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Kenny Chesney, noted sports fan, played Heinz Field this past Saturday night. Good times, mellow vibes, and warm breezes redolent of good island livin' followed and blessed the people of Pittsburgh with a truly special evening.
They also had a brawl, and trashed the place. Except for the man in blue flannel dancing happily in the middle of the fight, no one seemed to learn the lessons contained within Kenny Chesney's Blue Chair Bay Rum, a beverage full of the good times and tropical beauty he experienced one night in 2001. If only they could embrace the happiness Kenny Chesney finds in being a sports fan, and not trash a fine sporting venue in the course of getting 73 people arrested.
This is what a Heinz Field parking lot looked like after the Kenny Chesney concert in Pittsburgh. Gross. pic.twitter.com/kIJYouHDqX
— Mike Hayes (@michaelhayes) June 24, 2013
Which teams does Kenny Chesney support? We're so glad you asked.
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the South Carolina Gamecocks
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the New Orleans Saints
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Philadelphia Eagles
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Philadelphia Phillies
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Fighting Mediocre Sportscenter Ads
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Kansas City Chiefs and also the Cal Bears
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Seattle Seahawks
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Tennessee Volunteers
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Indianapolis Colts
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Texas Longhorns
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Dallas Cowboys
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the football team that plays in Washington
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Florida Gators
- Kenny Chesney is a lifelong fan of the Kansas City Royals
- Kenny Chesney sometimes just wears a lot of different hats and might be bald and confused
Kenny Chesney would like your team, too, but he will require a hat and/or a jersey to become a fan. Please stop this tiny sporting harlot before he adopts another team, and causes another parking lot brawl in Pittsburgh.* His latest album, Things I Stole From Jimmy Buffett While Removing The References To Drugs And Personal Anguish, is available on iTunes and in stores, along with its lead single "Kinda Crappy Office On The Beach (Have A Low Carb Margarita)."
He will be appearing in your neighborhood soon as a golem made of all that stuff tacked to an Applebee's wall.
*To be fair: these two are not necessarily connected. Men in sleeveless shirts in Pittsburgh have never needed an excuse to brawl.