Kyle Lohse signed a three-year, $33 million deal with the Milwaukee Brewers today. Or, to put it another way, the way of the Best Fans in Baseball, the Cardinals traded him to the Brewers.
The fact that the cardinals traded Kyle Lohse ...fml..— Mason Thobe (@masonthobe) March 25, 2013
Kyle Lohse got traded to the Brewers fml— Alissa Gilliland (@AlissaGilliland) March 25, 2013
"FML" stands for F*** My Life. The Best Fans in Baseball are a long-suffering lot, you see, having gone 514 days without a world championship.
Kyle lohse going to the brewers? #trader—Michael Wedemeyer (@Mwedemeyer5) March 25, 2013
There are two ways of becoming a "trader":
1) Kill small animals for their valuable pelts, exchange them for goods and services.
2) Play for the St. Louis Cardinals for any length of time, then play for some other team.
Whether you were acquired via trade, signed a free-agent contract, or were plucked off waivers is irrelevant. You're a disloyal trader, just like Benedict Arnold and Tokyo Rose and that guy the Cardinals didn't protect in the Rule 5 Draft.
What makes a man turn trader? Lust for gold? Yes.
First pujols leaves the cardinals and now Kyle Lohse, all because of greed— Chase Dabrowski (@Dont_CHASE_Me) March 25, 2013
lohse to the brewers, eh? enjoy a losing season you money hungry bitch.— jon lehmkuhl (@jonnylemonkuhl) March 25, 2013
No respect either, Skip.
Kyle lohse to the brewers? That shows more disrespect for the cardnals than albert on the angels. But, he never was my favorite cardinal.— Joey Schneider (@JoeySchneider95) March 25, 2013
The wages of sin is death. The wages of being a trader is a career-ending injury:
Screw lohse..he's a NL central hoochie..hope he breaks his arm at Milwaukee— Andrew Becker (@beckerkid05) March 25, 2013
But lest you think I'm picking on Cardinals fans, let me point out that there's a flip side to this coin. If you're not a money-grubbing trader, if you make a real, long-term commitment to the Cardinals, their fans will treat you like a god.
I'm a Cardinals fan and I fucking hate Matt Holliday.— Tree Walrus (@TreeWalrus) January 30, 2013
Holliday hears your chance to be clutch, you unclutch son of a bitch— Cody Ruesler (@CRuesler) October 23, 2012
Go fuck yourself Matt holliday. You fucking suck.— Matt Thompson (@mdthomp24) April 18, 2012
Because they're the best fans in baseball. Ask anyone.
I just thought I would let you all know that St. Louis Cardinals fans are the best.— Johnny Pepper (@Johnny_Pepper) October 3, 2012
Cardinals fans really are the best sports fans out there. Like no argument, hands down we are. #CardinalsNation— emma✌ (@EmTiller23) April 29, 2012
Hey, you won't get an argument out of me.
@albert_pujols Dont ever come back to St. Louis begging, you wont be welcome. You've ensured your legagcy is bittersweet & over! Spick trash— Scotty Smith (@bluegrasscotty) December 8, 2011