in a way.