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Kyle Lohse was traded, is a "trader," according to Baseball's Best Fans

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Kyle Lohse signed a three-year, $33 million deal with the Milwaukee Brewers today. Or, to put it another way, the way of the Best Fans in Baseball, the Cardinals traded him to the Brewers.

"FML" stands for F*** My Life. The Best Fans in Baseball are a long-suffering lot, you see, having gone 514 days without a world championship.

There are two ways of becoming a "trader":

1) Kill small animals for their valuable pelts, exchange them for goods and services.

2) Play for the St. Louis Cardinals for any length of time, then play for some other team.

Whether you were acquired via trade, signed a free-agent contract, or were plucked off waivers is irrelevant. You're a disloyal trader, just like Benedict Arnold and Tokyo Rose and that guy the Cardinals didn't protect in the Rule 5 Draft.

What makes a man turn trader? Lust for gold? Yes.

No respect either, Skip.

The wages of sin is death. The wages of being a trader is a career-ending injury:

But lest you think I'm picking on Cardinals fans, let me point out that there's a flip side to this coin. If you're not a money-grubbing trader, if you make a real, long-term commitment to the Cardinals, their fans will treat you like a god.

Because they're the best fans in baseball. Ask anyone.

Hey, you won't get an argument out of me.

Best ever.